Anyone has experience with being trans but not wanting to do anything about it?

Generally when I hear say this online its a form of denial and they end up transitioning later in life. Basically, the only advice I can give is that you have but one life, don't spend it wishing you had lived it differently. And yes it will be hard, but being yourself is worth the hardship.

first of all, you should read the Gender Dysphoria Bible if you haven't already :)

to answer your question directly, i will say that i initially felt pretty similar when i first started considering the possibility of being trans. however, the more i tried experimenting with feminine clothing the more i realized "i like dressing like this, even if i don't remotely look like a girl", and the more research i did on the potential effects of HRT the more i realized "i want these changes, even if taking it doesn't end up making me look like a girl".

i can say that there definitely are trans folk out there who are perfectly happy to recognize the fact that they're trans and then go on with their lives without changing anything, for whatever reasons they may have (perhaps they don't experience any dysphoria and therefore see no reason to change anything, or are forced to suppress it by social pressure). you won't really see them represented much in actual trans spaces though, mainly because they aren't transitioning (by definition) and therefore often don't really have any reason to hang out in trans spaces.

::: spoiler a bunch of stuff which i think may be helpful for your consideration there are a few things i think need to be addressed here:

If I could just magically physically be a woman right now, I would immediately, and probably never present male again.

agreed, this is pretty solid evidence that you're probably trans, at least to some degree. in fact, it likely even excludes some parts of the non-binary gender spectrum (any of the "enby who presents masc most or all of the time"-genders probably don't apply to you).

I have [male sex characteristics], and I don’t really mind either.

neither the fact that you currently have those traits nor the fact that you don't mind having them are necessarily indicators that you can't transition! i know plenty of transfem folk, including binary trans women, who actively like having a penis. dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans.

I’ll never pass

if transitioning is something which would make you happier, don't let "passing" (i.e. ticking off all the arbitrary boxes that random cis people on the street expect people of a particular gender to) get in the way of that.
also if you do decide to medically transition, you may well be surprised :)

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i think your problem is that you're focusing entirely on transitioning medically rather than trying to figure out what would make you happiest. the point of transitioning is to maximize the euphoria from presenting and being perceived as a particular gender, and based on what you described it sure sounds like some form of transition might help you achieve that. the way i see it, there are a few relevant possibilities to consider:

1. you would like to be (more) fem-presenting much or all of the time, and don't have any physical dysphoria about your body.
2. you would like to be (more) fem-presenting much or all of the time, and do experience some kind of dysphoria, but are so good at ignoring and/or suppressing your own feelings wrt. your body/gender that you've become numb to it (just like me fr)
3. you're some flavor of genderfluid/bigender/... , in which case the questions of "how do i want to present" and "how do i want my body to look" might not have a single consistent answer at any given time
4. you're wrong about your hypothetical response to the "button test" (although frankly this is not very likely given what you described)
5. something else entirely? i don't live in your head

in my opinion, the fact that you say you'd "probably never present male again" is a pretty good indicator that if nothing else, some kind of social transition may be good for you. i would suggest that, even if you think it won't look good, you at least try socially transitioning to see how it feels - try experimenting some more feminine clothes, a wig, makeup, some different names or pronouns. these things are all easily reversible and there's very little at stake. you mentioned that you're already tangentially in contact with some existing trans spaces, so i'd suggest maybe giving them a visit yourself - any trans community worth its salt will be nothing but supportive and understanding, even if you identify as "questioning cis dude", and it'll be both a good opportunity to hear some more experiences in-person as well as a safe space to experiment with your own presentation. :::

Transitioning would be annoying and since I lived so long as a man, I'll never pass, and I don't like a "mixed look" at all.

I would do a lot of introspection into where these thoughts are coming from, as they are incredibly loaded.

At the end of the day, live the life you’re happy living. But be careful about letting the fear of transitioning make the decision for you.

I spent decades feeling that way. I knew I was trans (or, at least, that I'd rather be a woman and low key despised my masculinity). I was convinced that I'd never be seen as a woman, that my frame was too big, my facial features and hair too masculine to ever pass.

