You guys need a dog catcher in your group. This is one of those archetypes that gets over looked because it feels like something that's part of several other archetypes, but it really makes a difference to have it stand alone.
It's in the name, he catches strays. This is the guy that pulls groups together from separate circles, introduces new guys to the group, or occasionally plays match maker. He's probably running your Discord server or keeps putting you in group chats, he's the one that does the logistics planning when it comes to more complicated outings Lee week long trips and bachelor parties. In public outings he probably makes friends with staff or other queue waiters. He's probably the guy that stages interventions but out of genuine care.
There are others that can fill the role, golden retriever boys are good at the finding people but too dumb to coordinate. Fearless leaders can attract crowds but normally don't have the personal touch to keep anyone new long term. Sheep dogs are great at keeping new boys in the group but they don't invite new people. More often than not, the dog catcher will be playing another role in the group because their current services aren't being utilized so he's either not invested in it or your group is one of his secondary groups. If you're scrolling through your contacts trying to figure out who I'm taking about, if you're the forever DM, or if your boys keep saying "whatever happened to X" and you're the guy that reminds them, you're probably the dog catcher.
Just remember that your high energy and positive vibe are likely the delight of everyone around you. You don't need to be a master planner to keep the spirits high.
In some forms of social psychology they're labeled "bridgers", as far as I recollect. They are not archetypes at all and have nothing to do with Jungian psychology. It's also fairly pseudo-scientific.
As a trans girl, I can confidently say that I have a much easier time hanging out with girls I just met than I ever had hanging out with guys I just met. Although both do happen and aren't too uncommon.
It's cool to have intrepid folks who have crossed that threshold, and can confirm firsthand for us that boys are just not that well socialised. We need to be raising boys to be much kinder and more thoughtful.
I definitely did feel a little out of place around men, and many of my friends were women (even before my egg cracked). Uneasy is probably the wrong word, more just like an outsider.
I definitely wouldn't make the claim "men are not that well socialized" (although that may well be true - but I couldn't speak to that purely from my own experience)
While not a trans man, I have a great many friends that are - and all of them have really struggled with the social isolation men face. "It shouldn't be like this" no shit dude, but this is unfortunately what you signed up for and it's gonna be a fuck of a lot of work to fix it, welcome to the team.
Geographically it can be better because queer folks tend to stick together, but outside of queer spaces... yeah, it's rough out there.
I wonder if it’s just a pack mammal thing. Like the way young male lions hang out in groups but the older ones are solitary especially if they have a pride.
Any other older men looking to make friends: consider trying Dungeons and Dragons. No you are not too old. It's got the vibe of a regular poker game - sitting around a table, joking, smoking/drinking - but you can be extremely poor. The device on which you're reading this is all you really need.
Tabletop RPGs are a good and cost effective hobby. You can play DND with the free "SRD" rules posted online, but you won't get the fancy pictures and all the extras.
There are other games like it that are even cheaper. My personal favorite is Fate. Free rules, only needs four six sided dice.
The main problem is finding a good group to play with. DND is mega popular so if you're just looking for social, it's a good starting point. If you're not into fantasy, you can branch off into other games later.
DM me if you want me to send you my monster sorting program I made a couple of years ago that has pictures of all of the pages in the monster manual in it
All my time goes to work and my kid, and until my wife has a solid income again I pretty much have no time to do any real living outside of my obligations.
Been this way for four years, but we're almost there. Setbacks along the way. Becoming an immigrant in another country didn't help, tell you h'wat.
I went on a canyon drive one time. We started with 7 cars, when we got to the end of our route, we had 8. Hopped right out of his car and stood around in the circle with the rest of us, didn't even register for a second that it was just some random guy. He thought it looked fun so he kept up with us. Cool dude.
That happened to us one time with paintball. We got to this creek where we played and this dude was just there, he said his friends flaked so he just played with us
Hah, I've been there. Someone needed to borrow a lighter and just invited me to hang out with his friends. Felt weird at first but everyone was really cool
It's neat how one little weird thing turns people from strangers to friends.
