I mean does anybody really know how to play Chess?

933 points · 57 comments · view on lemmy.world

57 Comments

Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works · 177 pts · 58d (1 reply)

No no, this makes sense, you literally need to cheat.

nullspace@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 58d

It works for the crooks in charge.

But the people paying for these kind of alpha boot camps aren't ever going to be in that position. They'll just put on blinders and "hustle" like a good little worker.

dumples@piefed.social · 145 pts · 58d (13 replies)

Zapp Branigann

sjmarf@sh.itjust.works · 90 pts · 58d (10 replies)

cmoney@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 58d (8 replies)

So what that brick do?

sjmarf@sh.itjust.works · 62 pts · 58d (7 replies)

The FIDE regulations dictate that a player who declines en passant must drop a brick on their pipi. A brick is kept nearby for such eventualities

::: spoiler Spoiler https://www.reddit.com/r/AnarchyChess/comments/mzrx2o/my_workout_punishments_for_chess_blunders/ :::

myrrh@ttrpg.network · 23 pts · 58d (3 replies)
[ removed ]
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 58d (2 replies)

new response dropped

anomnom@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 58d (1 reply)

I don’t see any anal beads in that drawing though.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 58d

Pull harder

cmoney@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 58d (1 reply)

I figured it was something like that.

Malfeasant@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 58d

I thought the one guy had shit a brick...

Avicenna@programming.dev · 1 pts · 57d

I mean I am not a chess enthusiast but I knew chest since I was a kid and learning of en passant just now, wow.

Hupf@feddit.org · 5 pts · 57d
dalekcaan@feddit.nl · 9 pts · 58d

We hit that bullseye and the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards.

Checkmate.

Phantaloons@piefed.zip · 5 pts · 58d

your buddy vapes over the game board

"I activate fog of war"

nymnympseudonym@piefed.social · 52 pts · 58d

But that is how CEO assholes work (or try to until they can't get away with it)

Source: worked with nearly a dozen CEOs of various size companies

OwOarchist@pawb.social · 44 pts · 58d (2 replies)

To be fair, though, if you were in a game of chess where you could make 10 moves for every one move your opponent makes, it would be really easy to win that game of chess.

Pringles@sopuli.xyz · 10 pts · 58d

The Scholar’s mate school of business.

Gullible@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 58d

Chess with flash windows.

I feel so fucking dirty for saying those words. Good god.

uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 31 pts · 58d

But he's correct. If you're rich enough you can bribe all the seconds, then you can make extra moves and irregular moves. Heck, you can just have all the seconds declare you victor.

For extra points, hire guys with guns to make sure everyone at the tournament agrees with your rules.

This is the state of modern neoliberal capitalism from the view of billionaire oligarchs and multi-national conglomerate corporations.

pelespirit@sh.itjust.works · 28 pts · 58d (7 replies)

I don't want to ruin this meme, but he's saying a real thing in a confusing way. You have to think 10 moves ahead of your opponent and also the repercussions of each move at every step.

i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca · 47 pts · 58d (3 replies)

Zero points for saying it wrong, though.

“You miss every shot you take”

“The only thing we do not fear is fear itself”

“Interrupt your opponent when he is making a mistake”

uberfreeza@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 58d

"If fighting is sure to result in defeat then you must fight"

Curious_Canid@piefed.ca · 5 pts · 58d (1 reply)

There is a wonderful cartoon book by Tom Weller called "Minims". A minim is the opposite of a maxim. So the book is full of illustrations of wisdom like "The early worm gets eaten by the bird." and "You'll catch more flies with honey than you'd care to." The book's subtitle is "Man is the only animal that wears bow ties."

(Although, I have to admit, my husky sometimes wears bow ties and he looks a lot better in them than I do.)

kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 58d

Cats in bow ties also look great.

rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 27 pts · 58d (1 reply)

No, he said a real thing in a completely factually wrong way, and that's assuming that this "entrepeneur" actually understood it correctly, which I doubt.

