I’m in my 50s and actually still LARPing, and playing TTRPGs, and MMORPGs. No need to grow up for anyone else’s sake as long as you’re not harming others.
When I was little, I thought I would grow out of playing video games, as in I have a very specific memory of sitting in my 1st grade math class and just making that observation to myself. I was a 90s kid surrounded by baby boomer adults who largely were not gamers, so I just assumed one day I'd grow out of it.
On the positive side, I learned that you don't have to give up your imagination when you grow up. I came up with elaborate make-believe worlds as kids are wont to do, and merely started adding lore and continuity and documentation when I got older. You don't need to be writing a sci-fi novel or DMing a homebrew D&D campaign to do it, either. I worldbuild for the mere joy of pretending, or to dignify it with Tolkien's words sub-creation.
I’ve been GMing “Tales from the Loop” lately and having an absolute blast with it! Everyone in the group is 40s-50s, but totally gets into it. Never stop “playing,” whatever that means to you.
Pretty sure I was born LARPing being a kid too. I never made the very common presumption, when most(?) people are young, that adults (or my parents for that matter, religious indoctrination immunity) knew what they were doing. Perhaps I came across older than I was, and now the opposite is happening the more grey hair I get!
Neither am I, I just think I shouldn't be allowed to but a house or rent a car or use a chainsaw or raise a child unsupervised. That's something grown-ups do, not me (40yo).
that sounds like a massive lack of self-confidence.
none of those things are difficult. most people do them on auto pilot. you are thinking way too much.
you also falsely assume there is a 'correct' way to do these things and you will do it 'wrong'. there isn't.
i used to teach. biggest thing most people have to get over is their pre conception of a 'right' way to do things. there is only really what works for you, it only doesn't work if you aren't able to attain your goals.
like i meet people who think the only 'correct' way to have a child to make sure that child gets into Harvard... otherwise their child will be a failure at life. those people are idiots. the kid will be perfectly fine going to a state school, and maybe even not going to college at all...
Yeah but there's also a massive subset of people making horrible children because they shouldn't be parents in the first place. Its unfortunate but it happens.
According to me, for one. You seem to not understand your own privilege, or you'd be aware of the countless unwanted, unloved children born to parents who do not give a fuck that the world then exploits relentlessly until they manage to remove themselves from the abuse cycle or are dead. The foster system is full of them, and so are the prisons. Ever heard of the school to prison pipeline? It's a thing, and while many of those parents are simply disadvantaged but otherwise loving, many others are worse. Far worse, apparently, than you can acknowledge.
So according to me, a person with skin in this particular game, if a parent is unable or unwilling to see potential offspring as vulnerable little humans in need of protection, nurture, and provision until such time as they can manage on their own, they should not be parenting. And honestly, if a parent or would-be parent sees children as means to an end, things to use or worse, to sell, then "judging" them is quite frankly the least bad thing that should happen to them.
I'm glad you enjoy your life. But your kind of life is not the only life being lived. You are privileged beyond your own awareness.
Apparently Tubular has not seen the massive amount of horrible parents and by result, children.
Not judging anyone, people can do what they want. But a lot of people do not step back to take in the gravity of the situation when discussing bringing new humans into this world.
so what do you propose, sterilizing people who dont pass your litmus test?
frankly, i've had people scream at me my parents should have never had be because my parents were not rich and could not buy me nice things and pay for my college and graduate degrees for me. i had to pay for them myself. where i live people think that is child abuse and horrible and wrong. should we require that only people with massive wealth be able to have kids then?
wow yeah, what a loser i am. i should have been lucky enough to have parents that beat the shit out of me who were also poor. i'd be such a better person!
my point is your argument is stupid and draconian, and ultimately unenforcable. it's merely a product of your own self-righteousness and need to control how others live their lives. if i had kids i'd force them to get jobs, just like i did. in your world that would be abusive parenting, probably. and i'd judge the shit out of them if they refused to work or were losers who didn't contribute positively to society.
If we strip the externally-imposed milestones and accomplishment domarisons, we're left with basic stuff like the skills required to cope in a society with other individuals, make decisions and be responsible for those decisions, and manage (not achieve, but manage) basic needs.
It's bullshit, but that's close, right?
when I ask myself whether others - or me too - are achieving these intrinsic requirements, I'm not often impressed. But that's a target to work toward, anyway.
About that whole "the skills required to cope in a society with other individuals, make decisions and be responsible for those decisions, and manage basic needs" thing. I would submit that that is very different from many years ago when people who maybe are our model for what an adult is used to live. I think our world is increasingly out of step with how humans are evolved to live, and so we feel increasingly uncomfortable trying to cope with it.
No it's not bullshit. I just don't see those skills as adult. i had them at like six years old.
but i will admit most people probably didn't have the level of self-determination i had from a very young age. and i meet people regularly in my 30s/40s now who still lack a lot of basic life-skills like understanding the consequences of their actions, and who seem to be eternally seeking some sort of parental figure to do their executive functioning for them. Whether it be a partner as a parent, or a self-help guru who has the 'answers'.
I'm in my 40s and I still don't get it. I keep asking myself when my life as an independent adult who has my own place to live and access to decent transportation will begin.
I have a disability that prevents me from driving and makes it difficult to find employment without strong inside connections or outside of a few very specific niches.
I live in a very large, pedestrian-hostile city.
While my grandfather, who lacked a college education, could afford to buy a house and feed a stay-at-home wife and 8 children, I, who have no dependents and have two college degrees, cannot afford an apartment in a location that fits my needs.
sure. any city that would be friendly do you would be ultra expensive. i have a two bed condo that would get me mansion in some other cities. but i would never give up the walkability and public transit.
not sure what your grandfather has to do with it, but OK. COL will only continue to skyrocket the next couple of decades.
not sure what your grandfather has to do with it, but OK. COL will only continue to skyrocket the next couple of decades.
The cost of living is exactly why I brought up my grandfather.
We (millennials and younger) were sold a bill of goods by our baby boomer parents.
"Go to college," they said, "and you'll get a good job that will put a roof over your head and food on the table." We looked at them, with their bachelor's degrees and owned houses and car-filled garages and hope for the future, and we believed them because everything we experienced during the halcyon days of the 90s reinforced that idea. But just as we were getting ready to graduate, the great recession hit, pulling the rug out from under us.
Do I blame them? No. They said that because it worked for them and they honestly thought it would work for us. But that doesn't make me feel any less bitter.
I blame them. A huge part of why everything is shit now is because of their unwillingness (as a group, I know there are some individuals who are not like this) to leave things better than they found them. They have pulled up the ladder behind them. They blame us for having college debt even though they're the reason college is so expensive. They blame us not not buying houses even though they've hoarded them and created the systems that make housing so unaffordable. They blame us for not having children while gutting schools, affordable childcare, etc.
