For example, my car is parked in a single lane driveway, mom's car is in the garage, she opens the garage door, zooms backwards and puts a hole in my front bumper with her trailer hitch. Then she comes inside to wake me up and yell at me. Is that just an extension of narcissism or what words are there to describe someone like that?
46 Comments
litchralee@sh.itjust.works · 74 pts · 94d
Deflection: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/deflection
TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 94d
Ya definitely deflection, is there a word for people who chronically do this?
foodandart@lemmy.zip · 58 pts · 94d
I've often thought the word "asshole" fits..
litchralee@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 94d
I don't disagree. But seeing as OP specifically asked for a word, I'm inclined to offer the most specific, most descriptive word I can muster that is germane to what they've described.
IMO, precision of language is paramount when it comes to addressing other people's problematic behavior, because it closes the door on excuses like "it's just a simple misunderstanding" or "that's just their opinion".
The most poignant example I've heard of are from parents that make absolutely certain that their children learn the proper names for their body parts. As in, not "hoo-hah" or "privates" but the actual, unambiguous clinical names. This is a marked improvement than the TV trope of "where on the doll did the bad man touch you".
foodandart@lemmy.zip · 17 pts · 94d
Ah, yes.. then narcissist is the one.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 91d
For general purposes yes, but if somebody is looking for the name of a certain kind of cabinet they want more than "furniture".
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 93d
"Victim blamers" works
ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 45 pts · 94d
DARVO - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
protist@retrofed.com · 38 pts · 94d
I think what she's doing is called externalization. She's not able to recognize and/or tolerate her own internal state and is projecting onto you. Maybe she feels shame for what happened and can't tolerate feeling shame, so she's treating you like you should feel ashamed. All this is arguable though
yakko@feddit.uk · 16 pts · 94d
This was my surmise as well. Could stem from plain emotional immaturity, needn't be full-blown narcissism. It's the reaction of a child who can't process a negative emotion.
OldGrayDog@fedinsfw.app · 37 pts · 94d
Republican
MagnificentSteiner@lemmy.zip · 36 pts · 94d
A Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 93d
Is this a real thing? It's pretty funny
MagnificentSteiner@lemmy.zip · 13 pts · 93d
It was written by someone called Dayna Craig IIRC.
It's a perfect distillation of narcissist psychology IMO.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 93d
Spot on.
Strider@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 93d
Oh I can assure you it's real. But it's easy to see, even trump follows (followed - now he doesn't need to anymore) this logic.
Its not funny if you have a pathological narcissist in your vicinity.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world · -2 pts · 92d
Oh yeah. Trump. Thanks
Strider@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 92d
Hm, I have the feeling I said something wrong? In any case, no offense was intended.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 91d
I've read something very much like that but it was called something else, like stages of rationalization maybe.
NABDad@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 94d
Reminds me of when we sent a tech out to someone's home to set up a workstation. The wife of the guy getting the workstation backed into his car, and drove off.
After seeing the damage to his car, our tech went to tell the husband, and before he could even say anything the husband said, "my wife hit your car, didn't she?"
It's happened often enough that this guy didn't even need to be told. He knew.
schwim@piefed.zip · 28 pts · 94d
MAGA?
just_another_person@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 94d
💥GOT'EM
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 93d
SLAM
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 94d
I hate how people use this word for everything nowadays, but it could actually be narcissism.
jimmux@programming.dev · 8 pts · 94d
Lack of accountability is one of the hallmarks, for sure.
8oow3291d@feddit.dk · 2 pts · 92d
Very much behavior shown by narcissists, as I understand it.
A narcissist would often do it at an unconscious level. But it could also be psychopathy, where the psychopath completely deliberately lies to gain advantage. In the specific case cited by OP, the mom has no rational advantage of her behavior, so it would be narcissism and not psychopathy.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 92d
It's also one of my personal triggers because my mom always did this. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was unconscious guilty avoidance as opposed to intentionally lying, but still, I could describe the situation accurately back to her and point out what she did that was wrong (we're not talking about a mistake or accident here, I only brought it up if it was an intentional action that hurt other members of my family) she would always have, "but they did this", or "I thought I was helping, excuse me for caring!"
8oow3291d@feddit.dk · 2 pts · 92d
As I understand it, that is pretty much the definition of narcissism. Narcissism is defined by an underlying inferiority complex, which gives the narcissist a mental block preventing them from consciously realizing (and acting on) their own imperfections.
JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 15 pts · 93d
Sociopath
Psychopath
Narcissist
All three of those personality disorders could characterize that type of behavior.
They do something wrong but it's never their fault. It's always someone else's fault.
blarghly@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 94d
It sounds like your mom's a bitch
Beebabe@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 94d
Darvo? Not really a word but it’s a thing.
NegativeLookAhead@lemmy.ml · 11 pts · 94d
Asshole
disregardable@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 94d
That's poor emotional regulation/lashing out. Anger issues. Short-tempered, belligerent, possible mental health disorder.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 10 pts · 93d
Asshole?
JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 94d
Trump
JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 93d
And of course Trump = sociopath & psychopath & narcissist.
Drusas@fedia.io · 7 pts · 93d
Christ, that's something my SO would do. And then later deny that the event ever occurred.
expr@programming.dev · 7 pts · 92d
That's... Not normal. At all.
Strawberry@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 92d
ex-SO I hope?
Xenny@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 92d
Republican
melsaskca@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 93d
Isn't that the definition of "gaslighting"?
8oow3291d@feddit.dk · 2 pts · 92d
"Gaslighting" is a lie told where the victim knows it is a lie. So could be.
But with one subtlety: If the "liar" is a narcissist, then the "lie" is often believed by the narcissist themselves, making it not a lie as such - since "lie" implies they know it is untrue.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 92d
Sounds like DARVO
minorkeys@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 94d
Narcissist. Just ask, what would Trump do? That's narcissism.
KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 92d
Narcissist
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 91d
That's so specific there has to be a yiddish word for it. IIRC a "schlemiel" is a guy who goes to a fancy dinner and spills his soup, and a "schlamazel" is the guy he spills it on. There has to be a word for somebody who uses scapegoats.