Monotone

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/172343939#/?channel=RES_BUY

153 points · 46 comments · view on lemmy.world

46 Comments

Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 44 pts · 188d (1 reply)

Y'all are laughing, but they have a 1 acre griddle between the hours of 10 and 4 every summer day. That's luxury.

Im_old@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 188d

It's north of England, best they can aim is not get flooded as I'm pretty sure the draining it's awful when it rains. Good ice skating in the winter though.

Nangijala@feddit.dk · 40 pts · 188d (2 replies)

Really love the velour floor and leather couch combination. The couch is literally the same color and texture of a volleyball sized tumor a vet removed from a dog when I was interning in 8th grade.

The dog survived, btw. A deeply loved senior lab who came from a family of like five children so the parents decided to save him instead of putting him down.

I was tasked with getting him to eat and drink a little after he woke up from the anesthesia, but all he wanted was to crawl onto my lap and have me hug him and tell him that he was a brave boy. I'm not a dog person by nature, but that geriatric puppy almost converted me, dear lord. I'll never forget that dog. Nor will I forget the tumor. The vet asked me if I wanted to see what cancer looked like on the inside and I said yes and he cut the tumor in half and that was the ugliest fucking thing I had ever seen in my entire 14 years of life at the time.

The fact that someone would use it as a design choice for a couch two decade later is fucking bizarre to me, but what ever, man.

homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 188d (1 reply)

You really went places with that comment. Well done.

Nangijala@feddit.dk · 6 pts · 187d

thank you, my friend. Best part is that not a word of it is a lie. I still think of that dog regularly despite it being so long ago. It is simultaneously impressive and abominable that something as hideous and depraved as a tumor can grow inside such a pure and innocent creature. Even more impressive and abominable that some rich person would like to have a tumor-couch in their velour/velvet themed home. I shall never understand the absolute madness of ultra rich people. It has to be severe boredom. It just has to.

VibeSurgeon@piefed.social · 36 pts · 188d (3 replies)

AI Rendered photo

What the fuck

frank@sopuli.xyz · 13 pts · 187d

So all of the pics outside of the house are slop instead. I was really confused wtf the driveway was made out of, now I know (it's not)

Nangijala@feddit.dk · 11 pts · 187d

Where does it say that?

Nevermind, I found it xD all the outdoor pics are AI rendered. That's very funny. I wonder what they are trying to hide.

CptEnder@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 187d

Yeah that's a TON of AI generated architecture slop out there right now. I see it on my Pinterest a lot. I'm a casual architectural design nerd and 99% is unbuildable trash any architect or engineer would laugh out of the room. There are SOME that do a half decent job at illustrating really bizarre concepts like Fifth Element-esq, cathedral sized, high-rise apartments. They're so over the top it's obviously AI but its kinda an interesting thought experiment that maybe you take as inspiration to do proper design/draft. That said posts like this trying to pass off as real architecture suck. And all of it is just a waste of resources ultimately.

Pinterest actually is ahead of the curve and auto flags AI content for you with a little box in the image/video, which I wish more sites do.

Stern@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 188d

Where the people I tell to touch grass live.

KoboldCoterie@pawb.social · 29 pts · 188d (3 replies)

Sale History:

2023: £385,000

1997: £185,000

Good luck with the new price, I guess? Perfect for someone who's always dreamed of living in a parking lot.

driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br · 6 pts · 188d (2 replies)

Thats like a 3% rise per year. That house lost value to inflation, pretty rare for it.

Flames5123@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 187d (1 reply)

5million is 3% per year from 385k in 2023? Am I missing something? 1997->2023, yes, but the new price is 5M in 2026 so thats why the person you replied to says “good luck with the new price”

driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br · 1 pts · 187d

I mean from 185 to 385 in 25 years

Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net · 29 pts · 188d

Gmod looking mcmansion

calliope@piefed.blahaj.zone · 23 pts · 188d (2 replies)

Set on one of the most prestigious roads

Literally on the road.

snooggums@piefed.world · 27 pts · 188d

🎶 Our house, in the middle of our street. 🎵

LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 188d

Landscaping requires too much upkeep. Just pave everything with asphalt. Maintenance-free yard!

Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 188d

I'd get the mower out just to piss off the neighbors.

glibg@lemmy.ca · 16 pts · 187d (1 reply)

Look at that horrific amount of pavement. RIP local insects.

Nangijala@feddit.dk · 1 pts · 187d

That's a rude way to refer to the carpet floor, bro.

FilthyHands@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 188d

I thought the thumbnail was a screenshot of a really clean Satisfactory build.

CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de · 12 pts · 188d

That’s dismal.

Remember, this is a climate where the primary colour palette outdoors for months on end is grey.

The “enhancements” to the photographs isn’t helping but the base decor is utterly awful.

Also - how did they get planning permission to have that much impermeable surface?

bonenode@piefed.social · 12 pts · 188d (4 replies)
[ removed ]
0ops@piefed.zip · 23 pts · 188d (3 replies)

According to the the website, that and a few other photos including the first are "AI Rendered photo"s. So that's a thing now? Putting up an ad with slop? What's even the point of that?

calliope@piefed.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 188d (2 replies)

This is horrifying, but also pretty funny because all the grass is AI rendered.

aim_at_me@lemmy.nz · 3 pts · 187d (1 reply)

Wait. It’s the grass that’s AI? Haha. I’d assumed it was the god awful pavement.

calliope@piefed.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 187d

I assumed if the pavement was AI, the grass probably was too.

MrsDoyle@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 188d

I have friends house-hunting in England and every place they've looked at has been freshly done up, with grey carpets, grey walls and a black kitchen.

redsand@infosec.pub · 10 pts · 188d

This is from the UK and after looking at the photos of the inside it's clear this is the result of a cocaine addiction.

Korval@lemmy.today · 9 pts · 188d (1 reply)

What is the blue puff attached to several of the ceilings? In Image 25, for example? When everything is so drained of color, it really sticks out.

And did someone at the agency have to photoshop every exposed light fixture to add sparkles?

negativenull@piefed.world · 10 pts · 188d

Looks like a bag around a smoke detector, to keep it going off during renovation maybe?

SurfinBird@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 188d

Mom the garage is looking at me again

blackn1ght@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 188d

I don't think there's one thing I like about this. Everything, literally everything is awful.

vpol@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 188d

gosh it's so ugly

Berttheduck@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 188d

They found a theme they liked and ran with it didn't they.

expatriado@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 188d (1 reply)

think of all the landscaping maintenance cost savings

LurkingLuddite@piefed.social · 3 pts · 188d

Zeroscaping doesn't have to be so awful. Some arrangements can even verge on pretty.

DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 188d

They tried to add some interest by staging it with colorful furniture.

I suppose they'll save a bit of money on landscapers.

Too bad the floor plan wasn't there, I'm sure it's awful.

RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 187d

Looks like someone's computer game designed home. They never got around to building a yard for it.

RBWells@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 187d

I wanna say this is what happens when your interior designer hates you, but I do like these stairs ok. Marble floors are so cold and unfriendly. Maybe the occupant was color blind.

Flames5123@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 187d

I’d be all over this if three things:

  1. Wasn’t in the UK
  2. in a walkable/transitable city where may of my friends live
  3. I had 8-12 friends to all go in, either ownership (being an LLC for ownership per money put in), or with rent to the owners so they can dip out whenever.

Owning a huge home with several friends in a city is a dream of mine. And this home has a lot of “big family” areas where it could just work so easily.

Substance_P@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 188d (1 reply)

Easy landscape maintenance, pity about the drainage. Why is my neighbor complaining?

captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 188d

Just wait a few years and their house will be downstream in a different neighborhood

moderatecentrist@feddit.uk · 2 pts · 187d

I assume that belongs to a Newcastle United footballer

NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone · 1 pts · 187d

That is fucked. Like they took the sterile aesthetic of a corporate reception area and replicated it across every room.

Sibbo@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 148d

That outdoor ground will melt in the summer. And if it doesn't melt, then your shoes will melt when walking on it.