Every single time.

538 points · 57 comments · view on lemmy.world

57 Comments

betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world · 104 pts · 179d (2 replies)

She's impressed by your maximum-strength bowels.

MTZ@lemmy.world · 42 pts · 179d

As she should be.

jqubed@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 179d

I remember seeing a stunningly beautiful woman at the grocery store, and I looked in my cart and saw lactose-free milk, lactose-free probiotic yogurt, and ultra-soothing toilet paper. I’m sure she was impressed.

panda_abyss@lemmy.ca · 64 pts · 179d (2 replies)

“The faster you shit the more you can eat”

Then wink.

MTZ@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 178d (1 reply)

I mean... that's just science. Spittin fax!

Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 178d

That’s not all you’re spittin

DickFiasco@sh.itjust.works · 42 pts · 179d

It's not like I had a chance anyway.

sparkles@piefed.zip · 38 pts · 178d
[ removed ]
alexquiniou@lemmy.zip · 33 pts · 178d (2 replies)

... And that's ok, because i'm focused on my diarea and not trying to impress a random girl.

Know your priorities.

ouRKaoS@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 178d (1 reply)

Priorities...

Giving yourself a pep talk in the car before even heading into the store, taking a few deep breaths, and clenching with everything you have while trying to look like you're walking casually.

Been there...

ayyy@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 178d

Bruh…it’s ok to ask your friend for a favor sometimes…

FrChazzz@lemmus.org · 21 pts · 178d (4 replies)

Once went to a pharmacy because apparently one of my kids had pinworms. Which means we all had to take the medicine. Anyway, my wife and I figure that we should all take it the next day (can't remember the precise reasons, but it had to do with the fact that you have to take a second dose like two weeks later). This determination is made at night, so I have to drive up to the store to pick it up. I have four kids, so we needed to get two boxes of the stuff.

I don't think much about it until I approach the register area and I swear that management decided to schedule the best looking people to work that particular night shift. Everyone was hot. And here I am, like 10 o'clock at night, holding two boxes of butt worm medicine, suggesting that there's so pressing a need for this product that I had to get it right away...

Tja@programming.dev · 24 pts · 178d (1 reply)

That's a shame. If you were there to buy aspirin probably all of them would have had sex with you.

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 178d

Bottle of Bayer, box of condoms, bottle of Old Harpers, and . . . your number.

jnod4@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 178d

💀💀💀💀

snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 178d
[ removed ]
slaacaa@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 178d

“…and some prescription XS condomns please”

irelephant@kbin.earth · 14 pts · 179d

community name checks out

RagingRobot@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 178d (7 replies)

I went to the dermatologist to have my grundle checked out once and of course they had some hot young college student in there shadowing. Wtf lol

Drusas@fedia.io · 14 pts · 178d (2 replies)

You're doing a good thing by saying yes whenever they ask if you are okay having a student or fellow observe. Especially for those awkward visits, like a rash on your genitals or a colonoscopy. Those are our future doctors!

Obi@sopuli.xyz · 7 pts · 178d (1 reply)

I had a nasty infection on my foot when I was younger, like full on pus-volcano type thing, it looked and smelled terrible. The city I lived in back then was one of the biggest teaching hospitals in the country, when they asked if students could come watch I said sure, of course! Next thing I know there was like a dozen of them in my room, taking turn prodding the pus-volcano with a stick, cleaning it out (extreme pain), and just overall commenting on it and leaning over it super close. I'm glad I helped their education but damn was it awkward especially since I was about the same age as them at the time if not a bit younger if I recall.

Drusas@fedia.io · 1 pts · 175d

I can see how that would be very useful for them to see! I would try not to feel awkward about these things. Easier said than done, I know, but especially with those who have been practicing a while, seeing or hearing something "gross" or personal becomes very mundane to most medical professionals.

slaacaa@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 178d (1 reply)

My friend had that at the proctologist

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 178d

Sounds like a shitty situation

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 178d (1 reply)

I went in to get checked for hemorrhoids when I was like 22 (spoiler alert, I did not have them). There were two college students shadowing the doctor. I was asked if I was ok with them being there. My answer was a firm "No, doctor, I would prefer that these two women my age do not see my butthole today, thank you very much"

Drusas@fedia.io · 1 pts · 175d

And that's okay! Someday you may be asked again and be more comfortable with it in that situation.

hardcoreufo@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 178d (1 reply)

Well that's why you also buy a pack of monster condoms for your magnum dong.

MTZ@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 177d

Just like good ol' Mantis Tobaggan, MD.

ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net · 11 pts · 179d

Just tell her it's for your boyfriend.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 178d (8 replies)

if you think you can get maxx strength diarrhea medication OTC you are sorely mistaken

NauticalNoodle@lemmy.ml · 5 pts · 178d (7 replies)

I learned from my doctor about 2mos back that Loperamide(immodium) is fairly strong stuff. I had to get a Rx for something similar that could be taken multiple times a day where as immodium can only be taken like twice a week unless things are severe.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 178d (6 replies)

i'm sorry, it's a 2mg pill. with respect, i know people who were on approximately the equivalent of at least 100x that dose. daily. i find it difficult to think of it as "the strong stuff".

perspectiveshifting@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 178d (5 replies)

damn, your friends are big poopin

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 178d (2 replies)

were. but y'know.

moonshadow@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 178d (1 reply)

Pouring one out for the incontinent homies

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 178d

thanky. they're gone but not forgotten.

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 178d (1 reply)

I love it when you call me big poopa

MTZ@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 177d

Throw your hands in the air, if you're a true shitter!

magnetosphere@fedia.io · 8 pts · 178d

Put out the vibe anyway. Baller as fuck.

SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world · 7 pts · 179d (2 replies)

She’s into scat so you’re in luck.

Old_Jimmy_Twodicks@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 178d

"Scat-ba-da-ba-bap diddly-bop-bah-bah!"

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 178d

Damn, Satan!

Pricklesthemagicfish@reddthat.com · 7 pts · 178d

Now this is a shit post

usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 179d (4 replies)

Inevitably? So you're there for that reason really often?

MTZ@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 179d (3 replies)

3x per day for the past 17 years. (I have chronic IBS)

BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 178d (1 reply)

I have had Crohn's for 22 years. I am now on medication that has it controlled, it's wild. But I feel like I don't have the bowel strength for formed poops anymore! It's pretty exhausting going once a day. It's a whole event. Like a sloth.

gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de · 0 pts · 178d

actually, digestion is a surprisingly difficult task for the body. iirc the colon itself consumes like 20% of our calories(?) somebody correct me if i'm wrong here.

so it's quite surprising that it normally works so well.

CluckN@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 178d

I’ve gotten a stomach bug for the first time in a decade. I’ve been eating bananas like Donkey Kong just to get my stool to resemble Humpty Dumpty.

Obnomus@lemmy.ml · 7 pts · 178d

Lexam@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 178d

She's just there to do her job.

Sam_Bass@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 178d

As if it never happens to her?

Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 178d

What maxing are we talking about? Starting or stopping?

snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 178d

Diarrhea runs in the family.

PattyMcB@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 179d

Maybe she's into that shit (pun intended)

snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 178d

The last IBS commercial I saw was a hot model so there's that.

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 2 pts · 178d

She's also there to get diarrhea.

mech@feddit.org · 2 pts · 178d (1 reply)

Hey babe, they call me the flying carpet. Want a ride? It's gonna get loud and dirty.

FrChazzz@lemmus.org · 2 pts · 178d

Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

shawn1122@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 178d

Melania is that you?