Instead of "You didn't do the dishes again", you could also say "Can you please do the dishes?", which gets the same point across without the passive aggressive accusation.
I've tried rotating and splitting tasks (I do the dishes, then you do the dishes, or I start the dishes then you finish) without much luck. What seems to work well is dividing entire tasks. I do the cooking, dishes, and any outside work, you do the laundry. It works well with our differing schedules and there's no need to keep track of what part of a task someone else has done or not done.
That doesn't fix someone not doing their assigned task, of course.
Yeah, when you live together, on top of being a couple, you're also a team.
You have the common goal to put food on the table and keep the home nice.
Teams work best if you divide up responsibilities, and let each person be fully responsible for their tasks.
Sure, but you can't just expect people to behave like mature adults. That's fucking ridiculous, come on, now. We need to explore alternative communication methods on Tiktok to find a better solution.
Would not work with me. People's perception of "I have time" is not uniform, so maybe my partner would do the dishes diligently under this system, but I'd always be thinking, "I don't have time" (when in fact I am just not making time).
I need a system, otherwise I will take the piss. Me and my partner have a system, and it's a weight off our minds for the most part.
There’s an entire subset of people who consider any sort of direct criticism, no matter how valid and polite to be a personal attack. “Can you please do the dishes” means “you forgot to do the dishes and me reminding you is directly pointing out your failures” and see that as directly calling them a failure. This sort of thing might work on these types, who also tend to be incredibly passive aggressive.
Source: I’m very unhappy married to one of these people
"Oh, really? Well, maybe Patrick is too busy with his WORK?! You know? Maybe someone else could do the dishes instead."
"Oh, yeah? So maybe Patrick should provide to this house? What does he do again? OH, RIGHT, SELLING CAKES! You know what? I'm gonna quit the CIA coz Patrick's job is soooooo important so I can do the chores instead of him!"
35 Comments
mech@feddit.org · 111 pts · 150d
Instead of "You didn't do the dishes again", you could also say "Can you please do the dishes?", which gets the same point across without the passive aggressive accusation.
PlantJam@lemmy.world · 49 pts · 150d
I've tried rotating and splitting tasks (I do the dishes, then you do the dishes, or I start the dishes then you finish) without much luck. What seems to work well is dividing entire tasks. I do the cooking, dishes, and any outside work, you do the laundry. It works well with our differing schedules and there's no need to keep track of what part of a task someone else has done or not done.
That doesn't fix someone not doing their assigned task, of course.
mech@feddit.org · 31 pts · 150d
Yeah, when you live together, on top of being a couple, you're also a team.
You have the common goal to put food on the table and keep the home nice.
Teams work best if you divide up responsibilities, and let each person be fully responsible for their tasks.
LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyz · 12 pts · 149d
If the dishes need to be done, and I have time. I do the dishes.
If my non-platonic roommate notices the dishes need to be done, and they have time, they do the dishes.
Basically, unless it's a pretty complicated task that only one of us is proficient in, whoever is available just does it.
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social · 18 pts · 149d
Sure, but you can't just expect people to behave like mature adults. That's fucking ridiculous, come on, now. We need to explore alternative communication methods on Tiktok to find a better solution.
FishFace@piefed.social · 2 pts · 149d
Would not work with me. People's perception of "I have time" is not uniform, so maybe my partner would do the dishes diligently under this system, but I'd always be thinking, "I don't have time" (when in fact I am just not making time).
I need a system, otherwise I will take the piss. Me and my partner have a system, and it's a weight off our minds for the most part.
CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 149d
There’s an entire subset of people who consider any sort of direct criticism, no matter how valid and polite to be a personal attack. “Can you please do the dishes” means “you forgot to do the dishes and me reminding you is directly pointing out your failures” and see that as directly calling them a failure. This sort of thing might work on these types, who also tend to be incredibly passive aggressive.
Source: I’m very unhappy married to one of these people
mech@feddit.org · 10 pts · 149d
So am I, but we separated last month.
And I'm feeling nothing but relief.
sbbq@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 149d
Half of my staff are like this. Miserable.
Zachariah@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 149d
If you want to avoid a confrontation altogether, use an I message.
“I would like you to do the dishes.”
Then the ball’s in their court. They can do them or not, but they make their own informed decision.
sefra1@lemmy.zip · 105 pts · 149d
That's sounds very passive-aggressive tbh.
"Patrick forgot to do the dishes again"
"Oh, really? Well, maybe Patrick is too busy with his WORK?! You know? Maybe someone else could do the dishes instead."
"Oh, yeah? So maybe Patrick should provide to this house? What does he do again? OH, RIGHT, SELLING CAKES! You know what? I'm gonna quit the CIA coz Patrick's job is soooooo important so I can do the chores instead of him!"
ripcord@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 149d
I mean, they're getting relationship advice from Tiktok
Courantdair@jlai.lu · 64 pts · 150d
Nice username OP
Zachariah@lemmy.world · 55 pts · 150d
The person in blue fucked their own brother?
binarytobis@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 149d
Took me a second. Much better joke than I thought.
Damaskox@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 149d
Still trying to wrap my head around it.
If it's a joke, I don't get it 😅
otter@lemmy.ca · 39 pts · 150d
Rusty@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 149d
IncogCyberSpaceUser@piefed.social · 3 pts · 149d
If he had a butler, would he call Patrick master? Master Bateman?
Lexam@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 150d
This is unfair to the Patricks of the world!
48954246@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 150d
And also just really bad relationship advice
FelixCress@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 150d
To fuck someone's brother?
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 149d
Depends. Many men are the brother of someone.
ClownStatue@piefed.social · 2 pts · 149d
That, too.
angrystego@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 148d
In this case someone's own brother.
Rcklsabndn@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 149d
Simply break all of the dirty dishes that you didn't generate and keep a clean set hidden for your own use.
No need for all the toxic passive aggressiveness.
crusty@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 149d
Passive aggressive ❌
Regular aggressive ✅
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 149d
In my house we have the Dish Fairy. Its always exciting when she's paid us a visit.
AzuraTheSpellkissed@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 149d
Gotta copy that, thank you!
Randelung@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 149d
Is that real? How much backbone is left?
InvalidName2@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 149d
It's Gremlins who cause the chaos in my household. But also, I'd like to find out more about this long lost and formerly unknown brother of mine.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 149d
Do everything yourself and be happy if you get any help at all. Just like when you live alone.
Beep@lemmus.org · -49 pts · 150d
Yay, my account had contributed to Lemmy lore.
Waiting to have an entry one day in a obsecure Lemmy wiki/fandom.
diffaldo@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 149d
You are famous 🎉🎉
Beep@lemmus.org · -63 pts · 150d
I deleted my post to not have duplicates, I think it's enough to have only one version up.