be gay, do crimes (in space)

883 points · 67 comments · view on lemmy.world

67 Comments

fahfahfahfah@lemmy.billiam.net · 365 pts · 322d (22 replies)

FWIW, she was cleared and her ex-wife charged with making false statements.

TeamAssimilation@infosec.pub · 173 pts · 322d (20 replies)

This shouldn’t be omitted from the meme. Astronauts are some of the most level-minded people in this world, given the risks they face every moment.

I don’t think jealousy or insecurity would be a common occurrence given how busy they are.

TheBannedLemming@lemmy.world · 48 pts · 322d (5 replies)

Actually, there was a high profile and notorious case of a female NASA astronaut and Naval officer named Lisa Nowak, who was placed on trail and convicted of felony burglary and misdemeanor assault charges. This all stemmed from an affair she was having with a fellow astronaut named Bill Oefelein, who both of them were married to different people at the time.

When Bill decided to call the affair off and started to see another woman, an Air Force Captain named Colleen Shipman. Lisa had an emotional breakdown and after her own marriage had failed. Planned on possibly kidnapping Colleen. She was eventually arrested at Orlando International Airport that she had followed Colleen to. Besides the criminal convictions listed above, she was dismissed from NASA and demoted in rank and forcibly retired from the Navy.

TeamAssimilation@infosec.pub · 25 pts · 322d

I don’t know man, this seems like an obvious case of alien body snatching. They just never learned to act like regular humans.

ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de · 9 pts · 322d (2 replies)

Don't forget about the part where she wore a diaper while driving so she wouldn't have to make any pit stops.

Eq0@literature.cafe · 4 pts · 321d (1 reply)

Considering that’s standard procedure in space flight take offs, it doesn’t sound soooo weird

ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 321d

You aren't pulling 7 g's in a space suit lying horizontal with fifty thousand pounds of hydrozene fueling a giant rocket with no off switch when you're driving down the road in a car. Some situations are different than others.

Angelusz@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 322d

Wild how emotional trauma can change people huh.

Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world · 30 pts · 322d (8 replies)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak

There are exceptions to the whole level minded thing.

M0oP0o@mander.xyz · 26 pts · 322d (7 replies)

I know this is the poop drive without even opening the link.

Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 322d

Among other things.

BetaBlake@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 322d (5 replies)

Putting those diapers to good use

M0oP0o@mander.xyz · 6 pts · 322d (4 replies)

Well she says she did not use them (I guess just shitting in place)

"She drove her husband's car 900 miles (1,400 km) from Houston, Texas, to Orlando, Florida, to confront Shipman. Early police reports stated that she wore Maximum Absorbency Garments during the trip, but she later denied this."

From Wikipedia, but it must be noted the trip was made by herself in such a short time that poop had to happen.

prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Sometimes you gotta poop in the McDonald’s bathroom despite everything you know about life.

M0oP0o@mander.xyz · 7 pts · 322d

From what I remember about the trip, she would not have had time. It was a road trip that made the cannonball run look tame.

GreyEyedGhost@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 321d

Having bowel movements as infrequently as a few times a week is still considered healthy. Perhaps not as healthy as daily, but that isn't the point of this discussion. Doing the speed limit in most areas of North America means this trip could be done in about 14 hours, plus fueling time (I've done a similar trip in 10). If she sped just 10% over the speed limit, which is generally considered little enough to not attract the attention of the police in my area, she could have done it in less than 13. Not only is it conceivable she could have done this without having to poop, if she managed her fluid intake, she quite possibly could have done this without having to pee.

None of this has any bearing on whether she did poop or pee, but she was an astronaut, and astronauts are known for their ability to plan ahead. And I suspect any denial issues she had (what else is going to make you think continuing a relationship with a kidnapping is going to have a happy ending?) didn't revolve around her waste elimination processes. So she could very well have worn undergarments to deal with those problems as a precautionary measure and just not used them.

Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 321d

The diapers might have been for the target of her little roadtrip rather than herself, because the other things she packed sounded like a shitty kidnapping plan.

RamenJunkie@midwest.social · 6 pts · 322d

Yeah but what the hell am I supposed to do woth this novel drsft Lesbian Space Criminal Lovers now?

Why was I not told sooner the story was a lie???

captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 321d (2 replies)

Didn't they used to be pulled from test pilots?

frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 321d (1 reply)

When there was just one to three guys in a capsule, yes. The Shuttle brought in a lot more scientists on board.

captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 321d

Yeah, but Buzz Aldrin is still alive and he's definitely still his own variety of batshit insane given him beginning his fourth marriage at 93 years old.

The whole of the Apollo 11 crew didn't just go to the moon, they did it after the initial crew were incinerated.

The shuttle crews looked for responsible people of exceptional skill. But the early astronaut crews were looking for adrenaline junkies with advanced degrees in science and engineering and experience flying in incredibly dangerous conditions.

bitchkat@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 321d
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Evotech@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 321d

So there's never been crime in space?

