Sames. Had a childhood friend's wedding a few weeks ago where my family also showed up and I'm juuust about able to be social again even though I really enjoyed my time..
I had some great interactions today with people whose company I enjoy, doing an activity I love, in a place that is familiar and comfortable to me. It lasted for two hours and I am still overstimulated AF and ruminating for absolutely zero reason. The fact I can recognize this at all means I’m doing a hell of a lot better than I was a few years ago, though! Everything’s a win if you can spin it like one, baby!
I often wonder if that spike of anxiety and that feeling of adrenaline would be less pronounced if I just forced myself into social situations more often, or if that's just how it is for me.
I had to do this for a customer service job I had before. I ended up basically creating an entirely new persona and masking/dissociating every interaction, but was really good with getting sales and helping people and such while doing it. I didn't realize I was doing it until one of my friends visited me at work and mentioned I was like an entirely different person there.
Well, has never worked for me. In fact, just the opposite. I can pretty much do any social thing at least once, and things might slightly improve for a while, if I do it a few times. But the more I do it, the more anxious I get, and it becomes slightly harder and harder each time, even if everything goes perfectly.
For example, I used to be scared to walk into the doctors office, but then after few visits it became normal, I could do it like nothing. But now, after many years of lots of visits, I am already shaking, like two days beforehand. And I have not even been mistreated or anything, the anxiousness just kind of builds up eventually. I have not found a solution to it, and doing therapy did not work... it just caused the same thing happen with it, too.
Honestly you may need ADHD meds. I still get a lot of anxiety about social situations but it's much milder since starting meds, and it doesn't come with that adrenaline spike, I think since I already have something providing the dopamine necessary for me to feel like I can handle it. I've found my social anxiety has gone way down since starting stimulants, as well as anxiety caused by executive dysfunction and procrastination. The meds have made me feel way smoother and better regulated.
I haaaate how people dismiss those of us who have less visible struggles. In particular, it upsets me the way intelligent autistic kids are expected to have all their shit together, just because they talk like little professors. Intelligence and emotional maturity are two completely different things. A little kid can be brighter than all the adults around them, but that doesn't mean they can regulate themselves like a neurotypical adult can.
No wonder so many of us grow up to feel like imposters - ever since childhood, other people put high expectations on us based on one aspect, then get upset at us when we fail to master everything. I've worked with kids of this type as well, and it's disappointing how many times I've heard coworkers go, "They're so smart! Why are they even here (at a school specifically for autistic kids with behavior issues)?" Short answer: because there's a lot more to school-readiness than wanting to learn. Lacking the social skills to tolerate classmates, and having those situations trigger behaviors that can cause injury to themselves and others, is not conductive to a traditional school environment.
I had to raw-dog that experience in my own childhood in the 90s, when few people would've expected a little girl to be autistic (let alone a bright girl who loved rambling about science.) I had to learn socialization the hard way, after years of screaming, crying, throwing chairs, getting detention, and the only help I ever got was being told to "just ignore" my bullies. Thank goodness there are more services and knowledge available today to help such kids. Unfortunately, we still have quite a ways to go toward having "invisible" disabilities be understood and accepted, even by those who specialize in working with such individuals. Sigh...
Also people mistake having no outward signs of emotion for not having any internal struggles either. Just because I shut down when I'm sad or anxious or even angry, but because I'm not visibly freaking out people assume I have no emotions?
If you're convenient enough, why would they have to worry about you? My trouble is anxiety and I tended to shut down/dissociate/depersonalize (because anything else was harshly punished) and people basically are like "yeah she's great she goes along with whatever".
I'm really sorry that people couldn't recognize or support your needs. I hope it's very past tense for you.
After my diagnosis, I had two types of interactions when I told people I was autistic: "You don't seem autistic" and "yeah, that tracks" and I could tell which one a person would say based on how long I'd known them.
We fucking internalize everything because of being bullied by both adults and children. Then they call us high functioning. This former gifted kid gives them the finger.
