Don't make it weird. Just type up a little agenda with times and acts and whatnot. Add a paragraph or two at the end explaining why. She'll know you really care. Now, whether you email her a digital copy with a signature field, or have her sign it in front of you when you pick her up is just a matter of personal style.
Let her nap on the way home. She's got to wake up to go in the house, and a little kiss here and there, a little nibble, a little tickle, and she'll perk up. Enough.
This have happened quite often are we became parents. Our cortisol levels are just too high when we go to bed so we are just crashing, but then after we've slept for an hour or so, and one might make the move and wakes the other. It's actually quite hot, haha.
No, not rape. Rape requires a lack of consent. Somnophilia by definition is explicitly consenting to your partner having sex with you while you're sleeping.
This can be as little as e.g. waking them up with oral (yes, indeed, oral without consent is still rape! As nice as it sounds to "surprise" them, make sure they're okay with it first. Having had sex the previous night is NOT consent for any continued sexual activity once they fell asleep!), or going all the way to penetrative sex.
But the most important aspect is, again, communication. You can communicate consent to a future event, and until that event happens, you can withdraw said consent at any time. And most definitely don't do it with a one night stand. This kind of consent requires a level of trust you build over time.
I have a sexual parasomnia - while this hasn’t happened in at least 15 years, I used to initiate sex while asleep. I have no memory of it, but I have groped, kissed, sucked on the fingers of people, and sexually touched people sleeping next to me.
I’ve always woken up just before sex occurred, but I’ve accidentally had sex with people before - people who I was attracted to, but maybe didn’t want to bang - because we fell asleep together.
These days I’m not nearly in as many beds as I used to be (regardless of purpose) but I’m also an incredibly light sleeper now. The slightest movement and my conscious brain takes over. (Yay for newly(ish) developed hyper vigilance and anxiety.)
With that said, I don’t sleep next to anyone anymore unless we’ve had a conversation about what could happen, and are on the same page.
To your point about discussing things: The topic of consent around something that I’m not consciously aware is of occurring can be challenging as hell to navigate, but easier than not having a chat beforehand.
I think I partially agree with aarkon. Somnophilia is just the fetish, and some people achieve it via cnc. But somno on its own isn't consensual or not, it's just the -philia, most people that talk about it just use it in the context of edgeplay and are sexually... Advanced.
So Aarkon is right to say it's basically a rape joke, but they're also wrong. But also it's an interesting consideration, because a) its basically kink shaming, b) is technically a correct statement, c) edgeplay, while technically fine in the right circumstances, should be self aware that it's EDGEplay and not for everyone, d) since somno is a thing that does occur to people not consensually, it really is an insensitive joke that can be triggering.
So, like I said directly to them saying it's basically a rape joke: yes, but also no.
I don't think anybody is going to win here, because there's no right answer that makes others wrong.
Yeah cnc isn't about non consent.... It's about CONSENTING TO PRETENDING TO RAPE.... Having sex with someone who is asleep who consented to that scenario isn't cnc... It's just consensual sex.... Not even very kinky sex at that.
While it is obviously okay to be tired, maybe don't promise what you won't keep. It can disappoint your partner and if it happens often enough, these promise might turn them off as they remember the disappointment and eventually, possibly make your partner feel undesired. I mean it puts words and actions in contrast and once words seem meaningless, actions become everything and if you were excited to mess up around, would you be sleeping? So your actions wouldn't communicate desire, but rather the opposite.
So while sleeping is totally okay, if you realise that you often promise a lot to then fall asleep... maybe stop promising and start looking for opportunities to show your desire when you aren't tired and in the mood.
I wouldn't want to engage in anything freaky with anyone wearing fake nails. Is probably get one broken off under my skin and get an infection or something.
My friday and saturday nights... except we dont even go out, its just us settling down in the living room and put on a movie. She gets comfortable and boom out in 10 min. Wakes up 2 hours later says im tired and goes tp bed. Sometimes the next morning things happen, but im really not a morning person so its fine but never as good as night. I also smoke which makes it 1000 times better and thats also only at night which is probably the real reason it's that much better haha.
42 Comments
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 141 pts · 72d
Sex before dinner is the correct order most of the time.
Get way too sleepy when my belly is full!
monkeyslikebananas2@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 71d
I’m going to try this when I ask someone out. “Wanna have sex then dinner?” Keep y’all posted.
stoicmaverick@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 71d
Don't make it weird. Just type up a little agenda with times and acts and whatnot. Add a paragraph or two at the end explaining why. She'll know you really care. Now, whether you email her a digital copy with a signature field, or have her sign it in front of you when you pick her up is just a matter of personal style.
ickplant@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 72d
This is the way.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 71d
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 53 pts · 72d
Let her nap on the way home. She's got to wake up to go in the house, and a little kiss here and there, a little nibble, a little tickle, and she'll perk up. Enough.
ickplant@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 72d
This man fucks.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 8 pts · 72d
Why wake up? Just pick her up and carry her to the bed.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 71d
How wide are your doors?
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 5 pts · 71d
Easier to go through those sideways.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 71d
Well yeah, sideways is still tight. Maybe it's just my taste in wide-hipped women?
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world · 47 pts · 72d
Sometimes sleep is better than an orgasm.
Waking up partner with oral is a joy tho.
Usually what ends up happening in this situation 🤷
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 38 pts · 72d
Lucky you I guess. For me it's promise something-> too sleepy, okay we go to bed -> I don't even get woken at all.
Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 16 pts · 72d
Are you still sleeping?
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 72d
Never woke at all. Been sleeping for the past couple months.
zout@fedia.io · 18 pts · 71d
Hello mr president!
