Always remember to flex on your disciples

221 points · 41 comments · view on lemmy.world

41 Comments

Taco2112@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 333d (8 replies)

It’s not surprising, it’s what cult leaders do all the time.

MotoAsh@piefed.social · 20 pts · 333d (7 replies)

Hey, in defense of Jesus, he's like the singlularly good thing about modern Christians... If only they acted like him, they'd be far more respected.

Cethin@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 333d (2 replies)

It's largely a made up story told well after the fact by several people, all of which are contradictory. I don't disagree with you, except that we don't really know how he acted. He may have been real, but he could have been a total ass and his followers just left that out.

MotoAsh@piefed.social · 5 pts · 333d

Yea, but that's also true of Muhammad and every other figure from history.

The point is their freaking namesake deity's prescription for behavior is infinitely more mature and respectable than them.

makyo@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 333d

The sermon on the mount is largely believed to have been delivered by the historical Jesus which was pretty cool stuff to say and which the modern Evangelical movement almost entirely ignores except for vague references to judgement which they misinterpret as it suits them

Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org · 4 pts · 333d (3 replies)

The guy that said that he didn't come to bring peace but to bring the sword?

The guy that said that everyone who isn't with him is against him?

The guy that said that compared to your feelings for him you should hate your parents, wife and children?

Christianity is rotten to the core.

Bigfishbest@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 333d

Mark 9:40 for whoever is not against us is for us.

Context is important when reading any historical text.

MotoAsh@piefed.social · 4 pts · 333d (1 reply)

Yes, Jesus is STILL better than his followers.

deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz · 2 pts · 333d

Lol yeah, even with all that baggage.

imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works · 26 pts · 333d (11 replies)

Jesus will always be Josh to me

massive_bereavement@fedia.io · 12 pts · 333d (8 replies)

Josh Christ or just Josh?

I mean, when other people will yell JESUS CHRIST! what do you cry out?

captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 333d (1 reply)

Josh the Oiled!

too_high_for_this@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 333d

Greasy Josh

watson387@sopuli.xyz · 7 pts · 333d (2 replies)

Just Yeshua...

massive_bereavement@fedia.io · 6 pts · 333d (1 reply)

Josh Yeshua?

Gork@sopuli.xyz · 6 pts · 333d

Yesh.

imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 333d

Joshua the Nazarene. It sounds better in Aramaic

CubitOom@infosec.pub · 4 pts · 333d (1 reply)

Cheese and crackers!

massive_bereavement@fedia.io · 3 pts · 333d

Also known as Cheese and Biscuits in the UK.

Sausage_Mahoney@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 333d

Ahh, the lost Gospel of Levi who is called Biff

dalekcaan@feddit.nl · 4 pts · 333d

Oily Josh and the greasy boys

Bigfishbest@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 333d

My favorite biblical conspiracy theory. Simeon bar Yonah, was a fisherman until he became a disciple. Jesus had faith in him so he called him his rock, the steady foundation that could always be relied on. The Greek for rock is Petros. As it just so happens, Simeon was son of Yonah, as the prefix "bar" shows, in English it would be Simon "the Rock" Johnson. And in case anyone is curious, Dwayne happens to mean fish hook. Also, the modern day Rock has a daughter called Simone, bringing us full circle. And thus we have proven biblical prophecy, or something, I'm not a quantum.

Blackfeathr@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 333d (2 replies)

Didn't that also happen to Paul or Saul or whatever his name was?

idiomaddict@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 333d (1 reply)

He changed his name himself because he got brain damage from falling off a horse and decided to become a Christian

Kalothar@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 333d

He also seemed to have hallucinations / schizophrenia, also got in a fight with Jesus’s brother in a temple in Jerusalem like 12 years after Jesus's death. At least this is some information we can scrape together.

Also shout out to a book called Zealot by Reza Aslan all about cobbling together an historic representation of the Jesus the man, from various pieces of evidence.

Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · -12 pts · 333d (15 replies)

My favorite part has always been how all those middle eastern guys had total fucking British white guy names like Peter, and Paul, Timothy, Thomas, Andrew, fucking Bartholomew ( fucking Bart‽ Really‽), James, Philip. If you're stupid enough to go along with that horseshit, how in the fuck do you remember to breathe? Nobody that believes a word of the bible is qualified to operate metal eating utensils.