I feel like I came at this from another direction. In my twenties I cut my foot pretty bad on a rusty screw so I went to the hospital and got stitches. The doctor didn’t prescribe me an antibiotic and I foolishly thought “oh they’re a doctor, I must not need one!” I of course got a pretty bad infection within a few days that required me to be on IV antibiotics for several days. I’m lucky I didn’t need any debridement or worse. I learned through that experience that nobody knows what the fuck is going on and you cannot count on “adults” because we generally know fuck-all.
i strongly believe we have deluded ourselves as a society to associate natural human feelings with youth when they are simply how humans perceive and feel regardless of age. every single older person i ask if they feel their age says no. they all tell me they feel like they’re in their 20s at the oldest, some still teenagers. your body ages, you get wiser due to life experiences, but you don’t “become an adult” ever, because what we consider adulthood is a Western lie built upon capitalist standards and strict American individualism (if you’re in the US).
i don’t feel 36. i don’t know what that would even entail. i feel “younger,” but i don’t see it that way. i feel like a human being connected to his actual existence and acknowledging it rather than allowing it to be repressed because i’m too old for x y z. we are all young-minded permanently. that’s just how humans are. it isn’t reserved for the physically young.
Perhaps its because we assume a proportional relationship between ignorance and youth. But because its impossible to know everything we are doomed to feel ignorant frequently and therefore perpetually stuck in a state before the imaginary line between young and old
i feel younger as i get older because i have less stress. in my teens are 20s i was constantly under stress. i remember high school, and college, and most of my 20s full of constant agonizing and worrying. mostly because i was poor and any life mistake felt like i'd lose everything and become homeless.
but apparently many other people had an opposite life experience where their youthful life was not stressful and their adulthood is. probably because they grew up with money and had parents who helicoptered over them and now they find basic responsibilities to be a burden. like it shocks me how many people think having to work and pay bills is 'unfair' but i guess maybe that's because they grew up not having to work and pay bills.
When I was a kid, my family made fun of my uncle pretty often with the expression "the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys". I'm in my 40s now and holy shit were they right...
I feel like adding a positive experience to contrast the more negative comments (including my own). The summer I graduated high school was perhaps one of the best times in my life. I really, truly felt that I had my whole life ahead of me.
I spent all of June training with my first guide dog. The clearest memory I have of realizing I was finally an adult was when we were flying home after training. I was sitting at the gate, my new dog lying quietly under my chair, my feet resting slightly forward into the walkway to accommodate her, my head filled with future plans and possibilities. I thought about how I would provide a loving home for this carefully bred, meticulously vetted, and rigorously trained canine that this organization had entrusted me with. I imagined our first semester of college together. I hadn't gotten into my first choice school or major but that was OK; I had a backup plan and was looking forward to it. A kid ran past me, pulling me out of my thoughts, then I heard his mother say "Watch out for that man's foot." That's it. I was a "man" not a "boy" or a "kid" or a "child". The world saw me as an adult. The future may not have turned out how I thought, but in that moment, I was exactly who I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do, exactly where I was supposed to be, and man it felt good.
feeling you are responsible for something other than yourself is a huge motivator that a lot of young people lack these days, and probably a huge disconnect why so many people are unhappy and anxious.
but then again when you propose people get involved in a deeper way with something outside themselves, like volunteering, they tell you to f off they don't have the time. and yet they whine about how all they do is sit at home.
you can't have the rewards without the responsibilities. I've always wanted children because i know that would be a lot of work/responsibility, but it would also make my life more than about my own personal goals and achievements. sadly i have never found a partner who felt the same way, mostly just people who thought children would detract from their own personal hedonistic fulfillment. which made we realize we were not compatible, because my life is and never was about personal hedonistic fulfillment.
It's right around the time that you realize your parents were just doing the best they could and didn't know how to "adult" either that you start to understand that you're destined to do the same thing. We're all just making it up as we go and hoping to do better than the previous generation. Generation after generation built upon the knowledge of iteration.
So yeah, mentally, I don't feel significantly different than I have at any other time in the past twenty years, aside from knowledge and experience, but I also realize that I'm viewed significantly different by others, so you kind of have to act the part and fake it till you make it.
the difference between my parents and my siblings and I is that we learn from our mistakes. we try different things, we defer to experts to gain more knowledge and guidance.
my parents didn't. a lot of people actively don't and refuse to do so and live with the assumption their their assumptions and instincts are 'correct' and others are not.
And this is why i argue we cant have UBI, or most people wont do jack shit and the utilities will get shut down 😅
I have times where I want to be lazy. But it doesn't last long and then im on to the next thing. And I consider myself low energy compared to the shit I see my friends getting done!
If UBI just covered the most basic needs, most people would still want to work in order to buy things and have experiences that are not strictly necessary. If people weren't worried about having food, shelter, and healthcare it would open up the possibilities to do work that is more aligned with their values. For some people that's still going to be making as much money so they can have a higher quality of life than substenance. For some it's going to be something they love or are good at that they don't do now because it doesn't pay enough to cover basic needs. For some it's going to be something with a flexible schedule so they can spend time with their families. And yes, some people wouldn't work at all.
This is not to say that it wouldn't change a lot about our current systems. Things would change, in some industries more than others. But I don't think it would cause a mass of the population to choose a life of sloth.
So basically, i can keep working 50 hours a week and be twice as wealthy as I am now, since fewer people will work, and other people can quit their jobs but at least be allowed to live in a 1 bedroom apartment and not starve? Im fine with that.
It wont work like that though. It will screw over the middle class.
You don't have an insight into other people's minds so you attribute their behavior and decisions to some knowledge you don't have but they do.
This is a fake feeling caused by lack of information. Everyone is improvising life.
yep. it's like when people think my IT/coding skills are 'magic'.
they aren't... they are a product of learning and failing and learning... effort.
i also notice people think like some 12 year old who is really good at something is magically gifted.... 99.9% of the time it's because they are already been doing it for a decade. all my professionally level musician friends started learning music at like 2 or 3. most kids don't learn until like 12, so those 'gifted' kids have a decade of experience already.
just like when i took calc 3 at 30 and my class had a bunch of 15 year olds in it. those 15 year olds in it they weren't geniuses. they just had more experience and knowledge than me and parents who pushed them. many of them probably would go on to graduate college in 2-3 years instead of the traditional 4.
There is no dividing line between when you're young/middle aged/old. It doesn't exist. I remember being 10. I remember being 20. I remember being 30. I remember being 40. I am still the same sentient entity I was at all those ages.
There is no reason to assign any "age group" to yourself. Be the age you feel inside.
Many of the traits of childhood are wonderful and you should cling to them. Sense of wonder and curiosity, goofiness, don't take yourself too seriousky, adventure, physicality, etc.
I think I get what you're saying, that sometimes one wonders if relative to some of your peers of you're "achieving" enough. That's a trickier question because some introspection from this is good.
Are you truly content?
Is your future somewhat secured? (forward-thinking with finances, career, health). Or are you doing the more reckless Yolo teenage thing? (this aspect of being a child, especially if one has kids, I'd say isn't good lol).
