Guinness wasn't proud of this one.

425 points · 71 comments · view on lemmy.world

71 Comments

redlemace@lemmy.world · 131 pts · 184d (9 replies)

I only feel sorry for the Guinness World Record judge

Billy_fuccboi@lemmy.world · 84 pts · 184d (4 replies)

I just imagine them being very clinical about it. Just standing there with a clicker in one hand and a timer in the other.

redlemace@lemmy.world · 65 pts · 184d

Yet 48hrs before the 'event' at Guiness HQ

hOrni@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 184d

You gotta at least wear eye protection.

finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 184d (1 reply)

"Wait a minute, sir, I have to call my boss. Walter, do we count dry orgasms?"

answersplease77@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 183d

there gotta be smell/texture/viscosity standards for the judges to know what counts

diffaldo@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 19 pts · 184d (3 replies)

Imagine the smell 🤢

slothrop@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 184d (2 replies)

Pineappley?

Nioxic@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 184d (1 reply)

Cummy

AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 184d

Funky cheese, relevant username

new_guy@lemmy.world · 80 pts · 184d (3 replies)

That's one jerk every 9 minutes.

I can only imagine the pain in their balls and arm they must've felt after a while.

bizarroland@lemmy.world · 81 pts · 184d (2 replies)

Their prostate must have looked like a dehydrated pumpkin

jade52@lemmy.ca · 28 pts · 184d

This pumpkin looks how I feel

phx@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 184d

Their dick probably didn't look much better. Even with lube that's gonna chaff after awhile and probably took off at least a layer of skin

Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world · 62 pts · 184d (5 replies)

Fedizen@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 184d (3 replies)

Professional wankers switch hands every five minutes. It helps to rest each arm each session.

ouRKaoS@lemmy.today · 7 pts · 184d (1 reply)

That's a gooner move, resets the clock so you can go longer

JackbyDev@programming.dev · 1 pts · 182d

This man was specifically not gooning, gooning is about lasting as long as you can.

UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 183d

Feels like a different person

Hupf@feddit.org · 5 pts · 182d

gigastasio@sh.itjust.works · 47 pts · 184d (1 reply)
[ removed ]
anomnom@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 184d

…Himself

LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world · 46 pts · 184d (2 replies)

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like ā€œwhat the fuckā€ and ā€œcall the policeā€. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there's a whole train of women masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 184d (1 reply)

y'all should try to break the record.

GladiusB@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 183d

Collectively they may have

FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 184d (1 reply)

don't they send someone over to watch you break the record

HowAbt2day@futurology.today · 12 pts · 184d

Not just one but a bunch of nuts cum over.

PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk · 33 pts · 184d (2 replies)

robocall@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 184d (1 reply)

Fedizen@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 184d

LurkingLuddite@piefed.social · 29 pts · 184d (15 replies)

Fake. 36 red bulls would literally kill a horse, let alone a human, even if they weighed as much as a horse.

python@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 183d (2 replies)

Horses die from the dumbest shit tho

Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio · 5 pts · 183d (1 reply)

Lol, can't their stomach's like literally flip upside down and fuck everything up?

percent@infosec.pub · 3 pts · 183d

I don't know about horses, but this can happen to dogs. The condition is called GDV. It happens without warning, and the only options are emergency surgery (gastropexy) or euthanasia.

PSA: A gastropexy is MUCH cheaper when done preventatively vs. on an emergency basis. If you get a puppy that is a deep-chested breed, get a gastropexy when spaying/neutering.

The emergency surgery for my senior retriever mix was $6k+ and a rough (for both of us tbh) recovery. I've known others who have lost their beloved dogs to GDV. It sucks

redlemace@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 183d (1 reply)

Nah .... The info is not 100% conclusive but it's a huge risk to say the least. Still, there is more that does not add up. 36 can's equals 9 Liters (304 US ounce) of red bull .... Try washing down 9 Liters of a super sugary (lightly-) carbonated drink.

stormeuh@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 183d

The sugar could kill you in the long term, but I think here it's the caffeine you should worry about.

ouRKaoS@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 184d (8 replies)

The LD50 for caffeine in humans is 150-200mg/kg, so if you weighed only 36kg, that ain't enough caffeine to kill you.

LurkingLuddite@piefed.social · 6 pts · 184d (7 replies)

Go ahead and test those numbers yourself. Report back to us how 20 grams of caffeine goes.

Meanwhile, those of us that live in reality... https://youtu.be/wj_AOzSSDMM

BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 182d (6 replies)

One thing is how you'd feel, another is survivability. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caffeine states that LD50 for oral caffeine ingestion in rats is 192ppm, and only estimates the value for humans. Wikipedia doesn't exactly state it but it's safe to assume that the surviving 50% of rats will definitely not have had a good time though.

