Bro’s got a baseball bat and an image analyzer from a NOAA satellite, and all he had to do was buy a package of dates from the grocery and take a pic of one.
Eating beans seems terribly inefficient though. Eating the 30g of beans in a cup of coffee or a shot of espresso for example would be quite the snack. Water extraction of caffeine is highly efficient so you aren't leaving a lot behind from coffee / espresso either.
Have you tried Guarana pills or slow release caffeine pills? No data, but I've found Guarana to be a less jolty longer lasting than most forms of caffeine
I think you can eat the seeds and it is apparently possible to home grow guauranna (I doubt that it's particularly easy to grow though). Keep it away from pets.
To start off, put the gummi worms in a shaker, shake, collect the sour dust, snort.
Next, add the whiskey to the shaker, set aside
Dunk the bread in the McNuggies sauce, sprinkle on cocaine to taste.
Add weed, thin crackers and coffee beans to grinder, grind thoroughly. Take the brie and your ground up spices, work them into each other as if you were making meatballs.
Eat this raw.
Ok, now vomit into the condoms.
Now that the appetizer is done with, grab handfulls of the other cheeses, salami, prosciutto and McNuggies, and just stuff it into your face as if you were eating popcorn.
Now that you've been thoroughly fucked by this culinary experience, finish it off with the drink you set aside earlier, which should hopefully be a lovely semi congealed glass of gummi whiskey.
Unfortunately my default joke state is basically dad jokes and puns, but my life has been so utterly absurd that I can basically just reference some insane nonsense that's happened to me in the past somewhat indirectly, and most people just think I'm creatively making a joke.
In seriousness, I have found that more conventional charcuterie boards are a pretty cost effective, while also decently fancy first kind of at someone's place date, if presented well.
I've done this multiple times and it has worked every time, and almost every time I'll be told this is extremely adorable and no one has ever done this for them...
...Then I find out, a year or two or three into the relationship, oh god, this person I love is extremely abusive, takes me for granted, and is astoundingly irresponsible.
So I guess just hand me both of those whiskeys, neat, please.
I’m a different person than who you replied to, and it’s the internet so I have no way of really telling, but yo you sound charming and fun. Also I’m sorry you had to go through that… I hope you find someone who isn’t an abuser and doesn’t suck, if you haven’t already. I’ll have a couple whiskies with ya.
Ah, then I’ll have a La Croix with ya, or a NA bitters and tonic or whatnot. I do not come from a lineage of alcoholics, but since COVID my partner and I have been drinking too much, all of the time. It’s definitely something we need to fix! Two shots of whiskey like in the pic would give me a slight buzz. It’s the exactly opposite of weed for me—one small hit and I’m overthinking all of my flaws for the next couple hours.
Yeah they got McDonald's chicken nuggets. Like dude, go get some Wendy's. You've got nose spice so I know you understand how to be classy - now get your shit together.
Wendy's chicken nuggets are vile, too. Chicken tenders are the only thing good. And Wendy's doesn't serve them anymore. Neither does McDonald's. So... KFC wins.
They are unwrapped and sitting pretty close to some meat and cheese. Feels like that's just asking for disrupting vaginal health balance. Plus I'd be suspicious of holes poked in the condoms. Unwrapping them is such a weird thing to do.
Good to have backup in case you get precum on the outside or for when you want to switch between penetration and other stuff (if youre unsure about STDs it's better to use one for oral too though)
92 Comments
DavidGarcia@feddit.nl · 66 pts · 2y
you dip the chicken nuggets in whiskey and then roll them in cocaine for a nice speedy schnitzel
tfw_no_toiletpaper@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 2y
That is going to taste so bitter, my tongue just dried up from thinking of it
nickwitha_k@lemmy.sdf.org · 8 pts · 2y
That's why there's bbq sauce.
Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz · 56 pts · 2y
Where are the dates?
HeartyOfGlass@lemm.ee · 12 pts · 2y
Probably wondering why their date is taking a picture of the charcuterie board.
CaptainBlagbird@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2y
Woosh
don@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 2y
Bro’s got a baseball bat and an image analyzer from a NOAA satellite, and all he had to do was buy a package of dates from the grocery and take a pic of one.
WhatIsThePointAnyway@lemmy.world · 45 pts · 2y
The straight whole coffee beans. 🤣
Droggelbecher@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 2y
Ngl I've munched coffee beans before. There's chocolate covered whole coffee beans, so why not eat them without the chocolate too?
Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee · 25 pts · 2y
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 2y
Is there a name for this problem? I'm imagining you sitting with a bowl of beans looking miserable, shaking your head and muttering, "damn beans"
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee · 11 pts · 2y
End stage caffeine addiction. A terrible illness
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y
4th stage is where it’s at
Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 2y
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 2y
Eating beans seems terribly inefficient though. Eating the 30g of beans in a cup of coffee or a shot of espresso for example would be quite the snack. Water extraction of caffeine is highly efficient so you aren't leaving a lot behind from coffee / espresso either.
