If we did an experiment to measure many peoples' maximum poop velocities, I'm sure we could use the data to design a toilet tall enough to never splash anyone back. NSFW
Lol I think it largely depends on if you're using a shitty n inadequately sized public toilet and whether you have a hard on or not. The fact that it hasn't happened to you yet is only merit unto your good name.
I might be wrong but splashback seems to be a purely American problem. European toilets tend to have a much lower water level (and I'm not even talking about those old-timey poop shelf toilets). In my well over 30 years of using toilets, I barely remember ever getting splashed.
Whether tis nobler to risk the splashback, or to live with your poop perpetually ending up on a shelf? In many ways, this is a microcosm of the human condition.
I might get a house soon and I hope there’s at least one company in EU that still makes the shelf toilets. It’s perfect also to be able to look at your shit.
It's the first result that came up when I searched "how do the dutch deal with splashback" and silly me thought it was an actual helpful link. Doesn't actually resemble what I thought I copy and pasted yesterday when I did that comment, so maybe I copied the wrong link.
Doubt that would accomplish anything but I am surprised we cant apply modern CAD/simulation tech and ML… hell any modern tech to possibly design a toilet bowl that deflects piss and doesn’t allow shit to cling to it like a 3M glue.
With modern material science and rapid prototyping I am disappoint.
There are toilets that have a shitshelf, no splash ever. Stains are more likely, but a layer of tp or a quick post-partum brushing does the trick. Small price to pay for a dry bum.
Except the velocity varies.. sometimes you get the slow rollers other times the super sonic projectile and then there are snapping turtles.. they poke out a head and go back in.
i've never been splashed, American toilets have the cistern in the bowel to deliberately splash you, it's punishment for not moving to the metric system.
52 Comments
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 33 pts · 112d
what, you do not enjoy the Witch's Kiss
Quicky@piefed.social · 44 pts · 112d
Poseidon’s kiss, surely
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 17 pts · 112d
wait. shit. you're right. Witch's Kiss is a different thing. why did ya'll upvote that???
Quicky@piefed.social · 14 pts · 112d
There’s a surprising amount of toilet kisses to keep track of.
AmidFuror@fedia.io · 3 pts · 112d
Is Witch's Kiss a porn term? Asking for a friend.
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 19 pts · 112d
When the toilet too small and the dick touches the inside of the bowl 😞
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 112d
What? That's impossible! There's no way that could
Oh wait. I'm now realizing this is a me problem.
AmidFuror@fedia.io · 7 pts · 112d
Don't worry. There is a toilet out there somewhere that's sized perfectly to give you a Witch's Kiss. You just have to find the right one.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 112d
Thanks! That's exactly what my mom said!
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 112d
Lol I think it largely depends on if you're using a
shittyn inadequately sized public toilet and whether you have a hard on or not. The fact that it hasn't happened to you yet is only merit unto your good name.watson387@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 112d
🤮
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 112d
🤮 indeed
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 112d
BLEUGH I hate that
Zahille7@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 112d
Wouldn't it be the taller the toilet, the more splash you'll have, as it needs to fall further before reaching the water?
FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 112d
If you make it tall enough then the poop will reach terminal velocity before hitting the water
0ops@piefed.zip · 13 pts · 112d
Wow you're very knowledgeable, you must be a frequent pooper
kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 112d
Seems the water is the problem. Just get rid of that.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 112d
Shit, write that down, write that down.
kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 112d
Shit, wipe that down, wipe that down.
::: spoiler spoiler That's how I read it initially and couldn't help but laugh. :::
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 112d
The toilet:
You thought
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 111d
honestly, i was good at physics at school, and then i was bad at physics at school. that's all I can say
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 112d
Challenge accepted. Good luck to the measurement team.
hydrashok@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 112d
It’s a shitty job.
Ba-dum tssss
dfyx@lemmy.helios42.de · 7 pts · 112d
I might be wrong but splashback seems to be a purely American problem. European toilets tend to have a much lower water level (and I'm not even talking about those old-timey poop shelf toilets). In my well over 30 years of using toilets, I barely remember ever getting splashed.
dalekirkwood@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 112d
Oh no. It's an EU problem also. In the UK we have a special term 'fireman's blanket' for the tissue you lay down to prevent the said splash.
schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.de · 4 pts · 112d
Lots of toilets in Europe have a "poop shelf" which makes splashing a complete non-issue.
imaqtpie@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 112d
Whether tis nobler to risk the splashback, or to live with your poop perpetually ending up on a shelf? In many ways, this is a microcosm of the human condition.
sznowicki@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 112d
I might get a house soon and I hope there’s at least one company in EU that still makes the shelf toilets. It’s perfect also to be able to look at your shit.
TisI@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 111d
What's a shelf toilet?
sznowicki@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 111d
You shit, you look, you flush.
TisI@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 110d
Thanks, yeah I've seen these toilets before. Didn't know that's why they were designed this way.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 112d
I'm British 😔
Made this post in the middle of diarrhoea.
See, it was therefore technically a kind of shower thought... But not the good kind of shower.
listless@lemmy.cringecollective.io · 7 pts · 112d
I just leave the bowl empty of water, then flush with a separate bucket I fill from the bathtub tap.
Sure, the bowl is covered in shit stains, but at least I don't have to experience Poseidon's Kiss.
hydrashok@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 112d
Modern problems require modern solutions.
Skyrmir@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 112d
Just use a suction hose astronaut style.
melfie@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 112d
Turdminal velocity is an important consideration.
MutantTailThing@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
The Dutch have already solved the splashback question but the world was not ready for their solution.
TribblesBestFriend@startrek.website · 5 pts · 112d
Vacuum ?
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 112d
https://dudewipes.com/blogs/dude-blog/toilet-splashback?srsltid=AfmBOorRbViqQ_KFd9lq3Yajl4vkmg8C8P_U8qZRGV899iDgG2oldZD8
Grail@multiverse.soulism.net · 2 pts · 112d
Is this an ad for flushing non flushable wipes?
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 111d
It's the first result that came up when I searched "how do the dutch deal with splashback" and silly me thought it was an actual helpful link. Doesn't actually resemble what I thought I copy and pasted yesterday when I did that comment, so maybe I copied the wrong link.
HubertManne@piefed.social · 5 pts · 112d
you need the opposite. small enough space that its mostly in water before the pinch. just don't have the squirts.
Beetschnapps@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
Doubt that would accomplish anything but I am surprised we cant apply modern CAD/simulation tech and ML… hell any modern tech to possibly design a toilet bowl that deflects piss and doesn’t allow shit to cling to it like a 3M glue.
With modern material science and rapid prototyping I am disappoint.
LodeMike@lemmy.today · 5 pts · 112d
We don't need to measure. Just make it double the height based on the terminal velocity in 1atm
antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 111d
The splash is a free bidet
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 111d
I think you pay with your soul and your dignity. That's why it's free.
Logh@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 112d
There are toilets that have a shitshelf, no splash ever. Stains are more likely, but a layer of tp or a quick post-partum brushing does the trick. Small price to pay for a dry bum.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 112d
Ew, I'd rather feel the splash
PumaStoleMyBluff@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 111d
It also stinks more when it's above water :(
IWW4@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 112d
Except the velocity varies.. sometimes you get the slow rollers other times the super sonic projectile and then there are snapping turtles.. they poke out a head and go back in.
Fleur_@aussie.zone · 2 pts · 111d
The sceptic in me says kinetic energy down = kinetic energy up
hanrahan@slrpnk.net · 1 pts · 110d
i've never been splashed, American toilets have the cistern in the bowel to deliberately splash you, it's punishment for not moving to the metric system.