PSA

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

First they came for the spring rolls...

Literally 1984

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

My spring rolls, my choice.

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

Too late, please advise.

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

Lest I checked, this was a free country

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

What about egg rolls?

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

Health and safety gone mad

I can do whatever I want >:(

Where else am I supposed to store them?

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

Can't have any fucking fun anymore, what's next, I'm not allowed to shove croissants up my anus?

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

AI or Stupid humans?

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.

The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."

So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

What if I already did hypothetically what would I do if I had already done that hypothetically can someone help me hypothetically?

How about don't put anything in your anus unless it was specifically designed to go there

Thanks to the new administration the Fierce Agents of Rectum Tenderisation (formerly Ass Secret Service), an untrained elite force of volunteers, can now inspect the depths of your rectum without a warrant or notice.

They try to be a pain in your ass to keep the country safe!
You sure can't plug them away!

(Not to be confused with Butt Patrol Agents)

You're not my real dad, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

IT IS MY RIGHT!

What about lumpia? Asking for a friend

Well obviously not frozen. And also not straight out of the fryer. But left to cool down, after cooking. Why not?

What, do you think I'm going to put that in my MOUTH???!!

There go my weekend plans

Too fucking late Doc, I’m farting essence of fried cabbage and cat meat until Thanksgiving’s giving.

What if I cook them in the air fryer instead of in oil and let them cool down first? When I talked to my doctor, he seemed to indicate it was a good compromise as long as I stick with organic ingredients.

Just .... just don't double dip

Do they expect Assy McGee to starve??

Welp, there go my weekend plans

Shit it was at the entrance! Glad I was scrolling Lemmy with Elvis Can’t Help Falling in Love, playing in the background.

We should tell this to RJK Jr, he said to not listen at experts.