This is simply incorrect, the guidelines approved and enforced since Victorian times is the man kneels before the woman sat on the bed, they hold hands, the lights go out for a minute, then come back on and she is now with child.

Anyone found breaching said guidelines are roundly shunned through heavy tutting.

TachyonTele@piefed.social · 16 pts · 104d (2 replies)

I misread that as the man kneels, before the woman shat on the bed.

Some traditions never change

wjrii@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 104d

James Joyce has subscribed to your newsletter.

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 5 pts · 103d

The Anglo-Saxons are just low Germans after all

Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 37 pts · 104d (3 replies)

Well then, Bob's your uncle.

GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 103d

how's that for a slice of fried gold?

MonkeMischief@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 103d

..."And Fanny's your aunt." I've been told concludes the expression lol.

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 103d

I always have wanted to work "Bob's your uncle" into my everyday speech, but I always forget it exists

ThePantser@sh.itjust.works · 32 pts · 104d (1 reply)

Love me a good snogging while rogering.

SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 103d

[ removed ]

blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 25 pts · 104d

Now that is tickety-boo

Longmactoppedup@aussie.zone · 25 pts · 103d

Hold tight now

Nearly at the station

Batman@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 103d (4 replies)

do you desire this, you fiddle stick muppet?

LeFrog@discuss.tchncs.de · 14 pts · 103d (1 reply)

You like that, you fucking retard?

FosterMolasses@leminal.space · 1 pts · 102d

I can't decide which one's better...

D_C@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 103d (1 reply)

No British person speaks like this. You, you, you nincompoop!!!
Cor blimey, guvnor, I done gone and said the only swearword that's frowned upon!!!

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 103d

So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!

trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf · 23 pts · 103d (5 replies)

Hate me all you want but I have a thing for women with a cockney accent

addie@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 103d

How do you feel about chimneysweeps with a cock-er-nee accent and their own dancing penguins? We've got one of those going spare. :starts whistling:

IratePirate@feddit.org · 3 pts · 103d (3 replies)

That's fine as long as you're not being a dick to everyone who doesn't fit your fetish.

Hisse@programming.dev · 1 pts · 102d (2 replies)

Not being a dick, in this context?

IratePirate@feddit.org · 1 pts · 102d (1 reply)

You found the joke. Now put it back! ;)

Hisse@programming.dev · 1 pts · 101d

Oops, I should doubt my autismlessness

nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de · 22 pts · 104d (4 replies)

~~sex~~

Horizontal jogging

hOrni@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 104d (1 reply)

Some of the old in-out, in-out.

crazycraw@crazypeople.online · 3 pts · 104d

Real savage

ceenote@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 104d

Peepee friction pleasure

DamienGramatacus@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 102d

Slap and tickle

domusaltera@piefed.social · 17 pts · 104d (2 replies)

I will admit, as a brit, that my automatic reaction to being startled is "Good Lord!"... 🧐

fakeman_pretendname@feddit.uk · 4 pts · 103d (1 reply)

As a Briton, I appear to use either the traditional "fuckin' 'ell" or "shittin' 'ell" or the somewhat nonsensical "shit the fuck".

I'd be interested to see if I could train myself to switch to "Good Lord!", like some sort of gritty Northern "My Fair Lady".

MonkeMischief@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 103d

Northern: "Flihhhliipin' 'eck!"

Spacehooks@reddthat.com · 16 pts · 103d

I have pinnacled! I dare say!

FreddiesLantern@leminal.space · 14 pts · 103d (4 replies)

Shall I put the kettle on then?

Digestive_Biscuit@feddit.uk · 6 pts · 103d

Fancy a cuppa

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 103d (2 replies)

It wasn't until relatively recently that I learned that the British often use "tea" as the word for their midday meal.

As in, "what are you cooking for tea today?"

Weird

Sassington@feddit.uk · 2 pts · 103d

Depends on where you live...

Up north tea/supper is also another word for dinner

Nurgus@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 102d

Tea is not the midday meal, it's the evening meal. Usually the largest meal of the day on a work day evening.

blorgnis@piefed.social · 14 pts · 104d (1 reply)

Now we know

very_well_lost@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 103d

Now we know...

NOW WE KNOW

NOW WE KNOW!!!

Zorque@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 104d (2 replies)

Does she... go?

Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 103d

Nudge nudge, know what I mean?

corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 103d

Say no more, say no more.

DarkerRadical@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 104d (3 replies)

Textbook intercourse

spicehoarder@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 104d (2 replies)

Sounds like that involves a few paper cuts

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 103d (1 reply)

Chapter 5 was begging for it

spicehoarder@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 102d

Textbook rape

A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 104d

Married a brit can confirm

smeenz@lemmy.nz · 10 pts · 103d (7 replies)

Omg... do Americans say Toosday ?

Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 103d (3 replies)

We say Tuesday

Deftworks@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 103d

I thought it was Twosday

psx_crab@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 103d (1 reply)

So, too-es-day?

Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 103d

It's pronounced like Tuesday.

surewhynotlem@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 103d (1 reply)

Twos-day.

Won chew free, innit?

Deftworks@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 103d

It is Twosday

IratePirate@feddit.org · 1 pts · 103d

Naw, today's clearly Threesomesday.

hansolo@lemmy.today · 10 pts · 103d (5 replies)

Wait... Is it really not just:

"Oi oi oi oi oi! Have a biscuit ya cunt!"

Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 103d

It's also that.

ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 103d (1 reply)

Wouldn't it be, "have a cunt ya biscuit?" Sorry, I don't speak English.

hansolo@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 103d

"Have a cunt ya cunt, I just cunted in yer cunt" might also be acceptable. I'm actually for real not sure and was asking in hopes of a real answer.

Smoogs@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 103d

You’ve gone too far. You’re in Australia now

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 103d

Oi! D'ya got a loicense for that?!

Digestive_Biscuit@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 103d

You can tell this isn't real. Spiffing wasn't mentioned.

GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 103d (1 reply)

drink me like a bole o waerh

cybervegan@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 103d

Depends on accent:

South West: jrink me loike a bo'oh wa'er ('=glottal stop like in "ugh")

London: drink me lyke a botto a wawtah

Merseyside: dlrinch me liche a bottull a wahtah (ch=choking sound)

danekrae@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 104d

Sufficient!

Etterra@discuss.online · 6 pts · 103d

I'm reminded of a phenomenal interactive documentary on life in a small British town. It's called Thank Goodness You're Here.

U7826391786239@piefed.zip · 6 pts · 104d (1 reply)

[ removed ]

Almacca@aussie.zone · 4 pts · 103d

I'm disappointed that wasn't Yakkety Sax.

mech@feddit.org · 6 pts · 103d (1 reply)

Oi, stick it in me bum and call me King, m8!

mattyroses@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 103d

oh, a royal rogering? Back home we calls that the Glorious Revolution!

flop_leash_973@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 102d

"I'm arriving",haha

That one got me.

rbos@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 103d (1 reply)

Now we know.

ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 1 pts · 102d

Now we know.

sirico@feddit.uk · 2 pts · 103d

It's like a good ol' stabbin with yer periwinkle

ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 103d

conartistpanda@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 103d

This reminds me of a puzzle

gmtom@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 103d (4 replies)

Thanks for the meme, but all these are real words, so it's not quite the same innit?

Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 103d (3 replies)

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 103d (2 replies)

deriod

Is that a dude period?

Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 103d (1 reply)

Yes

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 103d

I regret asking lol

jojowakaki@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 103d

You missed boo'h o'wa'er