A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a ............................. beer." The bartender asks: "Why the big pause?" The bear responds: "I don't know, I was born with them."
(Pic in OP relevant. Even bear cubs have big paws.)
So far its only been a week and I'm starting to realize that I haven't chosen a good spot to place food and should find a spot or feeder where I can have water and the food in a nice open part of the yard raised in the air a bit and hopefully in a spot I can aim a camera at.
I was playing with dogfood and saw 1 juvenile crow only because I had set up a camera from a old phone, today I got some unshelled unsalted peanuts.
I think to get the ball rolling better I need to go walk around and find some crows and lead them towards the house.
I grabbed a old broke plant pot made of ceramic and broke the ceramic into small pieces so I can offer some shiny objects to the crows so maybe they either see the food better or take this as a gift and start connecting with my spot more.
I don't think I am on their normal route and we have a lot of other miscellaneous birds and dogs and cats and some small predator wild animals around and in a suburb so i don't think it will be very easy to get them to come regularly, I was surprised to even get the one bird once.
Assuming their domesticated enough to listen to my commands and ignore their pray drive, on like a magical level, Tiger. Hands down. I would go to the Renaissance Fair with them and commission a blacksmith to forge armor for them. I would ride it into battle whenever necessary.
Edit: I was also assuming no one else has a magically domestic animal. If everyone in this thread also has one, I'll choose Rhinoceros
I just want to be ready, in case everyone else chooses violence.
If, all of a sudden, there were a handful of people that had a magical connection with an otherwise dangerous animal; I imagine, either those people would fight each other or team up against someone with a robot army. Either way, a tiger would have a lot of weak points, even with armor.
You would need at least an entire hive, the rules state only one animal. But if you got a Queen, you probably could control an entire hive🤔 you've given me something to think about for sure
I'm pretty sure a Rhino would wreck any kind of bear, the only animal I think i would need to worry about is an elephant, would a platypus be able to penetrate a rhino's skin?
I like and really appreciate how you think. I definitely wouldn't attack you with my Rhino, but I, personally, will not pick something that would leave me vulnerable against someone else who might. I hope you and your platypus-bear live in harmony🙏
Edit: but just so you know, a platypus wouldn't leave you completely vulnerable, because they do have poisonous barbs. I'm not sure how effective those barbs are against large animals or humans, but I'm sure it would at least be a good deterrent
Mountain Lion, for home defense. Hard to act tough when your buddy just got dragged up to the balcony by their broken neck and stairs weren't involved in getting him there.
That is not domesticated. It has dual passive income, no housing costs, and a source of free meals that is more convenient than eating said source of meals. That thing will maul somebody if the arrangement is no longer convenient and aligned with it's interests.
Don't know quite how things would work out, but definitely domesticat the North American beaver because they're one of the coolest animals and you can't convince me otherwise.
One that's big enough to cuddle us. They also should get along fine in the increasingly small environments we are being shoved into. Having a newly domesticated animal that is limited to the ultra rich with giant estates is pointless, right? Bonus points if we can make it an environmental win as well.
Just about everything 'big' fails at being in an apartment though. Big cats, even the smaller ones among them, need more room. Same with bears, moose (cooool, dudes, am I right? Imagine lounging with a moose), elk, whales, dolphins... bah.
My idea, then? Giant birds. Big enough to lay on you when on the couch, but could be let loose to fly around while you're at work. It would take an incredible amount of domestication to get them to go and come back, but if we're talking hypotheticals and theoreticals and blue fantasy, I think giant birds would be the way to go. Take your pick of them. The steller's sea eagle and especially the phillipine eagle speak to me, but I wouldn't turn my nose up at a swan, a goshawk, or a red kite. Feed them well at home, pretend that during the domestication process we made the nesting area easy to clean, and imagine being able to set it loose on stupid fascist leaders.
I was thinking more like the tv show The Umbrella Academy but this is definitely worth a laugh!
I don't know how to post a photo or I'd send you one back for reference. None the less if I see a monkey push up their glasses every so often as they slide down. I'd have to laugh.
I think a wombat would be cool to have around the place, assuming domestication allowed for some level of trainability.
One of my old uni lecturers was very keen on the idea of domesticating the spotted quoll. He reckoned they would make a great pet for those who would otherwise get a cat (a convincing argument actually).
I once had to help an ass that had either been dumped or escaped and ended up at a park until the animal wrangling guy came. It was the sweetest creature I could ever imagine. All it wanted was to stand next to me and lightly push its head against my arm until I gave it pets and scratches. One of the best 30 minutes of my life.
