Can you all really not acknowledge other people's hotness to your partner? As long as you don't try fucking them what's the issue? If they don't trust you why even be together?
There's a few strands of toxic monogamy that are pretty common. Really jealous, controlling, and with poor emotional regulation.
I'm lucky my current partner is very chill about these things. I'm still good friends with two previous partners and it's never been an issue. We've all hung out together.
I'm in an open marriage with a slightly bi woman, and these boomer-tier memes are always so funny to me. We look at women together, and when she asks if I want to sleep with them it feels more like coaxing than a trap.
I'm monogamous but it doesn't mean we can't appreciate looking at hot people. How conceited would you have to be to think you're better looking than everyone else your partner sees.
And yet here we are. The joke wouldn't work if literally every man couldn't recognize this situation. Or are they all just mass deluded and you alone have seen the light? Just... Stop.
Yes! And not just acknowledge hotness, but sometimes more depending on the couple. My husband and I not only acknowledge other people’s hotness - we will fuck them given the opportunity.
Every person is different and every relationship is different.
See, I have compersion (the opposite of jealousy where you’re happy someone else is happy without you), but my wife doesn’t. We’ve worked through polyam with a therapist, so we’re fine, but I would love for her to have a partner that isn’t mine also.
I can see how my comment came off as disparaging people in open relationships. I didn't intend that. I was just directing it at those who are jealous, presumably because they're worried about their partner being interested in other people.
Jealousy is one of those personality attributes that can swing (heh) wildly in intensity from one extreme to another for different people (or sometimes the same person at different stages of their life).
It can be almost 100% emotional and irrational or can be "meh" or even "that's kinda hot".
None of the women I've been with have been jealous like this. I've had some point out other women they thought were hot to me. There's options. It's also not just women with jealousy problems men can be just as bad too.
I'd rather not deceive my partner, even if it's just with low effort pleasantries like this. It takes the right kind of partner and lots of work, and it only happened in our case because we're both autistic, but when you can always be 100% honest and accurate it's a life changer.
This is so weird to me. My wife and I are so comfortable with each other that we even point out attractive men or women to each other, it doesn't change anything.
To me, this kind of relationship is one about to crash and burn, might as well just end it on a nice note
I would not want my partner telling me other people are attractieve but I also would not want them asking me if I think people are attractive, that is just drama fishing.
at one point in our late 20s my wife worked with a woman who wore the same dresses and had the same hair length from behind and I walked up behind her, thinking it was my wife (it was my wife's cube/desk) and wrapped her in a big hug then, smelling the different perfume, realized my mistake.
Realized I fuuuuucked up, apologized and they both laughed (wife was on the other side of the room).
I have heard about this incident 2-3 times a year since it happened and doubt my wife will ever let it go lol.
Yeesh, so many people grumbling about poor relationship dynamics. The whole joke is that it was all in his head - she teased him a little, and he put himself into a tailspin by losing an imaginary argument.
I've done that kind of thing a few times myself - my wife says something innocuous, and I read into it until I've gone completely off the rails. Has nothing to do with anything she's done, it's all to do with me misreading what's happening and forecasting wrong without checking anything. That's the joke.
There's that famous scene in "The Little Prince" where MC is like: "It's the time that you've spent with your rose, that makes your rose so important." And that's really true.
In this case I'd be like: No, because they aren't the one who was there for me when I got sick. They aren't the one who listened to me when my moms died. And they aren't the one who I cooked for every weekend and helped out with career stuff and watched anime with. Even if they kinda look like you, they aren't the you that I've been with, and that makes you a thousand times more attractive.
58 Comments
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 126 pts · 18d
Can you all really not acknowledge other people's hotness to your partner? As long as you don't try fucking them what's the issue? If they don't trust you why even be together?
jtrek@startrek.website · 53 pts · 18d
There's a few strands of toxic monogamy that are pretty common. Really jealous, controlling, and with poor emotional regulation.
I'm lucky my current partner is very chill about these things. I'm still good friends with two previous partners and it's never been an issue. We've all hung out together.
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 17d
Some people even want their partners to get jealous and controlling and think they don't really love them if they don't.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 32 pts · 18d
I'm in an open marriage with a slightly bi woman, and these boomer-tier memes are always so funny to me. We look at women together, and when she asks if I want to sleep with them it feels more like coaxing than a trap.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 31 pts · 18d
I'm monogamous but it doesn't mean we can't appreciate looking at hot people. How conceited would you have to be to think you're better looking than everyone else your partner sees.
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -13 pts · 18d
You do realize 95% of the population can recognize themselves in this situation, right?
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 18d
Not really? As lightnsfw said, even if you're monogamous you should be able to notice attractive people without it turning into a fight.
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -16 pts · 18d
And yet here we are. The joke wouldn't work if literally every man couldn't recognize this situation. Or are they all just mass deluded and you alone have seen the light? Just... Stop.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 18d
Uhh, okay. Plenty of people I know can point out attractive people without it turning into a fight. This is toxic.
Micromot@piefed.social · 11 pts · 18d
I know this situation only from people in unhealthy relationships. Repressed emotions like this can lead to cheating or mistrust
Sidhean@piefed.social · 1 pts · 17d
It doesn't! That explains it-- literally every man must not recognize this situation :)
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 17d
Appeal to majority? I've never found the argument that "most people think this way" to be very compelling.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 18d
Yes! And not just acknowledge hotness, but sometimes more depending on the couple. My husband and I not only acknowledge other people’s hotness - we will fuck them given the opportunity.
