You must understand that he requires the pressure to live. If that thing ever stops being the most unrepentant asshole to have ever lived, the outward pressure of his barely constrained sheer fucking awkwardness would no longer be balanced out, causing him to explode in a shedenfreudenstrom of impossible proportions.
hes the only other viable R senator in TEXAS, im guess the others arnt as vile as he is, or as prominent(PR wise) as he is, like MS lindsey they toe the party lines.
47 Comments
frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io · 74 pts · 159d
Gotta work Mexico in there somewhere, that's where he felt it was his duty to be during the Texas ice storm disaster.
dotCody@lemmy.world · 35 pts · 159d
Cancun Cruz
frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io · 10 pts · 159d
Ted: Bye, have fun dying from the cold and/or carbon monoxide poisoning
IntrovertTurtle@lemmy.zip · 15 pts · 159d
Both times.
merc@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 158d
And Christian. It would be less unusual if he were a jewish man advocating for Israel.
mathemachristian@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 158d
Most zionists are christians
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 53 pts · 159d
Bro sounds like he should be on an ICE list.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 159d
he's the immigrant trump warned us about!
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 159d
Anyone seen his neighbor's pets recently?
ceenote@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 159d
Sounds like a DEI hire.
Zachariah@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 159d
No, competency for the position is considered with DEI hires.
cypherpunks@lemmy.ml · 30 pts · 159d
Ted "my father was imprisoned and tortured in Cuba. I hate communists. it was actually Batista who tortured my dad" Cruz
::: spoiler note for readers unfamiliar with the history of Cuba: Batista was the US-backed dictator who was defeated by the Cuban Revolution :::
teyrnon@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 159d
Ha ha. Jesus.
Agrivar@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 159d
"Ted Cruz is like wolverine if instead of metal claws three flaccid penises extended from his hands."
I wish I could recall where I first saw that, but it will live in my head forever.
bulwark@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 159d
Made me chuckle, here have this:
_stranger_@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 159d
You must understand that he requires the pressure to live. If that thing ever stops being the most unrepentant asshole to have ever lived, the outward pressure of his barely constrained sheer fucking awkwardness would no longer be balanced out, causing him to explode in a shedenfreudenstrom of impossible proportions.
dotCody@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 159d
He was born in... Canada?!?! My god. What have we done.
la508@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 159d
Prevented him from being the American president
merc@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 158d
No, his mother was American so he has American citizenship that way.
merc@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 158d
And he was a Canadian citizen for most of his life. He only renounced his Canadian citizenship once he started planning to run for US president.
voicesarefree@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 159d
Makes sense, how else would you expect the Zodiac Killer to evade capture?
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 158d
zodiac killer that goes to a tropical place to molt his skin.
Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 12 pts · 159d
Canadian here. You have my sincere apologies.
teft@piefed.social · 6 pts · 159d
First you guys burn down the White House, then you send us Rafael.
What’s next? You guys gonna turn off the syrup spigot?
EtAl@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 10 pts · 159d
On behalf of all Canadians, thank you Texas for taking that bullet.
greedytacothief@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 9 pts · 159d
How has such an unlikable man made it so far? Maybe I need to change my strategies, sorry friends it's time for hatemaxxing
Sharkticon@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 159d
Massive amounts of money and influence provided by Israel probably helps.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 158d
hes the only other viable R senator in TEXAS, im guess the others arnt as vile as he is, or as prominent(PR wise) as he is, like MS lindsey they toe the party lines.
scarabic@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 158d
How the fuck do they keep electing him! All I hear is how everyone hates him.
Notyou@sopuli.xyz · 4 pts · 158d
Al Franken
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one · 2 pts · 158d
The power if having a R besides their name.
afromustache@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 158d
American Conservatives have unparalleled cognitive dissonance skills. Truly unmatched anywhere else in the world.
Etterra@discuss.online · 8 pts · 158d
And that's not even counting the hats he gets when vacationing during natural disasters.
Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 159d
Only in the summer. In winter he goes to Mexico.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 158d
OR anytime the weather drops temperature below what reptile can tolerate.
Jhex@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 159d
Cruz is the answer to the question "what if an infected ass pimple became human?"
RaoulDuke85@piefed.social · 5 pts · 159d
Not even a beard can make him look cool.
teft@piefed.social · 1 pts · 159d
Him and Vance think the beards hide the double chins.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 159d
Fixed that for you!
RAFAELRAMIREZ@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 159d
Man’s résumé sounds like a random character generator 😭
GreenCrunch@piefed.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 159d
Mr. Worldwide
CanadianMade@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 159d
More like ass hat
PityPityBangBang@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 159d
There was a time that such an immigrant coming to represent a nation of immigrants would have seemed so right.
Context matters.
scathliath@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 159d
I stand by what got me banned from Twitter the first time; man would be smarter if he had lead for brains than he is now.
hanrahan@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 159d
whole state of Texas is "Leopards at my face" on this.
stylusmobilus@aussie.zone · 2 pts · 159d
Aside from ‘representing country of Israel’, that should read as a compliment to what the US is supposed to stand for.
Shame it’s the opposite, but that’s on them.
Email@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 159d
Is the hats thing diminutive? I don't want to continue accidentally insulting people if so.