Your original comment isn't that far off, though. Donkeys are often kept with other animals because they can be ornery and mean as fuck, killing predators that come near where they're being corralled. They're known as the rural alarm system for a reason.
Edit: Scratch that. Termites have better crime potential, if that's the idea I'm going with.
Even if not, a large quadruped is the wrong answer when we already have dogs, horses and elephants. Something flying, digging, tiny or aquatic is where we should all be thinking.
103 Comments
Wahots@pawb.social · 44 pts · 1y
Probably red pandas. I'm still a bit surprised they are wild animals, they seem too silly to be like...doing their own thing out there.
funkycarrot@discuss.tchncs.de · 8 pts · 1y
I too want to domesticate a Firefox
dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 1y
Is this a rabbit hole I want to go down?
Rusty@lemmy.ca · 40 pts · 1y
kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 12 pts · 1y
Manul
Wahots@pawb.social · 9 pts · 1y
They are just irl pokemon :)
shaggyb@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 1y
This is the only correct answer.
endeavor@sopuli.xyz · 35 pts · 1y
MrsDoyle@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 1y
schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.de · 11 pts · 1y
A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a ............................. beer." The bartender asks: "Why the big pause?" The bear responds: "I don't know, I was born with them."
(Pic in OP relevant. Even bear cubs have big paws.)
sik0fewl@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 1y
It's nice to be on even terms.
otacon239@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 1y
Tall horse 🦒
coaxil@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 1y
Stupid long horse, but yeah that would be a sick
DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org · 6 pts · 1y
Get me a miniature giraffe and a miniature elephant and I'm good.
ICastFist@programming.dev · 2 pts · 1y
I always thought of them as necky camels more than horses
call_me_xale@lemmy.zip · 23 pts · 1y
Crow/raven!
confuser@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 1y
I am trying to befriend crows right now so I agree with this haha
dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de · 2 pts · 1y
How’s it going? What are you doing to try?
This is on my wish list of things to do, but I always forget to start.
confuser@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 1y
So far its only been a week and I'm starting to realize that I haven't chosen a good spot to place food and should find a spot or feeder where I can have water and the food in a nice open part of the yard raised in the air a bit and hopefully in a spot I can aim a camera at. I was playing with dogfood and saw 1 juvenile crow only because I had set up a camera from a old phone, today I got some unshelled unsalted peanuts. I think to get the ball rolling better I need to go walk around and find some crows and lead them towards the house. I grabbed a old broke plant pot made of ceramic and broke the ceramic into small pieces so I can offer some shiny objects to the crows so maybe they either see the food better or take this as a gift and start connecting with my spot more. I don't think I am on their normal route and we have a lot of other miscellaneous birds and dogs and cats and some small predator wild animals around and in a suburb so i don't think it will be very easy to get them to come regularly, I was surprised to even get the one bird once.
metaStatic@kbin.earth · 19 pts · 1y
WHAT THE FOX SAY?
kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 18 pts · 1y
Penguin, I want to see a penguin wearing thigh highs and an arch linux shirt :3
ICastFist@programming.dev · 7 pts · 1y
those would be the shortest thigh highs ever
Uninvited4586@lemmy.cat · 18 pts · 1y
Capybara
coaxil@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 1y
Straight up, chill coconut,
CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 1y
Assuming their domesticated enough to listen to my commands and ignore their pray drive, on like a magical level, Tiger. Hands down. I would go to the Renaissance Fair with them and commission a blacksmith to forge armor for them. I would ride it into battle whenever necessary.
Edit: I was also assuming no one else has a magically domestic animal. If everyone in this thread also has one, I'll choose Rhinoceros
qyron@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 1y
So, essentially, you chose violence, be it through He-Man (Battle Cat) or the Teenage Mutant Turtles (Rocksteady).
CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
I just want to be ready, in case everyone else chooses violence.
If, all of a sudden, there were a handful of people that had a magical connection with an otherwise dangerous animal; I imagine, either those people would fight each other or team up against someone with a robot army. Either way, a tiger would have a lot of weak points, even with armor.
qyron@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 1y
Fair point.
For a truly scary animal to have on your side, what do you think of wasps? Airborn, vicious and capable of team work.
CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
You would need at least an entire hive, the rules state only one animal. But if you got a Queen, you probably could control an entire hive🤔 you've given me something to think about for sure
Ziglin@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
With those conditions I would pick a bear/panda or platypus respectively.
CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
I'm pretty sure a Rhino would wreck any kind of bear, the only animal I think i would need to worry about is an elephant, would a platypus be able to penetrate a rhino's skin?
