Honestly, changing your name on the resume to be the same as the CEO's last name might actually work.
When it's time to actually do the HR paperwork, tell them the CEO's name is the name you go by, but your real name is your legal name. Act extremely offended if they question this.
And when the CEO walks into the room to verify, look them dead in the eye with a "Hi, absent dad" look.
Hit them right in the tiny latent guilt-ridden side of their brain. When they ask you who your mother was, tilt your head up slightly and smile wanly whilst narrowing your eyes at them. Maintain until the second on-the-spot promotion.
Tilt your head to the side and nod knowingly at them. It will both bolster and flatter their egomanic tendencies that they either will have figured out timetravel or that they think that you think that they are capable of it.
15 Comments
python@lemmy.world · 84 pts · 20d
based and capitalism-pilled
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 68 pts · 20d
Honestly, changing your name on the resume to be the same as the CEO's last name might actually work.
When it's time to actually do the HR paperwork, tell them the CEO's name is the name you go by, but your real name is your legal name. Act extremely offended if they question this.
tetris11@feddit.uk · 48 pts · 20d
And when the CEO walks into the room to verify, look them dead in the eye with a "Hi, absent dad" look.
Hit them right in the tiny latent guilt-ridden side of their brain. When they ask you who your mother was, tilt your head up slightly and smile wanly whilst narrowing your eyes at them. Maintain until the second on-the-spot promotion.
TwodogsFighting@lemdro.id · 42 pts · 20d
Bonus points if the ceo is the same age, or younger than you.
tetris11@feddit.uk · 13 pts · 20d
Tilt your head to the side and nod knowingly at them. It will both bolster and flatter their egomanic tendencies that they either will have figured out timetravel or that they think that you think that they are capable of it.
ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de · 39 pts · 20d
Bank teller: Sir, none of these checks have the same last name, and none of them are yours. I've called the fraud department.
Dookieman12@piefed.social · 20 pts · 20d
Gotta work on that mindset. Just get a job at the bank and cash them yourself
42firehawk@fedinsfw.app · 12 pts · 20d
We don't tell the customer when we call the fraud department. That said in this case we would be calling the police via keywords.
5 minute response time so I'll play a game of needing each check to have a manual review of history to sign it over to them.
ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 20d
Don't be too serious. I mean, could you imagine filling out all the employment and tax forms for like 200,000 jobs? Lol
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 19d
lokalhorst@feddit.org · 29 pts · 20d
!linkedinlunatics@sh.itjust.works
unitedwithme@lemmy.today · 16 pts · 20d
Applied to 22,454 jobs a day. That's impressive and realistic!
OldGrayDog@fedinsfw.app · 14 pts · 20d
Direct deposit all checks. I think the biggest problem would be having to sit through 214,000 hr onboarding sessions.
vane@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 20d
Don't forget to use Claude it's the most important step.
Dario A.
felixwhynot@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 20d
Reminds me of ShlinkedIn. I should log in there again…