I'm also in the bathroom, but the TP is on my right and to the left is the shower. No objects that aren't attached to the building. So, that'll be hard.
Right? I had a fresh mug of coffee to the left of me when I read it, feels like the scalding alone would make that worse than a bo staff without even getting into the damage a shattering mug could do.
A two person seat on a train. Altho with a little shifting, ok now just my backpack. Been wanting to replace my daily anyway, make this one the dirty work pack.
I keep telling my girlfriend that yes, bulk liquid soap has its advantages, but have we really done a thorough analysis of the potential second and third order consequences?
142 Comments
trslim@pawb.social · 81 pts · 1y
My husband? Normal day.
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 28 pts · 1y
Well looks like u got the best option
BastingChemina@slrpnk.net · 5 pts · 1y
My wife is on my left, it's going to be interesting
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org · 73 pts · 1y
RushLana@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 14 pts · 1y
I only have a table to my left... Well this is gonna hurt.
arrow74@lemm.ee · 6 pts · 1y
My couch is the only object on my left
Rusty@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 1y
It's great seeing you are using Lemmy, Mr Vance.
x4740N@lemm.ee · 6 pts · 1y
Put The Cat down shane dawson
FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com · 5 pts · 1y
I'm assuming that that's the "before" photo
The "after" would be the same, but with matted fur
9point6@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 1y
I just walked past a parked car as I read that—it's been nice knowing you all
lime@feddit.nu · 19 pts · 1y
acidbattery@lemm.ee · 9 pts · 1y
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 1y
We had cat in the hat
Now we have car in the ass
x4740N@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 1y
Humans fucking cars
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social · 29 pts · 1y
A couch. Is this like one of JD Vance's fantasies? To be fucked by a couch?
FourWaveforms@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 1y
No you've got it mixed up, he's a-pitchin'.
NKBTN@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 1y
Same. Even with a LOT of lube I think this is going to sting
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 0 pts · 1y
ThisIsAManWhoKnowsHowToGling@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 27 pts · 1y
drewbelloc@ani.social · 5 pts · 1y
Is that south park episode again, now i need to rewatch it tonight
ThisIsAManWhoKnowsHowToGling@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 9 pts · 1y
drewbelloc@ani.social · 7 pts · 1y
When i thought she couldn't get more cute you tell me her name is Muffin, now i wanna to carry her
GreatRam@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 1y
🎶 Lemmiwinks 🎶
rockerface@lemm.ee · 26 pts · 1y
Toilet paper? All according to plan
Apytele@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 1y
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 1y
I guess he's trying to deep clean the pipes
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 1y
A 30cm offset serrated bread knife? At least the base is vaguely flared.
FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com · 4 pts · 1y
Well, safety first
brokenlcd@feddit.it · 18 pts · 1y
What a horrible day to be working around mig welding machines.
flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
Aw man, indeed!
I'm in the bathroom on the 8th floor of a hospital building, so I figure it's at least some of the wall? Hourly not the whole building though
Chef_Boyardee@lemm.ee · 15 pts · 1y
I'm not putting my cat up my butt, you fucking weirdo.
Dragonstaff@leminal.space · 8 pts · 1y
You don't do everything a picture on the internet tells you to?
Routhinator@startrek.website · 13 pts · 1y
Well.. it's a door. At least my ass will be closed for business after that.
Flamekebab@piefed.social · 13 pts · 1y
looks at radiator dubiously
serpineslair@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 1y
A wall?!
Etterra@discuss.online · 10 pts · 1y
My fiance is 5' tall. I'm going to literally explode.
x4740N@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 1y
Don't look up "anal vore"
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
Depends on how you shove him tho.........as long as your fiance is a man
prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
eldain@feddit.nl · 2 pts · 1y
Objectifying your fiance is cheating in this game.
iamdefinitelyoverthirteen@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 1y
It's a car. RIP
guiguinofake@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 1y
Poor cat
FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com · 9 pts · 1y
OK, there's actually a banana to my left, but I already did that today
sfled@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 1y
I now own a Browntooth speaker.
reddfugee@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 1y
My poor Blåhaj…
Thcdenton@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 1y
A entire bedroom wall
Diddlydee@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 1y
It's pointing at my finger, so an easy one.