What if you're just staggering through because life won't stop shitting on your family? Every time we get above water something else catastrophic happens. Couldn't even get our kitchen and bathrooms fixed from water damage with the paltry insurance payment we got and then the basement ceiling and imsulation got soaked from external water. No way can we report that to insuramce because they will drop us and we'll be fucked into a higher rate. Don't use State Farm. Cunts.
Oh yeah, and the floors we paid to have redone 3 years ago? Already buckling and peeling. Warranty replacement has been in process for over a month now but at least there's a glimmer of hope we'll get something from it.
You're fine, some days I barely feel human let alone adult. I imagine the overwhelming majority are faking it till they make it. It's one of those clichés that's cliché for a reason.
I only really feel like an adult when I spend time with kids and young people. Even though the students I teach are at university, and thus technically adults... I'm always struck by how often they seem 'immature'.
And to be clear, I don't even really mean that as a criticism. Sure, at times they don't pay attention and forget to do things and seem akward/nervous. But "adults' do all those things too. The difference is the adults have generally accepted these flaws and come up with coping strategies (both good and bad) like avoiding those situations, or blaming other people.
So, what makes me feel like an adult is not that I'm on top of things, or that I'm no longer a mess. It's that I know I'm a mess, and I no longer hope that one day I'll get everything sorted, and tbh, that's fine.
the ability to delay gratification and think through the long term consequences of an action is a skill most human beings don't have until they are in their mid to late 20s. biologically speaking.
but i totally get it when my 13 year old nephew thinks his parents are ruining his life by not letting him buy more fortnite money. because in his brain all that matters is there pressing urges of the here and now. to him the future is no more than a week away, he doesn't think in terms of months or years and he won't until he's apply to college probably.
It's almost unbelievable how much my world changed by having a child. Indeed the center of the universe shifted and I became a satellite instead of the center piece.
And it's still weird for me because I didn't even know I could feel so much love. I don't actually understand it because especially in the beginning a baby doesn't really do anything positive for you except for totally depending on you and looking cute. Besides that extreme sleep deprivation (she had a lot of tummy aches as baby), torture by loud crying all day long, causing lots of worries, no more time for friends and also costing quite a lot of money.
I don't mean this in a negative way. I just mean without this sudden feeling of total unconditional love babies probably wouldn't survive. She's 4 years now and it's still a struggle but I love her to bits and would still give everything. The game has changed though and now she tells me what she wants while I know that not everything she wants is good for her and sometimes I have to force her to do things she absolutely doesn't want for her own good...
For me it was after both of my parents had passed away. There's something about losing the people who could still see and treat you as their child, no matter how old you had become, that changes things. I do still feel like I'm waiting to be a grow up sometimes. My great grandfather lived to 101, and still often felt that way. But once the "adults" who raised you are gone, you find yourself out in the open and may have to admit that you're the adult now.
I have kids myself, but I don't feel ashamed of letting them know that I don't always have the answers or that sometimes I like to jump the trampoline for fun.
Adults who seem like they know everything and act responsible all the time actually seem "juvenile" in my opinion.
They don't really get it, you know? Like they got to that level of life by following expectations and then stopped developing past that and just keep trotting along.
Some people get stuck there while others "soften up" when they get grandchildren and less responsibility or whatever.
People mature in different paces, but the whole "being grown up" is definitely just an optional phase.
"Being an adult" means doing all the things your parents did when you were young with the confidence and determination you assumed they had at the time.
Also doesn't help that much of modern management culture is suffocatingly paternalistic. Bosses want you to continue getting an education, they want you to dress a certain way, they're out assigning you work after hours, they're harping on you for showing up late or leaving early without regard to traffic conditions or life events. There's HR policy around shaming you for being overweight or diabetic or pregnant that's pitched as "how you can save some money!" but mostly revolves around saving the company paid sick leave and benefits. You're told to save in a 401k, but forbidden from managing your money independent of a brokerage. You're told to live independent of parents or roommates, but without the income to afford a home or an apartment convenient to your workplace. You're constantly subjected to reviews and milestones that only ever seem to monopolize your time and never result in career advancement.
You get the same attitude from businesses you interact with - everyone from salesmen to bill collectors to DMV officials have a way of talking down to you and using shame or disappointment to manipulate your behaviors. TV is increasingly just a series of jangling keys. Social Media is just 40 year olds who act like they're still in High School. PTA meetings feel like the blind leading the blind, as you meet with people who are just as infantilized as you've been, trying to convey why this month's deluge of standardized tests is more important than the last in a way you'll believe more than they do.
And that's before you get to the fucking Police. An entire multi-billion dollar bureaucracy dedicated to being America's abusive stepfather.
I just had a nice chat with my friend about Proust literally last night. It was really fun.
You choose to be in the muck man. Your life is what you make of it. If you want a better life, go out there and get it. You're an adult and your actions are entirely your own. I don't regard using lemmy as being in the muck, but i don't view the internet as a socially negative space. Why do you?
Im not quite there yet, but literally everyone feels this. You know what you know and you don't know what you don't know. Being an adult is figuring out how to distinguish between the two. If you're able to recognize that something isn't in your breadth of knowledge and you're able to consult with someone else who is more educated on the subject matter OR you're able to self-educate before applying your ignorance, then that makes you an adult in my eyes. Or at least is a large part of the bigger picture.
Adult is just being 18+ years old. What you may be looking for is how to mature as an adult. That’s done by trying, failing, and learning over and over again. You’ll always have some fear of new things, but you eventually learn how to bounce back from failure to reduce the fear. As you get older, you’ll lose the support of family because they die. As that happens, you’ll learn to fend for yourself. You will not mature if your are doing the same old stuff because it’s comfortable.
yeah. trying new things and failing and getting better at them... has been really great. i recently was taking language and writing classes, and it's been really interesting experience. it's forcing me to interact with people outside of my bubble and it's rewarding when i study and make an effort and punishing when i fail to do that.
I'm 30 and feel barely any different than I did as a teenager. Probably doesn't help I still live with my parents. Although going to my childhood best friend's funeral on Sunday might shake things up.
I just realized the other day that one sure fire mark of adulthood is buying a vacuum. Nobody makes you buy a vacuum and you're not going to die without one. Nobody really wants to buy a vacuum. It's just something you have to do at some point. It's a willful decision to spend your hard earned money on something that's essentially a chore. Because that's what a responsible adult does.
damnit I've bought exactly one vacuum (well, not counting wet/dry vacs and battery handheld vacs) in my life. and I don't even have it anymore, I traded it for a different vacuum
other than that, I've been using (and still do!) a crappy one that my grandpa gave me over a decade ago
I remember the Dyson my mom gifted me as a housewarming present died (sheetrock dust is deadly to vacuums motors, it's finer particles than I realized. ) And I went researching vacuums and found what the vacuum repair guys on Reddit thought about best vacuums. I felt so savvy buying the one I chose in the end. Yay adulting!
