Imagining a fantasy setting where elves, dwarves, orcs and whatnot are just continually baffled by humans eating the most vile toxic things.
Salsa? You mean a mix of a hemolytic poison (onions), a cardiotoxin (tomatoes), and a nerve agent (chili peppers)? Eaten with corn chips dusted with a lethal amount of salt, and washed down with a cup full of neurotoxin (iced tea)?
Stay the fuck away from me because clearly you are the vile spawn of some incomprehensible eldritch god
In D&D dwarves have resistance to poison damage and advantage on saving throws against poison, so they would be the ones with food no one else could eat safely.
To everyone else, dwarf food seems bland. Since the dwarf cooking it couldn't add any of there normal spices. "Can humans eat rocks? I don't think so, better skip them." (Then skips the salt)
I’m so glad I learned that I could digest rocks as an adult. I don’t think the second part of that warning would have been enough to deter me as a kid.
they're eaten for various reasons, sometimes because of health benefits (de-tox) or due to lack of proper food.
Impact on health
Clay minerals have been reported to have beneficial microbiological effects, such as protecting the stomach against toxins, parasites, and pathogens.[43][44] Humans are not able to synthesize vitamin B12 (cobalamin), so geophagia may be a behavioral adaptation to obtain it from bacteria in the soil.[45] Mineral content in soils may vary by region, but many contain high levels of calcium, copper, magnesium, iron, and zinc; these minerals are critical for developing fetuses, which may explain cravings by pregnant women to chew metallic objects, soil, ice cravings. Pregnant women may also experience ice-chewing cravings or drives towards specifically cold food to trigger vasoconstricting, which increases brain oxygen levels by restricting neck veins; both cravings, soil and ice, may have familial and environmental links.
HumanityFuckYeah is a genre that is basically this, although it's most often in a scifi setting.
Usually depicting humans reaching the wider universe and baffling/overcoming large more advanced galactic empires due to Earth effectively being a death world where everything is trying to kill us.
Earth effectively being a death world where everything is trying to kill us.
I'd be chill with that, but my experience with r/HFY was mostly humans being more amazing than aliens in every way for no apparent good reason. Just so weird.
Tbf dwarven religions are like "my ancestors carved these rules with their hands to guide us forward" and elven religions are like "my ancestors got intimate with a fae, starting our race. Also their firstborn is still alive."
Meanwhile human religions are like "here is a horse that's made out of all living beings, with a woman's face too. Mortals who mount it can go to heaven for 5 seconds."
We're not fast and don't have a lot of natural weaponry
We are pretty fast compared to a lot of animals, especially when it comes to speed over any significant distance. Only a few other animals (like wolves and horses) can beat us in a long-distance race. And we're especially good at maintaining speed over distance in high temperatures -- as the temperature rises, our advantage there increases.
And having two hands to grab and grapple with (as opposed to only a mouth) is also a pretty rare and special skill in the animal kingdom. Maybe not the most impressive 'natural weaponry', but still quite useful and something to be feared by other animals. Then there's our sheer size -- we're certainly not the biggest ever, but in the grand scheme of things, we're definitely on the larger end of the spectrum, which gives us an advantage over most animals out there.
Ancient humans would casually jog at animals until they could no longer run away. Cheetahs can only run about 600 meters before they are forced to stop and rest. The shortest marathons are 42km. So yes, an average person on the street could almost certainly chase down a cheetah.
To my understanding, wild cheetahs aren't known to attack humans, being on the small and fragile side for big cats and going after smaller animals than an adult human generally, so being chased down by a cheetah isn't that likely either.
A single human would likely loose. 5 humans against 5 cheetahs?even if the cheetahs could work together, with basic weaponary (eg. Spears) the humans win.
This isn't exclusive to humans. Tons of animals actively seek out and consume mind altering substances that are generally poisonous. Elephants eat rotting fermenting apples to get drunk, monkeys steal alcoholic drinks from beach resorts, cats inhale cat nip, big cats like lions like to eat psychedelic mushrooms, and dolphins prick themselves with puffer fish poison spines
yeah i remember some exotic frogs intentionally eat poisonous stuff sothat they get poisonous themselves to deter predators that would otherwise eat them
We're not fast but we can run for a long time. Don't have natural weapons but can make them. Then there are people who voted for trump 1-3 times. And other countries that see how the USA is doing and are trying to copy it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I hate it here
I mean, there are various other animal species that specialize in eating so much poison that they become poisonous themselves, so we're not very impressive in this regard.
