I was married til I was 38 (now 48). Got divorced, kids were grown, so I dated. A LOT. I've come to the conclusion that if you are single after 40, you are a basket case. EVERYone that I dated was crazy. Fun, but crazy. I'm just too old for that now. lol. I'd rather read books and hang out with my cat. And yes, I realize people probably think I'm crazy too. #crazycatgentlemen
Nearing 40 in an area with nothing but old rich people, currently renting one of their garage "apartments."
Atypical "introverted nerd" type, as in I work in a factory as opposed to the tech field, and am never around people like myself.
On a 1-10 scale of appearance I'm like 2.5
But worst of all, my greatest possible sin, I never want to live with a dog. According to the dating profiles I see that eliminated 99.9999999% of them.
As to why I'll continue to be single aside from all the above, I gave up ~2 years ago. My last relationship was 10 years ago. Some of us just aren't desirable to anyone and I just have to accept that.
I've lived in the same place for four years, which is the longest I've been anywhere since I was 15, and right now I'm not taking care of any dying relatives which has also been a constant over the years, so I'm not in a rush to make any drastic changes to my situation.
I decided in my mid-to-late 20’s that I did not want kids and that relationships tend to bring too much stress into my life. And from what I’ve seen from most other people’s relationships and marriages, I do not regret my decision. And these aren’t even bad relationships/marriages. They’re very functional. But there’s still stress and “drama” in all of them. No, thanks.
Yes, even in happy relationships there is so much extraneous drama injected into ordinary situations.
I've had so many kind gesture towards my partner rejected and shoved back in my face. It's just not worth it anymore.
When I buy myself a coffee or flowers, I don't scream at myself for getting the wrong coffee/flowers, or start ranting how I don't do this often enough, or that I'm trying to manipulate them... etc etc.
I just get to enjoy the coffee or the flowers and be at peace and think how pleasant it is. God forbid something just be enjoyable instead of weaponized.
At some point all the fun stuff from a new relationship dies down and most of it just turns into a drag. The deepest conversations you'll have are about what to eat or whether you'll be home at a regular time.
I know this is not the case in all marriages but most of them that end in divorce are merely because it started as something fun, marriage seemed the next logical step and then you're sort of locked into it, longing back to the excitement of getting to know each other. Being single is pretty much like that unless you never meet new people you have a fun couple of weeks with before never seeing each other again.
Because I want to be. I have a few casual partners and am regularly looking for others - but I find that I typically put more into relationships than I get out of them.
I think most people enter into relationships more out of a desire to remove uncertainty in their lives around having companionship (of whatever particular form they desire), and aren't really being served by the relationship. But in life, uncertainty is the only constant, and we grow as people and can materially benefit by embracing it. So my take is that I will only enter into a relationship where I can reasonably expect that the relationship would serve me in achieving what I actually want in life, rather than simply being a crutch to avoid what I don't want. And if I am lonely - then I am lonely. Loneliness is unpleasant. Good. One more unpleasant thing to work on acknowlaging and accepting to increase my inner tranquility.
Yeah that's a good read. I find most of my dates/partners just want me to fix their money/emotional/esteem problems. But they absolutely have zero interest in solve that for themselves.
I'm just a means to their ending their own bad habits and internal conflicts. I have no interest in being someone's parent like that, so the relationship has no basis to continue for either of us.
Especially as I don't have any of those conflicts in my own life, and I don't see any point in bring them into my life.
I sort of gave up after the last relationship. I can't be arsed with the dating stuff anymore. If someone comes to my door and tells me that we are now in a relationship, sure, fine. But I'm not gonna bother seeking one out. I have books to read.
It's not good to date when I'm crashing out. Nobody's job should be to try and "save me".
Also I've realized most people where I lived are on some dominance-brained shit or have spent most of their lives having to survive living around dominance minded people.
All the women who want to date me are terrible people who expect me to give up my pets, hobbies, friends, and job. They also have completely different life goals and morals than I do. They want to get rich, party, and lying and cheating is totally OK if they do it.
