An intelligence of pure malevolence.

885 points · 51 comments · view on lemmy.world

51 Comments

Akido37@lemmy.world · 46 pts · 136d (2 replies)

SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social · 13 pts · 136d

Everything smart in my house is self hosted and air gapped.

My tech illiterate friend: "we've got *webcams in every room! 💕"

*Chinese, cloud based

FosterMolasses@leminal.space · 3 pts · 136d

Ahhh, beat me to it lol

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 42 pts · 136d (2 replies)

youcantreadthis@quokk.au · 13 pts · 136d

Like that fucking snitch deserves.

okwhateverdude@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 136d

Goddamn it feels good to be a gansta.

Pee Cee Load Letter?! What the fuck does that mean?!

darthelmet@lemmy.world · 30 pts · 137d (5 replies)

I'm also pretty sure that cats understand human languages and just choose to ignore us most of the time.

Sabata11792@ani.social · 6 pts · 136d (1 reply)

They choose to actively impede humanity.

FosterMolasses@leminal.space · 8 pts · 136d

Just like humanity!

jballs@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 136d (2 replies)

One of my friends, who has never had a cat, told me that cats were way stupider than dogs because they didn't follow basic commands and probably didn't even know their own names.

I think it takes living with cats to realize that they are smart as hell and understand a lot of what you're saying - they just don't give a fuck.

Tonava@sopuli.xyz · 6 pts · 136d (1 reply)
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darthelmet@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 136d

This is just reminding me of my current cat who will open the door to my room, then get inside and close it. I think it's to get my attention, but the funny part is always when he is ready to leave and he realizes the consequences of his actions.

Missmuffet@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 136d (5 replies)

Not mine, its from the 90s and i wish to be buried with it

qupada@fedia.io · 20 pts · 136d (3 replies)

Bold of you to assume you're going to be the one to outlive a 90s printer.

bearoftheisle@europe.pub · 6 pts · 136d

Nah it's like how some cultures used to bury live servants with their masters when the master died. Pretty greedy tbh, that printer could serve generations after them

FosterMolasses@leminal.space · 2 pts · 136d

I told you to not give it a gun!!

SuDmit@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 136d

I don't see that assumption though.

Rhaedas@fedia.io · 3 pts · 136d

I wish I still had my Okidata printer I used with my C-64. Yes, it's dot matrix and slow, but it knew its job and did it well. Same with our later HP 5P. Solid. What the hell happened, HP?

ZeDoTelhado@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 136d

Oh, you need to print a form before going to the airport because of some outdated entry requirement? Sure, I will jam the paper 3 times, ask for a magenta cartridge after failing printing, even if you are printing black only, and then i will ask to sacrifice your first born when you are getting desperate to print and leave!

youcantreadthis@quokk.au · 12 pts · 136d (4 replies)

Every printer is a fucking snitch.

Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 136d (3 replies)

I mean, color printers are with their yellow tracking dots.

youcantreadthis@quokk.au · 1 pts · 136d (2 replies)

I recall something about b&w printers too

Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 136d (1 reply)

Haven't heard that, but would be interested in learning more.

youcantreadthis@quokk.au · 1 pts · 134d

Vague memory. I think its in, like, micro patterns or something.

raman_klogius@ani.social · 11 pts · 136d

They were forged in the evil foundries of Hewlett-Packard

diemartin@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 136d (1 reply)

Just read that (at least 3D) printers will become even more evil

(seriously, lol, or should I say, lmao, at whoever thought about doing this kind of shit unironically)

FosterMolasses@leminal.space · 2 pts · 136d

Yo, that's crazy

Soon anarchists won't even be able to print posters anymore lol, the writers of Cyberpunk 2077 couldn't make this shit up.

sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 11 pts · 136d

Technically, its not their fault, they were made that way and have no means of changing themselves...

But that doesn't change that they functionally are agents of evil.

... They're basically Orcs, but with even less agency.

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 136d

I tripped and fell a while ago. I have no idea how it happened but I'm pretty sure I heard the printer chuckle. I've been sleeping with the lights on and a balled-up sheet of paper under my pillow ever since. If it tries anything, I'm shoving that paper in its paper tray. And then I'll say something cool like "I hope you brought your guitar, cause it's time to jam!"

merc@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 136d (3 replies)

It's more the printer companies that are evil.