Like you can be walking down the street and pass someone and neither of you even nod, but if you each notice an old lady doing naked cartwheels, 80% chance you're having coffee together soon.
I've found that crisis does it, too. I him (cat friend, we'll call him lol) while in a city a few hours from home, because my mom was helicoptered there for emergency surgery, and was in ICU for over a month. It was a horrible, terrible time, and the state I was in when I met cat friend definitely contributed to the friendship. He didn't know me from Adam, but he was there for me when I needed someone
I was driving up a mountain in my jeep and passed another SUV. They were driving real slow after we passed each other. I stopped, reversed, and asked "you guys smoke weed". We then took bong rips on the side of the trail for like a hour.
[Other person at train station]: Hey do you have a cigarette?
Me: Nope but I've got these weed edibles
I like to think I'm brightening their journey and providing healthy options. If they get the cigarette from someone else, then they'll at least get a nice 1-2 combo.
One time ~15 years ago a guy showed up to a party as his gf's +1. She and my girlfriend got into a fight and he and I just wandered off and played some games.
We're still friends and they're long gone. This is how guys meet lol
I was the random guy at a new year's party a few years ago. Was hanging with a friend and some of her friends I hadn't met before when she needed to bounce, then I just ended up going to a random party.
I got like 3 New years kisses, so I won't complain.
I gotta say this isn't my experience at all. It's any gender being any kind of welcoming to new people. That includes me in all positions (being the "haven't known him for long enough" and "we found him along the way", and also being the one who does both of those things).
If anything my experience has been that women have been more welcoming to new people, of course within reason and depending on the situation. But it's not at all heavily towards one side or the other, people are people and situational logic plays a larger part than anything else.
Idk dude this one time I met a girl and she told me she likes skydiving, I never met anyone that was into skydiving before, so I'm pretty sure girls really like skydiving
Same! I think the Seattle Freeze is mostly dead because of all the transplants. (I have a “Seattle” tag for any lemmy user that talks about Seattle, and your name is obvious).
I met my neighbor a few weeks ago because there was some crazy doing donuts in the grass of a park with tons of cops around. We got a beer later that week even though we have nothing in common, but were able to just hang and chat about whatever.
Lol, All this proves to me is another of the many reasons women live longer. Before you get your knickers in a knot, laugh, then go back to climbing on the bins to reach the roof. We'll chat later.
Just a thought-terminating cliche, very popular. It's one of the words used to shutdown brain function when you read something that shakes cognitive dissonance.
75 Comments
yakko@feddit.uk · 135 pts · 226d
I wish this was my experience. I've seen that women look after each other a lot better generally.
Deceptichum@quokk.au · 87 pts · 226d
Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world · 74 pts · 226d
You guys need a dog catcher in your group. This is one of those archetypes that gets over looked because it feels like something that's part of several other archetypes, but it really makes a difference to have it stand alone.
It's in the name, he catches strays. This is the guy that pulls groups together from separate circles, introduces new guys to the group, or occasionally plays match maker. He's probably running your Discord server or keeps putting you in group chats, he's the one that does the logistics planning when it comes to more complicated outings Lee week long trips and bachelor parties. In public outings he probably makes friends with staff or other queue waiters. He's probably the guy that stages interventions but out of genuine care.
There are others that can fill the role, golden retriever boys are good at the finding people but too dumb to coordinate. Fearless leaders can attract crowds but normally don't have the personal touch to keep anyone new long term. Sheep dogs are great at keeping new boys in the group but they don't invite new people. More often than not, the dog catcher will be playing another role in the group because their current services aren't being utilized so he's either not invested in it or your group is one of his secondary groups. If you're scrolling through your contacts trying to figure out who I'm taking about, if you're the forever DM, or if your boys keep saying "whatever happened to X" and you're the guy that reminds them, you're probably the dog catcher.
flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz · 40 pts · 226d
I've never heard these words used to describe social dynamics, but it all makes perfect sense. And TIL I'm a golden retriever.
slothrop@lemmy.ca · 38 pts · 226d
Who's a good boi...?
Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 226d
Just remember that your high energy and positive vibe are likely the delight of everyone around you. You don't need to be a master planner to keep the spirits high.
tomiant@piefed.social · 11 pts · 226d
In some forms of social psychology they're labeled "bridgers", as far as I recollect. They are not archetypes at all and have nothing to do with Jungian psychology. It's also fairly pseudo-scientific.
SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 46 pts · 226d
As a trans girl, I can confidently say that I have a much easier time hanging out with girls I just met than I ever had hanging out with guys I just met. Although both do happen and aren't too uncommon.
yakko@feddit.uk · 24 pts · 226d
It's cool to have intrepid folks who have crossed that threshold, and can confirm firsthand for us that boys are just not that well socialised. We need to be raising boys to be much kinder and more thoughtful.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 226d
I'd like to hear the trans boy perspective too. Maybe the trans girls felt uneasy being surrounded by men.
SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 13 pts · 226d
I definitely did feel a little out of place around men, and many of my friends were women (even before my egg cracked). Uneasy is probably the wrong word, more just like an outsider.
I definitely wouldn't make the claim "men are not that well socialized" (although that may well be true - but I couldn't speak to that purely from my own experience)
yakko@feddit.uk · 5 pts · 226d
Fair. I feel like I was not held to a very high standard growing up - at least, not as high as I now hold myself and others. Times also change though.
Warl0k3@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 225d
While not a trans man, I have a great many friends that are - and all of them have really struggled with the social isolation men face. "It shouldn't be like this" no shit dude, but this is unfortunately what you signed up for and it's gonna be a fuck of a lot of work to fix it, welcome to the team.
Geographically it can be better because queer folks tend to stick together, but outside of queer spaces... yeah, it's rough out there.
apotheotic@beehaw.org · 5 pts · 226d
Trans girl here sharing the same sentiment
aeiou@piefed.social · 26 pts · 226d
I think it depends on age, from what I'd seen older men seem to have a harder time meeting new friends than women
LordMayor@piefed.social · 10 pts · 226d
I wonder if it’s just a pack mammal thing. Like the way young male lions hang out in groups but the older ones are solitary especially if they have a pride.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 226d
Any other older men looking to make friends: consider trying Dungeons and Dragons. No you are not too old. It's got the vibe of a regular poker game - sitting around a table, joking, smoking/drinking - but you can be extremely poor. The device on which you're reading this is all you really need.
jjjalljs@ttrpg.network · 8 pts · 226d
Tabletop RPGs are a good and cost effective hobby. You can play DND with the free "SRD" rules posted online, but you won't get the fancy pictures and all the extras.
There are other games like it that are even cheaper. My personal favorite is Fate. Free rules, only needs four six sided dice.
The main problem is finding a good group to play with. DND is mega popular so if you're just looking for social, it's a good starting point. If you're not into fantasy, you can branch off into other games later.
AdrianTheFrog@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 226d
DM me if you want me to send you my monster sorting program I made a couple of years ago that has pictures of all of the pages in the monster manual in it
aeiou@piefed.social · 6 pts · 226d
can confirm, I am a large lazy cat
SupraMario@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 226d
Even social hobbies you have issues at?
yakko@feddit.uk · 6 pts · 226d
I don't have any social hobbies at the minute. It is not ideal
SupraMario@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 226d
Time to find one or two. That will help a massive ton.
yakko@feddit.uk · 6 pts · 226d
All my time goes to work and my kid, and until my wife has a solid income again I pretty much have no time to do any real living outside of my obligations.