But "36 red bulls" is how much? I can buy red bull in 0.25l and 0.5l cans in local stores, what is available in the US in unknown to me, so I'll assume equivalent can sizes. So between 9l and 18l of red bull over about 11hrs. IDK that sounds like a lot of fluid no matter what. Maybe the electrolytes in the red bull will prevent water intoxication, but he'd definitely have had to pee a lot. Perhaps his kidneys would have a hard time following along with the excess electrolytes, but enough to become hypertonic?

Anyway a liter of red bull contains 320mg of caffeine, and thus 9l is 2.88g and 18l is 5.76g. Assuming a 100kg human body that's 28.8-57.6ppm spread out over 11hrs.

Had the caffeine been ingested all at once, then he'd at worst have hit 30% of LD50. But given that the subject probably didn't ingest 18l of fluid instantly, because then the story would include that in the title, the consumption was spread out. Elimination half-life for caffeine is 3-7hrs, meaning that the initial caffeine could be reduced to 1/8 by the end.

I don't have the time to do the integral equations, but my best bet is that our subject plausibly could survive, but his kidneys, penis and psychiatric state could do with a check up.

LurkingLuddite@piefed.social · 1 pts · 182d (5 replies)

People regularly die on less than 2g caffeine intake in a day.

BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 181d (4 replies)

Yes, there's always going to be outliers, that's how statistics work. That LD50 is 192mg/kg just means that 50% will have died by that point. Some individuals can survive beyond that point, while 50% couldn't.

I'm not saying that 50% of the population will be honky dory a-ok after surviving, what killed the first half. Just that it's not unlikely that you could survive consuming 18l of red bull over the course of 10h23m. You'd probably still be pretty fucked up, but surviving is a subset of being fucked up, not the other way around.

LurkingLuddite@piefed.social · 1 pts · 181d (3 replies)

My point is the LD50 is much lower than 192mg/kg. Even a middleschooler could observe that much...

BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 181d

My point is the LD50 is much lower than 192mg/kg. Even a middleschooler could observe that much...

Are you trolling or do you genuinely not understand basic medical terminology or statistics?

BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 181d

And claiming that the story is fake because "36 red bulls would literally kill a horse" is just plain old hyperbole.

While I'm not big on equine nephrology, or veteranary physiology in general even, I suppose that it's reasonable to assume, that not 100% of horses would survive ingesting the caffeine equivalent of 14l of coffee at once. But going from "some horses would die from this" to "this story is definitely fake" is just bad reasoning.

Sure, it's reasonable to question the story, but dismissing it because a horse couldn't do the same? WTF?

Not every horse, human, or humpback whale would survive consuming 36 red bulls. But it's not unreasonable to assume that a majority of humans would survive.

Personally I want to believe the story, if for nothing else than it's not a story about how the world is going to shit.

hOrni@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 184d (2 replies)

He must have very soft hands, I'm usually chafed after 6.

FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 184d (1 reply)

omg they could split this record into two categories - with lube/lotion or without.

swab148@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 184d

Uncircumcised guys get a huge boost in the "without" category

mossberg590@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 184d (1 reply)

robocall@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 184d

haha pump

CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 184d

I can't find the news article, so this might be fake. But I did find this.

Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca · 12 pts · 184d (1 reply)

mEEGal@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 184d

I know a challenging fap when I see one

Azrael@reddthat.com · 12 pts · 183d (4 replies)

I'm pretty sure 36 cans of Red Bull would kill you. Humans can't handle that much caffeine.

Simulation6@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 183d (3 replies)

Can't find the Death by Caffeine site (or they changed it) any more, but this one says 5 Red Bulls max per day for a 175lb person.

Azrael@reddthat.com · 2 pts · 183d (2 replies)

That seems right. The lethal dose of caffeine is 100mg per kilogram of bodyweight.

Rooster326@programming.dev · 5 pts · 183d

Uh that math doesn't checkout. I weight 90 kg

There is ~110 mg Caffeine in Red Bull.

I think I would die long before I got anywhere near 80 cans of Red Bull.

Telodzrum@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 183d
[ removed ]
zexyqag@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 184d (1 reply)

How do they measure an orgasm?

tomi000@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 184d

Multiple judges must be present and observing closely. They are experts in distinguishing moans

possumparty@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 183d

Implying he would use lotion instead of lube. Fucking amateurs. If you're a frequent wanker and you haven't graduated to real fuckin lube then you're a bit of a joke.

HexesofVexes@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 184d

2 short of true headline greatness.

MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 184d (1 reply)

I bet he didn't even use Margaret Thatcher's Boner Smasher.

bear@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 184d

fasc-light

WanderWisley@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 183d

In west Philadelphia born and raised…

NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 183d

He could have easily hit 80 if he was drinking C4.

daggermoon@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 182d

I'd be afraid my dick would explode

VibeSurgeon@piefed.social · 2 pts · 183d

The arch-gooner

FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 182d

Are they taking his word for it or did somebody watch to verify?

wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 184d (1 reply)

Did not know you could die doing that...

OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 184d

You can certainly come to a sudden conclusion.

diabetic_porcupine@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 182d

Imagine the friction burns