c/lemmyshitpost · by Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net · 260d

Stretch marks

My face just looks like this since I hit 40. Haven't checked on my balls - beer gut is in the way

375 points · 76 comments · view on lemmy.world

76 Comments

eager_eagle@lemmy.world · 95 pts · 259d (11 replies)

Idk a single man who cares about stretch marks, it's usually the women who bring it up

Strider@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 259d (2 replies)

I agree, women are savage to each other, men either don't notice or don't care mostly. Ofc there are some idiots

Droggelbecher@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 259d

I've seen and heard both men and women bring up their own stretch marks, but I've almost* never seen or heard anyone of any gender bring up someone else's. And I have stretch marks, and have been seen naked by several people of various genders.

*the one exception I've seen is as part of a list of reasons husbands have given for why they find their wives unattractive post pregnancy. And that was maybe twice and in anonymous comments.

yermaw@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 259d

I notice but its not bad. Theyre just additional unique features.

mybuttnolie@sopuli.xyz · 9 pts · 258d (1 reply)

my gf constantly makes fun of my wrinkly balls. imagine if it was the other way around

GLOOMSDAY@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 258d

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StupidBrotherInLaw@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 259d (4 replies)

I've known a few, the type that traded up on their wives like cars as they got older. All of them were c suite execs.

nomy@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 259d (2 replies)

You can just call them psychopaths.

Lemminary@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 258d (1 reply)

I don't know about psychopathy, but they are a tad delulu.

nomy@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 258d

C suite gonna C.

yakko@feddit.uk · 1 pts · 259d

You choose your quality by the company you keep. Stay away from suits!

captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 258d

And not the women who actually date women, we're with y'all on it

Agent641@lemmy.world · 56 pts · 259d (5 replies)

Men will not complain about your stretch marks

QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 259d (2 replies)

on Lemmy probably not openly, on Instagram however...

Passerby6497@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 259d

"I don't have shit on my shoes, but down in the sewer....."

Starski@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 257d

Well there's your mistake, you're using Instagram.

GLOOMSDAY@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 258d (1 reply)

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dwemthy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 258d

Same brother

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 44 pts · 259d (31 replies)

To be fair, nobody be they man, woman, or beast, believes that balls are attractive to anybody without a weird testicle kink.

dontsayaword@piefed.social · 26 pts · 259d (11 replies)

I dunno, I think a lot of male-attracted people enjoy a good pair of balls

Wren@lemmy.today · 53 pts · 259d (8 replies)

I had a one night stand where the guy warned me he had only one ball. My immediate (in my head) reaction was I would not have noticed.

They shift around on their own and sometimes one or both hide for some reason, and honestly I respect the hell out of such a chaotic organ, but they are purely unreliable. Just imagine going through life thinking testicles are stagnant and neat, two nuts in a skin sack, only to find out half the population has these roving jizz pebbles constantly on the move. Our word for 'planet' comes from the greek word for 'wanderer,' and so should testicles have been named. They wander the groin as the trepidation of the spheres rolls planets across our skies. Never still.

So I guess they're okay. He didn't want me to touch his ball anyway.

Zwiebel@feddit.org · 19 pts · 259d (1 reply)

The skin is also on the move apparently. My ex was mesmerized by the wrinkles shifting around in pulses...

Wren@lemmy.today · 26 pts · 259d

I, too, have lost myself in the changing currents of the scrotal expanse.

ByteJunk@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 259d

Are you writing The Testicle Monologues? I was captivated, when's the off-Broadway premiere!

remotelove@lemmy.ca · 12 pts · 259d

Well, that was poetic.

QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 259d (1 reply)

I respect the hell out of such a chaotic organ

just for curiosity, what else is a chaotic organ?

Wren@lemmy.today · 5 pts · 259d

The liver. Gets high as fuck without dying (much,) can Terminator 2 regenerate itself — like if you gave someone half your liver (in their body) you'd both end up with whole livers, and it's the most delicious of the organs.

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 258d (1 reply)

"They wander the groin as the trepidation of the spheres rolls planets across our skies. Never still."