Printers from the 90s and early 2000s were still pretty good. They had problems with paper jams, but that's not really surprising when you're moving a physical object around like that. The models designed for office use were really sturdy and built to handle a work environment that was still mostly based around paper. So, they expected to be used heavily.

Since then, they've cheaped out on a lot of the components because printing is much less common so they're not expected to handle as much heavy work. But, more importantly, the DMCA has allowed manufacturers to load them up with DRM that refuses to use any ink that isn't sold by the printer manufacturer.

LodeMike@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 136d (2 replies)

Printers suck now because they always sucked. You just used models that cost 3x as much.

Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 135d

Printers suck in part because they're mechanical devices that move paper. They are subject to fatigue and their feed stock is inconsistent, and they are built to a cost so they're as cheaply made as possible.

But they also suck because manufacturers aren't content to just sell machines that either put ink on paper or fuse toner to same. They also have to screw people as hard as possible on ink/toner. Which means artificial limitations rather than physical ones. And that's where they really start to suck.

merc@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 136d

The models that cost 3x as much now suck. At least it used to be possible to get one that didn't suck.

Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 137d (1 reply)

I have had exactly zero problems with the two Brother laser printers I’ve owned for the last 20 years.

tyler@programming.dev · 6 pts · 136d

I haven’t had problems with printers on Linux or Mac. Literally just windows that is shit honestly.

village604@adultswim.fan · 7 pts · 136d (1 reply)

Printers know I'm just looking for an excuse to go Office Space on them, so they always start working when I show up. Same with desktops.

But get a Brother printer and you won't have issues. My 2007 model is still working fine, although the NIC died a few years ago and unfortunately doesn't have a functional driver I can find for a print server.

But I found a $650 Brother multifunction at Goodwill for $10 that looked brand new, just needed a new toner cartridge.

SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev · 3 pts · 136d

I have worked with many printers and copiers. I found the small business laser jet Brother printers are by far the best. They just are a little big for an apartment. I would say HP is the worse, but I have worked with Konica Minoltas.

WraithGear@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 136d

i heard the reason the printer wastes your cyan or magenta and refuses to print without it even for black and white prints is that it has to finger print the paper so it can be traced back to you

Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 7 pts · 136d

It's not the printers themselves that are evil. They were just made this way by their overlords.

Katana314@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 136d

If you only print occasionally, do it at the library. Far better to rely on community printers that are running often to keep the ink warm.

RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 136d (2 replies)

Have a small-office level printer. Zero trouble for a decade. Previously had a succession of inkjets and had to deal with bloated software, greedy refills and restrictions on them, and flawed scanner feeds.

Never buying those things again.

NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 136d (1 reply)

We had a great 10 year old office-grade printer that kicked the bucket two years ago. Since then we have been through 5 office-grade printers of varying brands and they are all crap.

If you have something that’s been around for a decade, stroke it gently, give it some treats, and tell it what a good printer it is, because that printer is irreplaceable

RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 136d

Ouch. Yeah, we don’t abuse it at all.

Kangy@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 135d

As a guy that exclusively fixes printers for my 9 to 5. I can confirm this is 100% true

setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 136d

FederatedFreedom1981@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 136d

They're just proto-Daleks, everybody knows this.

Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 136d

Your printer is a brat.

That skit has lived rent free in my head for years.

Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 1 pts · 136d

I got an HP LaserJet Pro M225dw in 2015 and never had an issue with it. Prints great from windows, Linux, and handheld devices over WiFi. I bought a two pack of aftermarket toner in 2018 and again in 2021 (Arthur Imaging and LxTek brands respectively), otherwise zero maintenance or issues. I only checked on dates because this post made me curious and thought maybe a real world example could be useful to folks that might have printer trouble. If I ever need color, rarely, I just print to cvs online and go pick it up. It only cost $240 when I bought it and the toner was $17 and $28 for the two packs I bought, still have one of the second set left but I will need to put it in soon.

FosterMolasses@leminal.space · 1 pts · 136d

Printer shitposts are my favorite shitposts

umbrella@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 136d (2 replies)
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SkyezOpen@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 136d (1 reply)

You mean printers aren't literally sentient? Wow, what insight.

umbrella@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 136d
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gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 136d

PC LOAD LETTER what the fuck does that mean >:(

Limonene@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 136d

Castielsprostate has been using HP inkjet printers for too long. They need to get a Brother laser printer.