TIL A 2018 study of 2,304 women, reported that once genital stimulation began, women reached orgasm in an average of 14 minutes during Partnered Sex
https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/how-long-does-it-take-a-woman-to-reach-orgasm
https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/how-long-does-it-take-a-woman-to-reach-orgasm
103 Comments
Maiq@piefed.social · 72 pts · 75d
My 30 seconds just isn't going to cut it.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 71 pts · 75d
That’s why you have a mouth and hands, potentially even getting your thigh in there.
Honestly, the penis in the vagina is sometimes the least exciting part about sex with that arrangement of genitals.
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 52 pts · 75d
The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina.
msage@programming.dev · 2 pts · 74d
Alright, the replies are crazy here. So what do you suggest then?
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 74d
That (a) everyone educates themselves on how their body and the body of their partner(s) work, (b) that everyone educates themselves on how they can pleasure their partners (and optionally themselves too, why not) and (c) that everyone actively participates and contributes when they are having sex, all of that irrespective of gender or sex.
It's ok to sometimes lay back and enjoy your partner running the show, but if that's the case every single time, then you are doing something wrong.
msage@programming.dev · 5 pts · 74d
I meant more like what do men like other than PIV or blowjobs. Just fishing for ideas.
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 74d
Ah, gotcha.
Think of everything you like being done to you apart from PIV. Chances are that men like that too when you do it to them.
A woman being actually active, showing what she wants, using her hands both to touch her partner, but also to show what she likes (e.g. putting her hand onto his hand while he's doing something she likes and pushing/holding the hand there) is incredibly sexy.
Being touched/stimulated on everything that counts as erogenous zone is nice.
Think of anything that counts as foreplay with women. Chances are men like that too.
To put it differently: Think of having sex, and the only thing your partner does is touch your clit and PIV, no other body contact. There's a lot missing, isn't there?
Communication is really sexy too. If you want something, say so. If you like what's happening, say so.
Show that you are alive, in the moment, and there with your partner, not just waiting for the time to tick away while thinking about laundry. (Even if that's not what you are, that's what your partner might think you are doing if you minimize reactions and participations, and that's decidedly not sexy.)
It's really not so much about that secret magic technique or something, just about really being present, trying to find out what your partner likes, being happy to participate and experiment.
That said, look up "frenulum orgasm" if you want to surprise your partner with a secret magic technique that they themselves might not even know. It's the male equivalent to a clitoral orgasm, and many guys have never heard of it.
msage@programming.dev · 3 pts · 74d
Great write up, thank you very much, I will study more.
Some things are harder to achieve in the moment without former practice, and even sexy talk is better trained in calmer settings, but life is messy and... people in general need less work and more time for themselves and each other.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -1 pts · 74d
And yet you targeted women specifically.
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 74d
"Targeted". Do you even read what you write? Anyway, you are noise, and boring noise at that. And thus blocked.
protist@retrofed.com · -26 pts · 75d
Their comment wasn't gendered at all. Yours, however, went straight to being divisive and attacking women...
Edit: Lots of downvotes and no replies. Someone please tell me what I said you disagree with
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 74d
Yes, the first comment was gendered.
It replied to a man telling him that he should be doing stuff apart from PIV.
Of course, if you ignore the context, you can interpret it differently. But ignoring context invalidates any conversation in general.
protist@retrofed.com · 0 pts · 74d
Please show me where she said "you should be doing something." All I read is that she provided some other options for sex
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -8 pts · 74d
My comment was not gendered.
You’re just a transphobe.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -1 pts · 74d
These men with their soft feelings can’t handle sex that is on equal footing.
I’ve topped more men in my life than these men have fucked women. I know what I’m talking about and it upsets them hahaha
protist@retrofed.com · -1 pts · 74d
Hey now, don't generalize about men or you're doing the same thing that rude dude did lol
Speaking as a man, it's not soft feelings leading to this, but deep insecurities, often totally subconscious
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -2 pts · 74d
Fair enough, I missed a word in the first sentence: "These** men"
He took great offense to idea of sex being more than a penis being inserted into a vagina. It says much more about him than anything else I've said here.
CorrectAlias@piefed.blahaj.zone · -26 pts · 74d
What a gross comment.
hirihit640@sh.itjust.works · 26 pts · 74d
Yes, certain observations can be uncomfortable but that's not a bad thing. It provides substance, for one, which your comment lacks
protist@retrofed.com · -23 pts · 74d
First comment: "Conventional sex can be the least exciting part of sex."
Second comment: "Yeah, so many women just lay there and contribute a vagina."
You: "What an insightful comment!"
🤮
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 74d
No.
First comment: "My 30 seconds just isn’t going to cut it." -> Clearly a man
Second comment: "That’s why you have a mouth and hands, potentially even getting your thigh in there. Honestly, the penis in the vagina is sometimes the least exciting part about sex with that arrangement of genitals." -> Telling a man that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that he should be putting in more effort than just offering a penis
Third comment (my comment): "The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina." -> Telling women that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that it would be cool if they too put more effort in than just offering a vagina
Your comment: 🤮
protist@retrofed.com · -6 pts · 74d
I'm sorry, can we read those back again?