I've never met a woman who thinks any of those things are positives in my life. I never attract women who like the outdoors, like animals, want kids, and who think 150K/yr is a good job. Some of them exist, but they are already married.
resolving conflicts clearly but without being invasive
depth without cynicism
These combinations are rare. I have not mentioned aesthetics. The more short-term relationships I have experienced, the harder it becomes to form new ones.
Scared of dating and getting my heart broken again. Too much pain for me to handle. And I'm not where I want to be in life right now. So I'm focusing on myself (mental and phyical health) and building my future career. It's been the most peaceful years of my life since my break up.
Eh just kind of stopped caring. Had a bad breakup a decade ago and moved to a new city, went on tons of dates and had a handful of semi successful relationships the first few years but nothing that ever clicked or felt right long term.
Then I went back to school, started a new career and was generally too busy until COVID hit and I realized I was kinda happy being alone. Certainly happier than being in a bad relationship like the last few. So I've just been doing my own thing since then.
38 Comments
AverageEarthling@feddit.online · 17 pts · 121d
I was married til I was 38 (now 48). Got divorced, kids were grown, so I dated. A LOT. I've come to the conclusion that if you are single after 40, you are a basket case. EVERYone that I dated was crazy. Fun, but crazy. I'm just too old for that now. lol. I'd rather read books and hang out with my cat. And yes, I realize people probably think I'm crazy too. #crazycatgentlemen
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 121d
Crazy cat gentlemen unite!
Asafum@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 121d
Nearing 40 in an area with nothing but old rich people, currently renting one of their garage "apartments."
Atypical "introverted nerd" type, as in I work in a factory as opposed to the tech field, and am never around people like myself.
On a 1-10 scale of appearance I'm like 2.5
But worst of all, my greatest possible sin, I never want to live with a dog. According to the dating profiles I see that eliminated 99.9999999% of them.
As to why I'll continue to be single aside from all the above, I gave up ~2 years ago. My last relationship was 10 years ago. Some of us just aren't desirable to anyone and I just have to accept that.
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 121d
Because I haven't mastered mitosis yet
Iconoclast@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 121d
9 year relationship ended 6 months ago and I don't feel like getting into new one anymore.
etherphon@piefed.world · 6 pts · 121d
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 121d
Sorry ladies, this one's taken.
Sendpicsofsandwiches@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 121d
I've lived in the same place for four years, which is the longest I've been anywhere since I was 15, and right now I'm not taking care of any dying relatives which has also been a constant over the years, so I'm not in a rush to make any drastic changes to my situation.
Tedesche@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 120d
I decided in my mid-to-late 20’s that I did not want kids and that relationships tend to bring too much stress into my life. And from what I’ve seen from most other people’s relationships and marriages, I do not regret my decision. And these aren’t even bad relationships/marriages. They’re very functional. But there’s still stress and “drama” in all of them. No, thanks.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 4 pts · 120d
Yes, even in happy relationships there is so much extraneous drama injected into ordinary situations.
I've had so many kind gesture towards my partner rejected and shoved back in my face. It's just not worth it anymore.
When I buy myself a coffee or flowers, I don't scream at myself for getting the wrong coffee/flowers, or start ranting how I don't do this often enough, or that I'm trying to manipulate them... etc etc.
I just get to enjoy the coffee or the flowers and be at peace and think how pleasant it is. God forbid something just be enjoyable instead of weaponized.
Battle_Masker@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 121d
Everyone I asked for partnership said no
Staff@piefed.world · 2 pts · 120d
How many have you asked? You might have to up those numbers
cloud_wanderer@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 120d
sorry for u
Vinny_93@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 121d
Cause I got married. It's not that different from being single.
cloud_wanderer@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 120d
why?
Vinny_93@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 118d
At some point all the fun stuff from a new relationship dies down and most of it just turns into a drag. The deepest conversations you'll have are about what to eat or whether you'll be home at a regular time.
I know this is not the case in all marriages but most of them that end in divorce are merely because it started as something fun, marriage seemed the next logical step and then you're sort of locked into it, longing back to the excitement of getting to know each other. Being single is pretty much like that unless you never meet new people you have a fun couple of weeks with before never seeing each other again.