Ziglin@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
Hear me out: a bear is useful, fuzzy and could probably squeeze through doors.
A platypus is just perfect, I don't need it to have combat proweses when I can play with a platypus instead of fighting.
Being the only one with a bear would of course make fighting an option but still I wouldn't want it to get hurt.
CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
I like and really appreciate how you think. I definitely wouldn't attack you with my Rhino, but I, personally, will not pick something that would leave me vulnerable against someone else who might. I hope you and your platypus-bear live in harmony🙏
Edit: but just so you know, a platypus wouldn't leave you completely vulnerable, because they do have poisonous barbs. I'm not sure how effective those barbs are against large animals or humans, but I'm sure it would at least be a good deterrent
ouRKaoS@lemmy.today · 17 pts · 1y
Quokka.
I need that type of positivity in my life.
QuantumSparkles@sh.itjust.works · 16 pts · 1y
Fennec fox or fruit bat. Perhaps raccoon, or maybe otter. Seals are neat too if there’s water. There’s a lot honestly
umbrella@lemmy.ml · 9 pts · 1y
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 1y
ears
umbrella@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
ByroTriz@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
This actually seems realistic, foxes have been domesticated in a short period of time, and fennecs are adorable
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 16 pts · 1y
Zebras. It's just a bug that we can't, right? It's just a stripey horse!
ByroTriz@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 1y
Zebras are extremely aggressive and violent
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 4 pts · 1y
I'm assuming the hypothetical domestication process proposed by OP is magical though.
qyron@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 1y
I've read somewhere some have been successfully (more or less) tamed.
griff@lemmings.world · 13 pts · 1y
the human one
Death_Equity@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 1y
Mountain Lion, for home defense. Hard to act tough when your buddy just got dragged up to the balcony by their broken neck and stairs weren't involved in getting him there.
sleeplessone@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 1y
There's a Youtube channel run by a couple with a domesticated mountain lion.
Death_Equity@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 1y
That is not domesticated. It has dual passive income, no housing costs, and a source of free meals that is more convenient than eating said source of meals. That thing will maul somebody if the arrangement is no longer convenient and aligned with it's interests.
sleeplessone@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 1y
Point taken. I still think it's cool though.
umbrella@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
umbrella@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
jacktherippah@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 1y
Tigers are just big cats.
AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee · 11 pts · 1y
Don't know quite how things would work out, but definitely domesticat the North American beaver because they're one of the coolest animals and you can't convince me otherwise.
theywilleatthestars@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 1y
Pallas cats look very soft, I'd love to be able to cuddle one
Lux@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 1y
manul
theywilleatthestars@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
Manul!
kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 1y
Manul
cowfodder@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 1y
Red Panda. I want to steal one from the zoo every time I go.
Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 1y
Fruit bats. Just no ebola, please.
Exeous@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 1y
Wolf, I call dog
communism@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 1y
Tbh, a pet that's friendly and tameable like a dog but physically a wolf would be cool. I think wolves are very cute.
Wahots@pawb.social · 3 pts · 1y
They are sweet creatures. But they need to run! And are social creatures like humans. They need to have families with them :)
ICastFist@programming.dev · 2 pts · 1y
The closest you can get is a malamute, assuming the wolf in question is like a grey wolf
MossyFeathers@pawb.social · 8 pts · 1y
Opossums.
Kitathalla@lemy.lol · 8 pts · 1y
One that's big enough to cuddle us. They also should get along fine in the increasingly small environments we are being shoved into. Having a newly domesticated animal that is limited to the ultra rich with giant estates is pointless, right? Bonus points if we can make it an environmental win as well.
Just about everything 'big' fails at being in an apartment though. Big cats, even the smaller ones among them, need more room. Same with bears, moose (cooool, dudes, am I right? Imagine lounging with a moose), elk, whales, dolphins... bah.
My idea, then? Giant birds. Big enough to lay on you when on the couch, but could be let loose to fly around while you're at work. It would take an incredible amount of domestication to get them to go and come back, but if we're talking hypotheticals and theoreticals and blue fantasy, I think giant birds would be the way to go. Take your pick of them. The steller's sea eagle and especially the phillipine eagle speak to me, but I wouldn't turn my nose up at a swan, a goshawk, or a red kite. Feed them well at home, pretend that during the domestication process we made the nesting area easy to clean, and imagine being able to set it loose on stupid fascist leaders.
CosmicCleric@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 1y
Kind of surprised that I'm not seeing honey badger or wolverine or tasmanian devil.
absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz · 7 pts · 1y
I'm gonna have to go with a miniature elephant, maybe the size of a Labrador.
