It’s actually so bad… Also why do you still have 1 vote after my upvote? Are there salty men in here?
Assuming I’m not talking to the void, if you feel attacked by a critique of men in general then you remain a part of the problem. ALL men have to engage in self critique because ALL men (and people in general) have been socialized to think of women in harmful ways. It’s not a moral failing, but it is your responsibility to learn. Anything less is laziness.
Just a heads-up, regardless of the reason (might even have been accidental) it's not a very healthy thing to be looking this deeply into upvotes or downvotes. Some twerps are always going to downvote the most agreeable statement, or upvote the most eggregious one. Trying to jump into conclusions about why that one person might have downvoted the post is a futile waste of time that might very well make you reach conclusions that are just not grounded in reality and further dwindle your faith in humanity for no reason at all...
Given that they only have 2 downvotes, I'd say that's just Lemmy being Lemmy. On other less confrontational topics, I usually will say some mundane comment, and still get like 1-3 downvotes. And it scales too. If you have 10 upvotes, you might get 1 downvote. But if you have 50 upvotes you might have 3 downvotes.
One time I just said "FUCK ICE!!!" and got over 100 upvotes, and 3 downvotes. So I wouldn't take these downvotes too seriously. Some people just have no life.
It could be representative of the UI and accidental voting. I’ve accidentally up/down voted something before when I tried to “navigate back”. I’m sure there have been some I didn’t catch to that would make me feel horrible to know I responded to something so blatantly incorrectly.
Wifey had to teach me that you either politely deny advances while trying your best not to bruise the male ego and hope for the best, or rudley deny advances and risk violence.
“Had to teach” is crazy. If she’s a woman it is literally impossible for her not to be aware of her social position and what that means for interacting with men. All you’ve “taught” her is to internalize the idea that the actions of those men are her fault. I’m not saying this to shame you, it’s just that society has got us all fucked up on how we think about gender dynamics. It’s our responsibility to self-reflect on these things because we ALL do it. Not just you.
Oh, sick. Thats my bad. These topics get some people, including me, a little on edge. You’re literally a woman, so you know the topic better than I do lol.
It’s genuinely unacceptable that we force people to live in these ways. Having to present more masc or stop yourself from smiling at strangers. Not to mention the ways that men suffer (albeit a fraction of what women face) under the patriarchy as well. It’s in all of our best interests to change the way we think about gender. I’m sorry that you have to go through that :/
That does sound curious. Makes me curious of the context as well. They sound pretty level headed from the comments here, so I'm hoping it's a misunderstanding.
The context was it was a shitpost about a lesbian who's never been kissed, and no one knew OP's gender, so Velma was assuming that while trying to manufacture outrage on a shitpost.
Meanwhile Tanis was basically self-identifying as "bitches," and Velma seemingly contradicted her own stance that it might be okay for women to "reclaim the slur" by shaming Tanis for being okay with using the term.
It was pretty convoluted, but ultimately there seemed to be no point and it gave the vibe that Velma was just looking for a moral pedestal to grandstand on...
Overall the person seems level headed and sincere in her feminist beliefs so I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt that it was either a misunderstanding or a temporary lapse in judgement. I know I've been misunderstood before on here, and had temporary lapses in my own judgement.
Some people mean well but are very quick to jump to confrontational mode, and assume the worst interpretation in what everyone says. I know a person like that. It can be very exhausting talking with them because you have to watch your words all the time, even when we share the same value framework... They just want to crush every single grain of the patriarchy so badly, and I get it. But sometimes it can get in the way of just normal conversation and banter.
It doesn't seem like a troll account to me. Seems like she's just a very vocal feminist, strongly opinionated, and admittedly a confrontational person. But level headed and classy, still. They seem to just absorb insults into some kind of void. Quite impressive, actually. I didn't scroll very far into their comments, but a few pages gave me these impressions.
What's really wild is just the wide range of threat levels one may encounter. Some of those guys seemed like they were just odd and pretty non-threatening, while others immediately go for physical contact even after being told "no". A woman has no idea what to expect when a man approaches her; is he just going to say something weird and walk away to never be heard from again, or is he going to attack her if she rejects him? There's a huge margin of danger for every encounter. And then guys who have never had to keep their guard up a day in their lives wonder why women on the street seem so cold to them.
I'm very much of the opinion that more women should carry.