No, that says "there are other ways to have sex than PIV," it does not say "you should be putting in more effort "
Your response to a woman saying "there are other ways to have sex besides PIV" is "it would be cool if women put more effort into sex." You're telling this to the woman who is saying there are other ways to have sex besides PIV. All she said was "you can use your mouth, too!" to the guy making a joke about lasting 30 seconds. Nowhere did she say anything about men at large. Do you think this is some competition between men and women so you had to throw in to say "no actually women are worse?" Do you genuinely not see how what you said in this context was totally uncalled for and sexist?
hirihit640@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 74d
Those sentences don't connect, your reading makes no sense. Try this:
first comment: sex isn't just about penetration
second comment: and yet a lot of women seem to think this, given how many just lay there
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -2 pts · 74d
There’s simply no way this man has slept with enough people to proclaim that most women don’t put in effort during sex.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -28 pts · 75d
What a disgusting comment to make to me. That's not the inverse of my comment at all.
Have you tried making the sex better for them by chance? You're really telling on yourself here.
sidelove@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 75d
Not for nothing, but the tendency for people who get along purely by being conventionally attractive to starfish isn't like, a secret. Lack of effort isn't really a gendered thing.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -13 pts · 75d
My comment wasn't talking about people who exhibit a lack of effort with sex.
There's a lot that goes into why a person may starfish during sex and, maybe surprisingly to you, a lot of it is rooted in lack of sexual education and/or sexual abuse.
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 74d
To check your prejudices, please complete these two sentences:
A man who doesn't take care of his partner during sex is ....
A woman who doesn't take care of her partner during sex is ...
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 74d
Selfish and probably not even enjoying themselves, certainly not enjoying their partner.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -9 pts · 74d
Not all men have penises and not all women have vaginas, you can actually go fuck yourself.
My comment wasn't talking about people who exhibit a lack of effort with sex.
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 74d
True. And who's job is it to educate a grown woman on sex? Are you so sexist that you think women can't be responsible for educating themselves?
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -4 pts · 74d
You’re literally talking to a woman who puts in effort with sex. Enough to know there’s a lot more ways to try to please someone than shoving your dick inside and calling it a day.
You’re certainly not qualified to teach anyone about pleasing others in bed.
sidelove@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 75d
Can you elaborate on
?
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -13 pts · 75d
You’re the one defending the sexist comment.
squaresinger@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 74d
What a sexist comment.
You:
It's your fault, because you are a man and complaining about a woman not putting in effort is sexist.
Of course you didn't know any of what is actually happening, but because I'm a man, you instantly assumed that I must be doing nothing. That is incredibly sexist of you. Check your privilege.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -7 pts · 74d
I see reading comprehension is a struggle for you.
Zannsolo@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 73d
PIV is the trigger for my wife which is awesome although I do like going down on her and using my hands but makes me feel like a god when she has multiple orgasms while I'm fucking her.
backalleycoyote@lemmy.today · 39 pts · 74d
How to prepare a frozen pizza for two:
Place pizza in oven➡️sexy time➡️orgasm➡️pizza is ready➡️enjoy!
bizarroland@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 74d
You may have to adjust those times if you have a convection oven.
If I let my oven get to 425, it cooks a pizza in less than 10 minutes.
backalleycoyote@lemmy.today · 19 pts · 74d
14min is the average, so perhaps the secret to a successful relationship is finding a partner who you can climax with in the time it takes to bake your favorite pizza.
evidences@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 74d
I gotta remember to add this to my dating profiles.
ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de · 5 pts · 74d
Look man. We're gonna follow the directions, and we're cooking a Tombstone. Not no damned tostinos.
Dicska@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 74d
You gotta invest in a Sybian when buying a convection oven.
ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 73d
Jesus if my oven got to 425 it would cook pizza in seconds
bizarroland@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 73d
Just so we're clear, I'm using Fahrenheit, not Celsius.
ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 73d
Username checks out
Colonel_Panic_@eviltoast.org · 2 pts · 74d
Instructions unclear, burned our genitals.
YoureHotCupCake@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 74d
I literally just did this last night lol it was a great time.
glitch1985@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 73d
It's a good practice to pee right after sex. Bonus points if you wash your hands as well since you're about to eat pizza
backalleycoyote@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 73d
Considering where your mouths might have just been, I feel like a little tinkle sprinkle on the fingers is the least concern.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 38 pts · 74d
Colonel_Panic_@eviltoast.org · 17 pts · 74d
We've had one yes.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 7 pts · 74d
MyVeryRealName@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 74d
As a man, how many damn orgasms do you want in a fuck?
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 74d
I think my record has been 12-14 orgasms in a single session.
