Not really, just gotta be organic about it. ex. They hit you with a "Oh they got you working on Valentines Day? Thats rough." You fire back with the sob story. Easy.
In the US the customers will say something similar to "They got you working on holiday/event?"
Without a glimmer of recognition that they are the reason you are working. Especially on Thanksgiving or days where people forget something small and need to run to the store.
Some people only seem to be comfortable if they've started a conversation with the waiters first (i.e other than "hi, are you ready to order?"). Americans especially! For these people, talkin in depth with strangers is a competitive sport.
In the US, so many people don't have friends/lives/community. They just sleep and work (because no one here gets any time off). So, naturally, you learn to make conversation with strangers.
Yeah, but not on the degrading basis of service workers having to explain why they work. If you want to start a conversation you can ask if they have anything planned for the day. Still intruding and rude but at least not condescending.
I mean you do see a difference in starting a conversation on equal level or from up on a high horse, right?
I see sense in that but (un?)fortunately I'm incapable of starting conversations IRL usually. Also I am a rare visitor at restaurants or cafés, so that doesn't help either
Because it is a form of small talk. My autistic ass tries to fit in, and if it was raining, i'd ask something about the weather. I worked in service and most of the time i was glad i wasn't seen as a meat-robot but a human that can talk
Ah how I wish to live in Germany. Or anywhere off this continent.
Why? If they're too stupid to comprehend that very fact, that if there were no customers the business would have no reason to commit scheduling. Critical thinking in the US has intentionally been eroded by the ruling class, from every possible angle.
Sometimes people understand this, and yet they still ask, in the name of 'making conversation'. I appreciate their motivation but disagree with the approach.
You never had a stranger hit you with something personal out of the blue? It happens to me routinely. Yesterday I learned that a cashier at the gas station is tired because she moved a few months back and hasn't finished unpacking but was looking forward to the birthday party her husband was throwing her next week.
Last month I learned a lady had had to move far from her friends and family and hadn't seen her granddaughter in years, but hadn't told anyone because she doesn't have any friends here.
I just ask questions out of genuine curiosity. Sometimes (probably most of the time, tbh) I get surface level answers, but sometimes people need to talk to someone and I've been told that I "have one of those faces" that makes it easy to open up. Just because you would feel you are over sharing, and maybe culturally where you are these interactions wouldn't happen, doesn't mean they don't happen or that they can't.
The europeans are bewildered by the American sport of small talk. They would be so out of their depth just walking down the street when people start smiling and waving at them.
tbf I'm American and I hate that shit too. I hate when my coworkers do it, I hate when strangers do it. I don't want to hear your lame repetitive take on the weather, we fucking know, we're all in the same fucking weather. Just order your sandwich and leave.
I asked a waiter why he looked so tired and he relayed along story of how he and his long distance girl saw each other again and they stayed up all night talking about how to navigate this situation and if they should just breakup instead.
I asked a dad about his son at a baseball game and he talked the entire game about his boy, and at game end he was like holy shit I have monopolized this conversation. Lol
No. Idk where you are from but that doesn't happen with strangers here. Specially in a transactional relationship like waiter/customer or cashier/customer. Be polite, very sporadic small talk, thank them, they thank you, goodbye. Gone.
Yeah but its probably unfortunately more common for women due to society valuing us less, and therefore providing us with less opportunity to move up and make living wages.
Goes double for trans women. Its a control tactic to keep us reliant on cis men.
Some...they say...would even work 40-60 hours a week at a place they hate, performing labor antithetical to their own core values in exchange for money. Shocking. Truly.
42 Comments
Saapas@piefed.zip · 110 pts · 187d
Here you'd get just weird looks for oversharing haha
Stern@lemmy.world · 99 pts · 187d
Not really, just gotta be organic about it. ex. They hit you with a "Oh they got you working on Valentines Day? Thats rough." You fire back with the sob story. Easy.
Wrufieotnak@feddit.org · 43 pts · 187d
Why would somebody say that? They are the customer necessitating workers working on that day.
So I agree with the other comment. Here (Germany), nobody would ask that in the first place.
Notyou@sopuli.xyz · 44 pts · 187d
In the US the customers will say something similar to "They got you working on holiday/event?"
Without a glimmer of recognition that they are the reason you are working. Especially on Thanksgiving or days where people forget something small and need to run to the store.
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 12 pts · 187d
Cognitive dissonance is the REAL American Pastime lol
Muaddib@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 187d
You don't feel the dissonance if you're too dumb to connect the dots taps head
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 39 pts · 187d
Some people only seem to be comfortable if they've started a conversation with the waiters first (i.e other than "hi, are you ready to order?"). Americans especially! For these people, talkin in depth with strangers is a competitive sport.
Wrufieotnak@feddit.org · 13 pts · 187d
Different cultures then. I'm there to eat not to talk.
SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 7 pts · 187d
In the US, so many people don't have friends/lives/community. They just sleep and work (because no one here gets any time off). So, naturally, you learn to make conversation with strangers.
ceiphas@piefed.social · 14 pts · 187d
Am german, would ask...
Wrufieotnak@feddit.org · 8 pts · 187d
Now I'm interested, why?
sukhmel@programming.dev · 15 pts · 187d
See, and now a conversation is started
Wrufieotnak@feddit.org · 6 pts · 187d
Yeah, but not on the degrading basis of service workers having to explain why they work. If you want to start a conversation you can ask if they have anything planned for the day. Still intruding and rude but at least not condescending.