Never really have. Around 8 or 9, I stopped wanting to get any older and since then I've always felt like I was pretending to be my age rather than being it.
I understand that a lot of other adults are also pretending, but I've all but ceased to be able to keep up the charade.
For example, I own a house, and even managed to look after things for a while, but that was a struggle and there's no way current me is up to any of that.
Last night I ate two bowls of knock-off cinnamon crunch at 23 o’clock, simply because I hadn’t had cereal in a while. My parents would have sure been like “why? Just wait for breakfast.”
Yep. At least partially. Never been able to achieve any of the milestones of adulthood. Marriage, home ownership, kids, etc. Could never afford anything.
I'm almost 30 and just starting to feel like a kid.
I've had to be an adult since I was 10 but getting sober and having my first kid really brought me back to life. We play with a hotwheels track that we call car thing, we wrestle everyday, we have jam sessions where we switch instruments so for half of it I'm playing a tiny piano. When I buy clothes I let him help me pick stuff out and most of it's from thrift stores so my outfits have gotten very funky.
He also makes doing adult things more fun, we do everything together so he helps me with house work. There's the shark vacuum, the carpet cleaner turns the floor into lava, laundry basketball, we cook dinner together. My favorite is making pizza dough with him, it takes longer to clean up than it does to make the pizza but it's a blast.
OP: What do you consider 'adult'? I am trying to be a responsible parent to two children, and I pay the bills on time. I have a decent paying job while still being able to care for the children. As the father I do most of the cooking and cleaning and in the weekends I perform the upkeep of our home. But the best moment I had with my kids were doing 'immature' things together, like playing with Lego or loudly singing along with 80s goth music, or occasionally both at the same time. I also play board games and computer games (instead of passively sitting in front of the television, I might add).
On the other hand, I saw parents at the playground who were working on spreadsheets and totally ignoring their children. If that is being an 'adult', I do not want to be one.
I know when I first hit my 30’s it dawned on me in a panicked rush that people expect me to be a mature knowledgeable adult. I have accepted that truth but also know that I am still just as “adult” as I’ve ever been
Well in some ways yes, and in some ways no. I never seem to get jaded, silly things still make me laugh. I still can read and shut out the world like when I was a kid.
But I am so competent in some ways? Can cook and hold a job, raised kids, gardens finally grow for me. All those seem adult qualities. And I have made so many mistakes and have been hurt so much, do feel the weight of experience. And while nothing hurts, and I can still cartwheel and do yoga, I have no bounce - can't run well, can't jump.
i have felt like an adult since my teens. probably because I'm responsible for myself and i don't blame other people for by problems and i understood that the only person in my life who will ever help me accomplish anything is myself.
130 Comments
DasFaultier@sh.itjust.works · 132 pts · 277d
Well I mean, we're all just mostly LARPing this whole adult thing, right?
CuddlyCassowary@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 277d
I’m in my 50s and actually still LARPing, and playing TTRPGs, and MMORPGs. No need to grow up for anyone else’s sake as long as you’re not harming others.
early_riser@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 277d
When I was little, I thought I would grow out of playing video games, as in I have a very specific memory of sitting in my 1st grade math class and just making that observation to myself. I was a 90s kid surrounded by baby boomer adults who largely were not gamers, so I just assumed one day I'd grow out of it.
On the positive side, I learned that you don't have to give up your imagination when you grow up. I came up with elaborate make-believe worlds as kids are wont to do, and merely started adding lore and continuity and documentation when I got older. You don't need to be writing a sci-fi novel or DMing a homebrew D&D campaign to do it, either. I worldbuild for the mere joy of pretending, or to dignify it with Tolkien's words sub-creation.
CuddlyCassowary@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 276d
I’ve been GMing “Tales from the Loop” lately and having an absolute blast with it! Everyone in the group is 40s-50s, but totally gets into it. Never stop “playing,” whatever that means to you.
Anissem@lemmy.ml · 20 pts · 277d
Lightning bolt, lightning bolt!
early_riser@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
I'm out of mana!
BurgerBaron@piefed.social · 10 pts · 277d
Pretty sure I was born LARPing being a kid too. I never made the very common presumption, when most(?) people are young, that adults (or my parents for that matter, religious indoctrination immunity) knew what they were doing. Perhaps I came across older than I was, and now the opposite is happening the more grey hair I get!
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
No. I'm not.
but i like and enjoy my life. i don't regard it as a burden to escape from.
DasFaultier@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 277d
Neither am I, I just think I shouldn't be allowed to but a house or rent a car or use a chainsaw or raise a child unsupervised. That's something grown-ups do, not me (40yo).
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 277d
that sounds like a massive lack of self-confidence.
none of those things are difficult. most people do them on auto pilot. you are thinking way too much.
you also falsely assume there is a 'correct' way to do these things and you will do it 'wrong'. there isn't.
i used to teach. biggest thing most people have to get over is their pre conception of a 'right' way to do things. there is only really what works for you, it only doesn't work if you aren't able to attain your goals.
like i meet people who think the only 'correct' way to have a child to make sure that child gets into Harvard... otherwise their child will be a failure at life. those people are idiots. the kid will be perfectly fine going to a state school, and maybe even not going to college at all...
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 276d
Yeah but there's also a massive subset of people making horrible children because they shouldn't be parents in the first place. Its unfortunate but it happens.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -3 pts · 276d
according to who, you?
the thing about other people's actions is you don't get to police them. plenty of people probably think your actions are horrible, stupid, and wrong.
ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
According to me, for one. You seem to not understand your own privilege, or you'd be aware of the countless unwanted, unloved children born to parents who do not give a fuck that the world then exploits relentlessly until they manage to remove themselves from the abuse cycle or are dead. The foster system is full of them, and so are the prisons. Ever heard of the school to prison pipeline? It's a thing, and while many of those parents are simply disadvantaged but otherwise loving, many others are worse. Far worse, apparently, than you can acknowledge.
So according to me, a person with skin in this particular game, if a parent is unable or unwilling to see potential offspring as vulnerable little humans in need of protection, nurture, and provision until such time as they can manage on their own, they should not be parenting. And honestly, if a parent or would-be parent sees children as means to an end, things to use or worse, to sell, then "judging" them is quite frankly the least bad thing that should happen to them.
I'm glad you enjoy your life. But your kind of life is not the only life being lived. You are privileged beyond your own awareness.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 276d
You said it better than me.
Apparently Tubular has not seen the massive amount of horrible parents and by result, children.
Not judging anyone, people can do what they want. But a lot of people do not step back to take in the gravity of the situation when discussing bringing new humans into this world.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 276d
so what do you propose, sterilizing people who dont pass your litmus test?
frankly, i've had people scream at me my parents should have never had be because my parents were not rich and could not buy me nice things and pay for my college and graduate degrees for me. i had to pay for them myself. where i live people think that is child abuse and horrible and wrong. should we require that only people with massive wealth be able to have kids then?
wow yeah, what a loser i am. i should have been lucky enough to have parents that beat the shit out of me who were also poor. i'd be such a better person!
my point is your argument is stupid and draconian, and ultimately unenforcable. it's merely a product of your own self-righteousness and need to control how others live their lives. if i had kids i'd force them to get jobs, just like i did. in your world that would be abusive parenting, probably. and i'd judge the shit out of them if they refused to work or were losers who didn't contribute positively to society.
