Wallace Shawn Emerges As Frontrunner To Replace Daniel Craig As James Bond

https://www.theonion.com/wallace-shawn-emerges-as-frontrunner-to-replace-daniel-1828580876

600 points · 72 comments · view on lemmy.world

72 Comments

Digital_man@lemmy.one · 121 pts · 2y (7 replies)

I'd watch the ever loving fuck out of this.

AFaithfulNihilist@lemmy.world · 42 pts · 2y (3 replies)

It's a 2-hour long dialogue between Bond (played by Wallace Shawn) and a villainous billionaire media mogul Fryston Gallibre (played by Peter Capaldi) who is trying to collapse western democracy through ever more bland homogenized remakes of beloved franchises.

In the end, Fryston realizes that Bond has never seen any of these movies or shows and isn't really a fanboy of anything so he is immune to this assault on culture. Bond actually leaves confused and when trying to explain the whole thing back at the office he stops mid-sentence and asks the widowed Mrs. Money Penny (Judi Dench) If she'd like to go see a movie together, "apparently they're quite popular!"

Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 2y

My Dinner with Bond.

tsonfeir@lemm.ee · 5 pts · 2y

Can’t wait for those action figures.

S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 2y

Buddy.you dream too much... Keep at it!

Dkarma@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 2y

I was gonna say same. Give him all kinds of crazy gadgets but make him super serious.

CoggyMcFee@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 2y

“But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the martini in front of me.”

gonesnake@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y

Jaymth Bond!

MargotRobbie@lemm.ee · 109 pts · 2y (16 replies)

You know this is an Onion article because the real frontrunner for the role of James Bond is going to be, like every other role, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.

person@lemm.ee · 19 pts · 2y (5 replies)
[ removed ]
cmbabul@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2y (3 replies)

Maybe they just ain’t your thing but Casino Royale is really fucking good

atomicorange@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y (1 reply)

Is Margot Robbie in it?

Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 2y

No but it has Eva green…

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y

So was From Russia With Love. You can skip the rest, though.

MargotRobbie@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 2y

The people have spoken, so give the people what they want.

figaro@lemdro.id · 12 pts · 2y (1 reply)

You know at first I thought this account was a joke, but it's been months and it's still going on. Honestly I'm convinced

Hadriscus@lemm.ee · 5 pts · 2y

it's really her !

Ulvain@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 2y

Seriously though, there's a potentially great reboot opportunity there..

It would have to be very intelligently written to avoid the "reboot with women protagonist" clichés/pitfalls, the fact that 007 is a woman would have to strike just the right tone.. misogyny would probably need to be faced with a good dose of "ok boomer" smirking, it would absolutely have to pass the Bechdel test..

But yea, that would be the first James Bond I'd go see in 2 decades, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.

ProfessorProteus@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2y (2 replies)

See, I was gonna say Chris Pratt. He seems to be everywhere recently...

Coelacanth@feddit.nu · 12 pts · 2y (1 reply)

It's-a me, James Bond.

ProfessorProteus@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y

It's-a Bond. James-a Bond.

RedditWanderer@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y (1 reply)

Margopratt Reynolds.

cmbabul@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y

Lose the Pratt and I’m in

SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social · 4 pts · 2y

And, if the villain were played by esteemed character actress Margot Martindale...

It'll never happen, because they'd just have to pack up the Academy of Motion Pictures and go home, because it'd be all downhill after that film.

brbposting@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 2y

💁‍♀️💁‍♀️7️⃣

Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works · 93 pts · 2y

You Fell Victim to One of the Classic Blunders

JoMomma@lemm.ee · 71 pts · 2y (1 reply)

Inconceivable!

Illuminostro@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2y
[ removed ]
samus12345@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 2y

Rule of Acquisition 300: If you've got it, flaunt it.

Kolanaki@yiffit.net · 30 pts · 2y

Inconceivable!

originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com · 23 pts · 2y (1 reply)

After seeing his performance in My Dinner with Andre (1981), casting director Janet Hirshenson was so fond of his delivery of the word "inconceivable" that she cast him as Vizzini in The Princess Bride (1987).

dude got the job because of that line. no wonder its iconic

fidodo@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y

That movie is also why she cast André the Giant as his sidekick after falling victim to one of the classic blunders.

nobleshift@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 2y
[ removed ]
PlasticExistence@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 2y (3 replies)

Inconvenience

Ashyr@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 2y (2 replies)

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

PlasticExistence@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2y (1 reply)

Inconsolable?

pdxfed@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y

A quantum of inconsolable!

turkishdelight@lemmy.ml · 17 pts · 2y

inconceivable!

Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com · 17 pts · 2y (5 replies)

The ultimate spy is the one you'd never expect.

MargotRobbie@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 2y (2 replies)

No one would expect a person who announces their full name everywhere they go to be a spy!

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y (1 reply)

So I clearly can't choose the wine in front of me!

MargotRobbie@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y

However, iocaine, like esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress and fugitive from the law Margot Robbie, comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

PhAzE@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 2y (1 reply)

007: The Spy You Didn't Expect

Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com · 8 pts · 2y

007 The Inconceivable Agent

morphballganon@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 2y (6 replies)

I could see him playing Q

The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 2y (5 replies)

I've been looking at too many Trek memes, because my mind immediately pictured the wrong Q character.

