24White House Announces United States Will No Longer Engage in War, Only Hostile Takeovers disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 1d · 1 comments
3But Then I Jerked Off: An Ode to America disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 2d · 2 comments
100GTA VI Preorders Reportedly Sluggish as Players Realize Reality Has Already Beaten Rockstar to the Joke disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 4d · 21 comments
27Trump Spends an Unscheduled Morning Wandering His Golf Course, Shirtless disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 5d · 0 comments
73TikTok Influencers Launch New Fast-Food Trend Where You Eat the Wrapper Too disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 5d · 22 comments
16Entire Universe Exists for Ten People Who Rarely Leave Town disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 10d · 1 comments
50Humanity Celebrates Major Advances in Robots That Will Eventually Kill Us disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 10d · 11 comments
136FCC Declares Internet “Fast Enough,” Cancels Remaining Technological Progress disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 15d · 29 comments
22Jimmy Fallon Reveals Three-Day Fast Required to Survive Melania-McConnell Joke disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 17d · 0 comments
68Military Unveils Nanobots Powered Entirely by Your Screams disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 17d · 6 comments
36Trump Orders Navy to Go Full STEAM Ahead, Including Submarines disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 22d · 6 comments
208ICE to Deploy Jetpacks, Hoverboards in Bold New Strategy of Never Having to Do Cardio disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 23d · 8 comments
28ICE Electric-Shock Gloves Face Unexpected Misuse Problem disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 23d · 5 comments
155Texas Instruments Adds Gold Jesus Button to Calculators disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 29d · 25 comments
90GOP votes diddling your kids is A-OK! disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 32d · 6 comments
19China Announces Entire Planet Now Subject to Chinese Law disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 32d · 15 comments
9China Announces Temporary Plan to Wrap Earth in Giant Sun-Blocking Device disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 42d · 8 comments
56Trump Caught Allegedly Selling Iran the Nukes He Says Justify War disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 42d · 3 comments
71Waymo Declares Itself 99.99% Crash-Free If You Only Count Human Drivers disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 42d · 2 comments
34LinkedIn Sashes Become America's Hottest Fashion Trend disreport.comc/theonion · by Dispassionate@quokk.au · 53d · 2 comments
on But Then I Jerked Off: An Ode to America · c/theonion · 1 pts · 1dsmall-violin-playing.gif We can make a band.
on GTA VI Preorders Reportedly Sluggish as Players Realize Reality Has Already Beaten Rockstar to the Joke · c/theonion · 2 pts · 1dThat gritty taste in your mouth is from sinking your teen into a steaming pile of satire ;)
on Researchers develop precise new method to analyze secretions from individual salmon lice · c/ecosocial · 2 pts · 1dIt’s about fucking time.
on Japan to lower residential road speed limit from 60 to 30 kph · c/fuckcars · 1 pts · 2dAre you getting my direct messages?
on GTA VI Preorders Reportedly Sluggish as Players Realize Reality Has Already Beaten Rockstar to the Joke · c/theonion · 1 pts · 2dYou know this is a satire community. There’s…. Nothing to trust. 🥹
on GTA VI Preorders Reportedly Sluggish as Players Realize Reality Has Already Beaten Rockstar to the Joke · c/theonion · 1 pts · 3dDoes this title say what the article is about?
on GTA VI Preorders Reportedly Sluggish as Players Realize Reality Has Already Beaten Rockstar to the Joke · c/theonion · 3 pts · 4dGlad to see you’re loving our work!
on GTA VI Preorders Reportedly Sluggish as Players Realize Reality Has Already Beaten Rockstar to the Joke · c/theonion · 3 pts · 4dDid you read the entire article or just the title?
on TikTok Influencers Launch New Fast-Food Trend Where You Eat the Wrapper Too · c/theonion · 2 pts · 5dNom nom nom
on TikTok Influencers Launch New Fast-Food Trend Where You Eat the Wrapper Too · c/theonion · 3 pts · 5dDid it taste like paper and dissatisfaction?
on Florida ‘Deputy of the Year’ Used Flock to Stalk Ex, Held Gun in Her Mouth, Did a Nazi Salute · c/usa · 4 pts · 7dStandard police officer.
on Texas Has Suspended More Than 1 Million Voters Ahead of Senate Race · c/texas · 11 pts · 7d“No, you’re wrong, there will be an election in November and it will be a blue wave” Is what everyone told be before I left the United States.
on OpenAI and Anthropic are ruining San Francisco · c/fuck_ai · 11 pts · 7dGoogle ruined it decades ago. Fuck off.
on FCC Declares Internet “Fast Enough,” Cancels Remaining Technological Progress · c/theonion · -1 pts · 15dYou could just click the link. There is no tracking, or ads.
on FCC Declares Internet “Fast Enough,” Cancels Remaining Technological Progress · c/theonion · 2 pts · 15dDid you read the article text?
on FCC Declares Internet “Fast Enough,” Cancels Remaining Technological Progress · c/theonion · 1 pts · 15dIf we reduce everyone to 56k modem speeds, then rural areas will become faster by comparison.
on FCC Declares Internet “Fast Enough,” Cancels Remaining Technological Progress · c/theonion · -27 pts · 15dShocker. Perhaps reading the article would provide you with more entertainment. If you still don’t like it, we suggest you block this account so you won’t be disappointed again. That’s what we intend to do with your account after this message.
on FCC Declares Internet “Fast Enough,” Cancels Remaining Technological Progress · c/theonion · -15 pts · 15dDid you read the article?
on Military Unveils Nanobots Powered Entirely by Your Screams · c/theonion · 3 pts · 17dLife imitates art imitates life?
small-violin-playing.gif
We can make a band.
That gritty taste in your mouth is from sinking your teen into a steaming pile of satire ;)
It’s about fucking time.
Are you getting my direct messages?
You know this is a satire community. There’s…. Nothing to trust. 🥹
Does this title say what the article is about?
Glad to see you’re loving our work!
Did you read the entire article or just the title?
Nom nom nom
Did it taste like paper and dissatisfaction?
Standard police officer.
Nothing good will happen
“No, you’re wrong, there will be an election in November and it will be a blue wave”
Is what everyone told be before I left the United States.
Google ruined it decades ago. Fuck off.
You could just click the link. There is no tracking, or ads.
Did you read the article text?
If we reduce everyone to 56k modem speeds, then rural areas will become faster by comparison.
Shocker. Perhaps reading the article would provide you with more entertainment.
If you still don’t like it, we suggest you block this account so you won’t be disappointed again.
That’s what we intend to do with your account after this message.
Did you read the article?
Life imitates art imitates life?