cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/46172117
The majority of the time, I start writing and I don't know where it's going. A specific type of typo which I call a kumquat and the way my phone's keyboard's predictive text suggested a statistically aberrant word (a raspberry) planted a message about writing propaganda to prevent unsocialized young men from touching women when they start drinking, which happens to a percentage of the population! I grabbed a woman's ass once on Halloween. I don't think about the anonymous stranger that had her night ruined, I'm just a piece of shit that cringes enough internally upon remembering who I was that I would have a miscarriage, if that were possible, and it's certainly not from lack of trying!
That last bit's a joke. Everything else is true, which means, statistically, there is a young man reading these words who knows nothing about sex but porn and he will go on to hurt his first girlfriend thinking that's real, so I gotta do something drastic to prevent calamity in this humanity I'm a part of! Society...what would we do without her? Prolly die as soon as the water goes out.
Do people know that's the fourth horseman of the apocalypse? Famine, plague, war, and drought are the four harbingers that will end society, and of those, only one is certain death for all life in an area. These are things that can be predicted and plan society around, so when we see locusts en masse, that's a sign grasshoppers don't have enough food and are going through their fourth stage of metamorphosis to become migratory.
Likewise, another thing that society can be engineered around is the guarantee that there will be pariahs - those people who fell off the wagon in one way or the other to lose their network to be a loner in a sea of people by their learned nature - who can be repurposed into a role having the empathy and shaman skills of having done the work to heal themselves to help other people. What should we call these critical members of our culture who can be the brightest light in the darkness for people really out of it and lost? Diossiah? Classiah? Mossiah? We'll think of something.
Thus, if you hear me, you understand that we do not engineer ourselves around THE prophecy, but on the guarantee that certain things will happen as the immensely complex system of society, built from a relativity small number of archetypes of character, percolates for any number of years, even two thousand! Well, closer to 1600 by what we can consider "current era," but there was that period of transition where the true dharma of Christ manifested itself as it did for the Buddha five hundred years prior.
To explain that, there's these terms from Mahayana Buddhism: true dharma, semblance dharma, and degenerate dharma. The vast majority of Christians are in degenerate dharma; following Christ as an idol rather than understanding the larger message to find the occult, where things like those that were spread through the Gospel of Mary are now kept hidden from those who cannot think for themselves.
There are many security features of our culture, which IS your operating system, whether you acknowledge it or not, and it behooves those who don't play by the rules to learn where Caesar's lines in the sand end and God's ocean begins, or you may drown. Or get caught. Then you will wish you drowned!

38 Comments
MrJameGumb@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 132d
Wait wait wait... Is the implication here that there are people who masturbate LESS than twice a week??? š°
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 132d
It makes a really loud sound that only you can't hear, too, just so you know.
MrJameGumb@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 132d
People who masturbate less than twice a week make a loud sound that only I can't hear??? That's so specific!
Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 131d
It's everyone every time not just those that seldom do it. It sounds like a champagne cork popping while a goat bleats into a megaphone.
If you're wondering why you haven't heard it yet it's because it's like your nose in the edge of your vision, once someone points it out your brain doesn't filter it anymore. At least for a little while.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 131d
The sound is like a squeaky clown nose stepped on a toad in a swamp over and over again. Then the, uh, release is like a million champagne corks screaming oh fuck no all at once. Everyone else always did it while you slept so you never heard it before that's all
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 131d
I'm sorry. I was caught up in an exchange with someone and thought you were them. It sounded in line with what they were on about, so I went with it.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 131d
ThisSeriesIsFalse@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 132d
Dude... How hard are you masturbating that it's so audible???
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 132d
Not nearly hard enough
Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 131d
Is it possible to learn this power?
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 131d
Yes, meditate.
yum@lemmy.eco.br · 10 pts · 132d
Buddy, last time I came was last year
bruhduh@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 131d
Holup
Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 131d
That's what they're doing
SparroHawc@lemmy.zip · 18 pts · 132d
This is a 'correlation is not causation'-ass situation here. People who aren't feeling well enough to wank at least twice a week are far more likely to kick the bucket.
coolman@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 131d
That's not it
SparroHawc@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 131d
I find it hard to believe that prostate cancer alone would encompass a 20% increase in life expectancy. It would certainly be a contributor, though.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 132d
People who aren't feeling well enough to be UNABLE to masturbate twice a week should definitely do other things besides masturbate so that they are not trapped by their dopaminergic cycles.