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
Now start diddling your diddle Diddlydee
HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 1y
There’s a window, but just outside the window is a tall skinny CACTUS
DaCrazyJamez@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 1y
This is rather convenient, as the object to my left is a roll of toilet paper
baggins@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 1y
I'm lying on my right side in bed so I guess the ceiling?
MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net · 6 pts · 1y
Same, except mine has a fan on it. 🪦
QualifiedKitten@discuss.online · 3 pts · 1y
Same, but lying on my left side, so the mattress?
Hadriscus@lemm.ee · 7 pts · 1y
Of all guitars, why did I choose a ten-string one
TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 1y
chuckles nervously in double neck
banazir@lemmy.ml · 7 pts · 1y
Well shit, I guess I have to re-enact 1 man 1 jar...
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 1y
Oh lawd not again
Enkers@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
Nonono... just do us a favour and don't film it. I've been scarred enough for a lifetime.
banazir@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 1y
You think you're scarred? You should see my bu- you know what, I'm not making this joke.
Enkers@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
Lol!
unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de · 6 pts · 1y
A towel. Idk how im gonna make this work. Maybe if soaked with enough lube or oil 🤔
acidbattery@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 1y
unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de · 5 pts · 1y
Eww thats even worse
gnutrino@programming.dev · 4 pts · 1y
I reckon you could manage a towel with a bit of lube and some sort of stick to help it on its way.
I believe in you, you've got this.
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
Wrap it around a stick and then wrap it with rope like you would do with a turkey and then soak it in coconut oil
Haven't done it myself yet but sounds like it might work🤷♂️
FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com · 1 pts · 1y
I believe in you
Enkers@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 1y
Hairbrush. It'd fit fine, but it's got rubberized paint that's coming off the handle. :/
And009@lemmynsfw.com · 3 pts · 1y
ER has seen worst
Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 1y
I was leaning against this when I opened the post:
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 1y
Just be glad it doesn't have needles or thorns.
owsei@programming.dev · 6 pts · 1y
A double width bus chair
Fuck
mrslt@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
Well, my terrier is going up my ass, apparently. Sorry, boy.
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 1y
I am currently regretting my choice to sit in the garden. About 20 concrete blocks.
blackouttripleseven@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 1y
a wall
BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 1y
Not sure how a television is gonna fit, but here we go
Zenith@lemm.ee · 5 pts · 1y
I’m at the DMV, a teenaged girl is sitting next to me 😬
justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 1y
The wall? I wonder how that's gonna work
shipsnwolf@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 1y
Small metal filling cabinet that is wider than I am, death is what I get
ArtemisimetrA@lemm.ee · 5 pts · 1y
Reading this on the toilet, literally it's toilet paper
flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 1y
Whole roll, though!
ArtemisimetrA@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 1y
One... More... Square...
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
a nice soft blanket. not sure how much will fit but I bet when I take it out it'll feel like taking packing out of your sinuses after an infection.
Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 1y
TP
Zetta@mander.xyz · 4 pts · 1y
I'm also in the bathroom, but the TP is on my right and to the left is the shower. No objects that aren't attached to the building. So, that'll be hard.
Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
You can do it, I believe in you.
bizzle@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
It's my wife so I guess it depends on how much of her
Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 1y
Hurry onward Lindsay Lohan, or you will soon be dead.
Zomg@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
Water heater 😮💨
flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 1y
At least it'll be warm?
Dicska@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y
Holy mackerel, it's the house!
Tigeroovy@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 1y
Okay but it doesn’t specify entirely up your ass, just up your ass. So a Bo staff wouldn’t be that bad, it’s smooth at least.
gnutrino@programming.dev · 2 pts · 1y
Right? I had a fresh mug of coffee to the left of me when I read it, feels like the scalding alone would make that worse than a bo staff without even getting into the damage a shattering mug could do.
jim3692@discuss.online · 4 pts · 1y
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 4 pts · 1y
I have to shove a whole fucking table up there? 😫
lunachocken@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 1y
Cup.
