(as seen at the evil empire, but I just had to liberate it)
So, uh... what's your pizza-disaster story, y'all? I'll go first.
Me, I used to deliver for Domino's, and it was tonnes more fun than I'd imagined. First order of business was getting myself this freakin' awesome powered-spotlight that plugged in to the cigarette lighter in my car, nominally so as to throw a spotlight on street addresses, at need. But hoh-my-god, that sucker was fun to play around with in general.
Also, like Ed Grimley, "I must say" that the tips were unusually good, to supplement the standard shit-wages of a delivery-boy. This was in 1990 btw, so wow... 36yrs ago, now. Tempus fugit, nonne?
Anyway, my most awkward encounter ever was the time I made a delivery, placed the pizza directly in to the man's hands, and... for whatever reason(s) he dropped it. Right in front of me. Right between us. Probably one of the earliest scammers I ever dealt with, but it was hella embarrassing and awkward, dammit. I sure as heck didn't know what to do or say...
How about you. Got anything..?
91 Comments
Nosavingthrow@lemmy.world · 160 pts · 114d
Your dad is gerrymandering the pizza.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 37 pts · 114d
Godammit.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 114d
So then this pizza must be in a red state. I heard blue states can't do that.
Breezy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 113d
It would require a single olive mixed with all the pepperoni slices to really portray reality.
GutterRat42@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 113d
I came to say this. Gerrymandering is getting out of control.
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br · 70 pts · 114d
"Autism didn't existed on my time"
This person dad:
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 114d
It'd be easier with a rectangular pizza.
whimsy@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 113d
My god, this looks delicious. For some reason I've always found square and rectangle pizzas to be much more appealing. Don't really know why
Jax@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 113d
Yeah the shape of the pizza doesn't matter to me but if you cut a circular pizza with square segments I will cut you
RobertoOberto@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 112d
I'd like to use a cookie cutter to cut circular pieces out of a square pizza.
Jax@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 112d
That could result in some interesting shapes for slices, it's certainly better than the atrocity I mentioned before.
kieron115@startrek.website · 1 pts · 113d
thicc crust
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world · 21 pts · 114d
I'm going to start cutting my pizza like this.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 9 pts · 114d
Well, I for one believe that might fully live up to the Dark Lord's diabolical, maggot-ridden, ejaculation-expectoration. Well CHOSEN, sir. ❤️
:D
jordanlund@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 113d
I could see it if he were going for even pepperoni distribution, but here I'm seeing 3 slices with 5 pepperonis, 3 slices with 3 pepperonis, and 2 slices with 4 pepperonis.
32 pepperonis, he could have split it into 8 slices with 4 pepperonis each.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 6 pts · 113d
Oh, but what would it look like from an essential Marvel / DC perspective?
:P
jordanlund@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 113d
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 113d
You can tell it's not ai because none of the gauntlet is made of pepperoni and none of the pepperoni has gauntlet decorations, among many other details.
I appreciate a good ol' honest photoshopping.
jordanlund@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 113d
I actually did use ChatGPT, but I did specify to only replace the gemstones with pepperoni. 😉
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 113d
Ah, good to know. I've had mainly positive experiences using GPT to transform images, but it can be a real process at times, or sometimes an outright impossibility.
I'll probably never finish (or post) this little article, but...
https://piefed.social/post/1651948
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 111d
Wow, I guess it can finally replicate a five-minute photoshop job.
cupcakezealot@piefed.blahaj.zone · 21 pts · 114d
your dad is correct tbh
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 3 pts · 114d
I'm just a tadpole. Oh well.
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br · 13 pts · 114d
Next time retire all pepperonis, cut like a normal pizza and then put the pepperoni's back.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 10 pts · 114d
No wait..!!
I got a much-better idea! Just cut 36 different pizza-slices around each individual pepperoni, and then a few more around that barren wasteland.
NOW you can sell it as like 50 unique pizzas, right? :D
LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 114d
What about overlapping pepperoni?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 113d
No next time take all the pepperoni off after he does this, cut them in half with little scissors, then put them back
edit five hours and no one has acknowledged my pun? my pun must go acknowledged.
