I just realized that I can both make myself sneeze and make myself vomit. If I can do this simultaneously, I could spray partially-aerosolized stomach acid when I feel threatened.

You're gonna hurt yourself that way more than anyone else, but yeah, I'm not fucking with anyone who does that. It begs the question of how deep the rabbit hole of crazy goes, and I'll pass on finding out. Nope.

Out-crazy the crazy does seem to be an effective strategy. Your sinuses are NOT going to be happy with you though.

On that note, if you've ever puked and got any of that acid up your nose, you know how absolutely horrible that feels: you'll be pleased to know that you can almost completely block it from happening if you simply pinch your nose shut as the puke comes streaming out. By capping off the pressure at your nostrils, no fluid, be it air, snot, or stomach acid, will be able to travel from your oropharynx to your nasopharynx -- you basically wall off the blue zone:

Downside being that you gotta actually remember this trick as your guts are about to spill, which isn't really a great time to call back on little lifehacks from the internet. If you happen to recall it in the stages leading up to go-time though, you're golden.

Also be careful not to gasp for air between streams of vomit, or you might inhale some. You don't want stomach acid in your air way! Controlled, slow breaths.

now this is the kind of quality posting I come to lemmy for

Evolution happening right before our eyes. In a few generations ops offsprings will be well trained stomach acid fighters.

You're well on your way to becoming a llama!

Once you sneeze vomit through your nose you will realize that you have fucked up.

Odd that you would say that.

Many years ago, I realized that if I take a Vitamin B12 pill, well almost exactly 23 minutes later, I'll get like all the reflexes simultaneously.

Burp, puke, hiccup, fart, sneeze (am I missing any?)

All at once, simultaneously. The sensations would only last about 20 seconds, but those are 20 seconds of things I'd rather not experience, so I no longer take Vitamin B12...

Congratulations on your new Dilphosaurus tag!

I cast Aura of Endless Sneezing and Puking

The European roller chick will vomit a foul-smelling orange liquid onto itself to deter a predator. The smell also warns the parents on their return to the nest.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_roller?wprov=sfla1

how do ya make yourself sneeze?

You should send an email to the slow-mo guys and offer to show their cameras

You could train the Absolute Batman version of Bruce Wayne to do this, because he had to use tools to achieve a similar effect.

threatens you

Its got a wonderful defence mechanism, you don't dare kill it.

Ok. Now start designing an online course you can sell to self defence enthusiasts for $300. Do not waste this opportunity!

Joke's on you, I'm into that.

If you also learn voluntary sharting you can make multi directional attack.

Now that would surprise Pikachu.

If you did this onto your steak, you could digest it before needing to chew it, allowing you to make and eat well done steaks of UK beef.