People are gonna tell you you have to x y and z to be a woman. Ya don't. It's all bullshit. You're already one, work out whatcha want and get weird with it. Fuck the haters
Obviously you always were a woman it's just everyone knows it now. So in that way, continue to just be yourself cos whatever woman you are is ok. But here are some things that might help you deal with being treated as a woman. Sorry they're negative
Safety is a big thing, but as you're trans you'll sadly have experienced the need for safety. Get your polite but firm rejections of men ready, and be ready to manage their response. You shouldn't have to but you WILL have to.
Be ready for a lot of comments on your weight and clothing. Weight is a very sensitive issue that people can be nasty about.
If you don't know already, there's a lot of men that don't like women and will unleash this when they can. Men will talk over you at work, which requires handling on a case by case basis. Be ready for random men getting aggressive with you... a colleague tearing into you a small thing they'd NEVER tear into a man for, a man flipping on your driving etc. You'll find a safe path through this cos we all do.
Women will treat you different now they know you're female. Some good, some bad. They'll give you the heads up about bad man, and dangerous people. however they can conspire against you and be unpredictable
Safety is a big thing, but as you’re trans you’ll sadly have experienced the need for safety. Get your polite but firm rejections of men ready, and be ready to manage their response. You shouldn’t have to but you WILL have to.
I'm 2.5 years on HRT now and I guess I pass pretty well now but I've never experienced being approached by men. I always wonder if I'm just "lucky", I don't pass as well as I thought or I'm just ugly. Or maybe it just depends on the country you're living in. (Germany for me, maybe the USA is worse?)
Yeah safety is a big one. I admit I have done unsafe things out in feminine clothing and I deeply regret it. I dont know what I was thinking. I take it a lot more seriously now
I'm MFT myself :3 be you, nobody cares, have fun with who minty is and will be. You got one life, have fun with it. Also washing hair and caring for it is a whole science, go search it up^^
It is easy to fall into the trap of looking at expectations and stereotypes of womanhood and trying to emulate that to be a woman and be perceived as a woman. It's not entirely wrong in the sense that it's nice to be perceived as the correct gender and it's fun to try things on and see how it feels and what you actually love doing and ways you love being and what actually feels natural now that you're coming into your own, but always recognize it for the trap that it is. You are a woman, the way that you are is validly "how a woman is" you don't need to conform to anything really for that. Anything you do is inherently and by definition the way a woman does things and acts because you are a woman and that is what you do. This will be much easier to internalize as you progress in transition.
As others have said, there is no right way to be a woman. Have fun and experiment, it's okay if your style changes over time.
If you are into make up, look up drug store dupes of the expensive stuff before you shell out. I have so many items of makeup I wore once or twice that cost way too much.
I encourage you to wear sunscreen. I mention this because if you wear makeup it can feel like a lot, but don't skip out just because it's another thing to put on.
The whisper network is wild, lol. It can sometimes be hard to act normal around a man you know is a whole pile of garbage but you'll get used to it. It's important to take care of each other.
Sometimes the injustices are hard to bear but I try and double down and do my best to not let it grind me down. I am quite independent and established (and older, lol) and I use that to stand up where I can.
Cultivate relationships with other women, their advice and encouragement is priceless.
the sunscreen thing is important mostly in the US i think. explanation: lots of pale english settlers spreading to southern latitudes over the centuries. london is at 50°N, scotland even at 55°N, these people then went to sunny california which is 30°N north (same as northern africa). still pale as snow though. that's why they get sunburn.
as a central european, i've never worn sunscreen in my life and also never had any sunburn. it's because the skin color matches the climate.
Chocolate in any form (candy bar, choccy milk, hot choccy, choccy syrup, choccy ice cream, etc) is the stereotypical go-to stress snack. Always keep something chocolaty stocked up for a metaphorical rainy day. Hell, this advice is good for anyone regardless of gender.
I read somewhere that studies have shown that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, has some sorta chemical in it that helps alleviate stress, but I didn't fact check it and I may be misremembering it altogether so take that with a grain of salt.
