Yeah, if you actually defend yourself they quickly back off. Same with goose that so many people are afraid of. Just grab them by the neck and yeet them away. If they don't back off, grab them by the neck again and choke them.
And with roosters a firm (but not too strong) kick to the chest is enough. If that doesn't work grab them and press them to the ground.
Also lick your lips and show a little teeth. I have a friend who is into bird watching, and apparently the licking of lips is often enough to scare away birds that would otherwise have waited around a little bit longer.
If I get my hands on one of those things I'm not throwing it away before repeatedly smashing it as hard as I can against the most solid surface I can find in the vicinity. Or against another seagull, if possible.
The stuff those things eat, they're surely toxic as fuck. Plus, they're parasites, animal cruelty shouldn't apply to them. Exterminate them with extreme prejudice. Also, they're birds. Should've gone extinct 65 million years ago with the rest of their ilk.
I'd argue humans aren't even an apex predator, we kind of just tricked other animals into letting us eat them
And even then, tricking plants into letting us eat them is the reason we're able to trick other animals into letting us eat them in the first place. We're just tricky little fellas
Well, we also make a lot of tools designed specifically for killing, so we're overall pretty dangerous. But in this case, dude just needs to not be afraid to punch a seagull.
39 Comments
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world · 59 pts · 245d
"A dinosaur stole my fucking chips."
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 17 pts · 245d
"Your fucking chips?"
"Yes, the chips I use for fucking"
Tonava@sopuli.xyz · 43 pts · 245d
Anivia@feddit.org · 27 pts · 244d
Yeah, if you actually defend yourself they quickly back off. Same with goose that so many people are afraid of. Just grab them by the neck and yeet them away. If they don't back off, grab them by the neck again and choke them.
And with roosters a firm (but not too strong) kick to the chest is enough. If that doesn't work grab them and press them to the ground.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 244d
Can I shove their heads in my mouth? Maybe that will scare them.
porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 242d
But I don't want to hurt them :(
TheTurner@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 243d
buffing_lecturer@leminal.space · 25 pts · 245d
and then wash your hands
red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 244d
No! Lick them slowly to assert dominance! Then die a few days later. To assert dominance.
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de · 12 pts · 244d
Also lick your lips and show a little teeth. I have a friend who is into bird watching, and apparently the licking of lips is often enough to scare away birds that would otherwise have waited around a little bit longer.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 244d
But I don't like making eye contact!!
leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com · -4 pts · 244d
If I get my hands on one of those things I'm not throwing it away before repeatedly smashing it as hard as I can against the most solid surface I can find in the vicinity. Or against another seagull, if possible.
Tonava@sopuli.xyz · 11 pts · 244d
leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com · -3 pts · 244d
The stuff those things eat, they're surely toxic as fuck. Plus, they're parasites, animal cruelty shouldn't apply to them. Exterminate them with extreme prejudice. Also, they're birds. Should've gone extinct 65 million years ago with the rest of their ilk.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 245d
Just because you belong to the apex predator species doesn't mean you are one.
SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social · 37 pts · 245d
"Humans are capable of endurance running for hours"
Speak for yourself, I'm not gonna try.
Denvil@lemmy.ml · 18 pts · 245d
I'd argue humans aren't even an apex predator, we kind of just tricked other animals into letting us eat them
And even then, tricking plants into letting us eat them is the reason we're able to trick other animals into letting us eat them in the first place. We're just tricky little fellas
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 245d
Well, we also make a lot of tools designed specifically for killing, so we're overall pretty dangerous. But in this case, dude just needs to not be afraid to punch a seagull.
Delphia@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 245d
Shouldnt ave touched me chip, simple as.
Denvil@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 244d
We simply tricked the world into doing work for us
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 245d
If we're not an apex predator species, where is all the megafauna?
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemmy.zip · 22 pts · 245d
Humans are apex predators. You are one of the floaty chair people in wall-e
KSPAtlas@sopuli.xyz · 16 pts · 244d
Wasn't there the one time some guy got so annoyed at a seagull stealing his chips that he killed it by slamming it against a wall
shalafi@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 244d
Yep!
mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 244d
https://youtube.com/watch?v=BAvsp0CBmNs&t=30s
shalafi@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 244d
I know that's a serious scene, but I can't stop giggling
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 14 pts · 244d
Waddle, my ass, they swoop down arobatically and gank your shit without ever slowing down.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 245d
"If it's black fight back, if it's brown flush it down, if it's white beg for your life."
You're not wrong to be worried.
jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 244d
...if it's white
beg for your liferun away!DeltaWingDragon@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 244d
How in the world do you flush a grizzly bear down a toilet?
Jumbie@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 244d
“You’re flushing ten times, maybe fifteen times.”
Lmao. I bet you know what that link is without clicking it.
EDIT: Shit. Preview defeated the joke.
Tudsamfa@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 244d
Me, after finding a cool stick with some heft to it:
"Any beasts want to tango with the apex predator and his tools of warfare?"
moonshadow@slrpnk.net · 11 pts · 244d
Shouldn't pinch an apex predator's chip, simple as
ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 244d
Your badge! Show him your badge!
village604@adultswim.fan · 2 pts · 244d
Now that's a joke I haven't told in a while. Gotta bring it out of retirement now.
SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de · 6 pts · 244d
Submitted images don't need to be square, y'know?
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 245d
Before I got to the seagull, I thought this was going to be about hyperfragile purveyors of toxic masculinity 😁
marcos@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 244d
Don't repeat it to yourself, go tell the seagull!
rumba@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 244d
Birds are pretty bad ass. Super-fast reflexes, flight. We can hardly catch them without tools.
rainbowbunny@slrpnk.net · -2 pts · 244d
Humans are definitely not apex predators
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 244d
We fucking tame apex predators.
psud@aussie.zone · 0 pts · 243d
Humans with the tools we had twenty thousand years ago could kill any land animal