Don't forget how we've been partying by getting absolutely smashed with a large variety of poisons for fucking millennia. We make alcohol out of plants, honey and even milk.
actually, mountain streams are mostly safe because the water is in constant movement, and also as it's on a mountain, that typically means that the source is not that far away and so the water didn't have a lot of time to stand around and get infected with all kinds of stuff.
slowly-flowing or standing water in the plains is what gives you the diarrhea of your life.
People beat horses on the regular. The "man vs horse" race balances the course to try to make it equal. Horses will trounce people on courses under 3 hours or so. Humans do better with steep terrain. So humans will crush a trail endurance race over longer distances. We will lose badly on short, flat courses.
Interestingly dogs are the other species that can really hang with people in endurance runs. We will eventually leave them behind as well. They can outrun us in sprints and courses under a few hours. They can't keep pace at 4+ hours.
Yup, that's thought to be one of the main reasons we domesticated dogs. They could keep up, so they earned their keep, and because we anthropomorphize everything it was obviously only fair we share with them.
I used to work as a safety officer for a mountain ultramarathon race. The shortest course was 8 miles, the longest was 100. We have humans that can run 100 miles in a day and a half. I don't think any other land animal can do that. Hell, I'm a human, I can't do that.
But capsaicin is a neurotoxin, and high enough doses absolutely can be dangerous and even fatal. The pain involved long before those doses are reached keeps most sensible people safe.
We take common food stuffs and feed it to yeast until the yeast dies in it's own excrement and then drink that poison. Usually to celebrate. As long as we moderate and allow the body to recover from the poisonings, we're good, more or less.
I think another quirk is that we study our species and make a judgement on an entire group of people from those studies. Most of those studies:
Have a percentage of people it helped or hurt, you may not be in the larger percentage that decide what the study says.
It may get it wrong because our make up could be different because they studied a different gender, racial body type, etc.
Are paid for by the companies that make the "cure"
I'm glad we have the studies and all, but we have to talk to our doctor like they're AI, because they might be. Find out the percentages and discuss how you may or may not be part of the "groups" they're judging your illness on.
66 Comments
mrsemi@lemmy.world · 55 pts · 11d
Imagining a fantasy setting where elves, dwarves, orcs and whatnot are just continually baffled by humans eating the most vile toxic things.
Salsa? You mean a mix of a hemolytic poison (onions), a cardiotoxin (tomatoes), and a nerve agent (chili peppers)? Eaten with corn chips dusted with a lethal amount of salt, and washed down with a cup full of neurotoxin (iced tea)?
Stay the fuck away from me because clearly you are the vile spawn of some incomprehensible eldritch god
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works · 19 pts · 11d
In D&D dwarves have resistance to poison damage and advantage on saving throws against poison, so they would be the ones with food no one else could eat safely.
cynar@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 11d
To everyone else, dwarf food seems bland. Since the dwarf cooking it couldn't add any of there normal spices. "Can humans eat rocks? I don't think so, better skip them." (Then skips the salt)
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 14 pts · 11d
Fun fact; you shouldn't swallow pebbles. You can digest them, but they are rich in toxic minerals, to the point that your kidney gets overwhelmed.
idiomaddict@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 11d
I’m so glad I learned that I could digest rocks as an adult. I don’t think the second part of that warning would have been enough to deter me as a kid.
gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org · 3 pts · 10d
oh btw there's these clay eating people all around the world.
they're eaten for various reasons, sometimes because of health benefits (de-tox) or due to lack of proper food.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 9d
Structure of the clay: maybe beneficial
Toxicity: small amounts
acockworkorange@mander.xyz · 1 pts · 11d
What about boulders?
DarkGhost@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 10d
If it fits, it shits?
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 7 pts · 11d
When the dwarves invite you over for dinner, steer clear of the mushroom stew.
fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com · 4 pts · 10d
If they're gully dwarves its be best to just pass on it entirely.
CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social · 5 pts · 11d
Somehow that has me imagining Japanese dwarves being especially fond of that one pufferfish dish that's toxic unless cooked just right.
DrBob@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 10d
Fugu.