TwoTiredMice@feddit.dk · 14 pts · 72d
This have happened quite often are we became parents. Our cortisol levels are just too high when we go to bed so we are just crashing, but then after we've slept for an hour or so, and one might make the move and wakes the other. It's actually quite hot, haha.
fonix232@fedia.io · 29 pts · 72d
Add somnophilia to the list of freaky things and problem sorted!
Speculater@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 72d
Happy Cake Day you little freak.
fonix232@fedia.io · 4 pts · 71d
Takes one to know one 😏 and thank you!
GhostFace@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 71d
It's been on the list for a long time. A lot of people are surprisingly uncomfortable with giving it though.
Gonzako@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 71d
Well, you're being all so snuggly and cute. Would feel too selfish to wake you up for a romp
Aarkon@discuss.tchncs.de · -19 pts · 72d
fonix232@fedia.io · 20 pts · 72d
No, not rape. Rape requires a lack of consent. Somnophilia by definition is explicitly consenting to your partner having sex with you while you're sleeping.
This can be as little as e.g. waking them up with oral (yes, indeed, oral without consent is still rape! As nice as it sounds to "surprise" them, make sure they're okay with it first. Having had sex the previous night is NOT consent for any continued sexual activity once they fell asleep!), or going all the way to penetrative sex.
But the most important aspect is, again, communication. You can communicate consent to a future event, and until that event happens, you can withdraw said consent at any time. And most definitely don't do it with a one night stand. This kind of consent requires a level of trust you build over time.
Monument@piefed.world · 10 pts · 71d
I have a sexual parasomnia - while this hasn’t happened in at least 15 years, I used to initiate sex while asleep. I have no memory of it, but I have groped, kissed, sucked on the fingers of people, and sexually touched people sleeping next to me.
I’ve always woken up just before sex occurred, but I’ve accidentally had sex with people before - people who I was attracted to, but maybe didn’t want to bang - because we fell asleep together.
These days I’m not nearly in as many beds as I used to be (regardless of purpose) but I’m also an incredibly light sleeper now. The slightest movement and my conscious brain takes over. (Yay for newly(ish) developed hyper vigilance and anxiety.)
With that said, I don’t sleep next to anyone anymore unless we’ve had a conversation about what could happen, and are on the same page.
To your point about discussing things: The topic of consent around something that I’m not consciously aware is of occurring can be challenging as hell to navigate, but easier than not having a chat beforehand.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 71d
I think I partially agree with aarkon. Somnophilia is just the fetish, and some people achieve it via cnc. But somno on its own isn't consensual or not, it's just the -philia, most people that talk about it just use it in the context of edgeplay and are sexually... Advanced.
So Aarkon is right to say it's basically a rape joke, but they're also wrong. But also it's an interesting consideration, because a) its basically kink shaming, b) is technically a correct statement, c) edgeplay, while technically fine in the right circumstances, should be self aware that it's EDGEplay and not for everyone, d) since somno is a thing that does occur to people not consensually, it really is an insensitive joke that can be triggering.
So, like I said directly to them saying it's basically a rape joke: yes, but also no.
I don't think anybody is going to win here, because there's no right answer that makes others wrong.
fonix232@fedia.io · 8 pts · 71d
If you're adding somnophilia to a list of agreed to kinks then it's most definitely consensual.
And if you do it without consent, it turns from kink to rape. Period.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 71d
Yeah cnc isn't about non consent.... It's about CONSENTING TO PRETENDING TO RAPE.... Having sex with someone who is asleep who consented to that scenario isn't cnc... It's just consensual sex.... Not even very kinky sex at that.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 71d
100%
I'm imagining the fadeaway gif but with Link fading to something else hahaha
fonix232@fedia.io · 2 pts · 71d
Haha, fixed that. Sometimes autocorrect strikes.
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip · 15 pts · 72d
You can consent to having sex while sleeping.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 71d
Yes but also no
AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 72d
I mean, it's consensual if it was added to the list of things the girl promised, no?
Darkmuch@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 72d
The window reflection is funky.
Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de · 13 pts · 71d
While it is obviously okay to be tired, maybe don't promise what you won't keep. It can disappoint your partner and if it happens often enough, these promise might turn them off as they remember the disappointment and eventually, possibly make your partner feel undesired. I mean it puts words and actions in contrast and once words seem meaningless, actions become everything and if you were excited to mess up around, would you be sleeping? So your actions wouldn't communicate desire, but rather the opposite.
So while sleeping is totally okay, if you realise that you often promise a lot to then fall asleep... maybe stop promising and start looking for opportunities to show your desire when you aren't tired and in the mood.
UnfortunateShort@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 72d
I settle for a freakin cuddle in the freakin bed
canniest_tod@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 71d
Sleeping baddie
plutopos@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 71d
That tattoo fucks
Etterra@discuss.online · 3 pts · 71d
I wouldn't want to engage in anything freaky with anyone wearing fake nails. Is probably get one broken off under my skin and get an infection or something.
Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 71d
That is not really a problem. (Not more than natural nails)
HeyJoe@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 72d
My friday and saturday nights... except we dont even go out, its just us settling down in the living room and put on a movie. She gets comfortable and boom out in 10 min. Wakes up 2 hours later says im tired and goes tp bed. Sometimes the next morning things happen, but im really not a morning person so its fine but never as good as night. I also smoke which makes it 1000 times better and thats also only at night which is probably the real reason it's that much better haha.
Psionicsickness@reddthat.com · -2 pts · 72d
Is this some famous person we are supposed to recognize?
ViscloReader@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 71d
You sound like mom's first meme: "who's that? I don't know her? What do you mean?"
Psionicsickness@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 71d
It has been painfully obvious I’m getting too old…