There is no greater feeling of solidarity with the sisterhood of women than being able to offer a tampon when someone asks. If you plan on carrying a purse/bag, it might be worth having one on hand just in case. I like to keep a handful of other things in mine, but nothing beats the feeling of being able to offer someone a tampon IMHO. Do keep in mind that tampons expire though, most take several years, so if for whatever reason you keep one for that long please switch it out. 
I will also agree with some of the other comments stating that there is no right way to be a woman. Whatever feels right or natural to you is exactly what a woman would do in your position.
Sending you love and joy!
Edit: I just realized that the tampon stuff above might come off transphobic. Absolutely not my intent. I'm going to leave it in as I wrote it, because there is something about having the immediate trust of a female stranger about some thing that is still considered very private culturally, and I can't change how I felt in the moment when I was able to assist. Hopefully society gets to a better and more open place about this kind of thing. In the interim it still feels a bit like "girl talk", but obviously men can also have periods and not all women have periods. 
I do this as a trans woman, yeah. I have a tampon in my purse so that if someone needs one, I can always offer it.
Queer & nonqueer solidarity ftw. ✊
Def don't think it's transphobic, but good you reflected nonetheless! Periods or their lack thereof transcend gender indeed. Oddly I hope I will ever be able to experience that, but in the meantime, being able to help out other guys & gals & pals is great too.
A lot of it depends on how it feels for you, what your dysphoria and euphoria centers around. You don't need to follow all below, there's no FOMO for not doing any - do what feels handiest.
For appearing more femme prior to HRT, breast forms and hip shapes helped me through my worse dysphoric days. If you'd like, you could try foundation and lip stick, as well nail polish. They help a lot.
I personally didn't want the "IRL test" but wanted to be smooth with transition. So I started with growing out hair and shaving&laser. Then I changed clothes, switching to striped tighter sweaters (or baggy clothing).
Once I got on HRT, and my boobs and curves began to be visible, I changed to femme sweaters, then femme linen trousers and heels (I do tuck, but I just wear shapewear). Now I wear skirts. Haven't gotten to wearing yoga pants and swimwear yet, but that's for after surgery. (There's tuck wear for those too, but personally I prefer not to).
Another MTF here. At home IPL is an affordable alternative to laser. It is not as effective as professional laser (as in, takes more sessions to get the same results), but will still get you there. Or, at least it did for me, but I did have dark hair on light skin, which is pretty much the perfect case.
Laser was expensive, but I got it done in an area prone to irritation and it was worth every penny, the mild discomfort (I am a baby lol), and having to get it done monthly until it "sticks". How well it works depends on a few factors, and even mine isn't "perfect" but I can look the way I want without shaving and that's amazing.
You never need to be anyone else, only you. The beauty and fashion industries will try to serve you solutions to problems they made up that aren't real problems.
That being said, if you love makeup, explore it! But don't feel like you have to if it's not your thing. Same with fashion. There's no right or wrong way to be a woman. Do what feels right for you.
28 Comments
Taleya@aussie.zone · 39 pts · 8d
People are gonna tell you you have to x y and z to be a woman. Ya don't. It's all bullshit. You're already one, work out whatcha want and get weird with it. Fuck the haters
LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone · 18 pts · 8d
Obviously you always were a woman it's just everyone knows it now. So in that way, continue to just be yourself cos whatever woman you are is ok. But here are some things that might help you deal with being treated as a woman. Sorry they're negative
Safety is a big thing, but as you're trans you'll sadly have experienced the need for safety. Get your polite but firm rejections of men ready, and be ready to manage their response. You shouldn't have to but you WILL have to.
Be ready for a lot of comments on your weight and clothing. Weight is a very sensitive issue that people can be nasty about.
If you don't know already, there's a lot of men that don't like women and will unleash this when they can. Men will talk over you at work, which requires handling on a case by case basis. Be ready for random men getting aggressive with you... a colleague tearing into you a small thing they'd NEVER tear into a man for, a man flipping on your driving etc. You'll find a safe path through this cos we all do.