Have you tried Guarana pills or slow release caffeine pills? No data, but I've found Guarana to be a less jolty longer lasting than most forms of caffeine
Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 2y
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2y
I think you can eat the seeds and it is apparently possible to home grow guauranna (I doubt that it's particularly easy to grow though). Keep it away from pets.
LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
Anemia, pica
Eufalconimorph@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 2y
Aah, like salmiakki (salty licorice). Tastes terrible, but I just can't stop eating them.
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y
Wtf salmiakki tastes great you heathen
Eufalconimorph@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 2y
It tastes like death and I love it.
Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 2y
Eufalconimorph@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 2y
It's often used as the name for ammonium chloride on black licorice. The ammonium chloride also makes a great soldering iron tip cleaner!
Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 2y
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 2y
They're alright actually
ieightpi@lemmy.world · 44 pts · 2y
Condom lube on my cheese board doesn't sound appetizing
waterSticksToMyBalls@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 2y
It's flavored
Master@lemm.ee · 14 pts · 2y
Its cheese flavored.
irreticent@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y
ChillPenguin@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
Well in that case...
Jakdracula@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
These ribbed condoms don’t taste anything like ribs!
don@lemm.ee · 42 pts · 2y
All that and not a single date to be found in the photo. Has bro never been to a grocery store?
Nobody@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 2y
Add a gun and some bullets and call it the Hunter S. Thompson Special.
CptEnder@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
Wake up. First Chival Royale of the day.
gmtom@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y
6am, in the hottub with champagne
SOB_Van_Owen@lemm.ee · 5 pts · 2y
Needs more grapefruit.
muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee · 27 pts · 2y
What order is this meant to be in?
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip · 41 pts · 2y
To start off, put the gummi worms in a shaker, shake, collect the sour dust, snort.
Next, add the whiskey to the shaker, set aside
Dunk the bread in the McNuggies sauce, sprinkle on cocaine to taste.
Add weed, thin crackers and coffee beans to grinder, grind thoroughly. Take the brie and your ground up spices, work them into each other as if you were making meatballs.
Eat this raw.
Ok, now vomit into the condoms.
Now that the appetizer is done with, grab handfulls of the other cheeses, salami, prosciutto and McNuggies, and just stuff it into your face as if you were eating popcorn.
Now that you've been thoroughly fucked by this culinary experience, finish it off with the drink you set aside earlier, which should hopefully be a lovely semi congealed glass of gummi whiskey.
MalReynolds@slrpnk.net · 10 pts · 2y
Awful, would laugh at you on a date. Better than most.
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 2y
Hey, I'll take it haha!
Unfortunately my default joke state is basically dad jokes and puns, but my life has been so utterly absurd that I can basically just reference some insane nonsense that's happened to me in the past somewhat indirectly, and most people just think I'm creatively making a joke.
In seriousness, I have found that more conventional charcuterie boards are a pretty cost effective, while also decently fancy first kind of at someone's place date, if presented well.
I've done this multiple times and it has worked every time, and almost every time I'll be told this is extremely adorable and no one has ever done this for them...
...Then I find out, a year or two or three into the relationship, oh god, this person I love is extremely abusive, takes me for granted, and is astoundingly irresponsible.
So I guess just hand me both of those whiskeys, neat, please.
Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 2y
I’m a different person than who you replied to, and it’s the internet so I have no way of really telling, but yo you sound charming and fun. Also I’m sorry you had to go through that… I hope you find someone who isn’t an abuser and doesn’t suck, if you haven’t already. I’ll have a couple whiskies with ya.
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 2y
I appreciate the sentiment, very truly.
Hah, my entire patriarchal lineage is massive alcoholics, so I actually drink alcohol very rarely, maybe a few times a year.
I have managed to never get addicted to the stuff or become abusive from it, I'm basically just an absurdly lightweight drinker.
Two whiskeys like in this pic in a row and I'd be stumbling. Two more soon after and I'd be slurring and stumbling.
Or, the optimistic take on that is I can get a double shot of bourbon and nurse it for 4 to 6 hours and be enjoyable buzzed the whole time haha.
Maybe someday I'll find somebody, but right now I'm quite happy single.
Maybe a few years go by and I'll try again haha.
Either way, cheers mate, probst, etc.
Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 2y
Ah, then I’ll have a La Croix with ya, or a NA bitters and tonic or whatnot. I do not come from a lineage of alcoholics, but since COVID my partner and I have been drinking too much, all of the time. It’s definitely something we need to fix! Two shots of whiskey like in the pic would give me a slight buzz. It’s the exactly opposite of weed for me—one small hit and I’m overthinking all of my flaws for the next couple hours.
