Tucker Carlson claims he was mauled by a demon while asleep, leaving claw marks

Even Fido has had enough of his shit

I watched that video, and had he just stuck to being suddenly awake and having claw marks I would have thought there was something odd. But he led with having four dogs in the bed, so when he said he had claw marks...dear lord, he's either trying too hard to play to some niche audience, or he's really that stupid. At least make the story sound plausible...we know you can lie, why didn't you just leave off some details here to sell it better.

Yeah, if I were married to Tucker Carlson I'd be pretty messed up too.

We know his wife didn't leave them in the throes of passion, that's for sure

https://theonion.com/piss-soaked-tucker-carlson-claims-demon-urinated-on-him-while-he-slept/ ?

Dude, even small dogs can hog some serious space. 4 dogs? I'm surprised there's any room left for the fucker and his wife. He probably got scratches falling out of bed.

Holy shit I did not think the alt right could get any fucking dumber.

"I went to bed and woke up next to this unconscious woman... I was in my bed with the wife and dogs at the time, so she must've been a demon."

Yeah, i imagine his wife is pretty vicious.

Is it Tucker Carlson has hell hounds for pets?

I do too. Paranoid delusions

His boyfriend choked him out too hard? I'm bad at inferences.

Tucker made the mistake of dressing up as a couch for Halloween.

It's why JD Vance's pimp handlers slather him in makeup and eyeliner to keep Tucker interested in MAGA. All funded from the top down by Elon Musk who eats babies in a failed and desperate attempt to stay young.

The demon turned him into a couch

How to explain away the signs of rough gay beastial sex to your wife.

FTFY

This.

Your atheist ass is inviting people in you say?

I’m not sure if this was a literal invitation, but I’ll poke my head out.

It depends on how you interpret scripture. I was raised in a “non-literalist” faith, and some of these beliefs have come to interpret references to “demons,” and what not, being misconstrued as mental illnesses. I believe Richard Dawkins coined the phrase “God of the Gaps” which is not too dissimilar to what is happening in this case.

So the non-faithful, along with the faithful, could still be afflicted, technically, however I’m fairly confident mental health treatment may be better for them over “driving out the demon” so to speak. Though some denominations would call it heresy for me to say that. Lmao.

As for Tucker… I’m skeptical he cares for the Word. He certainly doesn’t act as though he does, in my view.

As I understand it, Carlson wasn't much of a man of faith before this either.

do the demons have large knots?

This is the level of critical thinking that conservative pundits are exercising.

4.. FOUR Dogs? Imagine the smell...

He claims the dogs were sleeping but, who knows. 🤷‍♂️

If forced to wager, split money between affair and prostitute. Longshot: beaten up by old school influencers.

I dunno. If anyone has the servants of darkness hanging out at their home, it's this guy.

The fun is this for me is the thought that a supernatural force attacked you in your sleep, you claim it to be a Christian/religious force, and yet at no point does he acknowledge/reflect that maybe his actions may cause scrutiny by his religious beliefs.

Thought process?: "My God created everything, including deamons sent to attack me personally, clearly I am doings gods work"

100%

As someone who was raised in a very evangelical household: the (non)-answer is that it happened to him in order to tempt him or test him or some shit. If it happens to a non-god-fearing individual, it's deserved, otherwise it's God's plan all along. Because moving the goal posts is just way too easy.

The real answer is Tucker Carlson is either actually insane or hardcore grifting, but I'm probably preaching to the choir here going down that rabbit hole lol.

No you see he is like Job in the Bible!!! He's so righteous God is testing him with demons!!!!

-his fans probably

Alex Jones’s bible

I shudder to think what that thing is filled with.

That movie was so very prescient. This -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuBe93FMiJc

You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it!! Is that clear?! You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case. The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance!

You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels.

It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU WILL ATONE!

Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale?

You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today.

What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state -- Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do.

We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that perfect world in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality -- one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock, all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused.

And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.

You(are the)Tube

I'm worried that y'all don't know what lying is.

Sleep paralysis was likely what people would later claim to each other was a nighttime demon encounter back in the 1750s So it's accurate to Tucker and the GOP who just want to burn witches

Or between him and his dogs

If they really wanted to be scary they would amass 99.9% of the worlds wealth amongst 1% of the population and horde it all while killing the planet and bribing politicians in a vein attempt at being happier.

Rare domestic abuse win!

¿Porque no los dos?

A loan out of one of Lindsey Graham’s ladybugs 🐞 I bet

Well, he did say he was sleeping in bed with his four dogs so I can think of at least four different places he could have got the claw marks.

Yes! (inclusive or)