Malfeasant@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 58d

I mean, that's kind of the point - someone else wiser said the real thing, then Mr smarty-pants heard it, didn't understand it, but thought it sounded cool so began repeating what he thought he heard to people who also don't know any better, but like the way he says it so they give him their money to play with. Business/capitalism in a nutshell.

terranoid@lemmy.cafe · 3 pts · 58d

Shouldve said business is like starcraft then

_chris@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 58d (3 replies)

Alpha in the software sense: pre-release, lots of bugs, definitely not ready for production, sale, or wide public viewing.

_stranger_@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 58d

And increasingly: Mostly composed of an assortment of self-reinforced hallucinations.

uberfreeza@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 58d

Alpha male when full release male walks in: 😧

helpImTrappedOnline@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 58d

So we can ship it tomorrow? Great I just told the investors, so we're now leagly obligated to ship it tomorrow.

PattyMcB@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 58d (2 replies)

I hear you can cheat at chess by sticking a vibrator in your ass.

Maybe that's what the rich CEOs are doing to win

Cheems@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 58d (1 reply)

I keep trying but it doesn't seem to make me rich

Hupf@feddit.org · 3 pts · 57d

Maybe you already are without realizing it yet 💖

yesman@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 58d (1 reply)

I gave up on playing chess. The game has become such a metaphor, such a fetish symbol for intellect, so every dude "knows how to play", but won't risk the humiliation of loss, and therefore won't play. I don't enjoy online chess, so I just don't get to play.

village604@adultswim.fan · 12 pts · 58d

Give shot chess a try. Each piece is a small shot glass.

I had loads of fun destroying my friends since I was in the chess club in grade school. And they had fun because alcohol.

Or find a park that has chess boards.

rustydrd@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 58d (4 replies)

It's called tempo, you sub-1800ers /s

Ironrod@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 58d (3 replies)

Aww man, I just got up to 1350 😢

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 58d (2 replies)

wait ELOs aren't like golf?

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ‎



uuuuuuuuuuuck

MajorasTerribleFate@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 58d (1 reply)

ELO measures the year you could go back to and match someone who is actually pretty good at chess for their time.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 58d

my elo is in BCE and I'm feeling good all of a sudden

racoon@lemmy.zip · 13 pts · 58d

Well instead of "make" it should be "think" and it would be fine, you fool

Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 9 pts · 57d

Read between the lines: they're saying that they have to cheat to win.

daannii@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 58d (4 replies)

I "know" how to play chess but when I try to play against a computer I constantly get reminded I can't move my piece there because I would be putting myself in check.

Pretty sure I've only won 2 chess games in my life. ..... Against someone at my level.

underscores@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 58d (1 reply)

you didn't know about the French cum sock opener? you fool ! had you known you could have forked me into giving up one of my pieces !

Nalivai@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 58d

Chess isn't actually a logic game or a smarts game, it's a memory game. If you're a computer or one of those 15-people-per-generation chess brains, then yeah, you probably can logic your way into thinking enough moves ahead. If not, your only option is to remember a bunch of different plays and learn how to recognise and execute the preditermined strategies. If you try to do it your way, you will be stuck losing to a bad computer or chess club kids online

Malfeasant@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 58d

I beat my kids

at chess whenever we play.

MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 57d

If you told me this before, I would be winning every game of chess I played

neatchee@piefed.social · 8 pts · 58d

Business is like Start Craft 2, you gotta raise your APM if you want to beat the Korean pros

TotallyWorthLife@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 57d

If he said "do them in your head" it would have made more sense lol

Jankatarch@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 58d

This explains SO much about their thinking.

Avicenna@programming.dev · 4 pts · 57d (1 reply)

is this from Trump's book?

snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 57d

The art of the steal.

Luisp@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 58d

After the first check you just eat their king

richardwallass@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 57d

He doesn't tell how it works...