Women will treat you different now they know you're female. Some good, some bad. They'll give you the heads up about bad man, and dangerous people. however they can conspire against you and be unpredictable
Tywele@piefed.social · 9 pts · 7d
I'm 2.5 years on HRT now and I guess I pass pretty well now but I've never experienced being approached by men. I always wonder if I'm just "lucky", I don't pass as well as I thought or I'm just ugly. Or maybe it just depends on the country you're living in. (Germany for me, maybe the USA is worse?)
minty@aussie.zone · 7 pts · 8d
Yeah safety is a big one. I admit I have done unsafe things out in feminine clothing and I deeply regret it. I dont know what I was thinking. I take it a lot more seriously now
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 7d
I think it's safe to say we've all made mistakes in that way, so don't beat yourself up too much about it! You ended up safe and you're doing good :)
kamillz@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 8d
I'm MFT myself :3 be you, nobody cares, have fun with who minty is and will be. You got one life, have fun with it. Also washing hair and caring for it is a whole science, go search it up^^
kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 8d
It is easy to fall into the trap of looking at expectations and stereotypes of womanhood and trying to emulate that to be a woman and be perceived as a woman. It's not entirely wrong in the sense that it's nice to be perceived as the correct gender and it's fun to try things on and see how it feels and what you actually love doing and ways you love being and what actually feels natural now that you're coming into your own, but always recognize it for the trap that it is. You are a woman, the way that you are is validly "how a woman is" you don't need to conform to anything really for that. Anything you do is inherently and by definition the way a woman does things and acts because you are a woman and that is what you do. This will be much easier to internalize as you progress in transition.
Also welcome <3
Arcanepotato@crazypeople.online · 14 pts · 8d
Welcome 💕
As others have said, there is no right way to be a woman. Have fun and experiment, it's okay if your style changes over time.
If you are into make up, look up drug store dupes of the expensive stuff before you shell out. I have so many items of makeup I wore once or twice that cost way too much.
I encourage you to wear sunscreen. I mention this because if you wear makeup it can feel like a lot, but don't skip out just because it's another thing to put on.
The whisper network is wild, lol. It can sometimes be hard to act normal around a man you know is a whole pile of garbage but you'll get used to it. It's important to take care of each other.
Sometimes the injustices are hard to bear but I try and double down and do my best to not let it grind me down. I am quite independent and established (and older, lol) and I use that to stand up where I can.
Cultivate relationships with other women, their advice and encouragement is priceless.
gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 4d
the sunscreen thing is important mostly in the US i think. explanation: lots of pale english settlers spreading to southern latitudes over the centuries. london is at 50°N, scotland even at 55°N, these people then went to sunny california which is 30°N north (same as northern africa). still pale as snow though. that's why they get sunburn.
as a central european, i've never worn sunscreen in my life and also never had any sunburn. it's because the skin color matches the climate.
LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone · 13 pts · 8d
Hey mate congratulations on becoming your true self! Im busy rn will reply later
SourDragon@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 8d
Chocolate in any form (candy bar, choccy milk, hot choccy, choccy syrup, choccy ice cream, etc) is the stereotypical go-to stress snack. Always keep something chocolaty stocked up for a metaphorical rainy day. Hell, this advice is good for anyone regardless of gender.
I read somewhere that studies have shown that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, has some sorta chemical in it that helps alleviate stress, but I didn't fact check it and I may be misremembering it altogether so take that with a grain of salt.
Wren@lemmy.today · 9 pts · 8d
Phenylethylalanine and theobromine! Home chocolate maker here, the chemistry is real. The benefits are greater with properly tempered chocolate, too.
SourDragon@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 8d
Tysm I wish I could updoot you twice ☺️ The best advice is always given or backed up by those with knowledge and experience.
Greercase@lemmus.org · 11 pts · 8d
There is no greater feeling of solidarity with the sisterhood of women than being able to offer a tampon when someone asks. If you plan on carrying a purse/bag, it might be worth having one on hand just in case. I like to keep a handful of other things in mine, but nothing beats the feeling of being able to offer someone a tampon IMHO. Do keep in mind that tampons expire though, most take several years, so if for whatever reason you keep one for that long please switch it out. 
I will also agree with some of the other comments stating that there is no right way to be a woman. Whatever feels right or natural to you is exactly what a woman would do in your position.
Sending you love and joy!