You can tell that much of the userbase came from reddit when you look at this comment section and people's down votes 😅
Lotta folks on this site need to unpack some things about how they see women. I see sexism on lemmy more often than any other form of bigotry or chauvinism
I've just added the "copy link" (of video) URL like a picture and lemmy.zip proxied it like they usually do with pictures. Guess it depends on your server.
I’ve never witnessed this happening. I don’t mean it doesn’t happen, but I’ve never seen it in my travel. Is it a cultural thing in some areas? Off peak hours? It’s gross.
I’m assuming you’re a man? No shade, I am too. It’s something that is hard for us to notice until you look for it (or watch a clip compilation). Women experience it every day for their whole lives, so they sense these things naturally. The sad thing is, it’s less that they have to “look for it” like us and more that every social interaction with men is marked by these gross dynamics.
In essence, this video is composed of (not-so) extreme examples of a very mundane social phenomenon.
Also a man 🖐️ also never seen this happening IRL 🖐️ Also on board with the reason probably being that I don't look for it, I'm not on the receiving end, etc etc. Also probably because I don't get out much, and when I do I focus on my wife and/or kids, depending who I'm out with.
I have also heard that basically all women experience creeps like this at least once in their lives, if not regularly.
But is it really true that "women experience it every day for their whole lives"? I find it hard to believe, even in a big city. 🤯
It happens every day, though maybe not every day to the same woman.
When I lived in a bigger city, I would get comments almost every time I commuted, which was daily. “You’d look prettier if you smiled” was a common phrase thrown out.
My god. First of all, sorry on behalf of those men, although not to help those men say sorry, but for your sake.
Secondly, wtf. W. T. F.
Is that your job, to look prettier on your commute? Like, what? Gosh. This is probably small potatoes to you by now but it's rage fuel for me. The gall that people have to think they're entitled to leave an open opinion on what you "should do" in order to please them. Disgusting.
This question isn't about trusting the word of women. I explained it in another comment. It's just, how can we know this happens every day of every woman's life if we didn't have every woman's account at the end of their life? It seems practically impossible to be able to logically truthfully make this claim. 😅
I'm sorry if I'm being unclear. This isn't about trust or validity of a woman's word. It's just, how can we possibly know if this happens to every woman every day for their entire lives if we haven't asked every woman or every woman said it is so? I know many women for whom this isn't true, e.g. And that's just in my personal circle of friends. Imagine how many others there are to deny the claim.
But of course, basically all of them have experienced it at some point in their lives, this is definitely the case, as my female friends tend to open up about those things to me for some reason (which I appreciate).
I guess I'm saying my question isn't really about women and this issue per se, but the fact that we can't know if something happens to every single person unless we communicated with them all. Logically, I mean.
This isn't really important, as a disclaimer. It's just my OCD kicking in. 🖐️😅 The important bit is that it happens to basically every woman at some point, and that alone is not okay.
I have, multiple times. It’s not something that happens in any particular place more than others. It’s wildly uncomfortable, and people, especially men are even more wildly dismissive of these events.
I don't want to react to any short form videos, let alone a compilation of them. They're made to grab as much attention and invoke as much attention as possible from you.
85 Comments
Ok_imagination@lemmy.world · 76 pts · 71d
Jesus fucking Christ. Men we can do better, wtf.
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 20 pts · 71d
It’s actually so bad… Also why do you still have 1 vote after my upvote? Are there salty men in here?
Assuming I’m not talking to the void, if you feel attacked by a critique of men in general then you remain a part of the problem. ALL men have to engage in self critique because ALL men (and people in general) have been socialized to think of women in harmful ways. It’s not a moral failing, but it is your responsibility to learn. Anything less is laziness.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 71d
This is Lemmy. Majority of users here are salty men.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 50 pts · 71d
Yup, I’m a trans woman and have dealt with this shit. I now hide under a giant hat, and try not to stand out too much.
Fuckin’ creeps, everywhere.
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 13 pts · 71d
Why do you already have a downvote? Is that a common thing on lemmy, or is it just because anti-feminism is a core personality trait for so many men?
It’s actually quite upsetting. Good luck out there girlie.
beegnyoshi@lemmy.zip · 17 pts · 71d
Just a heads-up, regardless of the reason (might even have been accidental) it's not a very healthy thing to be looking this deeply into upvotes or downvotes. Some twerps are always going to downvote the most agreeable statement, or upvote the most eggregious one. Trying to jump into conclusions about why that one person might have downvoted the post is a futile waste of time that might very well make you reach conclusions that are just not grounded in reality and further dwindle your faith in humanity for no reason at all...