Rooskie91@discuss.online · 94 pts · 277d
"When do I start feeling like an adult?"
That's the neat part! You don't!
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 277d
what does adult mean anyway?
like the traditional markers of adulthood as in home ownership, family, etc. ?
or just a self of responsibility?
corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 277d
If we strip the externally-imposed milestones and accomplishment domarisons, we're left with basic stuff like the skills required to cope in a society with other individuals, make decisions and be responsible for those decisions, and manage (not achieve, but manage) basic needs.
It's bullshit, but that's close, right?
when I ask myself whether others - or me too - are achieving these intrinsic requirements, I'm not often impressed. But that's a target to work toward, anyway.
blackbrook@mander.xyz · 1 pts · 275d
About that whole "the skills required to cope in a society with other individuals, make decisions and be responsible for those decisions, and manage basic needs" thing. I would submit that that is very different from many years ago when people who maybe are our model for what an adult is used to live. I think our world is increasingly out of step with how humans are evolved to live, and so we feel increasingly uncomfortable trying to cope with it.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
No it's not bullshit. I just don't see those skills as adult. i had them at like six years old.
but i will admit most people probably didn't have the level of self-determination i had from a very young age. and i meet people regularly in my 30s/40s now who still lack a lot of basic life-skills like understanding the consequences of their actions, and who seem to be eternally seeking some sort of parental figure to do their executive functioning for them. Whether it be a partner as a parent, or a self-help guru who has the 'answers'.
samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 52 pts · 276d
Our parents were faking knowing what they were doing, just like we are.
frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 276d
Yup, everyone in the world is just winging it. Everyone.
early_riser@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 277d
I'm in my 40s and I still don't get it. I keep asking myself when my life as an independent adult who has my own place to live and access to decent transportation will begin.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -23 pts · 277d
why don't you have those things?
i've had those things since i was 18.
early_riser@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 277d
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -2 pts · 277d
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -4 pts · 277d
sure. any city that would be friendly do you would be ultra expensive. i have a two bed condo that would get me mansion in some other cities. but i would never give up the walkability and public transit.
not sure what your grandfather has to do with it, but OK. COL will only continue to skyrocket the next couple of decades.
early_riser@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 276d
The cost of living is exactly why I brought up my grandfather.
We (millennials and younger) were sold a bill of goods by our baby boomer parents.
"Go to college," they said, "and you'll get a good job that will put a roof over your head and food on the table." We looked at them, with their bachelor's degrees and owned houses and car-filled garages and hope for the future, and we believed them because everything we experienced during the halcyon days of the 90s reinforced that idea. But just as we were getting ready to graduate, the great recession hit, pulling the rug out from under us.
Do I blame them? No. They said that because it worked for them and they honestly thought it would work for us. But that doesn't make me feel any less bitter.
pleasestopasking@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 269d
I blame them. A huge part of why everything is shit now is because of their unwillingness (as a group, I know there are some individuals who are not like this) to leave things better than they found them. They have pulled up the ladder behind them. They blame us for having college debt even though they're the reason college is so expensive. They blame us not not buying houses even though they've hoarded them and created the systems that make housing so unaffordable. They blame us for not having children while gutting schools, affordable childcare, etc.
Canconda@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 277d
ladies and gentlemen... "The problem"
NOT_RICK@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 277d
I feel like I came at this from another direction. In my twenties I cut my foot pretty bad on a rusty screw so I went to the hospital and got stitches. The doctor didn’t prescribe me an antibiotic and I foolishly thought “oh they’re a doctor, I must not need one!” I of course got a pretty bad infection within a few days that required me to be on IV antibiotics for several days. I’m lucky I didn’t need any debridement or worse. I learned through that experience that nobody knows what the fuck is going on and you cannot count on “adults” because we generally know fuck-all.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -3 pts · 277d
people make mistakes. doctors are imperfect.
NOT_RICK@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
Yeah, that was the point of my story…
chosensilence@pawb.social · 20 pts · 277d
i strongly believe we have deluded ourselves as a society to associate natural human feelings with youth when they are simply how humans perceive and feel regardless of age. every single older person i ask if they feel their age says no. they all tell me they feel like they’re in their 20s at the oldest, some still teenagers. your body ages, you get wiser due to life experiences, but you don’t “become an adult” ever, because what we consider adulthood is a Western lie built upon capitalist standards and strict American individualism (if you’re in the US).
i don’t feel 36. i don’t know what that would even entail. i feel “younger,” but i don’t see it that way. i feel like a human being connected to his actual existence and acknowledging it rather than allowing it to be repressed because i’m too old for x y z. we are all young-minded permanently. that’s just how humans are. it isn’t reserved for the physically young.
CobblerScholar@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 277d
Perhaps its because we assume a proportional relationship between ignorance and youth. But because its impossible to know everything we are doomed to feel ignorant frequently and therefore perpetually stuck in a state before the imaginary line between young and old
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 277d
IME ignorance is just a function of your inability or unwillingness to learn. Mostly because you are afraid of being 'wrong' or making mistakes.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
i feel younger as i get older because i have less stress. in my teens are 20s i was constantly under stress. i remember high school, and college, and most of my 20s full of constant agonizing and worrying. mostly because i was poor and any life mistake felt like i'd lose everything and become homeless.
but apparently many other people had an opposite life experience where their youthful life was not stressful and their adulthood is. probably because they grew up with money and had parents who helicoptered over them and now they find basic responsibilities to be a burden. like it shocks me how many people think having to work and pay bills is 'unfair' but i guess maybe that's because they grew up not having to work and pay bills.
Triumph@fedia.io · 18 pts · 277d
Nobody knows how to be an adult. Everyone is posing.
chickpeafartisan@lemmy.ca · 18 pts · 277d
Tedesche@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 276d
Adults are just large children. Accept this and move on. You will never understand anything, really. Those that seem to are just pretending.
cyberpunk007@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 276d
There's a reason terms like "man child" exist. And sayings like "boys never grow up". 😂
bitjunkie@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
When I was a kid, my family made fun of my uncle pretty often with the expression "the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys". I'm in my 40s now and holy shit were they right...
early_riser@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 277d
I feel like adding a positive experience to contrast the more negative comments (including my own). The summer I graduated high school was perhaps one of the best times in my life. I really, truly felt that I had my whole life ahead of me.