OilyArena@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 10d
afaik it's not exactly the science it's always made out to be, you just remove the poison gland, you know, the part with all the poison
ParlimentOfDoom@piefed.zip · 11 pts · 11d
HumanityFuckYeah is a genre that is basically this, although it's most often in a scifi setting.
Usually depicting humans reaching the wider universe and baffling/overcoming large more advanced galactic empires due to Earth effectively being a death world where everything is trying to kill us.
AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 11d
I'd be chill with that, but my experience with r/HFY was mostly humans being more amazing than aliens in every way for no apparent good reason. Just so weird.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 10d
Tbf dwarven religions are like "my ancestors carved these rules with their hands to guide us forward" and elven religions are like "my ancestors got intimate with a fae, starting our race. Also their firstborn is still alive."
Meanwhile human religions are like "here is a horse that's made out of all living beings, with a woman's face too. Mortals who mount it can go to heaven for 5 seconds."
Mythology Reference.
RoidingOldMan@lemmy.world · 36 pts · 11d
Anything is poison in a high enough quantity.
P00ptart@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 11d
My masturbation has become poison?!?
mrsemi@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 11d
No no no, masturbation is how you get the poison out.
P00ptart@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 11d
Phew! That's a load off...
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 11d
Seriously. Our bodies are more than half poison, by OP's metric
https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna16614865
DrBob@lemmy.ca · 29 pts · 11d
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 26 pts · 11d
We are pretty fast compared to a lot of animals, especially when it comes to speed over any significant distance. Only a few other animals (like wolves and horses) can beat us in a long-distance race. And we're especially good at maintaining speed over distance in high temperatures -- as the temperature rises, our advantage there increases.
And having two hands to grab and grapple with (as opposed to only a mouth) is also a pretty rare and special skill in the animal kingdom. Maybe not the most impressive 'natural weaponry', but still quite useful and something to be feared by other animals. Then there's our sheer size -- we're certainly not the biggest ever, but in the grand scheme of things, we're definitely on the larger end of the spectrum, which gives us an advantage over most animals out there.
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 11d
I wouldn't put money on us vs. a cheetah or even a bobcat
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 11 pts · 11d
Depends on the distance. The cats are faster over a short distance, but can't keep it up for miles and miles.
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 11d
Cheetahs have been clocked @70mph. That chase ain't getting any further than that short distance.
Fawkes@lemmy.zip · 12 pts · 11d
Ancient humans would casually jog at animals until they could no longer run away. Cheetahs can only run about 600 meters before they are forced to stop and rest. The shortest marathons are 42km. So yes, an average person on the street could almost certainly chase down a cheetah.
Habahnow@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 11d
He said race, not chase. Can't keep up that 70mph for too long
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · -5 pts · 11d
It only needs to keep it up long enough to catch you.
Unless you think arranging a race with a cheetah for bragging rights alone is an entirely realistic situation 🙄
CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social · 7 pts · 11d
To my understanding, wild cheetahs aren't known to attack humans, being on the small and fragile side for big cats and going after smaller animals than an adult human generally, so being chased down by a cheetah isn't that likely either.
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 11d
Curses. You know your cheetahs
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 5 pts · 11d
Depends who's chasing who.
hmmm_42@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 11d
A single human would likely loose. 5 humans against 5 cheetahs?even if the cheetahs could work together, with basic weaponary (eg. Spears) the humans win.
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 11d
Now hold on a goddamn minute, nobody said you could bring spears into this
gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org · 2 pts · 10d
.. that's what the cheetahs said
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 10d
SURPRISE MOTHAFUCKAS
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 10d
A Cheetah will do a half mile faster than a human. 50 miles? 100% bread ape victory.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 10d
Yeah, yeah, the running thing.
Next you'll be saying you have a fighting chance against a chimpanzee.
Glowstick@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 11d
This isn't exclusive to humans. Tons of animals actively seek out and consume mind altering substances that are generally poisonous. Elephants eat rotting fermenting apples to get drunk, monkeys steal alcoholic drinks from beach resorts, cats inhale cat nip, big cats like lions like to eat psychedelic mushrooms, and dolphins prick themselves with puffer fish poison spines
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 11d
That was a hoax by some nature documentary channel back then.
...but there is a critter specialized in digesting high amounts of alcohol from fermenting fruits. Also has a boozers nose.
And monkeys do like fermented fruits too.