Eventually, in my late 30s, I hit a point where I decided that I didn't care if no one ever wanted me again or if I never passed, I decided that I'd rather die an ugly woman than a man.

Joke's on me, I guess. ~4 years in and I could not be happier. It turns out that surgery and hormones work- people I knew well literally don't recognize me sometimes even after talking for a long time. It's not the most important thing, but I mostly pass in the world. Fwiw, I thought I was somewhat attractive pre-transition, but I'm fucking hot these days.

Regret is complicated and I love my life, so its hard for me to say that I regret waiting exactly, but I will probably always wonder What life would have been like if I'd started sooner.

Every time I swept those feelings under the rug, they came back bigger, more painful, and harder to deny. Only you can decide what/when is right for you, but I'd invite you to ask yourself "what if things went well?" and not just "what if I never pass?"

Idk, you'll figure it all out one way or the other, but if you're anything like me, those feelings only get bigger.

A lot of people have said a lot of great things here. But I wanted to add a bit.

Firstly, you deserve to love the body you inhabit. You deserve to feel empowered by your body, delighted by your appearance, and enjoy the experience of being you. Everyone is entitled to that. And plenty of men love being men, they love the way they look, they feel empowered and joyous with their bodies and their presentations.

You used the word "fine" to describe your body, and "I dont really mind" about how you look. It just doesnt have to be that way. You can find joy in your own skin and in your own presentation. What that looks like for you is based on how you feel. For me that was embracing my femininity and allowing myself to be girly and to show my girly side to the world. That saved my life. Genuinely. I wake up every day and get to love the woman I am today. I spent years of my life hating the way I looked. I made the decision to pursue my own happiness because I deserve to be happy.

You deserve to be happy too. You deserve to love who you are. You deserve to feel great joy in your body. It should empower and uplift you, instead of passively existing alongside you.

Second, people transition at every age and can pass. I also didnt think I would ever pass. It did happen for me, and it can happen for you. Women come in every shape and size and they always have.

And lastly, how does it feel seeing yourself in male terms versus female ones? How would you feel being called a wife/daughter/sister? How does it make you feel to be called a woman? Gender euphoria is one of the most wonderful things I've ever felt. Before I came out I remarked how being called someone's son, boyfriend, nephew, brother, it used to fill me with dread. Being told I was a young man, that I would one day be a husband. It made me feel sick. The opposite, being called a woman, a daughter, a niece, a sister, made me feel like I had an actual place in the world and a real future.

Trans identity is also a spectrum, there are trans persons who needs transitionning, the one who don't, and all the possibilities inbetween.

A good exemple is non-binary trans person who still decide to transition.

I am not one to explain why as this is always down to how one feel in their body and mind, but in the end, follow you guts and do what makes you feel good with yourself.

You say you would't like to have a mixed look and that you would't pass. But maybe it would be a good experiment to try some makeup or clothing. Maybe shave your legs or something,

See how that make you feel, then you'll be sure about the road you want to follow ;)

Well I kinda feel similarly, except for

I find myself attractive.

It feels to me that what I have to gain is not enough compared to what I would lose if I do it. And call me a coward, I definitely am...

yeah i think that's normal. i'd guess that many (maybe 70%, especially if adult) of population do not really care about what they look like. so it's ok to put zero effort into it.

that being said, hormones do not only affect the body, they also affect the way that you think. i.e. it's much easier for me to relax and feel happy after taking hormones, not because i know what they will do to my body, but because they kind of "open a window" in my mind that makes it much easier for me to feel comfortable. i'm not sure how else to explain it, but they kinda turn some switches in the brain, and for that reason alone you might still wanna give it a try (maybe some small dosis at first?)

a note i'd like to personally attach: i don't want to have boobs either, and i perfectly get what you mean about "not liking mixed looks". i just want to note as a side-remark that there's medication like finasteride which has some of the nice side-effects (especially psychological shift) without causing boob growth and hip widening and such. (it also does not cause infertility, which is important to me personally.)

