What do you do if you find this grimoire in your crush's room?

145 points · 50 comments · view on lemmy.world

50 Comments

Egonallanon@feddit.uk · 52 pts · 5d (2 replies)

Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 4d (1 reply)

Strap yourself on?

pitiable_sandwich540@feddit.org · 3 pts · 4d

No, thats her job.

Manjushri@piefed.social · 25 pts · 5d (3 replies)

Marry her. True love will follow.

renamon_silver@lemmy.wtf · 9 pts · 4d (2 replies)

Men can practise witchcraft too

Manjushri@piefed.social · 5 pts · 4d

Well now, there's a thought. We even come with a nearly inexhaustible supply of the primary material component for the spell too.

Master@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 4d

Hell yea brother. She tried to dominate you but you control the source! Draw a pentagram on her lower back to lock her in!

voxthefox@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 23 pts · 5d

Brace for the wild ride

neo2478@sh.itjust.works · 22 pts · 4d

Help her with supplies for her spell obviously

FRYD@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 5d

Ask them about it. That’s a wild title and it’s a well worn book. There’s gotta be some interesting stories behind it.

GraniteM@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 4d (1 reply)

Significantly less threatening than this book:

OldChicoAle@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 4d

Yum yum in the tum tum

Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 13 pts · 4d (1 reply)

I heard there was a grimoire and came as fast as I could.

Funkt4st1c@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 4d

Funny you should mention that, i have a book here that may help us with those results

TIN@feddit.uk · 12 pts · 4d (1 reply)

Why is the witch in the cover art pouring a black liquid into the goblet? Is that... Should it look...

Guys, have I been doing this wrong??

SoupBrick@pawb.social · 7 pts · 4d

It's what happens if you eat too much black licorice.

BaraCoded@literature.cafe · 12 pts · 5d (1 reply)

I'll have a chuckle, then I won't mind it, because it's a crush so my judgment is impaired. Time will pass, and from one shitty tarot reading to yet another zodiac tantrum, not forgetting about the lithotherapy pushes, I will slowly come to see that my partner has an output on reality that is completely disconnected from said reality, in which I will feel lonelier and lonelier, until I'm not even feeling like I'm in a couple anymore: I'm the companion of a child in an aging body who has to believe in the magical to cope with the world, instead of being in it with me.

If it's all steming from traumas, I'll first try to have the partner consult a therapist.

If it's not, this couple is over. There is no difference between that and AI psychosis. Same with religious partners.

Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works · 0 pts · 4d

I'm sorry for whatever happened to you.

Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 4d (2 replies)

Guys wallet, guys lighter so therfore guys semen book. There are no girls in this storey

boonhet@sopuli.xyz · 7 pts · 4d (1 reply)

What's a guys lighter?

Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d

I assume a dark color like black and not something pink, but i dont speak for all men some guys might perfer pink bics

Maestro@fedia.io · 10 pts · 4d (2 replies)
Karjalan@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d (1 reply)

How is it possible that this has Zero reviews?

spiffmeister@aussie.zone · 4 pts · 4d

Be the change you want to see.

MrOtingocni@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 4d

Bust a load on the cover and close the drawer.

I'm a helper!

FlexibleToast@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 4d

That sounds like you're in for some incredible sex with maybe an unstable person.

Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 4d

Realize how desperate she was and that explains why she settled for me and maybe we'll actually have a long-lasting relationship where I don't have to be worried every day that it'll finally be the day she figures out she is too good. Also maybe participate in any rituals that sound fun.

theblurstoftimes@leminal.space · 8 pts · 4d

Everybody who’s ever seen “What We Do in The Shadows” knows witches are semen stealers.

RBWells@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 4d

As a heterosexual woman, I would certainly be confused. I would read it, though.

hanrahan@slrpnk.net · 7 pts · 4d

Why don't they leave these in the draws in hotels instead of bibles ?

hOrni@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 5d

Buy it, read it, bond with her over our mutual love of books.

shininghero@pawb.social · 6 pts · 5d

Read it, obviously. There's bound to be all sorts of wacky shit in that tome.

AceFuzzLord@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 4d

No need to worry. They're probably desperate for either a loving partner or some other long term relationship. So I might have found a potential red/green flag.

dumples@piefed.social · 5 pts · 4d

I'm married to a witchy women. It's great. Green flags all around except I have never seen that book specifically but looks like fun

ChicoSuave@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 4d

Talk about consent, set some boundaries, then ask which one I can help with because I'm interested in learning more. This mutual desire to explore strange things is probably why we got together and got to know each other in the first place.

Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 4d

I know everyone is having fun with this, but the actual answer for me is to get out of dodge. That's a flavour of crazy I don't feel like dealing with.

Besides, getting a man to like you isn't that difficult.

jefmz@fedia.io · 4 pts · 4d

I’d definitely ask her about it first 😂 That’s one book I wouldn’t pretend I didn’t see

Sv443@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 4d

I guess we'd be summoning the Chinese cum yokai

turdburglar@piefed.social · 3 pts · 4d

take them on a date to see obsession

DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d

Steal it and sell it on ebay, along with everything else I can get.

If she's your "crush" it's not reciprocal. It's better to face that fact and move on, but no reason you can profit.

Her fault for letting her stalker in her house.

Heikki2@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d

How does a vasectomy affect the spells?

BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 5d
prettybunnys@piefed.social · 2 pts · 4d

I’d question why Mr.bunnys is doing semen-Magiks without me

PieMePlenty@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 4d

Ask her if she has everything she needs in the book and if she has enough stock.

sixtoe@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 4d

10rule

zabadoh@ani.social · 1 pts · 4d

It clearly worked, because she's your crush!

jesuisatire@social.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 4d

@JimHollow

you smoke a joint?

bcgm3@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 4d

Lobster font has become endemic, it's truly everywhere.

phoenixz@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 3d

Crush harder

DebatableRaccoon@lemmy.ca · 0 pts · 4d

Make sure to not leave so much as a hair in her place when you bail. She's the type of crazy to put a curse on you... or try, at least.