Zathras@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 1y
Pygmy elephant.
OhVenus_Baby@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 1y
Gorillas and monkeys. Just to watch them evolve. I think it would be nice to see them with glasses.
teagrrl@lemmy.ml · 8 pts · 1y
Is this what you want?
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 5 pts · 1y
Monke
OhVenus_Baby@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 1y
I was thinking more like the tv show The Umbrella Academy but this is definitely worth a laugh! I don't know how to post a photo or I'd send you one back for reference. None the less if I see a monkey push up their glasses every so often as they slide down. I'd have to laugh.
juliebean@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 1y
literally the plot of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972).
ICastFist@programming.dev · 1 pts · 1y
Gorillas are intelligent enough to learn sign language, so if you could teach a group, nature, uh, nature would find a way
Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 1y
Snow leopard
beaverbacon@lemm.ee · 6 pts · 1y
Red fox would be great assuming domesticated would render them not smelly xD
PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 1y
Cat
inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 1y
Cats domesticated humans. Mine watches me clean her litter box. It's clearly a power play.
PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 1y
Exactly, mine sees me as a bed apparently.
davidgro@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 1y
Parrots can be extremely intelligent, but are still dinosaurs.
ephrin@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 1y
Yeah, bears for sure. Little teacup-size pet bears.
LiamMayfair@lemmy.sdf.org · 5 pts · 1y
Foxes. They're like a cross between cats and dogs, with their cute fluffy tails.
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 1y
You should listen to and smell a fox before embarking on that kind of project.
LiamMayfair@lemmy.sdf.org · 1 pts · 1y
Oh I listen to them every night, believe me. I don't mind it anymore. It is true though I've never been close enough to smell one.
qyron@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 1y
Russians inadvertantly did that, when trying to rear blue foxes for fur. Selecting for tameness altered the coat.
OceanSoap@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
Congrats, your wish was granted a few years ago.
son_named_bort@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
Ocelot
HiddenLayer555@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 1y
BABOU!!
son_named_bort@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
Lana! He remembers me!
Xamith@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 1y
How do you titilate an ocelot?
Squeezer@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
Miniature gm giraffe, about waist height. Cantering about with its tiny blue tongue. I love that little freak.
FireWire400@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
A pet kangaroo would be cool
sailorzoop@lemmy.librebun.com · 4 pts · 1y
a fluffy wallaby!
LastoftheDinosaurs@walledgarden.xyz · 5 pts · 1y
Having a pet sloth would be pretty cool
lnxtx@feddit.nl · 5 pts · 1y
It will be a long process.
Gerudo@lemm.ee · 5 pts · 1y
Otters
badbytes@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 1y
I'd take a unicorn or dragon.
gnu@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 1y
I think a wombat would be cool to have around the place, assuming domestication allowed for some level of trainability.
One of my old uni lecturers was very keen on the idea of domesticating the spotted quoll. He reckoned they would make a great pet for those who would otherwise get a cat (a convincing argument actually).
GenLe@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 1y
Tiger!
dessalines@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 1y
Zebra or giraffe. Not to ride, just to go on walks with.
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
Zebra. Many have tried and gotten killed in the process.
Alternatively, Triceratops.
EDIT because I brainfarted: I meant zebra. Donkeys are perfectly stable and friendly. Zebras are assholes.
Kitathalla@lemy.lol · 2 pts · 1y
I once had to help an ass that had either been dumped or escaped and ended up at a park until the animal wrangling guy came. It was the sweetest creature I could ever imagine. All it wanted was to stand next to me and lightly push its head against my arm until I gave it pets and scratches. One of the best 30 minutes of my life.
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
I made a zebra out of myself due to having a brainfart as I wrote my original comment. See edit.
Kitathalla@lemy.lol · 1 pts · 1y
Your original comment isn't that far off, though. Donkeys are often kept with other animals because they can be ornery and mean as fuck, killing predators that come near where they're being corralled. They're known as the rural alarm system for a reason.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 1y
Sparrows.
HiddenLayer555@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
Sparrows are already semi domesticated due to living near human settlements basically since we started farming.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 1y
Well, they're not domesticated enough to let me pet them unless I catch a chick which fell off a nest.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 1 pts · 1y
Wasps; I'm going to be a supervillain now.
Edit: Scratch that. Termites have better crime potential, if that's the idea I'm going with.
Even if not, a large quadruped is the wrong answer when we already have dogs, horses and elephants. Something flying, digging, tiny or aquatic is where we should all be thinking.
RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
I mean, obviously a lion.