Every person is different and every relationship is different.
phoenixz@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 18d
Same here. We allow each other to fuck others when given the chance. I can't wait for her stories
Flames5123@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 17d
See, I have compersion (the opposite of jealousy where you’re happy someone else is happy without you), but my wife doesn’t. We’ve worked through polyam with a therapist, so we’re fine, but I would love for her to have a partner that isn’t mine also.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 7 pts · 18d
I can see how my comment came off as disparaging people in open relationships. I didn't intend that. I was just directing it at those who are jealous, presumably because they're worried about their partner being interested in other people.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 18d
Oh I wasn’t offended! I was agreeing and adding on with my own experience lol. I’m sorry if I came off too blunt!
I edited it to show that I agreed with you.
NoSpotOfGround@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 18d
Jealousy is one of those personality attributes that can swing (heh) wildly in intensity from one extreme to another for different people (or sometimes the same person at different stages of their life).
It can be almost 100% emotional and irrational or can be "meh" or even "that's kinda hot".
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 11 pts · 18d
But you don't have to stay with someone like this. It's abusive.
Psionicsickness@reddthat.com · -1 pts · 18d
Hear hear! Solipsism is the only true god!
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 18d
What?
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -9 pts · 18d
If people didn't date women who pull this shit humanity would go extinct.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 18d
You have a very narrow view of women.
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -7 pts · 18d
Yes I clearly hate women. Tell me about my immorality.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 18d
A narrow view is much different than hate.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 4 pts · 18d
None of the women I've been with have been jealous like this. I've had some point out other women they thought were hot to me. There's options. It's also not just women with jealousy problems men can be just as bad too.
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 18d
It's never happened to me either, but I've seen it happen to others. So YMMV I guess...
velma@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 18d
It’s certainly not 95% of couples though.
Men and women can struggle with jealousy. It’s not a gendered thing.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 2 pts · 17d
My point is there's no reason to put up with this jealousy.
deegeese@sopuli.xyz · 66 pts · 18d
Yes, but not as pretty as you.
CustardFist@feddit.nl · 33 pts · 18d
You’re a smooth operator. 😏👌
AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 18d
Almost as smooth as you
xkbx@startrek.website · 36 pts · 18d
“I don’t know, I was too busy thinking about you”
manxu@piefed.social · 11 pts · 18d
That absolutely feels like the right kind of reaction! 10/10
baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de · 6 pts · 18d
I'd rather not deceive my partner, even if it's just with low effort pleasantries like this. It takes the right kind of partner and lots of work, and it only happened in our case because we're both autistic, but when you can always be 100% honest and accurate it's a life changer.
slackassassin@piefed.social · 8 pts · 18d
Or they were being honest, no deception required.
baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de · 2 pts · 18d
true
manxu@piefed.social · 8 pts · 18d
In all honesty, if someone makes me think of my partner, I think of my partner. If someone is hot without reference to my partner, different story.
baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 18d
now that you say that, yeah.
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -6 pts · 18d
Have you ever dated a woman?
slackassassin@piefed.social · 4 pts · 18d
Sure, several. Married one and think about her all the time. I don't tell her that much though, brb.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 18d
Have you?
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -5 pts · 18d
Yeah she was hot as FUCK, we should invite her over and have a threesome, we can pretend she's you'r sister!
anarchy79@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 18d
Me in the shower thinking of what I should have said:
phoenixz@lemmy.ca · 33 pts · 18d
This is so weird to me. My wife and I are so comfortable with each other that we even point out attractive men or women to each other, it doesn't change anything.
To me, this kind of relationship is one about to crash and burn, might as well just end it on a nice note
SupremeDonut@lemmy.ml · 19 pts · 18d
Long form boomer humor
IndustryStandard@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 17d
I would not want my partner telling me other people are attractieve but I also would not want them asking me if I think people are attractive, that is just drama fishing.
frog@feddit.uk · 33 pts · 18d
* Phone Vibrates *
Me: Hot girl just text me. I'm prett popular.
My wife: That was me. I just texted you.
Me:
😁
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 18d
at one point in our late 20s my wife worked with a woman who wore the same dresses and had the same hair length from behind and I walked up behind her, thinking it was my wife (it was my wife's cube/desk) and wrapped her in a big hug then, smelling the different perfume, realized my mistake.
Realized I fuuuuucked up, apologized and they both laughed (wife was on the other side of the room).
I have heard about this incident 2-3 times a year since it happened and doubt my wife will ever let it go lol.
5too@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 17d
Yeesh, so many people grumbling about poor relationship dynamics. The whole joke is that it was all in his head - she teased him a little, and he put himself into a tailspin by losing an imaginary argument.
I've done that kind of thing a few times myself - my wife says something innocuous, and I read into it until I've gone completely off the rails. Has nothing to do with anything she's done, it's all to do with me misreading what's happening and forecasting wrong without checking anything. That's the joke.
justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 16 pts · 18d
that trap he set himself
Sergio@piefed.social · 12 pts · 18d
There's that famous scene in "The Little Prince" where MC is like: "It's the time that you've spent with your rose, that makes your rose so important." And that's really true.
In this case I'd be like: No, because they aren't the one who was there for me when I got sick. They aren't the one who listened to me when my moms died. And they aren't the one who I cooked for every weekend and helped out with career stuff and watched anime with. Even if they kinda look like you, they aren't the you that I've been with, and that makes you a thousand times more attractive.
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social · 9 pts · 18d
I can't look at this and not think about all of that sweat dripping down onto her face. That poor woman.
yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de · 7 pts · 18d
Maybe she's into it, just look at that smirk
anarchy79@lemmy.world · -3 pts · 18d
She is the victim.
Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de · 6 pts · 17d
"The parts that looked like you were incredibly attractive"
fartographer@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 17d
I dunno, I'm attracted to personalities.
yermaw@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 17d
Bro fucked up. Now shes mad at you for 2 things. Should have taken the argument then went to the sofa.