PugJesus@piefed.social · 64 pts · 333d (6 replies)

... are you being serious right now?

The reason that those are British names are:

1 Because of Christianity's immense influence - native British names would be more like 'Æthelwulf' and 'Ecgberht'

AND

2 Because those names are heavily anglicized. 'Peter' coming from 'Petros', itself the Hellenized form of 'Cephas'.

fakeman_pretendname@feddit.uk · 32 pts · 333d

In case anyone wants them, here's one of the translations (we're changing alphabet, millenia, as well as language, so you're not going to get any consistency)

Jesus
Hebrew - Yeshua
Greek - Iesus

Simon (called Peter)
Hebrew - Shim'on, (surnamed Kefa/Kepha)
Greek - Petros

James, son of Zebedee
Hebrew - Ya'akov Ben-Zavdai
Greek - Iakōbos

John, son of Zebedee
Hebrew - Yochanan Ben-Zavdai
Greek - Iōannēs

Andrew
Hebrew - Andreas
Greek - Andreas

Phillip
Hebrew - Phillipos
Greek - Philippos

Bartholomew
Hebrew - Bar-Talmai
Greek - Bartholomaios

Matthew
Hebrew - Mattityahu
Greek - Matthaios

Thomas
Hebrew - T'oma
Greek - Thōmas

James, son of Alphaeus
Hebrew - Ya'akov Ben-Halfai
Greek - Iakōbos tou Alphaiou

Thaddeus
Hebrew - Taddai
Greek - Thaddaios

Simon the Canaanite
Hebrew - Shim'on the Zealot
Greek - Simōn ho Kananitēs

Judas Iscariot
Hebrew - Y'hudah from K'riot
Greek - Ioudas Iskariōtēs

Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · -30 pts · 333d (4 replies)

Cool story bro, here's your plastic spoon.

MotoAsh@piefed.social · 6 pts · 333d (1 reply)

Your ignorance only proves how willfully fucking braindead YOU are.

Congratulations. You've played yourself.

idiomaddict@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 333d

This is a smooth sharks situation

Son_of_Macha@lemmy.cafe · 2 pts · 333d (1 reply)

How do YOU remember to breathe 😆

Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 0 pts · 333d

Well to begin with I don't waste any brain power on having an imaginary friend. You people really are all mentally ill.

teft@piefed.social · 30 pts · 333d (5 replies)

Those aren’t their names in Hebrew. Those are their translated names. Like how Jesus isn’t called Jesus in Hebrew. He’s called Yeshua.

Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · -23 pts · 333d (4 replies)

When you try to sell your horseshit story as the infallible word of god but you changed the names for audience palatability. Here's your plastic spoon.

teft@piefed.social · 21 pts · 333d

Their names aren't infallible words of god. The infallible words are those spoken by Jesus and are the words in red (usually) in the bible.

Also the infallibility is only about the bible being a source for spiritual guidance. It's not considered infallible in things like science.

As another atheist I'm embarrassed for you if you don't know these things since you seem so adamantly against religion. Most atheists learn about religions so they don't look like idiots when they talk to people of faith and refute their religion.

"The Bible is infallible if and only if it makes no false or misleading statements on any matter of faith and practice."

SalamenceFury@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 333d (1 reply)

This is why reddit atheists need to be shot into the sun

Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 333d

Respectfully, I must disagree. Even a social media equivalent of a medical waste dump like reddit serves some minimal kind of a function. Those comments have Twitter cringe written all over them, if not Truth Social.

Son_of_Macha@lemmy.cafe · 3 pts · 333d

Don't forget to breathe dude.

Bigfishbest@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 333d (1 reply)

The name was Petros, which is the Greek translation of the arameic word Cephas, meaning rock, or stone. Andrew was Andreas, Philip was Philipos, and so on. The translators of the Bible changed the names to sound more relatable. Your lack of the most fundamental knowledge of history puts you in the category you so flavorfully defined.

Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 333d

Sure, sure, Fish, translation. Translation requires interpretation and as you say the names were changed to appeal to the target demographics. That's some infallible word of god alright. No better than King James's further alterations of your favorite fairytale.