HikingVet@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 121d
Why do you need to know?
Tattorack@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 119d
I just can't be bothered. Too much work and I want to be selfish with my time.
blarghly@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 121d
Because I want to be. I have a few casual partners and am regularly looking for others - but I find that I typically put more into relationships than I get out of them.
I think most people enter into relationships more out of a desire to remove uncertainty in their lives around having companionship (of whatever particular form they desire), and aren't really being served by the relationship. But in life, uncertainty is the only constant, and we grow as people and can materially benefit by embracing it. So my take is that I will only enter into a relationship where I can reasonably expect that the relationship would serve me in achieving what I actually want in life, rather than simply being a crutch to avoid what I don't want. And if I am lonely - then I am lonely. Loneliness is unpleasant. Good. One more unpleasant thing to work on acknowlaging and accepting to increase my inner tranquility.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 2 pts · 120d
Yeah that's a good read. I find most of my dates/partners just want me to fix their money/emotional/esteem problems. But they absolutely have zero interest in solve that for themselves.
I'm just a means to their ending their own bad habits and internal conflicts. I have no interest in being someone's parent like that, so the relationship has no basis to continue for either of us.
Especially as I don't have any of those conflicts in my own life, and I don't see any point in bring them into my life.
HuudaHarkiten@piefed.social · 4 pts · 121d
I sort of gave up after the last relationship. I can't be arsed with the dating stuff anymore. If someone comes to my door and tells me that we are now in a relationship, sure, fine. But I'm not gonna bother seeking one out. I have books to read.
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 120d
It's not good to date when I'm crashing out. Nobody's job should be to try and "save me".
Also I've realized most people where I lived are on some dominance-brained shit or have spent most of their lives having to survive living around dominance minded people.
HubertManne@piefed.social · 3 pts · 120d
im not.
Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 120d
I have no idea how to approach women and women certainly aren't going to aproach me.
insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafe · 3 pts · 120d
Never had much luck with anything social my entire life, and I have too many types of problems. I just exist now.
Goldholz@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 119d
Am not. I am freshly married
cloud_wanderer@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 119d
Congratulation!
Goldholz@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 119d
Thanks :)
zabadoh@ani.social · 2 pts · 121d
I'm married, but it's a lot of work.
There are definitely pluses and minuses, but not being lonely is a big plus.
Happiness is transitory personal thing, and marriage and/or life partners won't change that.
cloud_wanderer@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 120d
I agree with u.
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 119d
I'm behaviourally challenged
cloud_wanderer@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 119d
What it means?
NickwithaC@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 121d
I'm not. Keep up!
virtual_vista@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 121d
AskewLord@piefed.social · 1 pts · 121d
All the women who want to date me are terrible people who expect me to give up my pets, hobbies, friends, and job. They also have completely different life goals and morals than I do. They want to get rich, party, and lying and cheating is totally OK if they do it.
I've never met a woman who thinks any of those things are positives in my life. I never attract women who like the outdoors, like animals, want kids, and who think 150K/yr is a good job. Some of them exist, but they are already married.
urheber@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 119d
Am not
hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 121d
Idk
MutualInformation@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 111d
If you use an AI frequently and many different questions and answers are linked to your profile, it can perform a kind of meta-analysis.
According to the model, I tend to be attuned to:
These combinations are rare. I have not mentioned aesthetics. The more short-term relationships I have experienced, the harder it becomes to form new ones.
HollowV@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 111d
Scared of dating and getting my heart broken again. Too much pain for me to handle. And I'm not where I want to be in life right now. So I'm focusing on myself (mental and phyical health) and building my future career. It's been the most peaceful years of my life since my break up.
hardcoreufo@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 119d
Eh just kind of stopped caring. Had a bad breakup a decade ago and moved to a new city, went on tons of dates and had a handful of semi successful relationships the first few years but nothing that ever clicked or felt right long term.
Then I went back to school, started a new career and was generally too busy until COVID hit and I realized I was kinda happy being alone. Certainly happier than being in a bad relationship like the last few. So I've just been doing my own thing since then.