Pieisawesome@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 11d
Birds like getting drunk off of fermenting berries and fruit
gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org · 2 pts · 10d
yeah i remember some exotic frogs intentionally eat poisonous stuff sothat they get poisonous themselves to deter predators that would otherwise eat them
mrmisses@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 11d
We're not fast but we can run for a long time. Don't have natural weapons but can make them. Then there are people who voted for trump 1-3 times. And other countries that see how the USA is doing and are trying to copy it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I hate it here
idiomaddict@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 11d
To be fair, most of the people who want more of what trump’s offering could probably still figure out how to make a wooden spear.
Not all of them, and I wouldn’t go as far as to say they could make and use arrowheads, but still.
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 11d
I mean, there are various other animal species that specialize in eating so much poison that they become poisonous themselves, so we're not very impressive in this regard.
AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 9d
How many of those species poisoned the entire ecology so they could accumulate said poison inside themselves no matter what they ate? (microplastics)
Humans, fuck yeah!
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 9d
We're still nowhere near these guys:
Life as we know it exists in their post-apocalypse.
ICastFist@programming.dev · 10 pts · 11d
Don't forget how we've been partying by getting absolutely smashed with a large variety of poisons for fucking millennia. We make alcohol out of plants, honey and even milk.
an_onanist@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 11d
Yet, we drink from a mountain stream and we shit ourselves until we dehydrate and die.
gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org · 2 pts · 10d
actually, mountain streams are mostly safe because the water is in constant movement, and also as it's on a mountain, that typically means that the source is not that far away and so the water didn't have a lot of time to stand around and get infected with all kinds of stuff.
slowly-flowing or standing water in the plains is what gives you the diarrhea of your life.
ricecake@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 10d
True, but that's not just humans. We just drink less poop water so we're behind on the immunity.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 10d
Isn't there an annual "man vs horse running race" where, once every decade or so, someone actually beats the horse?
DrBob@lemmy.ca · 11 pts · 10d
People beat horses on the regular. The "man vs horse" race balances the course to try to make it equal. Horses will trounce people on courses under 3 hours or so. Humans do better with steep terrain. So humans will crush a trail endurance race over longer distances. We will lose badly on short, flat courses.
Interestingly dogs are the other species that can really hang with people in endurance runs. We will eventually leave them behind as well. They can outrun us in sprints and courses under a few hours. They can't keep pace at 4+ hours.
ricecake@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 10d
Yup, that's thought to be one of the main reasons we domesticated dogs. They could keep up, so they earned their keep, and because we anthropomorphize everything it was obviously only fair we share with them.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 10d
I used to work as a safety officer for a mountain ultramarathon race. The shortest course was 8 miles, the longest was 100. We have humans that can run 100 miles in a day and a half. I don't think any other land animal can do that. Hell, I'm a human, I can't do that.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 11d
That or salt. Which goes well with the stable bond of two of the most reactive substances in the universe, that makes up 90% of our body.
I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 11d
Is this about capsaicin? Because that's not a poison by any definition of the word.
jmill@lemmy.zip · 12 pts · 11d
The morning necessity is probably caffeine.
But capsaicin is a neurotoxin, and high enough doses absolutely can be dangerous and even fatal. The pain involved long before those doses are reached keeps most sensible people safe.
YellowParenti@lemmy.wtf · 3 pts · 10d
We take common food stuffs and feed it to yeast until the yeast dies in it's own excrement and then drink that poison. Usually to celebrate. As long as we moderate and allow the body to recover from the poisonings, we're good, more or less.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 6 pts · 10d
I don't feel alive unless the threat of death is constantly looming over me. That's why I eat shrimp fried ricin.
dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 10d
we call it a poison, not nature;) no such thing as poisons except what humans use to taxonomize
Almacca@aussie.zone · 5 pts · 11d
I can't function without my morning cup of pesticide.
Klear@piefed.world · 4 pts · 11d
Our superpower is sweating.
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 5 pts · 11d
Well, thinking and sweating. Two things we do better than any other animal.
Though horses are actually a close second when it comes to sweating.
pelespirit@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 11d
I think another quirk is that we study our species and make a judgement on an entire group of people from those studies. Most of those studies:
I'm glad we have the studies and all, but we have to talk to our doctor like they're AI, because they might be. Find out the percentages and discuss how you may or may not be part of the "groups" they're judging your illness on.