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 71d
God forbid trans women do verbs.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 71d
Given that they only have 2 downvotes, I'd say that's just Lemmy being Lemmy. On other less confrontational topics, I usually will say some mundane comment, and still get like 1-3 downvotes. And it scales too. If you have 10 upvotes, you might get 1 downvote. But if you have 50 upvotes you might have 3 downvotes.
One time I just said "FUCK ICE!!!" and got over 100 upvotes, and 3 downvotes. So I wouldn't take these downvotes too seriously. Some people just have no life.
confusedwiseman@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 10 pts · 71d
It could be representative of the UI and accidental voting. I’ve accidentally up/down voted something before when I tried to “navigate back”. I’m sure there have been some I didn’t catch to that would make me feel horrible to know I responded to something so blatantly incorrectly.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 71d
*she
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 71d
That’s only if you’re in the boys club.
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · -2 pts · 71d
Genuinely thank you for explaining. I felt like I was going crazy for a minute there.
luxadazy@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 71d
Rooskie91@discuss.online · 10 pts · 71d
Wifey had to teach me that you either politely deny advances while trying your best not to bruise the male ego and hope for the best, or rudley deny advances and risk violence.
luxadazy@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 71d
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 71d
“Had to teach” is crazy. If she’s a woman it is literally impossible for her not to be aware of her social position and what that means for interacting with men. All you’ve “taught” her is to internalize the idea that the actions of those men are her fault. I’m not saying this to shame you, it’s just that society has got us all fucked up on how we think about gender dynamics. It’s our responsibility to self-reflect on these things because we ALL do it. Not just you.
luxadazy@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 71d
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 71d
Oh, sick. Thats my bad. These topics get some people, including me, a little on edge. You’re literally a woman, so you know the topic better than I do lol.
luxadazy@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 71d
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 71d
It’s genuinely unacceptable that we force people to live in these ways. Having to present more masc or stop yourself from smiling at strangers. Not to mention the ways that men suffer (albeit a fraction of what women face) under the patriarchy as well. It’s in all of our best interests to change the way we think about gender. I’m sorry that you have to go through that :/
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 71d
Yeah it’s such a burden on you when other men hit on your wife. Good thing you told her to stop.
Those men would do so whether your wife was smiling or not. You’ve successfully told her to dampen her own joy.
luxadazy@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 71d
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -1 pts · 71d
Smiling or not smiling doesn’t stop unwanted advances. That was my point.
mholiv@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 71d
In my experience it does make a difference. I am in a similar position with my partner.
Smiling = men thinking you are up to talk or more 🤢
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 71d
Men will also often tell women and girls to smile if they aren’t.
It doesn’t matter what women do, men will harass us regardless.
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
I was told to smile.
While I was wearing a face mask.
Even when it's stupid they say it!!
(He realized after a second and fucking skedaddled at least)
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -11 pts · 71d
Ah so you can have empathy for your fellow women here, but will turn around and support calling women “bitches” otherwise?
Yikes.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 71d
Yeah. That’s me. Got it in one. I’m a dense, complicated character.
I even upvoted you cause of how accurate you are.
victorz@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 71d
What's all this about?
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -5 pts · 71d
Ran into this same user in another thread defending a man calling women “bitches”.
I found the contrast between their support here and their views there interesting.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 71d
Hello, I’m Tanis Nikana (she/her), I’m a photographer, a stand-up comic, a lesbian, and I try to do alright in the world.
This is who you’re talking to, trying to pick apart my views on the word “bitches,” which are complex and nuanced.
It’s nice to meet you!
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -2 pts · 71d
Did I say something that was untrue?
I do find your defense of calling women “bitches” more interesting after seeing your comments in this thread.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 71d
Oh, I was just introducing myself. Now you know who I am! I’m bitches.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -1 pts · 71d
lol you’re clearly not just introducing yourself when you take such a defensive stance on my opinion that “bitch” is a slur that has a time and place.
victorz@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
That does sound curious. Makes me curious of the context as well. They sound pretty level headed from the comments here, so I'm hoping it's a misunderstanding.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz · 4 pts · 71d
The context was it was a shitpost about a lesbian who's never been kissed, and no one knew OP's gender, so Velma was assuming that while trying to manufacture outrage on a shitpost.
