The truck driver said the monkeys were infected, the university they came from said they weren't, but they do have some monkeys that are, but they weren't on this semi trailer.

The truck driver probably knew the university had some infected monkeys, but before saying you "know" something, maybe actually have the facts.

sparkyjones@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 292d

Kids these days, this is closer to Outbreak than 28 days...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outbreak_(1995_film)

krooklochurm@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 292d

"Jenkins, I just scored like 100 monkeys from my monkey guy"

"Billy Bananas?"

"No, the other one"

"Primate Paul?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I've got these monkeys, and I don't know if you're following here, but what if the monkeys had a bunch of diseases"

"Okay.... which diseases exactly?"

"Yes"

"....."

"Anyway, I need you to head up the project. Let me know when they're infected and we'll ship them off to Arkansas or something, I don't know"

"Why do I keep working here?"

"I don't know, Jenkins. I don't know. If you need me I'll be playing golf"

"So where exactly are we shipping them in Arkansas?"

"Jenkins, don't bother me with the details. I'm a big picture guy. Arkansas is just an idea. I'm spitballing. Take care of the details. Do this right and there could be a big promotion in it for you. We're making progress here Jenkins, big progress. We're going to change the world."

"How.....?"

"Ha ha good one, Jenkins. Well, I'm off. Get it done. Before I forget. One last thing: make sure they're really pissed off. Poke them every time they try to sleep, throw things at them taunt them, whatever, you know, standard stuff that pisses off monkeys"

Spacehooks@reddthat.com · 5 pts · 292d

This timeline....

masterofn001@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 292d

And that, kids, is how your grand uncle brother daddy was born with a tail that gave people rona-her-titis.

whiwake@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 292d

So, the monkeys are going to GET diseases then? Haha

A_norny_mousse@feddit.org · 4 pts · 292d

So that's where they all came from.

medicsofanarchy@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 292d (1 reply)

Hmm, so: "That last monkey, however, remained on the loose as of 2 p.m" AND "Wildlife and Fisheries department to help find the remaining monkeys."

I mean, it could be that other, non-COVID/non-herpetic/non-whatever monkeys were also in the truck, but...

themeatbridge@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 292d

There were also the control monkeys, who only had the standard Motaba virus.

TheDemonBuer@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 292d

...bunch of escaped, infected monkeys are roaming the expressway.

Despite the sweltering heat, don't unroll your windows...

'cause those monkeys seem confused and irritable.

Manjushri@piefed.social · 2 pts · 292d (2 replies)

Saw this in my feed and it took a bit to realize that it wasn't from The Onion. Is there a name for the opposite of Eating the Onion ?

Joeffect@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 292d

Not the onion...

JigglySackles@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 292d

Surrealization?

Planting the onion?

I'm just making shit up I don't think there is currently an equivalent.

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 1 pts · 292d

This headline sounds like the short description of a random ass made for TV horror movie.