White House Asks Americans to Stop Tweeting That Nobel Prizes Deflect Bullets [OC]

(Washington DC) Citing safety concerns for the building, the White House Press Office has requested Americans stop messaging the president about special powers they believe a Nobel Prize may have, including the power to magically deflect bullets.

Karoline Leavitt was stern at the podium. “Please stop telling the president that the prize grants a magic field that defects bullets, that it regenerates a finger, repels vampires, attracts underaged women while the owner twerks, or any of the other claims found online. We expect a certain level of maturity from cowardly liberals and our corrupt, lying mainstream media.”

Trump was given a used prize this week, in an attempt to bribe the president to invade another country and overthrow their leadership. Trump has accepted the prize, but not yet commented on the request.

Since the used prize was given, Americans have begun egging on the president, telling him the medallion has secret powers. After trump was removed from the White House roof following a comment saying it allowing a person to fly if worn around the neck, the messages have been piling on, leading to the announcement.

Ironically, a large portion of the president’s base believes these claims are real, leading to additional confusion, and possibly explaining trump’s attempt to fly. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in central Texas, said “I’m pretty sure Obama flew to those pizza orgies, and he had one of those medals. I say we should let the man try, no harm in it.”

Americans who don’t support the president agree with the sentiment, for different reasons.