I spent all of June training with my first guide dog. The clearest memory I have of realizing I was finally an adult was when we were flying home after training. I was sitting at the gate, my new dog lying quietly under my chair, my feet resting slightly forward into the walkway to accommodate her, my head filled with future plans and possibilities. I thought about how I would provide a loving home for this carefully bred, meticulously vetted, and rigorously trained canine that this organization had entrusted me with. I imagined our first semester of college together. I hadn't gotten into my first choice school or major but that was OK; I had a backup plan and was looking forward to it. A kid ran past me, pulling me out of my thoughts, then I heard his mother say "Watch out for that man's foot." That's it. I was a "man" not a "boy" or a "kid" or a "child". The world saw me as an adult. The future may not have turned out how I thought, but in that moment, I was exactly who I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do, exactly where I was supposed to be, and man it felt good.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 276d
feeling you are responsible for something other than yourself is a huge motivator that a lot of young people lack these days, and probably a huge disconnect why so many people are unhappy and anxious.
but then again when you propose people get involved in a deeper way with something outside themselves, like volunteering, they tell you to f off they don't have the time. and yet they whine about how all they do is sit at home.
you can't have the rewards without the responsibilities. I've always wanted children because i know that would be a lot of work/responsibility, but it would also make my life more than about my own personal goals and achievements. sadly i have never found a partner who felt the same way, mostly just people who thought children would detract from their own personal hedonistic fulfillment. which made we realize we were not compatible, because my life is and never was about personal hedonistic fulfillment.
PKscope@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 277d
It's right around the time that you realize your parents were just doing the best they could and didn't know how to "adult" either that you start to understand that you're destined to do the same thing. We're all just making it up as we go and hoping to do better than the previous generation. Generation after generation built upon the knowledge of iteration.
So yeah, mentally, I don't feel significantly different than I have at any other time in the past twenty years, aside from knowledge and experience, but I also realize that I'm viewed significantly different by others, so you kind of have to act the part and fake it till you make it.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 277d
the difference between my parents and my siblings and I is that we learn from our mistakes. we try different things, we defer to experts to gain more knowledge and guidance.
my parents didn't. a lot of people actively don't and refuse to do so and live with the assumption their their assumptions and instincts are 'correct' and others are not.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 276d
I've always felt like a kid and told myself I wouldn't grow up.
Still the same. I think having a somewhat traumatized childhood also makes you want to live as a child freely again.
Also not having kids helps. I can do anything I want and make my own schedule.
I never understood boring old people. Ill be doing projects and having adventures until im 80.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
most people don't want or need projects and adventures. they want to relax and do nothing in their spare time.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 276d
And this is why i argue we cant have UBI, or most people wont do jack shit and the utilities will get shut down 😅
I have times where I want to be lazy. But it doesn't last long and then im on to the next thing. And I consider myself low energy compared to the shit I see my friends getting done!
pleasestopasking@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 269d
If UBI just covered the most basic needs, most people would still want to work in order to buy things and have experiences that are not strictly necessary. If people weren't worried about having food, shelter, and healthcare it would open up the possibilities to do work that is more aligned with their values. For some people that's still going to be making as much money so they can have a higher quality of life than substenance. For some it's going to be something they love or are good at that they don't do now because it doesn't pay enough to cover basic needs. For some it's going to be something with a flexible schedule so they can spend time with their families. And yes, some people wouldn't work at all.
This is not to say that it wouldn't change a lot about our current systems. Things would change, in some industries more than others. But I don't think it would cause a mass of the population to choose a life of sloth.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 268d
So basically, i can keep working 50 hours a week and be twice as wealthy as I am now, since fewer people will work, and other people can quit their jobs but at least be allowed to live in a 1 bedroom apartment and not starve? Im fine with that.
It wont work like that though. It will screw over the middle class.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 276d
i think people's need for social competition means UBI would be a wash really. as in it wouldn't really change much.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
Potentially
Rolder@reddthat.com · 2 pts · 276d
I want to sit on my ass and be unproductive
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 276d
doing that makes me depressed and suicidal.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
Being depressed and suicidal can be motivating, too!
pleasestopasking@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 269d
I call this the "very mature for your age" to "youthful energy" pipeline.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 268d
Totally, never had friends my age, they were always all older too. Always got along with adults when I was young.
flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz · 10 pts · 277d
You don't have an insight into other people's minds so you attribute their behavior and decisions to some knowledge you don't have but they do.
This is a fake feeling caused by lack of information. Everyone is improvising life.
Some reading as introduction to the cause of the phenomenon:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_bias
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
yep. it's like when people think my IT/coding skills are 'magic'.
they aren't... they are a product of learning and failing and learning... effort.
i also notice people think like some 12 year old who is really good at something is magically gifted.... 99.9% of the time it's because they are already been doing it for a decade. all my professionally level musician friends started learning music at like 2 or 3. most kids don't learn until like 12, so those 'gifted' kids have a decade of experience already.
just like when i took calc 3 at 30 and my class had a bunch of 15 year olds in it. those 15 year olds in it they weren't geniuses. they just had more experience and knowledge than me and parents who pushed them. many of them probably would go on to graduate college in 2-3 years instead of the traditional 4.
DJKJuicy@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 276d
This is a good and a bad thing.
There is no dividing line between when you're young/middle aged/old. It doesn't exist. I remember being 10. I remember being 20. I remember being 30. I remember being 40. I am still the same sentient entity I was at all those ages.
There is no reason to assign any "age group" to yourself. Be the age you feel inside.
jjjalljs@ttrpg.network · 9 pts · 276d
Being an adult in the sense of being responsible, feel pretty good about. Pay the bills. Feed myself. Go to work.
Being an adult in the sense of having no fun, or tightly restricted fun, not so much. Still go see live music and play video games.
cosmicrookie@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 277d
I'm almost 50 and had to look up DAE 🤷 It turns out that it is an abbreviation for 48 meanings!
I figured it stands for Does Anyone Else but what has clearly changed as I grew older is, how tired I am of abbreviations
quediuspayu@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 276d
I totally agree with the abbreviations.
lennybird@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 276d
Many of the traits of childhood are wonderful and you should cling to them. Sense of wonder and curiosity, goofiness, don't take yourself too seriousky, adventure, physicality, etc.
I think I get what you're saying, that sometimes one wonders if relative to some of your peers of you're "achieving" enough. That's a trickier question because some introspection from this is good.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 276d
What if you're just staggering through because life won't stop shitting on your family? Every time we get above water something else catastrophic happens. Couldn't even get our kitchen and bathrooms fixed from water damage with the paltry insurance payment we got and then the basement ceiling and imsulation got soaked from external water. No way can we report that to insuramce because they will drop us and we'll be fucked into a higher rate. Don't use State Farm. Cunts.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
Oh yeah, and the floors we paid to have redone 3 years ago? Already buckling and peeling. Warranty replacement has been in process for over a month now but at least there's a glimmer of hope we'll get something from it.
bradorsomething@ttrpg.network · 1 pts · 276d
I’ve started making claim email chains with the state ombudsman cc’d in the first email. Saves so much time.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
Will that help with not getting dropped should we file a nee claim?
FridaySteve@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 276d
When I started saying "I can't do that, I'm an important guy with shit to lose" I became an adult.
