Your situation might be truly rough. Not being allowed to experiment, and express whatever it is that brings you joy, is an undoubtedly painful situation.
My read on your situation, is just that you're in a learned-helplessness state, and also kinda depressed, that's why you can't find it in you to seek what you might want.
The first stages of transition, whether you're going full Trans Woman, or just trying to find your gender, are rough, and they require effort, and energy, and trial and error, even on the best of days.
I think your body knows that, and is telling you to rest, and build up your energy, because it sounds like you're not living the best of days.
And that's ok.
I'd say, you don't have to worry about whether you're trans. Not because "You just are", but because "You're allowed to be something complicated", and you don't have to answer that right now.
Now is the time to take care of yourself.
Since you mentioned the NHS, if I'm not wrong, you're in England, so I'm going to ask someone I know about a trans health clinic over there, which might be able to help you. If you tell me some info about where you are (in DM if you want, which city for example) I can ask what support might exist in your area.
Honestly, speaking from experience, it's ok to be depressed when things are objectively Shit.
It's ok not to know, when you don't have the opportunity to find out.
It's truly going to be ok, it's just going to take some time and thought and effort, for you to understand the things that are going on, and work on them.
It does sound like you're already very aware of your pain and joy, so I believe you've got the most difficult part behind you ❤️
I hope you're well, and trust me, and the rest of the people that are going to be writing and helping: You're a wonderful person, and you're going to create a life worth living ❤️
What do you think happens to all the Tourist Money we slave away for, during our legal standard 6-day 9-hour jobs, with occasional legal 13-hour shifts? (No, don't worry about what employers demand illegally lol)
Israeli pockets, of course!
Never mind the literally collapsing Hospitals and Education system.
It's not computers, it's the latest drama here in the Fediverse.
Big frontend called Tessarect did a sneaky.
They made a hidden shadow-ban list of instances, users, and phrases, keeping it secret from users and admins by not including it in the open source code and instead loading it at runtime, and added in there all non-centrist (instances, users, and phrases) they could think of. They also lied about it, by claiming it to be a technical issue, when any user looked for the banned instances from the front-end, instead of calling it what it is, a targeted exclusion.
Essentially, hidden censorship, and sliminess.
To the degree that some people, (like OP here), have taken it as a badge of honor, that they are among the ones banned by name, in that list.
And some other people, are definitely not jealous.
Not gonna lie, if you read the article (other orcas wearing sunfish as a hat, others cooperating to raise one above the surface and keep it there while alive, for shits and giggles), that's not the ocean that is terrifying, Orcas are hella human-like, I'd say
Hmm, yeah, you and I see very very different things in the show.
For me, Gummygoo was one of the pylons, that made the show what it is.
Even just functionally for the plot, his death(murder) fucked Pomni up, being one of the most important parts (and triggers) of her character growth, leading to everything else that Pomni made happen in the show. (It also gave characterization for Cain, but that's just characterization, not plot, so yeah)
But I guess each person sees and cares about different parts of an art work.
I see how you could read a version of this post that wasn't mean spirited, as you describe.
But this specific post, doesn't do that good-will commentary that you describe.
They're not pet-baby-anarchists, they're pet anarchists.
The examples it's using, are not the real problems one has, when first starting to get out of authoritarianism (inner cops we all have in us), they're fucking production problems, which are
trivially
easy to answer
and reconstruct in good faith, it just takes time to explain, because we live in nested systems of violence, and have been bullied to think that that's reality.
This post relies on you assuming:
decentralized production is stupid,
in order to, by extension, say that
anarchists are stupid.
In this way, anyone who has suspicions about one of the two maybe being true, can be convinced that both are true.
Sorry, but in the interest of being brief, I'd say you're being victim-blamey. I bet your intentions are good, but we're taught to think in this toxic way:
"If all anarchists had good takes, {others wouldn't attack them}."
"If baby anarchists never spoke until fully fledged, [we wouldn't have this problem]."
"If she didn't buy a taser and get self defense training, <she shouldn't dress like that>."
Yeah, no. When someone attacks, keep your attention on the attacker.
Btw it's not the same color as the background, it's transparent. My background is 'Material You' (thank you Jerboa <3) and it still works, even if it's an unusual color
Your complaints are confusing.
Nah, as if Elon Musk could ever accept a female child.
He literally paid for every single one, to not get a daughter, and the one daughter he got, got disowned.
(By "you" you might mean kaseki, not me, I'm not the OP of the post she commented on, but the emotion is appreciated <3)
First of all, it's going to be ok.
Your situation might be truly rough. Not being allowed to experiment, and express whatever it is that brings you joy, is an undoubtedly painful situation.
My read on your situation, is just that you're in a learned-helplessness state, and also kinda depressed, that's why you can't find it in you to seek what you might want.