Been this way for four years, but we're almost there. Setbacks along the way. Becoming an immigrant in another country didn't help, tell you h'wat.
papalonian@lemmy.world · 81 pts · 226d
I went on a canyon drive one time. We started with 7 cars, when we got to the end of our route, we had 8. Hopped right out of his car and stood around in the circle with the rest of us, didn't even register for a second that it was just some random guy. He thought it looked fun so he kept up with us. Cool dude.
DagwoodIII@piefed.social · 44 pts · 226d
We were once in a small park playing frisbee. UPS driver comes over and joins us for a while.
Cool guy. He said he was going to start carrying a frisbee in his truck
0ops@piefed.zip · 16 pts · 226d
I always keep one under the seat in case of emergencies
LordMayor@piefed.social · 25 pts · 226d
Like, if you get carjacked by a Border Collie?
0ops@piefed.zip · 14 pts · 226d
What? No. I am a Border Collie
fascicle@leminal.space · 7 pts · 226d
That happened to us one time with paintball. We got to this creek where we played and this dude was just there, he said his friends flaked so he just played with us
aeronmelon@lemmy.world · 56 pts · 226d
“He let me use his lighter, he’s cool.”
Saapas@piefed.zip · 25 pts · 226d
Hah, I've been there. Someone needed to borrow a lighter and just invited me to hang out with his friends. Felt weird at first but everyone was really cool
tourist@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 226d
"fucker stole my lighter"
blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 226d
We had 4 lighters! Who has all the damn lighters!?
Cue whoever has the 2x oversized hoodie emptying their hoodie pocket of like 8 lighters: Sorry! I just forget!
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net · 51 pts · 226d
Once met a dude in Walmart who had a cat with him. Talked in Walmart, and now he's one of my best friends.
BanMe@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 226d
It's neat how one little weird thing turns people from strangers to friends.
Like you can be walking down the street and pass someone and neither of you even nod, but if you each notice an old lady doing naked cartwheels, 80% chance you're having coffee together soon.
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net · 3 pts · 226d
I've found that crisis does it, too. I him (cat friend, we'll call him lol) while in a city a few hours from home, because my mom was helicoptered there for emergency surgery, and was in ICU for over a month. It was a horrible, terrible time, and the state I was in when I met cat friend definitely contributed to the friendship. He didn't know me from Adam, but he was there for me when I needed someone
SillyDude@lemmy.zip · 31 pts · 226d
I was driving up a mountain in my jeep and passed another SUV. They were driving real slow after we passed each other. I stopped, reversed, and asked "you guys smoke weed". We then took bong rips on the side of the trail for like a hour.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 226d
One of my favorite switcheroos:
[Other person at train station]: Hey do you have a cigarette?
Me: Nope but I've got these weed edibles
I like to think I'm brightening their journey and providing healthy options. If they get the cigarette from someone else, then they'll at least get a nice 1-2 combo.
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br · 30 pts · 226d
They're being friends for a year but don't know their names
Gerudo@lemmy.zip · 9 pts · 226d
My wife is like this with my newer friends. Where did they grow up? What music do they like? What's their partner like?
Lady, calm down, I've only known them for a few years now lol. She can meet someone and recite their whole backstory after the 2nd meet-up.
CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works · 28 pts · 226d
One time ~15 years ago a guy showed up to a party as his gf's +1. She and my girlfriend got into a fight and he and I just wandered off and played some games.
We're still friends and they're long gone. This is how guys meet lol
ayyy@sh.itjust.works · 25 pts · 226d
Haha gender discrimination
sexy_peach@feddit.org · 6 pts · 225d
we need a phrase like wife bad but for these
MagicPterodactyl@lemmy.ml · 5 pts · 225d
It's basically just "women bad"
mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 225d
Woman alien 👽
Can also be "man alien 👽" depending on the content
village604@adultswim.fan · 24 pts · 226d
I was the random guy at a new year's party a few years ago. Was hanging with a friend and some of her friends I hadn't met before when she needed to bounce, then I just ended up going to a random party.