Wonder who will be first

rockerface@lemmy.cafe · 73 pts · 322d (6 replies)

Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Identity Theft doesn't quite have the same ring to it

blackbrook@mander.xyz · 36 pts · 322d (3 replies)

Best band name ever.

kersploosh@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 322d

Headlining this Friday night! With special guest Gay Zombie Super Soldiers! $10 at the door, 21 and up, doors open at 8pm.

lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 322d

"Falgsith" for short

Jarix@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 321d

I think that makes for a better album name

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Wait when did it change from laser to luxury I missed the update

rockerface@lemmy.cafe · 7 pts · 322d

Welcome to the future, old man

TomMasz@piefed.social · 32 pts · 322d (9 replies)

Is ISS network traffic monitored? Because if it is, this was a really dumb crime.

CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social · 65 pts · 322d (3 replies)

To my understanding, she wasn't determined to have actually committed it, just was accused

Cort@lemmy.world · 38 pts · 322d (2 replies)

Yup:

The claims were later found to be false, and McClain was cleared.[28] On April 7, 2020, Worden was indicted on two charges of making false statements.

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 321d (1 reply)

So the person who's identity was stolen blamed someone who was literally in space at the time? LOL

psud@aussie.zone · 1 pts · 316d

The person who claimed to have had their identity stolen, yes

mkwt@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 322d

It's probably fully recorded. Everything in and out.

That way if there's a mishap it's possible to go back and reconstruct the entire sequence or to replay high fidelity simulations of the network traffic at the equipment to reproduce problems.

jrubal1462@mander.xyz · 7 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Please tell me this entire thing wasn't an elaborate add for NordVPN.

oftheair@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 321d

OnBoard VPN

snowsuit2654@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 322d

Probably safe to assume that it is.

Ajen@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 321d

Even without monitoring, it probably has a unique IP/subnet that shows the traffic came from the ISS. And the financial institution is definitely recording IPs.

ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml · 29 pts · 322d

Your Honor, with all due respect, my client can only be put on trial by a space judge and a jury of her space peers

DagwoodIII@piefed.social · 24 pts · 322d (7 replies)

Straight female astronaut drove 900 miles to confront her rival.

https://www.biography.com/musicians/lisa-nowak-lucy-in-the-sky

roguetrick@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 322d (2 replies)

Yeah but she wasn't in space just had a space diaper.

jonne@infosec.pub · 7 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Distinction without a difference. If you're wearing the space diaper you're basically experiencing everything there is to experience about space.

DagwoodIII@piefed.social · 3 pts · 322d

Jane Fonda has entered the chat...

https://youtu.be/cIyxYSpqucA?list=RDcIyxYSpqucA

captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 322d (3 replies)

There's also an astronaut currently in jail for, I think, manslaughter? Killed someone while drunk driving? Question mark?

RamenJunkie@midwest.social · 6 pts · 322d

Man, if you get run over by a rocket, even if the drivwr is drunk, I feel like its your own damn fault. Those suckers are huge.

beemikeoak@lemmynsfw.com · 1 pts · 274d (1 reply)

No, it wasn't Mark actually.

captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 274d

But what does he know? did he see anything?

sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 23 pts · 322d (2 replies)

I thought some of the Apollo astronauts were illegally enriching themselves by selling a service where they would take people's stuff to the moon in their private gear allowance, and then give it back.

captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 321d

The Apollo 15 crew got in trouble for something like that, postage stamps I think.

BCBoy911@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 321d

Smuggling moon rocks back to Earth to be sold on the black market is also pretty lucrative iirc.

Xanthrax@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 322d (6 replies)

Didn't someone already commit theft in space?

SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Yeah, she stole my heart

don@lemmy.ca · 13 pts · 322d

username checks out

too_high_for_this@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 322d (3 replies)

There was also the hole drilled in the ISS. AFAIK, nobody was ever held responsible but it was definitely vandalism at least.

mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Was it ever confirmed to be intentionally drilled? Last I heard, they were still in the “it could have simply been a piece of space dust moving insanely fast” part of the investigation.

too_high_for_this@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 322d

Yeah, the area around the hole had marks from the drill bit slipping and it was haphazardly patched and hidden.

fahfahfahfah@lemmy.billiam.net · 0 pts · 321d

That was in a soyuz and the leading theory on that was it was done on the ground

lvnelrs@programming.dev · 9 pts · 322d

smash the patriachy by being the first criminal in space.

recklessengagement@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 322d

Bringing "Be Gay Do Crime" to another level

uss_entrepreneur@startrek.website · 6 pts · 322d (2 replies)

Is space international waters? Does anything go?

UnmetPlayer@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 322d (1 reply)

Ships in intl waters are still governed by the laws of their flag state. I don't see why this wouldn't also apply to the ISS as a US-flagged vessel

Edit: I assume the modules are flagged differently. I imagine Zvezda and the Soyuz's are flagged Russian, etc. or maybe the ISS is jointly flagged under US and Russian laws at the same time. Or the laws of the citizens home country is applied individually or something.

uss_entrepreneur@startrek.website · 6 pts · 322d

Are you saying that the simpsons lied to me?

locahosr443@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 321d

Lesbians... Those bitches be (statistically) crazy

don@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 322d (1 reply)
Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio · 2 pts · 322d

That should be a romcom with Adam Sandler.

IcedRaktajino@startrek.website · 4 pts · 322d

Someone with musical talent, please start a band and name it "Lesbian Space Crimes" 😆