Uhhhh
bruhbeans@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 1y
A jar. We all know how that ends.
altphoto@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 1y
Its just a big ol stuffy, I'll be fine after the surgery.
diemartin@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
Either my 10in tablet, or my huge
ashtraybowlvaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
Its either a large flat screen or CRT that weighs like 70 pounds, I am going to die.
spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 1y
Nice, just a coke spoon
taiyang@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 1y
Idk how to interpret this when I read it while laying on my right side. What's on my left... the sun?
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
You sleeping on a park bench?
TheOakTree@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 1y
TIL back yards exist
pineapplelover@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 1y
The roof
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 1y
That's going to be a tad bit difficult.
fungalfelidae5@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 1y
entire crate of water bottles.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
Sharpie.
slightly concerned it doesn't have a flare but this isn't gonna go too wrong I don't think.
OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 1y
A mirror. Or... Myself?
yumyumsmuncher@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 1y
haha nvidia shield toblerone remote
Zozano@aussie.zone · 3 pts · 1y
The first time I saw this post: sunglasses
The second time: 375mL can of beer.
The third time: my cat.
M137@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 1y
My bathroom sink... at least my bowels will be empty before it ends up inside me.
fleebleneeble@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 1y
MajesticElevator@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 1y
Computer 👀
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 1y
Roll of toilet paper.
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
Cat wand toy.
Perforated bowel coming up
mechoman444@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
I am currently taking a dump... So the entire bathroom door. 🥲
Kecessa@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
So do I choose the bath or one of the shampoo bottles? 🤔
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 1y
I'd go with the shampoo bottles
LoveSausage@discuss.tchncs.de · 2 pts · 1y
A chair..
Grostleton@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 1y
An ~12"x18"x1" wooden cutting board...
I can make this work.
msage@programming.dev · 2 pts · 1y
HARDER!!
pineapplelover@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 1y
To my left is just a door. So I guess I gotta shove a whole door up my ass
thatradomguy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
Air purifier....
ftbd@feddit.org · 2 pts · 1y
4 ft is about 1.2m - a Bo is typically around 1.8m
Luma@feddit.org · 2 pts · 1y
Thankfully just a lip balm...
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 1 pts · 1y
Too small, it's gonna get lost.
RBWells@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
Oh no it's my dog!
naun@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
Large banana stuffie. Could be worse.
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 1y
... 40 oz metal water bottle...
meyotch@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 1y
Whew, just a coffee mug.
ramenshaman@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y
It's like a 6ft x 2ft painting (2m x 0.7m roughly) on the wall. Going to be a rough night.
froufox@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 1y
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
Wait what u mean again????
froufox@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 1y
I should've not said that💀
peteypete420@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
A two person seat on a train. Altho with a little shifting, ok now just my backpack. Been wanting to replace my daily anyway, make this one the dirty work pack.
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 1 pts · 1y
I'm in bed laying on my right side... So the ceiling fan? 💀
daggermoon@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
A bigass shelf. I'm going to die.
x4740N@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 1y
I'm pretty sure air already does this
Armand1@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
Vlad the impaler
MintyFresh@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
Refrigerator. Oofta
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
Lol u from upper midwest?
MintyFresh@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y
You betchya
Disorder6069@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
Floor to ceiling window…
altphoto@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 1y
Today its luggage. I'm gonna need a lube wale...a belube wale.
Tungsten5@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 1y
Perfect day* to be a martial artist
Amnesigenic@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1y
To my left is my dog Courage, she weighs about 50 lbs so having her shoved up my ass would probably end my life
LumpyPancakes@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 1y
The finger pointed at the fish tank.
kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y
I wish i die before that
-fish
clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
A teaspoon, or worryingly the kitchen table upon which it is sitting.
Gates9@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y
I keep telling my girlfriend that yes, bulk liquid soap has its advantages, but have we really done a thorough analysis of the potential second and third order consequences?