I got like 3 New years kisses, so I won't complain.
Fizz@lemmy.nz · 22 pts · 226d
I had a friend who would do this every time I'd go out. I remember him finding a guy who had a pet goat it was pretty sick.
CalloftheDirtyWhiteBoy@lemmy.ca · 19 pts · 226d
No bro has ever took me off the streets to chill I must have fucked vibes
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 19 pts · 226d
Where's my Xbox? Oh, the junky Jeff brought over last night stole it.
TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 226d
True story?
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 225d
One of many.
M137@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 226d
I gotta say this isn't my experience at all. It's any gender being any kind of welcoming to new people. That includes me in all positions (being the "haven't known him for long enough" and "we found him along the way", and also being the one who does both of those things). If anything my experience has been that women have been more welcoming to new people, of course within reason and depending on the situation. But it's not at all heavily towards one side or the other, people are people and situational logic plays a larger part than anything else.
tomenzgg@midwest.social · 4 pts · 225d
Yeah; this one's been my experience, as well.
mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 225d
Idk dude this one time I met a girl and she told me she likes skydiving, I never met anyone that was into skydiving before, so I'm pretty sure girls really like skydiving
/s
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 226d
LOL I've literally done this
Flames5123@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 226d
Same! I think the Seattle Freeze is mostly dead because of all the transplants. (I have a “Seattle” tag for any lemmy user that talks about Seattle, and your name is obvious).
I met my neighbor a few weeks ago because there was some crazy doing donuts in the grass of a park with tons of cops around. We got a beer later that week even though we have nothing in common, but were able to just hang and chat about whatever.
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 226d
I think the Seattle Freeze is just yuppies being busy. It's no different from any other city.
electric_nan@lemmy.ml · 9 pts · 226d
"And he already told me he's not a cop."
hakunawazo@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 226d
Are you a cop? - No.
Zoabrown@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 225d
That’s… painfully accurate. 😂 Group chats: We need a vetting committee. Boys: He seems chill—welcome aboard.
CannonFodder@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 226d
* we have only known
Matriks404@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 225d
The thing is I like talking to strangers more than to people I know.
0 obligations that I need to act certain way whatsoever.
On the other hand, I can mostly do that only if drunk...
nightlily@leminal.space · 0 pts · 226d
Oh I see lemmy is not better than reddit with this boomer-style humour. Tell us one about how women and Asians drive next.
LavaPlanet@sh.itjust.works · -1 pts · 226d
Lol, All this proves to me is another of the many reasons women live longer. Before you get your knickers in a knot, laugh, then go back to climbing on the bins to reach the roof. We'll chat later.
Socialism_Everyday@reddthat.com · -4 pts · 225d
Lemmy: your daily dose of misogyny
crmsnbleyd@sopuli.xyz · 9 pts · 225d
Not really misogynistic is it, the first is not a bad thing
Socialism_Everyday@reddthat.com · -6 pts · 225d
The meme format of "Wokaj vs. Chad" implicitly puts the Chad over the Wojak
Soulg@ani.social · 9 pts · 225d
Sounds like you're doing a lot of projection there bud
Socialism_Everyday@reddthat.com · -9 pts · 225d
Hmmm, wonder why you're getting defensive around general accusations of misogyny not particularly directed towards you
jerkface@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 225d
lol and what is it that you are even supposedly projecting in the first place. dude was projecting projection, it's absurd
Socialism_Everyday@reddthat.com · -4 pts · 225d
Just a thought-terminating cliche, very popular. It's one of the words used to shutdown brain function when you read something that shakes cognitive dissonance.
SchwertImStein@lemmy.dbzer0.com · -2 pts · 225d
there are no wojaks here
Socialism_Everyday@reddthat.com · -3 pts · 225d
First result on "wojak" image search
ikidd@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 225d
That's the first result of "wokaj" there, sport.
Socialism_Everyday@reddthat.com · 0 pts · 225d
Oops, can't spell it seems