Were you always a doorknob, or is this some kind of witch's curse situation?
If you were always a doorknob, how did we meet and what was our first date like?
If this is some curse, what did you do that warranted polymorphism, and how do we change you back. (Would you even want to go back?)
Could I be cursed to be the door that you're installed in?
How would intimacy work between us? I'm simply not creative enough to incorporate a doorknob into this
Being presumably immortal as a doorknob, or at the very least having a much longer lifespan than us mortals, how would you move on after old age claims me?
What, then everyone can touch you! I'm okay with that, if it's what you want. Wait, why are you mad? What did I say? How am I in trouble for trying to make you happy? You asked the question, I'm just being supportive...
It would be a face of mild amusement and care as I pulled her into my arms to tell her:
"Yes, baby, I'd love you even if you were a doorknob. You'd be the most beautiful doorknob in the world to me. I'd even have to hire a butler to open all the doors in front of me because you would be the only doorknob I'd ever want to hold in my hand."
Because at the end of the day, coming home to reassure the person you love is a simple and gracious act and is worth every hour of any 14 hour shift.
Mad at me for a week. Tells every friend and family member that I don’t love her unconditionally for the rest of our lives. Brings it up at my funeral…
Coming home after a long day only to deal with your partner's emotional insecurities that have built up over the day and morphed in sometimes weird forms? Enough times.
Depending on your interpretation it literally happened to me. Long Covid has me tied to my bed 24/7. I have even less to contribute to my family than a door knob. But my wife still loves me.
my gf asked what would happen if she woulbecome sone dune worm monster instead. im like "the physical attraction would probably go away, but i would keep in touch cause that would be so rad". she looked at me, and kinda wanted to laugh and be mad at me, but instead she let it go 😅
48 Comments
Godort@lemmy.ca · 79 pts · 28d
"Probably, but I have several questions."
OpenStars@discuss.online · 21 pts · 28d
You forgot the most important question of all: in this scenario, am I also a doorknob? It turns out that solves a lot of the other issues...
anomnom@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 27d
Are we on the same door or houses across the street?
OpenStars@discuss.online · 1 pts · 27d
We are destined to forever see one another yet never to touch again... wow, shit got dark quick!
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 28d
Ah, I can answer #5:
drops my pants and backs up to the doorknob this is for you, babe... all that knot training is going to finally pay off
then_three_more@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 28d
That sounds kinky as fuck.
Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 27d
You’d have to watch everyone as they take her for a turn
then_three_more@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 26d
Mmm I'm listening
helpImTrappedOnline@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 27d
Adding to that last one;
Are you an antique door knob or cheap one that will fail in 10 years?
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 27d
You could always incorporate the door knob anally.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 27d
Not creative enough to incorporate a doorknob into dat ass?
OpenStars@discuss.online · 61 pts · 28d
I'd love you better as a doorknob...
turns out to be the wrong answer, and I can't find the undo button 😞
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world · 40 pts · 28d
Have you tried jiggling her a little? Or maybe lift while turning?
nightofmichelinstars@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 28d
Try some WD-jelly
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 28d
What, then everyone can touch you! I'm okay with that, if it's what you want. Wait, why are you mad? What did I say? How am I in trouble for trying to make you happy? You asked the question, I'm just being supportive...
cantstopthesignal@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 27d
I can stick a doorknob in my ass.
otacon239@lemmy.world · 39 pts · 28d
This unironically my favorite paparazzi photo of all time. It’s entirely relatable on so many levels and I feel like I’m in his shoes.
StillAlive@piefed.world · 27 pts · 28d
Give back his shoes 😡
far_university1990@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 27d
You made my day.
slaacaa@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 27d
It’s so funny. I’m wondering if Affleck knows about it’s popularity
HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 27d
Ah ok so it's not from a movie. I was wondering that.
LuigiMaoFrance@lemmy.ml · 23 pts · 27d
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 28d
Is there a keyhole?
MutantTailThing@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 28d
‘What makes you think I loved you to begin with?’
MrOtingocni@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 27d
That's not the face I'd make.
It would be a face of mild amusement and care as I pulled her into my arms to tell her:
"Yes, baby, I'd love you even if you were a doorknob. You'd be the most beautiful doorknob in the world to me. I'd even have to hire a butler to open all the doors in front of me because you would be the only doorknob I'd ever want to hold in my hand."
Because at the end of the day, coming home to reassure the person you love is a simple and gracious act and is worth every hour of any 14 hour shift.
LittleBorat3@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 26d
You would also polish the door knob every day...
SethTaylor@lemmy.world · -2 pts · 27d
Lame. Next.
MrOtingocni@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 27d
Nah, sappy yes, but I only laid it on thick in response to the OP who been spamming misogynistic boomer jokes.
Bro oughta take that shit somewhere else.
hypeerror@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 28d
It's cool, the doorknob can still peg you if you're motivated.
HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 27d
If it's one of those handle type door knobs you're in for a wild ride 💦💦💦.
tacosanonymous@mander.xyz · 7 pts · 28d
No. What kind of sick fuck loves a doorknob?
Mad at me for a week. Tells every friend and family member that I don’t love her unconditionally for the rest of our lives. Brings it up at my funeral…
mushroomman_toad@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 27d
When has this ever happened to anyone?
Flower@sh.itjust.works · 32 pts · 27d
Coming home after a long day only to deal with your partner's emotional insecurities that have built up over the day and morphed in sometimes weird forms? Enough times.
village604@adultswim.fan · 6 pts · 27d
It's a daily thing for me, but I knew about her anxiety when I married her.
SlurpingPus@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 27d
“Women ask crazy questions”
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de · 1 pts · 26d
Depending on your interpretation it literally happened to me. Long Covid has me tied to my bed 24/7. I have even less to contribute to my family than a door knob. But my wife still loves me.
AlfalFaFail@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 28d
"Ha ha ha... That's a really interesting question because you, as things currently stand, are definitely not a doorknob?"
kepix@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 26d
my gf asked what would happen if she woulbecome sone dune worm monster instead. im like "the physical attraction would probably go away, but i would keep in touch cause that would be so rad". she looked at me, and kinda wanted to laugh and be mad at me, but instead she let it go 😅
ayyy@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 27d
Wife bad
Grainne@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 28d
Haha women am I right?
I’ve got one, “When you’re back home after a 24 hour nursing shift and your bf hits you”
empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 28d
lay off the salvia girl
hash@slrpnk.net · 4 pts · 28d
Throwback to a totally unqualified health class sub telling a bunch of preteens:
"You know why they call some girls dooknobs? Cause everybody gets a turn."
HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 27d
Well that's really fucked up
Objection@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 27d
"If you were a doorknob, I'd start drinking heavily... so that way we can get turnt together."
LuxSpark@lemmy.cafe · 2 pts · 28d
This question is less hypothetical than you think.
ApeNo1@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 28d
“So what you are saying is any Tom,Dick, or Harry that comes to the door gets a turn?”
DudleyMason@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 28d
That's why you don't date nurses...
/S
Kenny2999@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 28d
Well, at least I could unscrew a doorknob