I mean, you should always do what feels right to you. If you are happy that way that's really more than fine.

:3

I started transitioning at the age of 40, and apparently I am already sometimes somewhat passing even though I haven't even gotten as far as starting HRT yet O.o

I don't think how long you have lived thinking you're male has any effect on how well you will or won't pass. (And also, the older you get, the easier it gets to pass anyway. Partially because looking good is less about having to show skin and more about having a good style.)

Based on what you're writing, you most likely will be much happier as an ugly woman than as a handsome man. And it's unlikely that you'll be as ugly as you think you would.

But most importantly: Forget about passing. Firstly, we tend to pass much better than we assume we do! And secondly, there are extremely bad-looking cis women who are absolutely women anyway, because being a woman is about being a woman, not about looking like a supermodel. Or even remotely good.

At least try it at home. Get a simple skirt from somewhere. And some makeup foundation. Use them at all peace within the safety of your home and boymode when outside your home. I know what will eventually happen when you use that strategy, of course: my last couple of months have been quite a ride!

Maybe be a girl at home, a guy elsewhere? Eventually you might start feeling that you'd prefer to present as female when outdoors, as well.

Also: Feminizing HRT won't really do much anything irreversible that matters. You most likely will end up infertile, but you can save some sperm beforehand, so whatever. In my case, I'm old enough that I don't really want to have any further children anyway. And then the only other thing is that if you wait very long before noticing that "no, HRT is not my thing after all!!!", you will have some kind of breasts that you then might want to have removed. That costs money, but not impossibly much. It can be done. So, all in all: Should you someday start HRT and then change your mind, you can just stop it and you'll be back to being male – the only difference being that now you know. You won't have to wonder what you should or should not have done.

It's bad to start HRT and then stop it and then start it and then stop it and then start it, etc. But if you start it once and then somehow stop it for good, then all's fine. Most likely you'll even regain your fertility, if a person of our age really even cares about that. Though, I'd say that once you get rolling with HRT, it's unlikely you'll ever want to go back to what you once were ;)

I’ve been out as trans for ten years, and even though I was on HRT for several years at the beginning, I’ve mostly given up on it. The only other medical thing I’ve done is laser hair removal, since body hair was a big source of dysphoria. I realized HRT wouldn’t change my body in the ways that I really wanted i.e. making my body smaller and skinnier. And I like my genitals and would never get bottom surgery. I’m a pretty big and masculine trans woman but I’ve kinda accepted that I just Look Like This, and there’s not much else for me to “do” about it.

The social transition was scary at first but it ended up being generally easy. My family and friends were accepting, and I’ve changed my legal name & gender marker on my license, etc. This is just me now, and it’s more comfortable.

That said, don’t need to do anything at all. Just chase your bliss. You don’t have to have dysphoria or alter your body in any way to be trans. This is a harmful notion that prevents a lot of people from taking a new identity that could make them a lot happier. You’re absolutely allowed to be a trans woman who dresses however she likes, has broad shoulders, likes her penis, etc. To me, if you want to press the button makes you a woman, then press it. You don’t need to stay that way either, you’re also allowed to experiment and change your label as you see fit. And HRT is magical, if you choose to pursue that route, so you might be surprised at what it does for you.

The “I would never pass” thought is dysphoria, and it prevented me from accepting my identity as well. I eased into my transition, first identifying as a demiboy, then as non-binary, and then I decided to just identify as a binary woman explicitly to counter the idea that would never be “feminine enough.” I had decided at the time that I really liked what estrogen was doing for me, which encouraged me to continue experimenting with more feminine identities.

What is appealing about womanhood to you?

I've kind of settled for a non-binary presentation in meatspace, even though I feel like I want more than that. The reason for that is my partner. She's a straight cis woman, and she's pretty clearly not there for a lesbian relationship; even when I femme up a little, she seems to have a hard time with it, though bless her, she tries. I'm pretty sure that, if I did transition, that'd be the end of us, and I don't want us to end.

I'd die for that woman. In a way, I guess I am.