Much love tho.
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 2y
<3
nifty@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 2y
Well after you do the drugs, it doesn’t really matter
CluckN@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
I’d say clockwise but I’m not sure how well weed/coke mix.
Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 2y
I’m not into weed anymore (I wish I still was, but it gives me anxiety) but they mix perfectly fine!
…it’s funny that it’s the WEED that gives me anxiety.
johannesvanderwhales@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y
When I was a youth they called that "coco puffs"
quicksand@lemm.ee · 1 pts · 2y
My youthful crew was aware of the term "snow caps"
Deceptichum@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 2y
Western.
Etterra@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 2y
Yeah they got McDonald's chicken nuggets. Like dude, go get some Wendy's. You've got nose spice so I know you understand how to be classy - now get your shit together.
Technological_Elite@lemmy.one · 13 pts · 2y
Found Wendy's Lemmy account
ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee · 7 pts · 2y
Yeah for fucks sake nothing wrong with McNuggets.
Sigh_Bafanada@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
Except the price
Kolanaki@yiffit.net · 4 pts · 2y
And the taste when compared to Wendy's.
Censored@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
Wendy's chicken nuggets are vile, too. Chicken tenders are the only thing good. And Wendy's doesn't serve them anymore. Neither does McDonald's. So... KFC wins.
Censored@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
And the taste.
Kolanaki@yiffit.net · 21 pts · 2y
This charcuterie board fucks.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 2y
That's a fucking party right there
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 2y
WHERE are the motherfucking CHEESE BALLS?!
irreticent@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2y
Censored@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y
I can't wait to put your Sweady balls in my mouth.
Gakomi@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 2y
Frist of all, why are there condoms in the food second why are there 3 of them?
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 2y
One for the shaft and one for each testicle
wreel@lemmy.sdf.org · 5 pts · 2y
Duh .. we all learned this in sex ed
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y
Exactly. My balls secrete sperm like a maple tree. Don't yours?
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
Do you regularly cut your balls then?
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
When they're in season
Smoogs@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
Right after saying “I can do the sex good!”
Malfeasant@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y
The only question is, one at a time, or all at once?
dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
That depends.
39 and under crowd - "Wanna go again?"
40 and over crowd - "I'm going to need at least that many breaks."
Zink@programming.dev · 10 pts · 2y
To me this just looks like a typical day that started with the best of intentions.
Censored@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 2y
Three condoms? My, we're young and frisky, aren't we?
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
They are unwrapped and sitting pretty close to some meat and cheese. Feels like that's just asking for disrupting vaginal health balance. Plus I'd be suspicious of holes poked in the condoms. Unwrapping them is such a weird thing to do.
curiousaur@reddthat.com · 10 pts · 2y
Everything looks good here, perfect date. Wait, except.... is that.... unground coffee beans? What the fuck?
KickMeElmo@sopuli.xyz · 4 pts · 2y
I'd eat those, but the proximity to cocaine is a bit concerning.
curiousaur@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 2y
You'd leave the cocaine on the board?
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
Mix it up. Call it the morning special.
can@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 2y
Espresso beans are delicious especially in dark chocolate.
Venator@lemmy.nz · 2 pts · 2y
I thought they were rasins, but not sure.
StaySquared@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2y
Are those.. lol coffee beans?!
Daxtron2@startrek.website · 5 pts · 2y
crumchy
hOrni@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2y
Oh sweet, mcnuggets!
frezik@midwest.social · 1 pts · 2y
Which should pair well with the whiskey and coke. According to a friend.
Paradachshund@lemmy.today · 5 pts · 2y
Mythic rarity girl dinner
FreshLight@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 2y
YES.
niktemadur@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
I can almost hear Major Kong (Slim Pickens) from Doctor Strangelove:
"Shoot... a fella could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all this stuff."
thorbot@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
I love the gummy taste of condoms with my Brie and crackers
muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y
Why do u need 3?
fed0sine@lemm.ee · 9 pts · 2y
Heh, he doesn't know about the 3
seashellscondoms.muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 2y
What about the famed 4th hole
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net · 8 pts · 2y
I always bring at least 4. Two for them to top, two for me to top, should we hit it off and have the time.
Droggelbecher@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2y
Good to have backup in case you get precum on the outside or for when you want to switch between penetration and other stuff (if youre unsure about STDs it's better to use one for oral too though)
areyouevenreal@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 2y
Hey leave stdio and stdlib out of this!
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 2y
It's a long night...
hakunawazo@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2y
I'll order the same happy meal.
Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 2y
That is a good host! What else do you want?!
WhatsHerBucket@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
Cosmos7349@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
Need a weirdness tier list for this
VictoriaAScharleau@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
no joke, you know the brie and gummy worms work.