Edit: I just realized that the tampon stuff above might come off transphobic. Absolutely not my intent. I'm going to leave it in as I wrote it, because there is something about having the immediate trust of a female stranger about some thing that is still considered very private culturally, and I can't change how I felt in the moment when I was able to assist. Hopefully society gets to a better and more open place about this kind of thing. In the interim it still feels a bit like "girl talk", but obviously men can also have periods and not all women have periods. 
birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 8d
I do this as a trans woman, yeah. I have a tampon in my purse so that if someone needs one, I can always offer it.
Queer & nonqueer solidarity ftw. ✊
Def don't think it's transphobic, but good you reflected nonetheless! Periods or their lack thereof transcend gender indeed. Oddly I hope I will ever be able to experience that, but in the meantime, being able to help out other guys & gals & pals is great too.
stopforgettingit@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 8d
I do not get periods anymore due to cancer but I sure as hell still carry a pad and a tampon in my purse, just in case someone needs one.
minty@aussie.zone · 5 pts · 8d
Not transphobic at all! And yeah ill do that, if I can help someone out thats great
birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 8d
Hiya welcome sis!! I'm mtf as well :3
A lot of it depends on how it feels for you, what your dysphoria and euphoria centers around. You don't need to follow all below, there's no FOMO for not doing any - do what feels handiest.
for the cis people that are curious: what's dysphoria & euphoria like?
here's an exhaustive guide to a lot of stuff compiled by our cool dandelion
If you're starting HRT, check out this list for which method is best to take.
For appearing more femme prior to HRT, breast forms and hip shapes helped me through my worse dysphoric days. If you'd like, you could try foundation and lip stick, as well nail polish. They help a lot.
If you have the money, I'd recommend laser or electrolysis. Otherwise, shave (epilating is possible but its the devil). Here's a guide, also for hair care in general, for cis too!
I personally didn't want the "IRL test" but wanted to be smooth with transition. So I started with growing out hair and shaving&laser. Then I changed clothes, switching to striped tighter sweaters (or baggy clothing).
Once I got on HRT, and my boobs and curves began to be visible, I changed to femme sweaters, then femme linen trousers and heels (I do tuck, but I just wear shapewear). Now I wear skirts. Haven't gotten to wearing yoga pants and swimwear yet, but that's for after surgery. (There's tuck wear for those too, but personally I prefer not to).
Text me anytime if you wanna know whatevs!
homura1650@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 8d
Another MTF here. At home IPL is an affordable alternative to laser. It is not as effective as professional laser (as in, takes more sessions to get the same results), but will still get you there. Or, at least it did for me, but I did have dark hair on light skin, which is pretty much the perfect case.
Arcanepotato@crazypeople.online · 5 pts · 8d
Laser was expensive, but I got it done in an area prone to irritation and it was worth every penny, the mild discomfort (I am a baby lol), and having to get it done monthly until it "sticks". How well it works depends on a few factors, and even mine isn't "perfect" but I can look the way I want without shaving and that's amazing.
greatwhitebuffalo41@slrpnk.net · 10 pts · 8d
You never need to be anyone else, only you. The beauty and fashion industries will try to serve you solutions to problems they made up that aren't real problems.
That being said, if you love makeup, explore it! But don't feel like you have to if it's not your thing. Same with fashion. There's no right or wrong way to be a woman. Do what feels right for you.
Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone · 10 pts · 8d
Oh cool, I was just too scared to ask this for some reason. Eager to see what everyone throws in :3
Wren@lemmy.today · 9 pts · 8d
Colour-matching foundation is a lie, it'll usually just make you look patchy. Just get a good quality mineral foundation that matches your skin tone.
Malica@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 8d
Welcome to the tribe, we're excited to have you! Just be yourself, authenticity is the best virtue.
ScarlettStunningSpace@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 7 pts · 7d
Be whoever you want and always fight for it
Sunshine@piefed.ca · 7 pts · 8d
Be ready to have people demand you be perfect while men get free passes all the time.
wezzzy@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 8d
Thats a pretty broad question what kind of advice are you looking for exactly?
minty@aussie.zone · 10 pts · 8d
Idk tbh. Its meant to be a very general question. Anything that pops into your mind