I mean you do see a difference in starting a conversation on equal level or from up on a high horse, right?
sukhmel@programming.dev · 4 pts · 187d
I see sense in that but (un?)fortunately I'm incapable of starting conversations IRL usually. Also I am a rare visitor at restaurants or cafés, so that doesn't help either
ceiphas@piefed.social · 9 pts · 187d
Because it is a form of small talk. My autistic ass tries to fit in, and if it was raining, i'd ask something about the weather. I worked in service and most of the time i was glad i wasn't seen as a meat-robot but a human that can talk
new_world_odor@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 187d
Ah how I wish to live in Germany. Or anywhere off this continent.
Why? If they're too stupid to comprehend that very fact, that if there were no customers the business would have no reason to commit scheduling. Critical thinking in the US has intentionally been eroded by the ruling class, from every possible angle.
Sometimes people understand this, and yet they still ask, in the name of 'making conversation'. I appreciate their motivation but disagree with the approach.
Saapas@piefed.zip · 14 pts · 187d
Yes really. There's no way to share that here for people not to think you're oversharing.
I'm sorry but they won't lol
Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works · 28 pts · 187d
You never had a stranger hit you with something personal out of the blue? It happens to me routinely. Yesterday I learned that a cashier at the gas station is tired because she moved a few months back and hasn't finished unpacking but was looking forward to the birthday party her husband was throwing her next week.
Last month I learned a lady had had to move far from her friends and family and hadn't seen her granddaughter in years, but hadn't told anyone because she doesn't have any friends here.
I just ask questions out of genuine curiosity. Sometimes (probably most of the time, tbh) I get surface level answers, but sometimes people need to talk to someone and I've been told that I "have one of those faces" that makes it easy to open up. Just because you would feel you are over sharing, and maybe culturally where you are these interactions wouldn't happen, doesn't mean they don't happen or that they can't.
Saapas@piefed.zip · 10 pts · 187d
Not a waiter, definitely. It would be major oversharing here, people just don't do that.
Stern@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 187d
"Here" being a European country I take it?
Saapas@piefed.zip · 12 pts · 187d
Yes
Elting@piefed.social · 7 pts · 187d
The europeans are bewildered by the American sport of small talk. They would be so out of their depth just walking down the street when people start smiling and waving at them.
sukhmel@programming.dev · 5 pts · 187d
I don't know, smiling and waving doesn't seem that much out of place in Europe, but depends on specific location a lot
edgemaster72@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 186d
tbf I'm American and I hate that shit too. I hate when my coworkers do it, I hate when strangers do it. I don't want to hear your lame repetitive take on the weather, we fucking know, we're all in the same fucking weather. Just order your sandwich and leave.
BCsven@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 187d
I get that too. Good listener vibes, as some say.
I asked a waiter why he looked so tired and he relayed along story of how he and his long distance girl saw each other again and they stayed up all night talking about how to navigate this situation and if they should just breakup instead.
I asked a dad about his son at a baseball game and he talked the entire game about his boy, and at game end he was like holy shit I have monopolized this conversation. Lol
Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 186d
Delicious sparks of human connection! Thank you for sharing.
fushuan@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 185d
No. Idk where you are from but that doesn't happen with strangers here. Specially in a transactional relationship like waiter/customer or cashier/customer. Be polite, very sporadic small talk, thank them, they thank you, goodbye. Gone.
Gladaed@feddit.org · 0 pts · 186d
That's really not acceptable behavior. They are a server. They are not expected to socialize. Well. They are expected to not socialize. (Germany)
Stern@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 186d
I'm like 99% sure they're American or maybe Canadian. Deffo not out of Europe which doesn't really have a tipping culture.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works · 45 pts · 187d
All's fair in love and war, and working food service on Valentine's day is both.
edm@thelemmy.club · -11 pts · 187d
edm@thelemmy.club · -36 pts · 187d
scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech · 44 pts · 187d
Don't know why you had to make that sexist. I know male servers who have done the same.
Muaddib@sopuli.xyz · 41 pts · 187d
I've never met a male OR female server! I've met plenty running Ubuntu, though
kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 187d
If I put Truck Nutz on my Proxmox server, does that make it a male server?
Rooster326@programming.dev · 1 pts · 187d
magic_smoke@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 186d
Yeah but its probably unfortunately more common for women due to society valuing us less, and therefore providing us with less opportunity to move up and make living wages.
Goes double for trans women. Its a control tactic to keep us reliant on cis men.
edm@thelemmy.club · -11 pts · 187d
ayyy@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 187d
Oh, well if it’s statistically then it must be true!
Strawberry@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 14 pts · 187d
Even better, it's a best guess at imaginary statistics!
Rooster326@programming.dev · 14 pts · 187d
Some...they say...would even work 40-60 hours a week at a place they hate, performing labor antithetical to their own core values in exchange for money. Shocking. Truly.
riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 187d
Was it debian or arch
bytesonbike@discuss.online · 1 pts · 186d
I'm not a girl and I do a lot of things for money.
Like working a job, lying about my day, saying pleasantries at coworkers, to doing live meetings with bosses which is like Only Fans but internal.
Gladaed@feddit.org · 1 pts · 186d
Malign SW? Do we do that around here? Plus: that's Sexism.