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 277d
I'm 42, and I feel like I'm cosplaying and LARPing as an adult. I'm able to convince everyone but myself.
Mortage, kids, and a pretty nice career is my equivalent of a fursuit - something to hide behind in an effort to find acceptance from likeminded.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 277d
that sounds miserable.
HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club · 8 pts · 276d
I know I'm mature. I know I'm put into positions of responsibility. I still feel like a teenager.
nondescripthandle@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 277d
You're fine, some days I barely feel human let alone adult. I imagine the overwhelming majority are faking it till they make it. It's one of those clichés that's cliché for a reason.
Acamon@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 277d
I only really feel like an adult when I spend time with kids and young people. Even though the students I teach are at university, and thus technically adults... I'm always struck by how often they seem 'immature'.
And to be clear, I don't even really mean that as a criticism. Sure, at times they don't pay attention and forget to do things and seem akward/nervous. But "adults' do all those things too. The difference is the adults have generally accepted these flaws and come up with coping strategies (both good and bad) like avoiding those situations, or blaming other people.
So, what makes me feel like an adult is not that I'm on top of things, or that I'm no longer a mess. It's that I know I'm a mess, and I no longer hope that one day I'll get everything sorted, and tbh, that's fine.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
the ability to delay gratification and think through the long term consequences of an action is a skill most human beings don't have until they are in their mid to late 20s. biologically speaking.
but i totally get it when my 13 year old nephew thinks his parents are ruining his life by not letting him buy more fortnite money. because in his brain all that matters is there pressing urges of the here and now. to him the future is no more than a week away, he doesn't think in terms of months or years and he won't until he's apply to college probably.
SaneMartigan@aussie.zone · 7 pts · 276d
I worked for a guy in his 90s who felt this way.
affenlehrer@feddit.org · 6 pts · 277d
My little daughter thinks I'm an adult and calls me daddy
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
having someone else depend on you tends to jolt a lot of us out of our selfish immaturity.
i notice a lot of people my age w/o kids are like... crazy selfish and seem to think they are the center of the world.
most of my married/children having friends are the opposite of that.
affenlehrer@feddit.org · 2 pts · 277d
It's almost unbelievable how much my world changed by having a child. Indeed the center of the universe shifted and I became a satellite instead of the center piece.
And it's still weird for me because I didn't even know I could feel so much love. I don't actually understand it because especially in the beginning a baby doesn't really do anything positive for you except for totally depending on you and looking cute. Besides that extreme sleep deprivation (she had a lot of tummy aches as baby), torture by loud crying all day long, causing lots of worries, no more time for friends and also costing quite a lot of money.
I don't mean this in a negative way. I just mean without this sudden feeling of total unconditional love babies probably wouldn't survive. She's 4 years now and it's still a struggle but I love her to bits and would still give everything. The game has changed though and now she tells me what she wants while I know that not everything she wants is good for her and sometimes I have to force her to do things she absolutely doesn't want for her own good...
EchoCranium@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 275d
For me it was after both of my parents had passed away. There's something about losing the people who could still see and treat you as their child, no matter how old you had become, that changes things. I do still feel like I'm waiting to be a grow up sometimes. My great grandfather lived to 101, and still often felt that way. But once the "adults" who raised you are gone, you find yourself out in the open and may have to admit that you're the adult now.
bstix@feddit.dk · 6 pts · 276d
I have kids myself, but I don't feel ashamed of letting them know that I don't always have the answers or that sometimes I like to jump the trampoline for fun.
Adults who seem like they know everything and act responsible all the time actually seem "juvenile" in my opinion.
They don't really get it, you know? Like they got to that level of life by following expectations and then stopped developing past that and just keep trotting along. Some people get stuck there while others "soften up" when they get grandchildren and less responsibility or whatever.
People mature in different paces, but the whole "being grown up" is definitely just an optional phase.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 277d
Sounds like we're all in the same boat here.
Adulting is an illusion.
YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 6 pts · 276d
Just hit the big 40 recently and I still feel just as immature as I did in my twenties. Just with a bunch of new and exotic pain.
HexagonSun@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 276d
I used to genuinely worry as an 8 year old that I’d get older and just lose all sense of fun and silliness.
Turns out in my early 40s I’m just that very same 8 year old but I know a few more things and like boobs more than I used to.
yyprum@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 275d
I often think of this SMBC comic. It left a deep mark for me and it came out over 13 years ago.
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2012-06-24
We are all faking it, we don't have a clue what we are doing. Some are aware of it, some are not.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 277d
"Being an adult" means doing all the things your parents did when you were young with the confidence and determination you assumed they had at the time.
Also doesn't help that much of modern management culture is suffocatingly paternalistic. Bosses want you to continue getting an education, they want you to dress a certain way, they're out assigning you work after hours, they're harping on you for showing up late or leaving early without regard to traffic conditions or life events. There's HR policy around shaming you for being overweight or diabetic or pregnant that's pitched as "how you can save some money!" but mostly revolves around saving the company paid sick leave and benefits. You're told to save in a 401k, but forbidden from managing your money independent of a brokerage. You're told to live independent of parents or roommates, but without the income to afford a home or an apartment convenient to your workplace. You're constantly subjected to reviews and milestones that only ever seem to monopolize your time and never result in career advancement.
You get the same attitude from businesses you interact with - everyone from salesmen to bill collectors to DMV officials have a way of talking down to you and using shame or disappointment to manipulate your behaviors. TV is increasingly just a series of jangling keys. Social Media is just 40 year olds who act like they're still in High School. PTA meetings feel like the blind leading the blind, as you meet with people who are just as infantilized as you've been, trying to convey why this month's deluge of standardized tests is more important than the last in a way you'll believe more than they do.
And that's before you get to the fucking Police. An entire multi-billion dollar bureaucracy dedicated to being America's abusive stepfather.
It sucks out there, man.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -3 pts · 277d
it sounds like you have a shitty job. my job doesn't expect any of that.
i also don't watch TV or hang out with immature people.
that's the great thing about being an adult. i get to choose who interact with, where i work, where i live. in childhood you had no choices.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 277d
:-/
Okay, buddy. Say hi to everyone in your Proust reading group for me.
And yet you choose to be down in the muck with us shitposters. Curious.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 277d
I just had a nice chat with my friend about Proust literally last night. It was really fun.
You choose to be in the muck man. Your life is what you make of it. If you want a better life, go out there and get it. You're an adult and your actions are entirely your own. I don't regard using lemmy as being in the muck, but i don't view the internet as a socially negative space. Why do you?
GiuseppeAndTheYeti@midwest.social · 5 pts · 276d
Im not quite there yet, but literally everyone feels this. You know what you know and you don't know what you don't know. Being an adult is figuring out how to distinguish between the two. If you're able to recognize that something isn't in your breadth of knowledge and you're able to consult with someone else who is more educated on the subject matter OR you're able to self-educate before applying your ignorance, then that makes you an adult in my eyes. Or at least is a large part of the bigger picture.
dan1101@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
I started feeling like an adult at about age 30. But 20 years later I still don't feel that different than I did in my 20s.