Meanwhile Tanis was basically self-identifying as "bitches," and Velma seemingly contradicted her own stance that it might be okay for women to "reclaim the slur" by shaming Tanis for being okay with using the term.
It was pretty convoluted, but ultimately there seemed to be no point and it gave the vibe that Velma was just looking for a moral pedestal to grandstand on...
victorz@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
Thanks for that seemingly objective explanation.
Overall the person seems level headed and sincere in her feminist beliefs so I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt that it was either a misunderstanding or a temporary lapse in judgement. I know I've been misunderstood before on here, and had temporary lapses in my own judgement.
Some people mean well but are very quick to jump to confrontational mode, and assume the worst interpretation in what everyone says. I know a person like that. It can be very exhausting talking with them because you have to watch your words all the time, even when we share the same value framework... They just want to crush every single grain of the patriarchy so badly, and I get it. But sometimes it can get in the way of just normal conversation and banter.
Starik@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 71d
The context is that velma is a cantankerous (possibly troll) account.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 71d
Just a crotchety, cantankerous woman with strong opinions about equality.
victorz@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
It doesn't seem like a troll account to me. Seems like she's just a very vocal feminist, strongly opinionated, and admittedly a confrontational person. But level headed and classy, still. They seem to just absorb insults into some kind of void. Quite impressive, actually. I didn't scroll very far into their comments, but a few pages gave me these impressions.
I got no issues, no qualms.
Starik@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
I think you’re right. About it not being a troll. The rest of your comment is very generous.
Chozo@fedia.io · 35 pts · 71d
What's really wild is just the wide range of threat levels one may encounter. Some of those guys seemed like they were just odd and pretty non-threatening, while others immediately go for physical contact even after being told "no". A woman has no idea what to expect when a man approaches her; is he just going to say something weird and walk away to never be heard from again, or is he going to attack her if she rejects him? There's a huge margin of danger for every encounter. And then guys who have never had to keep their guard up a day in their lives wonder why women on the street seem so cold to them.
I'm very much of the opinion that more women should carry.
Cris_Citrus@piefed.zip · 22 pts · 71d
You can tell that much of the userbase came from reddit when you look at this comment section and people's down votes 😅
Lotta folks on this site need to unpack some things about how they see women. I see sexism on lemmy more often than any other form of bigotry or chauvinism
Wytch@lemmy.zip · 16 pts · 71d
🤮
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 14 pts · 71d
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 71d
Oh, thank you. Can I embed videos directly into posts?
UkrainianBull@reddthat.com · 8 pts · 71d
Just add rimgo (alternative imgur front end) link there https://rimgo.vern.cc/gallery/pov-youre-woman-kARPLqT?__goaway_challenge=resource-load&__goaway_id=8ed528ae92d7af79283c949c8bfc683b
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 71d
Sickkk, thanks for showing me this.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 71d
I've just added the "copy link" (of video) URL like a picture and lemmy.zip proxied it like they usually do with pictures. Guess it depends on your server.
degenerate_neutron_matter@fedia.io · 2 pts · 71d
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 71d
A proxy bug?
HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 71d
Makes me want to throw up
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 71d
This made me very thankful to have the father I have. Every one of these asshole deserves to get hit by a fucking bus.
CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de · 8 pts · 71d
I’ve never witnessed this happening. I don’t mean it doesn’t happen, but I’ve never seen it in my travel. Is it a cultural thing in some areas? Off peak hours? It’s gross.
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 16 pts · 71d
I’m assuming you’re a man? No shade, I am too. It’s something that is hard for us to notice until you look for it (or watch a clip compilation). Women experience it every day for their whole lives, so they sense these things naturally. The sad thing is, it’s less that they have to “look for it” like us and more that every social interaction with men is marked by these gross dynamics.
In essence, this video is composed of (not-so) extreme examples of a very mundane social phenomenon.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 71d
Thank you for posting this and for your comments. It’s a refreshing take on this site.