There’s a handful of fun benefits to being a cis woman.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 74d
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 74d
That’s so cool!! Today I learned!
altphoto@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 74d
Ok, I think men can learn from this. So how? Did the before after op have anything to do with it? Or was that ability already with you?
MyVeryRealName@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 74d
Jesus Christ! Hell of person you were with too I must say.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 74d
It was a team effort :)
dewritoninja@pawb.social · 2 pts · 73d
Cis men/ trans women can do it too, but it requires backdoor access.
Gonzako@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 73d
Backroom mentioned 🇬🇩🇬🇩
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 74d
Damn! I've got to assume that that likely wasn't all PIV?
Like, I've been able to keep uh, full mast going through a refractory period, a couple of times, but... yeah, its not easy.
Usually gotta either give the little guy a bit of of break, use some other kind of stimulatory body part or tool... or basically find some position / situation where I'm effectively edging myself but getting her over the top.
RouxBru@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 74d
Cock ring my guy
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 74d
Oh those work as well, I just... I guess I just think of them as 'easy mode', compared to doing kegels and such + using your hands/mouth etc.
RouxBru@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 74d
You do you
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 74d
No, I don’t generally cum during PIV. Most women don’t cum from penile insertion alone.
In fact, there was no penis involved at all during that particular session.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 74d
That makes much more sense.
Yeah, whole lot of other erogenous zones and spots, everyone is a bit different as to how sensitive they are to which ones and which combinations of them.
I would have been extremely surprised if you were saying PIV got you to +10 orgasms, hence why I asked lol.
When I'm with a woman, my rough rule of thumb is that she should have orgasmed at least once before my pants are even off. Lost art of foreplay, and all that.
EDIT
But yeah, very broadly speaking, at least in my own experience, if you can find a PIV position where the clitoris is either being directly sort of smooshed or rubbed by the guy's ... i guess just 'pubic region', or the position is such that a free hand can also 'massage' the clitoris... tends to work better for the lady.
And also, there are specific erogenous zones in basically the rear of the vagina, anterior and posterior fornix, i think are the names? Some women have i guess you'd say 'high sensitivity' there, some have it at the gspot, some have it at both.
You're right that for most women, those areas alone being stimulated isn't enough, but, for some, it is.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 74d
Yep, most women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Most =/= all.
The way some men in here are throwing fits about women being able to orgasm without a penis is pretty funny though. How did any of you think wlw have sex?
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 74d
Yeah I don't know.
Porn exists where no men are present.
Vibrators... pretty common thing as well.
I... yeah I don't know how anyone who has like, used the internet before, can somehow not understand how you don't need a dick for sex to happen.
ChexMax@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 74d
All women are different, but my first is usually very weak. They intensify as they come (lol ;) ). I orgasm relatively quickly and then every few minutes after that. I expect a handful in a regular session, only 1 to 3 if it's a quickie for him, like 20 or more if it's a session for me.
When I'm with a partner where I don't cum a lot (or at all), sex is a chore and I'm not really interested. With my husband where I almost always cum a lot, I have literally never said no thank you to sex in 6 years. I often wake him with a blowie to get things going.
So. I guess if you want to fuck a lot, we want many damn orgasms.
Gonzako@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 74d
Yeah, on my first love it was the contrary to this. Making her orgasm was a full-day affair but when it came she'd nearly lose consciousness. She was perfectly fine with not having to orgasm for months but i'd defo tell her to make certain dates completely free.
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 74d
As a man, I'm more curious about just how many I can get out of her. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking to get off too, but I like to keep a stacked ratio, not quite a score but kinda. You kinda sound like you're just out to get yours. Where's the fun in that?
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 74d
Adderbox76@lemmy.ca · 31 pts · 74d
14 minutes!? Who the hell has that kind of time in their day!? /s
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 74d
in this economy? at this time of year? located entirely in your kitchen?
Can I see it?
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 74d
Give up watching sports. This is more fun.
AHamSandwich@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 73d
One can make it a sport, even a team sport!
darvocet@infosec.pub · 14 pts · 75d
Oh no. This is 14 minutes too long.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 0 pts · 74d
Only if you don’t care to make your partner cum.
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 12 pts · 74d
It doesn't take my wife 10 minutes from the first nibble on her neck, though, in 10 years i have learned where most of her buttons and switches are, find a new one still every now and then.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 74d
She really does have an awful lot of buttons and switches. Have you discovered the tucked-away rotary encoders, yet?
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 14 pts · 74d
No, but i found a spot that makes her jump a foot in the air from her back, so i assume it's hooked up to some hefty solenoids.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 74d
Ever have someone discover one of those spots that you never knew existed on YOU? It's like "What The Fuck did you just do to me?"
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 73d
I had a oh you'll do that back? moment one time that was pretty fantastic.
username123@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 74d
I got one with the solid-state encabulators
Zannsolo@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 73d
My wife is very easy to get there makes me feel like a champ. The key fits the lock for us if you will.