But also yes.

grue@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2y

Who says they aren't the same character?

cmbabul@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y

I thought the same, but he would actually be great in both roles

TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 2y (2 replies)

wait, what other Q is there? I feel like he'd be excellent at playing the Q who ducks with Picard

morphballganon@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y

Sounds like you haven't seen Tomorrow Never Dies. There's a hilarious scene between Pierce Brosnan and Desmond Llewelyn about a remote control car...

The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y

Well there's Star Trek Q, and then there's the Q that gives James Bond gadgets that are so unbelievable that could very well have been made by a Q-continuum being who's impersonating an old British man...

iamjackflack@lemm.ee · 11 pts · 2y

Yes please!

runeko@programming.dev · 11 pts · 2y

Oh, and we could have an X-men crossover with Danny DiVito as Wolverine.

mellowheat@suppo.fi · 10 pts · 2y (2 replies)

c/nottheonion, surely?

The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y

Maybe they're testing the waters as a joke first.

...unless?

grue@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y

If it were a couple decades ago I would've believed it, but Wallace Shawn is literally 80 years old.

AngryishHumanoid@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 2y

He's got my vote.

StrongHorseWeakNeigh@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2y
[ removed ]
BroBot9000@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2y (13 replies)

I would so watch a good parody bond film but Hollywood would never make this.

A creative casting for a roll of a traditionally beautiful person.

Do you know how many watch ads and car commercials they would miss out on.

No, the next bond will be filmed like the latest marvel garbage. So evenly lit that you’d think it was a commercial with how clean it looks.

The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 2y (6 replies)

a good parody bond film

Hey, at least we have Austin Powers!

BroBot9000@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2y

Oh gosh. Freaking classics.

Imagine if they made those today. Like not another remake or sequel but like actually made them nowadays. Or Wayne’s World?

I just don’t see it happening without it falling completely flat due to executives being tone deaf shills.

That whole part about mocking the paid ads would just be a paid advertising segment.

AngryishHumanoid@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2y

Austin Powers was such a successful parody it's the REASON they rebooted the Bondiverse with Daniel Craig as a more grounded Bond, and IMO .

Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y (3 replies)

I forget the name of it, but didn't Steve Carell also play a parody of a spy?

The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y (2 replies)

Oh yeah, it was a remake of something, if I remember right. I know I saw it, but I don't remember thinking it was very good.

MrPlow@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y

Get Smart

Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y

It was Get Smart, a remake of a Mel Brooks TV series from the 60s.

Also, this is the moment that I realized we're closer to the 2060s than the 1960s.

themeatbridge@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 2y (5 replies)

I would so watch a good parody bond film but Hollywood would never make this.

You mean like Get Smart, or Johnny English, or Top Secret, or the David Niven Casino Royale, or Spy, or Spy Hard, or The Man Who Knew Too Little, or True Lies, or Leonard Part 6, or I Spy, or Spies Like Us, or Spy Dad, or The Spy Next Door, or The Spy Who Dumped Me, or The Brothers Grimsby, or S*P*Y*S, or Code Name: The Cleaner, or Austin Powers?

Hollywood fucking loves making parody James Bond films, and some of them are occasionally good.

BroBot9000@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y (4 replies)

Yeah they sure like to beat dead horses.

Austin Power, Johnny English and Get Smart would fall under good enough to watch.

The rest is studio executives wanting some of that cake.

SmoothLiquidation@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y (3 replies)

Top Secret is Val Kilmer’s best film. Fight me.

BroBot9000@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y (2 replies)

It’s Tombstone and you know it!

SmoothLiquidation@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y (1 reply)

Tombstone would be better with more skeet surfing.

jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org · 1 pts · 2y
[ removed ]
Fester@lemm.ee · 6 pts · 2y

Ok but can he play Bond AND Batman? If not I’d rather he take Batman because the franchise needs to finally be perfected.

qevlarr@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y

Wallace Shawn is based

https://youtu.be/JvhPP6zHnsw

Son_of_dad@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y (2 replies)

I dunno what happens to actors when they play James Bond, but they tend to physically fall apart afterwards. Daniel Craig somehow looks like he's 80 now

GoodEye8@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 2y

Someone already mentioned Craig so I'm going over the rest.

  • Brosnan was 48? during his last Bond movie and I think he looked good in The November Man, which was 10 years after his last Bond movie. He's 70 now so obviously he looks like shit now.
  • Dalton looked great in Hot Fuzz and that was almost 20 years after his Bond movies. Dalton is nearing 80 so he also obviously looks like shit now.
  • Moore, if I did my math right, was almost 60 when he Bond career ended. I have no idea what he did after Bond but when you stop being Bond at his age it shouldn't come as a surprise if you physically fall off.
  • And then we have Connery who had a long career after Bond.

I'd say it's been mostly Craig who has "fallen apart" but I also think he bulked up for Bond and it took a toll because he pushed beyond his natural physique (he was much leaner before Bond).

CitizenKong@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y

Casino Royale was 17 years ago and he was already almost 40 then.

TerraNova@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 2y
[ removed ]
ReputedlyDeplorable@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
[ removed ]