Canada confirms defence strategy against invasion mainly waiting for Americans to die from preventable illnesses

“To quote The Art of War, the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself,” said Minister of Defense David McGuinty. “While this is arguably applicable to most things in the Trumpadministration, we figured it would be simplest to barricade the border and wait for the entire army to succumb to whatever virus or contaminated lettuce they could’ve eradicated months beforehand.”

The main reason Canadians did so well in the world wars was because of our culture of hunting and outdoorsmanship.

If the USA invades they will occupy the major cities easily. But to achieve their goals of resource extraction etc they will need to build infrastructure that will be easy targets for saboteurs.

You don't even need weapons since much of our topography is actively attacking our infrastructure all ready. Push some rocks, divert some water, dig a hole in the right spot, than walk away and let nature take it's course.

Not to mention all the bad food and no more food inspections or safety guidelines and oh so much more. Oh wait those are real. Never mind.

I thought The Onion The Beaverton would go out of business with all this unreal stuff happening. But this proves they still got it. Take that c/nottheonion.

Joining the US Army when the war starts so I can cross the border and immediately defect

Oh God, please not incendiary diarrhea.

If it doesn't work, we will start sending packages containing Kinder Surprise eggs to random places in America. There will be no survivors.