The first stages of transition, whether you're going full Trans Woman, or just trying to find your gender, are rough, and they require effort, and energy, and trial and error, even on the best of days.
I think your body knows that, and is telling you to rest, and build up your energy, because it sounds like you're not living the best of days.
And that's ok.
I'd say, you don't have to worry about whether you're trans. Not because "You just are", but because "You're allowed to be something complicated", and you don't have to answer that right now.
Now is the time to take care of yourself.
Since you mentioned the NHS, if I'm not wrong, you're in England, so I'm going to ask someone I know about a trans health clinic over there, which might be able to help you. If you tell me some info about where you are (in DM if you want, which city for example) I can ask what support might exist in your area.
Honestly, speaking from experience, it's ok to be depressed when things are objectively Shit.
It's ok not to know, when you don't have the opportunity to find out.
It's truly going to be ok, it's just going to take some time and thought and effort, for you to understand the things that are going on, and work on them.
It does sound like you're already very aware of your pain and joy, so I believe you've got the most difficult part behind you ❤️
I hope you're well, and trust me, and the rest of the people that are going to be writing and helping: You're a wonderful person, and you're going to create a life worth living ❤️
What do you think happens to all the Tourist Money we slave away for, during our legal standard 6-day 9-hour jobs, with occasional legal 13-hour shifts? (No, don't worry about what employers demand illegally lol)
Israeli pockets, of course!
Never mind the literally collapsing Hospitals and Education system.
Huh, haven't heard about that drama, what happened?
It's not computers, it's the latest drama here in the Fediverse.
Big frontend called Tessarect did a sneaky.
They made a hidden shadow-ban list of instances, users, and phrases, keeping it secret from users and admins by not including it in the open source code and instead loading it at runtime, and added in there all non-centrist (instances, users, and phrases) they could think of. They also lied about it, by claiming it to be a technical issue, when any user looked for the banned instances from the front-end, instead of calling it what it is, a targeted exclusion.
Essentially, hidden censorship, and sliminess.
To the degree that some people, (like OP here), have taken it as a badge of honor, that they are among the ones banned by name, in that list.
And some other people, are definitely not jealous.
Omfg stop showing off! I'm getting jealous, I'm almost certainly not in there, and I'm feeling left out!
(/j)
Not gonna lie, if you read the article (other orcas wearing sunfish as a hat, others cooperating to raise one above the surface and keep it there while alive, for shits and giggles), that's not the ocean that is terrifying, Orcas are hella human-like, I'd say
Hmm, yeah, you and I see very very different things in the show.
For me, Gummygoo was one of the pylons, that made the show what it is.
Even just functionally for the plot, his death(murder) fucked Pomni up, being one of the most important parts (and triggers) of her character growth, leading to everything else that Pomni made happen in the show. (It also gave characterization for Cain, but that's just characterization, not plot, so yeah)
But I guess each person sees and cares about different parts of an art work.
Is part of your take,
Can you explain your thoughts on this?
And a
::: spoiler picture
:::
for those curious what those mean.
Wow, this is legitimately fucking metal. Yeah, I do hope that, damn, that's cool AF
I see how you could read a version of this post that wasn't mean spirited, as you describe.
But this specific post, doesn't do that good-will commentary that you describe.
They're not pet-baby-anarchists, they're pet anarchists.
The examples it's using, are not the real problems one has, when first starting to get out of authoritarianism (inner cops we all have in us), they're fucking production problems, which are
trivially
easy to answer and reconstruct in good faith, it just takes time to explain, because we live in nested systems of violence, and have been bullied to think that that's reality.
This post relies on you assuming:
in order to, by extension, say that
In this way, anyone who has suspicions about one of the two maybe being true, can be convinced that both are true.
Textbook fascistic propaganda methods, literally out of Nazi Minister of Propaganda's playbook.
Sorry, but in the interest of being brief, I'd say you're being victim-blamey. I bet your intentions are good, but we're taught to think in this toxic way:
"If all anarchists had good takes, {others wouldn't attack them}."
"If baby anarchists never spoke until fully fledged, [we wouldn't have this problem]."
"If she didn't buy a taser and get self defense training, <she shouldn't dress like that>."
Yeah, no. When someone attacks, keep your attention on the attacker.
Not gonna lie, this feels disingenuous.
It's just political bait disguised as a "meme".
It doesn't even contain any good discourse about anarchism, just tired tropes of infantilisation.
Eh, why even post this?
Wow. Smart joke structure, but mean.
Oooh, yes please, I also wanna know
There's plenty good images for this meme, I believe in you!
Btw it's not the same color as the background, it's transparent. My background is 'Material You' (thank you Jerboa <3) and it still works, even if it's an unusual color