I think I'm tearing up a bit... 🥹

Wren@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 254d

Thanks. I butchered a line from this poem: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44131/a-valediction-forbidding-mourning

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 7 pts · 259d (1 reply)

Idk maybe but not in my experience. Could just be my balls are deeply unsexy.

agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 259d

Maybe, many relevant acquaintances have spoken very fondly of my balls, up to and including my wife. But maybe that's just me.

duckythescientist@sh.itjust.works · 24 pts · 259d (1 reply)

I've definitely seen some really attractive balls, and I don't have a testicle kink.

HugeNerd@lemmy.ca · 0 pts · 258d

Usually on women... I've seen more tranny porn than Deric Poston

gray@lemmy.ml · 17 pts · 259d (1 reply)

Balls are nice, go home!

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 3 pts · 259d

Haha maybe I’m wrong!

TommyJohnsFishSpot@lemy.lol · 6 pts · 259d (9 replies)

"nobody"

What a fucking asinine comment. Don't project your opinions onto everybody else.

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 0 pts · 259d (8 replies)

Damn getting rage responses from the pro ball crowd. Didn’t expect to see that one.

exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 259d (7 replies)

Dude knows ball

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 2 pts · 259d (6 replies)

Loves it! Well good on em.

yakko@feddit.uk · 4 pts · 259d (5 replies)

A million puns instantly spring to mind, but I won't use a single one. They're all low hanging fruit anyway.

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 1 pts · 259d (4 replies)

My balls started sagging this year, speaking of low hanging fruit. I like it! My balls don’t stick to my legs when I jog anymore!

nomy@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 259d

Mine have recently started dipping into the water if I sit amd get "too" relaxed, I hate it.

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 258d

There's a sweet spot between sticking to legs and needing a ball bra to sit on the toilet

yakko@feddit.uk · 1 pts · 258d

Swing low, sweet chariot

ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 259d (2 replies)

I've seen some pretty attractive balls in my life. It's just most people with balls are often very crusty.

Lemminary@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 258d

most people with balls are often very crusty

Not my experience, but I guess I do tend to be in queer circles where that's not the case.

Cruxifux@feddit.nl · 1 pts · 258d

Crusty balls?!? wtf? I don’t think my balls have ever been crusty. How little do you have to wash your balls for them to become CRUSTY?!?

Lemminary@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 258d

I don't have a kink, but I do love a good sack. Some people have photogenic genitals.

eager_eagle@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 258d

nah, there are good looking balls, the problem is that they're a bit of shape shifters

AngryishHumanoid@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 259d (1 reply)

Oh please, I wish my balls were that smooth.

Lemminary@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 258d

Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!

daggermoon@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 259d (3 replies)

I don't care if she has stretch marks. Why would I?

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 259d (2 replies)

Right. I've got stretch marks of my own. Why would I judge hers?

daggermoon@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 259d (1 reply)

They're kinda cute anyway.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 259d

mine are fun. i have very faint stripes in my body hair, and the stretch marks on my thighs almost match the pattern i already had. accentuates them a bit.

Sludge@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 259d (1 reply)

These some high quality memes you've got here tonight, sir. You got a license to distribute these white hot bangers?

Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net · 13 pts · 259d

LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 258d

Two thoughts:

I've never heard a man complain about stretch marks.
Good lord OP, is that an actual real photo of a real human face?

GLOOMSDAY@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 258d (3 replies)

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FlembleFabber@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 258d (2 replies)

Where is this picture from? Giving me a bit lord of the rings vibe

GLOOMSDAY@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 258d

[ removed ]

GLOOMSDAY@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 258d

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seathru@lemmy.sdf.org · 6 pts · 259d

I'll have you know these balls as smooth sa eggs.

dorumon@lemmy.cafe · 5 pts · 258d

I'm proud of my stretch marks.

curiousaur@reddthat.com · 5 pts · 258d

I think stretch marks are cute.

Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 260d

TIL my balls are Gelfling.

samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 259d (3 replies)

I think stretch marks are cute! But then, I like big bellies, so it comes with the territory.

Tigeroovy@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 259d (1 reply)

Love me a good mom bod!

samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 259d

RogerMeMore@reddthat.com · 2 pts · 258d

That's cool! I think everyone has something they like about themselves, even if it doesn't match what society says is attractive. But hey, as long as you feel good about yourself, that's all that matters!

underscores@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 258d

I love feeling around my girlfriend's stretch marks

Generica@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 258d

On the dl