Sirdubdee@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
Adult is just being 18+ years old. What you may be looking for is how to mature as an adult. That’s done by trying, failing, and learning over and over again. You’ll always have some fear of new things, but you eventually learn how to bounce back from failure to reduce the fear. As you get older, you’ll lose the support of family because they die. As that happens, you’ll learn to fend for yourself. You will not mature if your are doing the same old stuff because it’s comfortable.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
yeah. trying new things and failing and getting better at them... has been really great. i recently was taking language and writing classes, and it's been really interesting experience. it's forcing me to interact with people outside of my bubble and it's rewarding when i study and make an effort and punishing when i fail to do that.
Tikiporch@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 275d
I don't know how to be an adult, but I know how to be a person.
Ryanmiller70@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 276d
I'm 30 and feel barely any different than I did as a teenager. Probably doesn't help I still live with my parents. Although going to my childhood best friend's funeral on Sunday might shake things up.
Sibshops@lemmy.myserv.one · 4 pts · 277d
I don't know about feeling like an adult, but I don't feel like a kid, that's for sure.
aburrito@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 277d
I feel like an adult, but I feel like very few others actually are
GaMEChld@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 275d
I just realized the other day that one sure fire mark of adulthood is buying a vacuum. Nobody makes you buy a vacuum and you're not going to die without one. Nobody really wants to buy a vacuum. It's just something you have to do at some point. It's a willful decision to spend your hard earned money on something that's essentially a chore. Because that's what a responsible adult does.
mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 275d
damnit I've bought exactly one vacuum (well, not counting wet/dry vacs and battery handheld vacs) in my life. and I don't even have it anymore, I traded it for a different vacuum
other than that, I've been using (and still do!) a crappy one that my grandpa gave me over a decade ago
GaMEChld@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 275d
I remember the Dyson my mom gifted me as a housewarming present died (sheetrock dust is deadly to vacuums motors, it's finer particles than I realized. ) And I went researching vacuums and found what the vacuum repair guys on Reddit thought about best vacuums. I felt so savvy buying the one I chose in the end. Yay adulting!
shrewbacca@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
As someone pushing 40, this thread is full of people who sound like fun.
myfunnyaccountname@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 276d
Fake it til you make it
Boozilla@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Bahnd@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
No one ever truely grows up, some people are just better at hiding it.
ameancow@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 276d
quediuspayu@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 277d
In my experience the only defining trait of being an adult is that you suddenly start to like getting socks as a present.
early_riser@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
One of my many "I guess I'm a grown man now" moments was when I got legitimately excited to buy a ladder.
palordrolap@fedia.io · 3 pts · 277d
Never really have. Around 8 or 9, I stopped wanting to get any older and since then I've always felt like I was pretending to be my age rather than being it.
I understand that a lot of other adults are also pretending, but I've all but ceased to be able to keep up the charade.
For example, I own a house, and even managed to look after things for a while, but that was a struggle and there's no way current me is up to any of that.
I envy others' strength and ability.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
what if you were never pretending, and you simply are your age.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Last night I ate two bowls of knock-off cinnamon crunch at 23 o’clock, simply because I hadn’t had cereal in a while. My parents would have sure been like “why? Just wait for breakfast.”
I’m 40.
Blackmist@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 275d
Just pretend you know what you're doing. Eventually you'll forget you're pretending.
InFerNo@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 276d
Yes, definitely
flandish@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
expatriado@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
idk, i do a lot of joking around, but i pay all my bills on time
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
you're doing better than like 60% of other adults then.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 2 pts · 276d
Yep. At least partially. Never been able to achieve any of the milestones of adulthood. Marriage, home ownership, kids, etc. Could never afford anything.
neomachino@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 275d
I'm almost 30 and just starting to feel like a kid.
I've had to be an adult since I was 10 but getting sober and having my first kid really brought me back to life. We play with a hotwheels track that we call car thing, we wrestle everyday, we have jam sessions where we switch instruments so for half of it I'm playing a tiny piano. When I buy clothes I let him help me pick stuff out and most of it's from thrift stores so my outfits have gotten very funky.
He also makes doing adult things more fun, we do everything together so he helps me with house work. There's the shark vacuum, the carpet cleaner turns the floor into lava, laundry basketball, we cook dinner together. My favorite is making pizza dough with him, it takes longer to clean up than it does to make the pizza but it's a blast.
DarkFuture@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
My body reminds me I'm an adult every day.
gnomesaiyan@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
I'm about to hit 49. We're just older kids, that's all.
Birdy@lemmings.world · 2 pts · 277d
Feel still like a kid.
Sometimes feel like a 10 year old in the body of an adult
kubok@fedia.io · 1 pts · 277d
OP: What do you consider 'adult'? I am trying to be a responsible parent to two children, and I pay the bills on time. I have a decent paying job while still being able to care for the children. As the father I do most of the cooking and cleaning and in the weekends I perform the upkeep of our home. But the best moment I had with my kids were doing 'immature' things together, like playing with Lego or loudly singing along with 80s goth music, or occasionally both at the same time. I also play board games and computer games (instead of passively sitting in front of the television, I might add).
On the other hand, I saw parents at the playground who were working on spreadsheets and totally ignoring their children. If that is being an 'adult', I do not want to be one.
Crackhappy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 275d
No, I still feel like an adult. I just feel like I'm still 24 (I'm 50)
d00ery@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
No, I don't feel like a real adult 😅
But I suppose I try to remember lessons I've learned and avoid the same mistakes where possible.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 1 pts · 276d
I don't feel any different than I did in high school. Mentally or physically.
TheRagingGeek@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
I know when I first hit my 30’s it dawned on me in a panicked rush that people expect me to be a mature knowledgeable adult. I have accepted that truth but also know that I am still just as “adult” as I’ve ever been
blarth@thelemmy.club · 1 pts · 275d
I’ve felt like an adult since I was a child.
WhatGodIsMadeOf@feddit.org · 1 pts · 276d
The idea of "growing up" is bullshit and probably stunts a lot of kids growth and development.
RBWells@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
Well in some ways yes, and in some ways no. I never seem to get jaded, silly things still make me laugh. I still can read and shut out the world like when I was a kid.
But I am so competent in some ways? Can cook and hold a job, raised kids, gardens finally grow for me. All those seem adult qualities. And I have made so many mistakes and have been hurt so much, do feel the weight of experience. And while nothing hurts, and I can still cartwheel and do yoga, I have no bounce - can't run well, can't jump.
hogmomma@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 277d
There are two types of adults; old teenagers and grown-ups. I'm definitely an old teenager.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -4 pts · 277d
all it says is you are insecure.
i have felt like an adult since my teens. probably because I'm responsible for myself and i don't blame other people for by problems and i understood that the only person in my life who will ever help me accomplish anything is myself.