You know, I once decided to buy a farm. Figured it was time to get out of the ass wiping business for something easy.
Anyway, I was driving an old ford festiva back then, and you can't trust those on some of the more rural roads around here. Damn thing hit a pothole and the axle broke. I'm riding mare's shanks down the damn road, and I see a pasture with a bunch of donkeys in it. I figure I can kill two stones and roll up to the guy leaning against the fence, ask if I can buy one for my new farm, and maybe ride it there.
A few hundred bucks later, I'm climbing on that son of a whore, tapping my heels in its side to get it going. No dice. The guy laughs at me and says I have to scratch it behind the ears to get it going. I say I've never heard of that being how donkeys are trained. He gives me the "damn city slicker" eyeball and says that it's called an ass, and to git.
So I scratch my new ride, Jeff, and off we go.
He's slow as old people fucking with molasses, but we're steady. Until I see a farmer out working on some coops and reckon maybe I need some chickens for the farm while I'm here. So I guide Jeff in and do some powerful negotiations, end up with a rooster and a young hen. Well, as the farmer tells me, that's a cock and a pullet.
So I scratch Jeff, the guy hands me the birds, and off we go again.
We finally get to town, and I'm parched. So I tie Jeff up at the local pharmacy. They still have a soda counter! They weren't too happy about the birds coming in with me, but they could see I was dusty and dry as five miles of hard country road and let me put a coke on tab while the chickens pecked around.
Anyway, thirst quenched, I go back out, hop on Jeff, and realize I have a problem. I can't hold both birds under one arm, and I gotta scratch the stubborn fool.
So I lean over to this lady passing by and ask her, "scuse me ma'am,but could you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"
It could be, but I'm inclined to believe it's good old fashioned editing. You can plainly see the flower stems at his hands, and the shadows on the bouquet look like flowers
I did. It took me a while to figure it out, but that's a natural hand position. The left hand is gripping the flower stems and the right hand is holding the left hand in place
My hens would have freaked out if I tried to hold them upright with their feet smashed like that. There should be a whole lot of toe in a small area held by one hand to get it around his body
Yeah, that would be a pretty shitty thing to do to any bird. All of my roosters were assholes who would have torn my shit up if I tried that. Even my silkies.
Sadly it made me think of a dead chicken. If a dog killed one, they'd usually leave it there and you'd find it stiff. I'd pick it up by the ankles like that to move it... Never a good feeling
u/OwOarchrist# posted a great infographic in response to your post, but it was the tail feathers that gave it away for me.
Source: Kept chickens, familiar with chicken butt.
25 Comments
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works · 38 pts · 20h
You know, I once decided to buy a farm. Figured it was time to get out of the ass wiping business for something easy.
Anyway, I was driving an old ford festiva back then, and you can't trust those on some of the more rural roads around here. Damn thing hit a pothole and the axle broke. I'm riding mare's shanks down the damn road, and I see a pasture with a bunch of donkeys in it. I figure I can kill two stones and roll up to the guy leaning against the fence, ask if I can buy one for my new farm, and maybe ride it there.
A few hundred bucks later, I'm climbing on that son of a whore, tapping my heels in its side to get it going. No dice. The guy laughs at me and says I have to scratch it behind the ears to get it going. I say I've never heard of that being how donkeys are trained. He gives me the "damn city slicker" eyeball and says that it's called an ass, and to git.
So I scratch my new ride, Jeff, and off we go.
He's slow as old people fucking with molasses, but we're steady. Until I see a farmer out working on some coops and reckon maybe I need some chickens for the farm while I'm here. So I guide Jeff in and do some powerful negotiations, end up with a rooster and a young hen. Well, as the farmer tells me, that's a cock and a pullet.
So I scratch Jeff, the guy hands me the birds, and off we go again.
We finally get to town, and I'm parched. So I tie Jeff up at the local pharmacy. They still have a soda counter! They weren't too happy about the birds coming in with me, but they could see I was dusty and dry as five miles of hard country road and let me put a coke on tab while the chickens pecked around.
Anyway, thirst quenched, I go back out, hop on Jeff, and realize I have a problem. I can't hold both birds under one arm, and I gotta scratch the stubborn fool.
So I lean over to this lady passing by and ask her, "scuse me ma'am,but could you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"
pelespirit@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 18h
You have been added to the Best of Lemmy https://sh.itjust.works/post/65861197
Bipauler@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 19h
Long build to the delivery, but totally worth it :)
SmackemWittadic@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 16h
The longest joke ever written
If you've got a free hour
hakunawazo@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 23h
The classic joke:
Where is the line between romance and perversion?
Romance is stroking a woman tenderly with a feather.
Perversion is when that feather is still attached to the chicken.
SinningStromgald@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 22h
That only counts if she fucks the chicken but not you.
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 17h
Keep fuckin' that chicken
bl4ckp1xx13@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 11 pts · 23h
That is NOT what she meant bro. ✌️😭🥀
YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 23h
I'd get the joke if it were a rooster, but that's a hen. AI slop?
rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 15 pts · 23h
It could be, but I'm inclined to believe it's good old fashioned editing. You can plainly see the flower stems at his hands, and the shadows on the bouquet look like flowers
THB@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 21h
Look at his hands.
rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 21h
I did. It took me a while to figure it out, but that's a natural hand position. The left hand is gripping the flower stems and the right hand is holding the left hand in place
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 23h
My hens would have freaked out if I tried to hold them upright with their feet smashed like that. There should be a whole lot of toe in a small area held by one hand to get it around his body
YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 21h
Yeah, that would be a pretty shitty thing to do to any bird. All of my roosters were assholes who would have torn my shit up if I tried that. Even my silkies.
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 19h
Sadly it made me think of a dead chicken. If a dog killed one, they'd usually leave it there and you'd find it stiff. I'd pick it up by the ankles like that to move it... Never a good feeling
DaPorkchop_@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 22h
i'm pretty sure i saw this image making the rounds years ago, so i'm assuming it's not
InvalidName2@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 20h
Everybody assumes it's a "cock" joke. It's not. It's a cloaca joke.
morrowind@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 22h
How do you tell a hen from a rooster
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 13 pts · 22h
YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 21h
u/OwOarchrist# posted a great infographic in response to your post, but it was the tail feathers that gave it away for me. Source: Kept chickens, familiar with chicken butt.
Tattorack@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 21h
Should've been a piece of cheese. That would've really fascinated her.
dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 23h
Ah, yes. The Pullet Surprise.
Ypsilenna@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 23h
I hope he proposes because I would say yes if I were her.
mig@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 16h
Yes everyone in here making cock jokes and I just see a man who knows he's courting egg money.
einlander@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 21h
Surprise her with a cock.