For the most part I dread them. Even if I end up not saying something awkward, someone else does. So common is the phenomenon where someone thinks they've been misunderstood and is defensive about it. Myself and others do this a lot. Honestly we usually haven't been misunderstood and the other person was adding to what we said, we just don't get that.
Post COVID I don't do much social stuff. The only thing that seems to keep me going out is if they have a cat or dog. They're like travel social battery chargers.
They don't all feel like this. I try to keep a feeler out for when I try to socialize and I don't feel like this. But most of the time for me, it does feel like this. In spite of that, I think I actually lean a little bit more towards being extroverted rather than introverted (in that I gain my energy from social interaction) but most social interactions feel this way because I'm either interacting with people who obviously dislike me and just being in the presence of someone who clearly doesn't want me around is draining, or it's a new person and I'm trying to actively get a sense of whether or not they're someone who I can open up to both in terms of opinions and in terms of autistic traits. It's honestly a bit miserable, I wish I was more introverted, but I'm not and that's just how it is.
It depends on the situation. House full of ND friends good for hours. House full of NT friends good for a couple of hours. House that I only know one or two people one hour unless I find another ND. Company gathering sit in corner and wishes for death.
24 Comments
minty@aussie.zone · 31 pts · 3d
I went out to a bar last night and I now I wont be able to do anything like that for a good month, even tho it went really well.
BevsDad@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 3d
Sames. Had a childhood friend's wedding a few weeks ago where my family also showed up and I'm juuust about able to be social again even though I really enjoyed my time..
Malica@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 3d
E hugs from me, no touchy hug though
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 31 pts · 3d
I am high-functioning.
I only function when high. 😌
daggermoon@piefed.world · 11 pts · 3d
I function better when i'm high.
SourDragon@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 3d
As an autistic stoner, I can confirm this is completely true
Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 21 pts · 3d
I had some great interactions today with people whose company I enjoy, doing an activity I love, in a place that is familiar and comfortable to me. It lasted for two hours and I am still overstimulated AF and ruminating for absolutely zero reason. The fact I can recognize this at all means I’m doing a hell of a lot better than I was a few years ago, though! Everything’s a win if you can spin it like one, baby!
Godort@lemmy.ca · 15 pts · 3d
I often wonder if that spike of anxiety and that feeling of adrenaline would be less pronounced if I just forced myself into social situations more often, or if that's just how it is for me.
PineRune@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 3d
I had to do this for a customer service job I had before. I ended up basically creating an entirely new persona and masking/dissociating every interaction, but was really good with getting sales and helping people and such while doing it. I didn't realize I was doing it until one of my friends visited me at work and mentioned I was like an entirely different person there.
kolmaskommentoija@sopuli.xyz · 7 pts · 3d
Well, has never worked for me. In fact, just the opposite. I can pretty much do any social thing at least once, and things might slightly improve for a while, if I do it a few times. But the more I do it, the more anxious I get, and it becomes slightly harder and harder each time, even if everything goes perfectly.
For example, I used to be scared to walk into the doctors office, but then after few visits it became normal, I could do it like nothing. But now, after many years of lots of visits, I am already shaking, like two days beforehand. And I have not even been mistreated or anything, the anxiousness just kind of builds up eventually. I have not found a solution to it, and doing therapy did not work... it just caused the same thing happen with it, too.
Zarobi@aussie.zone · 5 pts · 3d
Like acclimatising to rollercoasters
emeralddawn45@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 3d
Honestly you may need ADHD meds. I still get a lot of anxiety about social situations but it's much milder since starting meds, and it doesn't come with that adrenaline spike, I think since I already have something providing the dopamine necessary for me to feel like I can handle it. I've found my social anxiety has gone way down since starting stimulants, as well as anxiety caused by executive dysfunction and procrastination. The meds have made me feel way smoother and better regulated.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 3d
I haaaate how people dismiss those of us who have less visible struggles. In particular, it upsets me the way intelligent autistic kids are expected to have all their shit together, just because they talk like little professors. Intelligence and emotional maturity are two completely different things. A little kid can be brighter than all the adults around them, but that doesn't mean they can regulate themselves like a neurotypical adult can.