Gust@piefed.social · 12 pts · 114d
Not a pizza story, but I used to deliver for jimmy johns. I took an order one time to an address that was in an area with a bunch of individual doctors offices, and this address looked like it had a small lobby just like any of those doctors offices. I walked right into this family's living room while they were having some kind of get together, they asked what the hell I was doing, and i turned bright red and held up the box of sandwiches. It ended up alright; I explained myself, then they asked me to take a picture with them and joked about delivery so good they didnt even have to get off the couch. In retrospect, I realized I basically just broke and entered in a stand your ground state and got super lucky the family was chill about it
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 5 pts · 114d
*phew*
(fist-bump)
Bahnd@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 114d
Im going to start doing this, just to piss other people off. Thank you for the idea father of random internet person.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 8 pts · 114d
I live to serve! :D
PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 114d
Next time imply you're bringing friends and he'll need to cut it into 32 pieces.
I wanna see him make 32 mini-pizzas with one (1) pepperoni on each.
_stranger_@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 114d
I wanted to talk smack at you but honestly that's kind of a fun idea
howrar@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 113d
You made me go and count the pepperonis on that pizza.
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 113d
You miscounted, there's actually 33
howrar@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 113d
Not falling for that. I refuse.
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 113d
:D
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 4 pts · 113d
LOL
thanks for that
DocMcStuffin@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 114d
Your dad needs to step up his frozen pizza game. He needs to remove all the pepperoni before baking then rearrange them so he can slice the pizza without cutting any of them.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 4 pts · 114d
Bloody-hell mate, it's a DEAL!
ZMoney@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 113d
There was a guy at a nursing home who lived on the 27th floor. Had to drive through a checkpoint with a guard, check in at the front desk, and ride the elevator to deliver the same plain cheese pizza every time. The guy was probably 95 so he always gave two quarters as as a tip, thinking this was a lot for a 20-something delivery driver. Probably didn't know that the financial crisis had made it impossible to find a real job even with a university degree, and that the extra 15 minutes dealing with his building meant I was losing money, and I couldn't use the fifty cents to buy a chicken dinner like he could when he was my age.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 8 pts · 113d
Yikes.
There's a lot to comment on there, but in the US at least, there truly was a period of 'greatness' from around the mid-1930's to its last gasp in the mid-1970's, much of it salvaged by FDR-style politics.
IME Boomers sadly whiff on all that all the time.
AeonFelis@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 113d
I'll leave judgement to the Italian Supreme Court.
silver_wings_of_morning@feddit.dk · 6 pts · 114d
Big Triangle doesn't want you to know you can cut pizza this way, wake up
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 113d
Big triangle doesn't want you to know that pizza is served as radians, or ideally, rectangles
kogasa@programming.dev · 6 pts · 113d
Regarding this pizza, I get it. I really do. But I feel like I would learn how to sharpen a pizza cutter before I would decide to do this.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 1 pts · 113d
Truth!
And yet dad's are gonna dad...
adarza@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 114d
i do this, too, sometimes.. but i don't make rounded cuts--that's just all kinds of messed up.
owsei@programming.dev · 5 pts · 114d
Aside from the top 2 slices which are a fucking tragedy, this honestly doesn't look too bad. Most slices have 3 to 4 pieces of pepperoni, so the area is kinda close and the shapes aren't horrible to hold.
troglodyte_mignon@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 114d
I find the bottom left slice infuriating. It’s an affront to triangles. Why is there a circle where there should be a pointy thing.
The one on the right that looks like an out of shape rectangle is pretty anger-inducing as well.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
And a little re-heating in the air-fryer?
Bob's your uncle, man!
(uh, British saying, sorry)
slacktoid@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 114d
But also if I do that would Bob becme my uncle /s
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 4 pts · 114d
He's generally a funny guy.
I don't think you'd mind him. :P
slacktoid@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 114d
Dope! Need more funny energy in my life!
