Obviously the perfect spot is the corner of the basement, back behind the clothes washing machine, as this is both safe from predators and far enough outside the living area to not spread disease. Unfortunately the humans do not allow this, so we must search daily for a new outdoor area which is suitable.

tyrant@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 165d

Or check the lemmings. ... Slightly awkward

Zorque@lemmy.world · 61 pts · 165d (6 replies)

I need more fiber in my diet :\

DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 165d (4 replies)

Be careful with that shit, it's powerful magic.

bizarroland@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 165d (3 replies)

Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.

Kenny2999@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 165d (2 replies)

Two to four words: sugarfree gummibears

ComfortableRaspberry@feddit.org · 12 pts · 165d

There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself

somethingsnappy@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 165d

Fiber regulates, sugar free... lets things free.

Nioxic@lemmy.dbzer0.com · -2 pts · 165d

Fun fact, can fiber cause constipation

You can try a no fiber diet.. you will see fiber required

moonshadow@slrpnk.net · 58 pts · 165d (2 replies)

Boss makes a dollar,

I make a dime.

12 seconds to shit?

Not near enough time.

_stranger_@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 165d (1 reply)

Either you learn how to shit in 12 seconds, or AI will take shitting away from you. Sorry, that analology got away from me at the end.

Archer@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 164d

I wonder if they’ll try to get away with bathroom cameras using AI because it’s not a person watching you

Asafum@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 165d (1 reply)

Don't you dare tell my boss that. Don't take my time away from me!!

6stringringer@lemmy.zip · 19 pts · 165d

I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time

Kcap@lemmy.world · 40 pts · 165d (2 replies)

They don't have Wi-Fi

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 165d (1 reply)

yeah, pooping would be way faster if they had wifi

ReluctantMuskrat@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 164d

[ removed ]

wabafee@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 165d

Tonight's news, Amazon limit on bathroom break for 12 seconds based on this study.

kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 165d (1 reply)

Given my numbers, the median must be like 0.12 seconds. If your legs aren't asleep by the time you finish, did you even poop?

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 165d

are you another of us 20 year poopers or are you one of us half second poopers

sundray@lemmus.org · 27 pts · 165d (2 replies)

Look, it's not a race, okay?

But if it were, I lost.

victorz@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 165d

if it were, I lost.

Same. Intentionally. I need some me time sometimes.

AA5B@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 165d

It’s survival on the plains. You didn’t loose the race, you got eaten by a lion

SPRUNT@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 165d (2 replies)

I always told my teachers that I'm way above average but they never believed me....

VINDICATION!!

some_random_nick@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 165d (1 reply)

Poop any% speedrun?

Dicska@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 165d

speedruns

ThunderChunk@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 19 pts · 165d

Tell that to the dog named Oliver who lives with me...I swear that guy will take like 5 to 7 minutes some days...sheesh

s@piefed.world · 18 pts · 165d (2 replies)

My name is Constipation Georg and I live in a cave and take 12 hours to poop per day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data

Dicska@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 165d (1 reply)

My name is Low Sleep Stress Coffee Cream Cheese Shit Hubert, and I live in a cave, and take 12 seconds to poop and 11 hours 59 minutes 48 seconds to wipe per working day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 165d

My name is Diarrhea Vaclav and i live in a cave. I eat nothing but haribo candles. I take half a second to poop but the next wave starts immediately so if i move from the toilet, i leave a slime trail. I spend 23 hours, 17 minutes a day pooping (the remaining 43 minutes are Vaclav's time) and don't know when it began or ended anymore. My only hope for relief is that i am counted as an outlier and released from the study.

billwashere@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 165d

Is it longer if there is a dog staring at them the whole time?

200ok@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 165d

Tell that to Ron from Accounting

Agent641@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 165d

TIL I am an extreme outlier.

DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 165d

When everything is working as it should, it doesn't take me much longer. That's a rare day, though.

gedaliyah@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 165d

Today I learned that I am well above average.

HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 9 pts · 165d

!lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

psx_crab@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 165d (1 reply)

I can do half by having dragon fruit last night. I swear that thing is an artifect of poop god.

ickplant@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 165d

It does have a lot of fiber but you also might be allergic to it.

https://open.substack.com/pub/naturespharmacy/p/does-yellow-dragon-fruit-cause-diarrhea

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 165d (1 reply)

i'm just putting this out there, if you take too long to poop the toilet alligator gonna eat you

PattyMcB@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 164d

Oh, shit!

melfie@lemy.lol · 7 pts · 165d

[ removed ]

moobythegoldensock@infosec.pub · 7 pts · 165d

12 seconds? I struggle to finish in 12 minutes.

Damn IBS.

ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 165d (3 replies)

12 seconds to poop, sure, if you don't count all the time for bathroom clean up, a shower, laundry, etc...

Pringles@sopuli.xyz · 22 pts · 165d (1 reply)

I'm afraid to ask, but just how the fuck do you poop exactly? Do you helicopter poop it hippo style in the middle of the bathroom?

Okokimup@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 165d

Thank you for giving me the giggles.

calcopiritus@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 165d

You'll save a lot of laundry time if you pull your pants down before pooping.

0oWow@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 165d (3 replies)

I feel sorry for the person(s) that had to watch in order to know this.

MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 165d

Scientists get to choose what they study.

NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 165d

There are worse jobs in the world than watching wildlife poop

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 165d

i don't. my fatal butt disease surgeon, his office was covered in artwork of animal butts. i bet he'd've loved to conduct the study

ickplant@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 165d

TIL I’m an average mammal.

gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de · 5 pts · 165d (3 replies)

Pooping itself might take 12 seconds, but if you consider that you have to go to the toilet in the first place, wipe the lid clean, sit down, relax enough to actually be able to poop, then poop, wipe, wipe again, wipe again, then wash hands ... it takes more like 5-15 minutes depending on what you ate yesterday.

Psythik@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 164d (2 replies)

For me it takes upwards of an hour, because I think I'm done then 20 minutes later I'll have to go again for round 2. So I rather just sit and wait until it's all out rather than go running back to the toilet several times over. Yes I've already tried increasing my fiber intake.

innermachine@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 164d

Buddy ur gonna get hemorrhoids or a prolapsed anus watch ur time on the shitter </3

the_crotch@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 164d

Have you tried decreasing your coffee intake?

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 5 pts · 165d

I'm pretty high above average then. 😤

Marthirial@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 165d

Taco Bell: Hold my taco...

Little8Lost@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 165d

Im jealous

tlekiteki@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 165d (1 reply)

Toilets close the muscles- its much healther to poop on the floor.