Rough

3 socialist walk into a bar and ask "how much is the actual cost of the drinks? How much are you getting paid? Where is the money going? What's a fair way to distribute this money?"

God, they're so fucking bad at humor

That doesn't even relate to socialism. What an idiot.

Okay but these three seem like they’d be nice to the waitstaff, leave a tip, and generally have a fun vibe.

A socialist walks into a bar. He says that everyone who is able to pay for their own drink should, but those that cannot afford one can have one on the house and then the more wealthy patrons will reimburse the bar. Everybody has a good time.

A very specific Republican walks into a bar. He says that he is fabulously wealthy and that drinks are on him tonight. Everybody drinks to excess. The Republican refuses to pay his tab and leaves with his wealthy friends without saying a word. The bar tries to go after him, but he threatens to take them to court. The other patrons are either unable or unwilling to pay, having drank their fill on the promise that they would not have to. The bar cannot afford to fight a long legal battle, and cannot afford to pay their workers without reimbursement. The bar closes. The republican writes an op-ed in the local newspaper complaining about how homeless and minorities skipping out on their tabs is what killed his favorite bar.

AOC legit got me drunk on margaritas between classes back when I was an undergrad at Parsons and she was a bartender at some Mexican spot off Union Square. We talked about Bernie for a couple of hours, and she was super-cool.

I missed my class, lol

First rule of political comedy: always punch up

First rule of conservatism: if something scares and/or confuses you, that's oppression.

Thus, the first rule of conservative comedy: always wildly flail at what you don't understand.

It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character.

Joseph Heller, Catch-22

A capitalist walks into a bar and says "Bartender", but there is no reply because the bartender died of a treatable form of cancer he couldn't afford to treat.

Since this is a particularly wealthy and well known capitalist that oversees a very profitable health insurance company, the patrons of the small bar take notice.

This is the last time the capitalist is heard or seen. Nobody knows what happened to him.

"three socialists walk into a bar, and the Bartender says 'yo guys, drinks on me, thanks to your free healthcare my brother is still alive, and my mom can afford retirement without a job'"

And then vote to take money from everyone to subsidize the drinks of the richest man in the bar because it'll trickle down or some shit.

Let me try: Three capitalists enter a bar. The first one pays for his drink and doesn't tip, leaving the bartender with less than minimum wage for the transaction.

The second capitalist leaves without paying since his wealth is in stocks and he can't be asked to pay for anything.

The third capitalist says: "I just bought the bar, fired half the staff, and sold off most of the furniture. Your bar is now very profitable, and I just sold it for double. Try not to declare bankruptcy before I leave - it bums me out."

The first one is so cringe. The guy has absolutely no idea.

A conservative walks into a bar and exposes himself in the ladies' restroom. Then he sues the bar for discrimination because a black person was there. He wins the case because the judge is a racist old white guy. The bar goes out of business. His followers celebrate the win in the "war on woke".

The conservative unregulated market economy utopia.

A conservative walks into a bar and says I'm not a dirty socialist I'm paying market rate for a drink, make me a screwdriver. The bartender hands him a glass containing 1/3 liquor 2/3 liquid heavy metals and charges $25

3 conservatives walk into a bar. They see that the bar serves Bud Light and has at least 1 minority working there so they turn around and leave because the bar is too woke. They then spend the next 5 days whining about it on social media which leads to the bar getting bombed with 1-star fake-rage reviews, and 1 thing the long-time owner did 15 years ago which was barely a misdemeanor. Some people stop working there because of constant harassment.

A month later one of those 3 conservatives is pulled over for a DUI, in the passenger seat is the lady he's having an extra-marital affair with. On his social media he complains about asking people to respect his privacy.

Three socialists walk into a bar and get an extra bottle of water to give to the elderly man sitting outside in the extreme heat.

We take care of each other.

yeah because that's who socialists are going after; laborers, not capital owners. please believe this to be true otherwise they'd start becoming more and more popular.

whoops too late

Or, you know, the bartenders could own the bar

When I misrepresent you, it's comedy.

When you misrepresent me, it's a tragedy.

If I were a bartender and the 3 of them walked in I'd give a round drinks on the house for the whole bar

Mfw it's not a joke about conquering bread sticks/bread plate.

The wild part is, socialists are actually strongly against using "other people's money." They're very anti using loans to do things unlike the democrats and republicans that have no problem infinitely borrowing. Socialist are against taking a loan because it gives the bank some sort of control over the government and it is hard to track the money when you have it coming and going from so many sources, that invites corruption.

Three capitalists walk into a bar

one slaps the bartender another kicks him in the chest and the last one gives him 5 dollars and leaves