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 71d
Aww, thanks! That’s really encouraging. It’s kind of an obligation considering the state of things. I’m glad it’s appreciated by others.
victorz@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 71d
Man here, also appreciate it. We need to set good examples and show our fellow men what isn't acceptable.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 71d
<3
victorz@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 71d
Also a man 🖐️ also never seen this happening IRL 🖐️ Also on board with the reason probably being that I don't look for it, I'm not on the receiving end, etc etc. Also probably because I don't get out much, and when I do I focus on my wife and/or kids, depending who I'm out with.
I have also heard that basically all women experience creeps like this at least once in their lives, if not regularly.
But is it really true that "women experience it every day for their whole lives"? I find it hard to believe, even in a big city. 🤯
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 10 pts · 71d
It happens every day, though maybe not every day to the same woman.
When I lived in a bigger city, I would get comments almost every time I commuted, which was daily. “You’d look prettier if you smiled” was a common phrase thrown out.
victorz@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 71d
My god. First of all, sorry on behalf of those men, although not to help those men say sorry, but for your sake.
Secondly, wtf. W. T. F.
Is that your job, to look prettier on your commute? Like, what? Gosh. This is probably small potatoes to you by now but it's rage fuel for me. The gall that people have to think they're entitled to leave an open opinion on what you "should do" in order to please them. Disgusting.
Maeve@kbin.earth · 2 pts · 71d
It's true
victorz@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 71d
Aside from being super awful, how can that possibly actually be a known fact though?
Maeve@kbin.earth · 5 pts · 71d
Transition and try it. Or believe women.
victorz@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 71d
This question isn't about trusting the word of women. I explained it in another comment. It's just, how can we know this happens every day of every woman's life if we didn't have every woman's account at the end of their life? It seems practically impossible to be able to logically truthfully make this claim. 😅
Maeve@kbin.earth · 1 pts · 71d
My b. No it doesn't happen every day. Some days we don't go out. Some days we manage to avoid most men.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 71d
Because women say it is true and they’re the ones experiencing it?
victorz@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 71d
I'm sorry if I'm being unclear. This isn't about trust or validity of a woman's word. It's just, how can we possibly know if this happens to every woman every day for their entire lives if we haven't asked every woman or every woman said it is so? I know many women for whom this isn't true, e.g. And that's just in my personal circle of friends. Imagine how many others there are to deny the claim.
But of course, basically all of them have experienced it at some point in their lives, this is definitely the case, as my female friends tend to open up about those things to me for some reason (which I appreciate).
I guess I'm saying my question isn't really about women and this issue per se, but the fact that we can't know if something happens to every single person unless we communicated with them all. Logically, I mean.
This isn't really important, as a disclaimer. It's just my OCD kicking in. 🖐️😅 The important bit is that it happens to basically every woman at some point, and that alone is not okay.
Jestzer@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 71d
I have, multiple times. It’s not something that happens in any particular place more than others. It’s wildly uncomfortable, and people, especially men are even more wildly dismissive of these events.
Leviathan@fedinsfw.app · 12 pts · 71d
I've seen it and reacted before. But these people either pick moments when they think no one is paying attention or when no one is around.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 12 pts · 71d
It happens all the time. It happens to women pretty much everywhere.
By total chance, I had retold a story about a man pinning me between him and the window seat on a bus just the other day.
Malyca@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 71d
I've seen it in Europe and the US
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 71d
Normalize pepper spraying people for this shit
Except for the guy that looked like "please stop having your hair touch me, random disgusting stranger in public"
atro_city@fedia.io · 5 pts · 71d
Is this the USA? What's going on :O
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 71d
It’s everywhere.
cinoreus@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
I can't see the video for some reason....
victorz@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 71d
What kind of error are you getting?
cinoreus@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 71d
Nvm figured out. For some reason boost wasn't showing the imgur clip. I switched to Voyager and I can see the link.
victorz@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 71d
Ah, cool. Happy Voyaging!
lightlybutteredtoast@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 71d
Someone reposted it as a comment if that helps. I also stole it from the TikTok cringe subreddit if you’d like to look for it there.
Rumo161@feddit.org · 2 pts · 71d
Women should be alowed to stab men who dont respekt a no with a knife.
SGforce@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 71d
Luisp@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 0 pts · 71d
Try this in latam and you will get your ass kicked
zerozaku@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 71d
I don't want to react to any short form videos, let alone a compilation of them. They're made to grab as much attention and invoke as much attention as possible from you.
liuther9@lemmy.world · -6 pts · 71d
Is it possible in lemmy to block all posts related to particular topic?