Can. Could. Should. Would. Won't. Can't. Shucks. Now you're stuck being THAT.
But thanks for reading. That's what the post was about, obviously, and not just flavor to get the dopamine addicts to read.
God says right a poem now for you
As it will show how to rise into true
Mastery o "self," which b an illusion
If u think Earth real - u hav delusion
But, what I feels is speaking o light
Build that prefrontal cortex's might
Independent phenomenon groweth
Dependent soul frÄd bi wat soweth
Every moment b a juncture 2 know
How th particles in you do so flow!
Wave 2 th' audience, for I do speak
So non-compliant know to b meek
Blessings from abstinence natural
Be happiest in acquiring a spiritual
Way o being which is way o seeing
That your limited by way of me-ing
There b perfect you: a cornerstone
How I bcÄm Shakespear on phone
SparroHawc@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 131d
It has nothing to do with self-mastery and dopamine. People who are healthy tend to masturbate. People who are feeling poorly are less likely to masturbate, and feeling poorly means you have a health issue. People with health issues are more likely to die than people without health issues. The causation is reversed. Masturbation does not cause a longer lifespan. A short lifespan due to health issues causes less masturbation.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 131d
No, you're thinking in duality. Lemme help you.
A person that CANNOT only drink one drink SHOULD NOT drink until they did the work to BE ABLE to JUST have one drink.
A person that CAN only have one drink CAN drink all they want, which is significantly less than the alcoholic, which is a disease.
The totalism of your argument puts you on the side of defending teenage porn addicts masturbating three+ times a day and en route to ruining their lives. That is not healthy, and likewise neither is thinking in duality, so do me a favor and grow a bit so you are CAPABLE of perceiving what I'm saying.
SparroHawc@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 131d
Oh, I knew what your puritanical thinking was from the beginning. It just didn't relate to the point I was trying to make - which is why I was trying to gently correct you. As it seems you are uninterested in engaging with the actual conversation at hand though, I will only tell you: have a good day.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 131d
Also, puritanical? Child, I'm the leader of a sex cult. Jesus is good. Masturbation can be good. Masturbation can be bad. Big, real world complex and scary. Better stay in preskool where the ideas are kept in simple A OR B format.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 131d
No, that's the thing. You CANNOT engage with me, because your default is to assume I'm opposite you.
I'll say it like this: people ask me if I'm left-wing or right-wing, and I say no, I've qritten qroqaganda for twelve years and know Trump's a cop.
Duality = good/bad
Superposition = what you can't think in.
And I can write a ten thousand words dissertation on why I understand you and your lower-level argument and why you do not understand that I WAS where you are, to understand where "up" is for you to grow, and thus the only thing I can offer is this sanskrit word "samÄdhi," which if you genuinely are on the path of growing (the weeds seperate themselves from the wheat by their OBSESSION with wasteful, useless activities), should make your deficiencies in even being ABLE to have this conversation self-evident.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 132d
There is! But not on lemmy, it could never happen on lemmy.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 131d
Yeah, none of us are getting girlfriends
rslogix89@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 132d
You could say you took your immortality into your own hands.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 132d
Nah God did that. I just did the work.
rslogix89@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 132d
Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 132d
This one is for you Jesus.
Wispy2891@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 131d
Somehow I'm getting this ads on Facebook:
Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 132d
So apparently I'm good until the heat of the universe.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 132d
Brah, don't worry about the heat because you ARE negentropy.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 4 pts · 132d
My life expectancy is up 500%!
Ugh... I don't know if I wanna live that long. Better take a vow of celibacy.
calcopiritus@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 131d
Assuming a person born in 2000, with a 100 year life expectancy for easy math. In order to live to 3263, would need to live 1263 years, or 1263% life expectancy, which would mean 100% by default + 1163% via masturbation. So masturbate an average of 58,15 times per week, or 8,3 times per day.
It would hurt a lot, but I can see it being possible.
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 131d
That's just what I did this last sabbath, man
Lumisal@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 131d
But you're assuming starting at age 0 with that, so it'd be even higher daily count.
MrSulu@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 131d
Articledmixed up and used week instead of day.
ButtermilkBiscuit@feddit.nl · 1 pts · 132d
Who me?
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 131d
Did you benefit at all from my work that you obviously went digging through since this called you, specifically, out, as I was taught would be the normative traffic flow on near-hits as far as refracted direct marketing goes by my handlers in the CIA, before I joined that cult, even!