No wonder so many of us grow up to feel like imposters - ever since childhood, other people put high expectations on us based on one aspect, then get upset at us when we fail to master everything. I've worked with kids of this type as well, and it's disappointing how many times I've heard coworkers go, "They're so smart! Why are they even here (at a school specifically for autistic kids with behavior issues)?" Short answer: because there's a lot more to school-readiness than wanting to learn. Lacking the social skills to tolerate classmates, and having those situations trigger behaviors that can cause injury to themselves and others, is not conductive to a traditional school environment.
I had to raw-dog that experience in my own childhood in the 90s, when few people would've expected a little girl to be autistic (let alone a bright girl who loved rambling about science.) I had to learn socialization the hard way, after years of screaming, crying, throwing chairs, getting detention, and the only help I ever got was being told to "just ignore" my bullies. Thank goodness there are more services and knowledge available today to help such kids. Unfortunately, we still have quite a ways to go toward having "invisible" disabilities be understood and accepted, even by those who specialize in working with such individuals. Sigh...
emeralddawn45@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 3d
Also people mistake having no outward signs of emotion for not having any internal struggles either. Just because I shut down when I'm sad or anxious or even angry, but because I'm not visibly freaking out people assume I have no emotions?
alternategait@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 3d
If you're convenient enough, why would they have to worry about you? My trouble is anxiety and I tended to shut down/dissociate/depersonalize (because anything else was harshly punished) and people basically are like "yeah she's great she goes along with whatever".
I'm really sorry that people couldn't recognize or support your needs. I hope it's very past tense for you.
ActualGrapesTasteGreen@piefed.zip · 12 pts · 3d
After my diagnosis, I had two types of interactions when I told people I was autistic: "You don't seem autistic" and "yeah, that tracks" and I could tell which one a person would say based on how long I'd known them.
In short, masking is for the short term.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 10 pts · 3d
Draining and every second tought is "when will it end"?.
Though on a positive note, anxiety around it has reduced over the years, it has just become more annoying chore
Malica@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 3d
We fucking internalize everything because of being bullied by both adults and children. Then they call us high functioning. This former gifted kid gives them the finger.
daggermoon@piefed.world · 5 pts · 3d
Let me know if you guys find a solution to OP's question. I have the same question.
TrickDacy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 3d
For the most part I dread them. Even if I end up not saying something awkward, someone else does. So common is the phenomenon where someone thinks they've been misunderstood and is defensive about it. Myself and others do this a lot. Honestly we usually haven't been misunderstood and the other person was adding to what we said, we just don't get that.
ChicoSuave@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3d
Post COVID I don't do much social stuff. The only thing that seems to keep me going out is if they have a cat or dog. They're like travel social battery chargers.
jellohound420@piefed.social · 2 pts · 3d
They don't all feel like this. I try to keep a feeler out for when I try to socialize and I don't feel like this. But most of the time for me, it does feel like this. In spite of that, I think I actually lean a little bit more towards being extroverted rather than introverted (in that I gain my energy from social interaction) but most social interactions feel this way because I'm either interacting with people who obviously dislike me and just being in the presence of someone who clearly doesn't want me around is draining, or it's a new person and I'm trying to actively get a sense of whether or not they're someone who I can open up to both in terms of opinions and in terms of autistic traits. It's honestly a bit miserable, I wish I was more introverted, but I'm not and that's just how it is.
Lexam@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3d
It depends on the situation. House full of ND friends good for hours. House full of NT friends good for a couple of hours. House that I only know one or two people one hour unless I find another ND. Company gathering sit in corner and wishes for death.
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3d
Rosh Hashanah dinner took it right out of me last night