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 3 pts · 114d
Fuck... don't we all? (high-five, brother)
slacktoid@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 111d
High five! Fuck yeah we do
sniggleboots@europe.pub · 5 pts · 113d
Based
Watermark710@piefed.social · 5 pts · 113d
Are you the same person who posted this exact pic to reddit in 2023?
https://old.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/1375ixw/my_dad_does_this_to_avoid_cutting_pepperoni/
isyasad@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 113d
I think with the quotes in the title and the "(as seen at the evil empire, but I just had to liberate it)" they are trying to imply that they took it from Reddit.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 6 pts · 113d
Absolutely right, thank you.
I also stole another one from Reddit 2-3 weeks ago. (remember that amazing soy-sauce dish?)
Whaddya, need me to watermark it for you, @Watermark710@piefed.social ?
Lexam@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 114d
Don't let him cut the pizza.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 3 pts · 114d
Well, it was either that or the cheese...
(rough-choices in life, yaknow)
Kenny2999@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 114d
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 113d
Pizzempanadas?
Crozekiel@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 113d
Like, if that pizza is just for him, I kinda dig it. But if that is cut up for the family (and assumably siblings) to share, he deserves to deal with the absolute pants-shitting screaming match over who gets which piece that is inevitable.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 113d
Probably one of those 'I'm paying for the food and roof over your heads' kind of thing. Sadly, situations like that can get pretty warped and toxic, indeed.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmings.world · 3 pts · 105d
Your dad has a sharp knife, and knows how to wield it.
troglodyte_mignon@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 114d
So, which slice did your father choose for himself?
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
"Je déteste la tranche qui me rappelle la France."
troglodyte_mignon@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 113d
La prochaine fois que vous mangez une pizza ensemble, découpe-la en parts de forme hexagonale pour le punir.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 1 pts · 112d
Haha, ça marche !
Ce qui est intéressant, c'est la forme hexagonale. Les États-Unis ont globalement une forme assez particulière, c'est sans doute pour ça qu'on ne leur attribue pas de forme bien précise.
Janx@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
Translation says it's something like "I hate the slice that reminds me of France."
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
C'est vrai!
(eh, my French sucks; it was a joke meant for my friend, above)
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 114d
Prolly one of the ones with five.
Maybe all three
teft@piefed.social · 3 pts · 114d
Pizza flakes instead of slices.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
Uh-oh, now I'm scared...
dan69@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 114d
🧠
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 2 pts · 113d
I thought the cheese filled pretzel crust pizzas sounded hella good until I had one. The salt killed it. The cheese, dough, and rest of the pizza are salty enough that it really does not need the extra pretzel rock salt.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 113d
Huh. I put garlic salt on my crust, but it's not a pretzel rock salt. Maybe it's the size of the grain. Or the lack of garlic.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 113d
Also different people have different salt preferences. My family can't get enough
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 113d
i think you tell a lie. everyone likes things the way i like things (the same way your family does, lots of salt. and garlic.)
watson387@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 114d
YOWTF
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
"You Own What the Farmer (Owns)"
Good point, dude--
Well-stated. :D
volore@scribe.disroot.org · 2 pts · 114d
The man is clearly insane.
Put him in a home. Or just buy him a proper, sharp pizza cutter. But if he didn't consider doing that himself rather than whatever the fuck this is... I still say he needs professional care.
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
Well, he has kind of a decent defense, though?
"It's just ART, kids! HAHAHAHAHAhahahaha..."
(okay okay, you're right)
yakko@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 114d
From now on, he only gets calzones.
FauxPseudo@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 114d
Thank you for your service.
UndulyUnruly@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 113d
!pizzacrimes@lemmy.world
Eternal192@anarchist.nexus · 1 pts · 114d
You cut the pepperoni?! you monster!
JohnnyEnzyme@piefed.social · 2 pts · 114d
No, you misunderstand me for my father!
Eternal192@anarchist.nexus · 3 pts · 113d
No YOU cut the pepperoni and your father cuts around the pepperoni so again YOU are the monster.
Marshezezz@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 113d