Microsoft Wants to 'Make People Addicted' to its New AI Assistant, Internal Documents Reveal

Ah yes, Cortana and Copilot both suck, but surely third time's the charm. And when Scout is, inevitably, unpopular as well? We'll see what they call number four.

microslop can fuck off.

do you really wanna be admitting that addiction is your goal?

A $6 Million Jury Verdict Ruled Social Media Is Addictive.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/anishasircar/2026/03/30/a-6-million-jury-verdict-ruled-social-media-is-addictive-now-what/

My non Linux savvy spouse is currently dual booting Linux Mint because Windows has become so frustrating to use.

Mint isn't perfect. We've run into a few bugs and shortcomings. But there's a big difference between dealing with genuine issues in an OS and using one that feels actively hostile and designed to exploit the user.

If both experiences can be frustrating, why choose the one that's frustrating by design (unless you absolutely have to) ?

I will never EVER give an AI agency over any of my personal accounts.

Instead they made me addicted to Linux.

adding new "features"

look inside

enshittification

Gotta produce dopamine for that to happen. Not cortisol.

If they want people addicted to an AI, it's going to have to be a lot better than fucking Copilot.

As slop generators go, it's about the sloppiest.

We're going to MAKE people ADDICTED by making a REALLY Good Product! SOLVING annoying Problems! TREATING Customers respectfully! FORCING ourselves Onto people like Donald Trump on Little Girls!

Did they try making it good?

Yeah, we know

Have they tried making it better, I feel like I'm more likely to become addicted to it if it was good.

Hahahaha suck it, Microslop. I look forward to your Chapter 11 filing.

Duh. I wouldn't have called it "addiction", but dependency was clearly the goal, otherwise they wouldn't take away classical search.

I thought that was obvious from the start.

This strategy worked so well for Bing

Create a captive audience through monopoly or near monopoly on a given market, then charge them more for a worse version of the product, reducing costs and maximizing profits, it's always been the goal with corporate capitalism, look at the whole Copilot and GitHub situation right now.

No shit, Sherlock.
And people would actually happily get addicted to an AI assistant which is reliable, safe, capable, kind, and fast.
They really should try making a great product. Then they don't need any tricks. People love great products.

I can't fault them for this business plan. It has worked for the opioid business professionals time and time again, for centuries!

Hold on let me put on my surprised look

BREAKING - Companies want customers to get addicted to their products!!!1

Legitimately most modern games or all of social media.

Oh they're making me addicted alright. I can't stop installing Linux on things. Its like a new vice for my devices

That shit should set off alarm bells of all regulators… but we elect people who don’t give a fuck so…

At this rate I will have to do like Terry Davis and make my OWN minimalistic OS to escape this AI plague.

Explains why they want you to think it's also a person.

At least they're honest (internally) about their intentions. Obviously this is also the goal of the other big AI foundries; it either already is or it will be in the future.

Luckily Microsoft is famously bad at this, but Google and perhaps OpenAI will be more successful. We're still in the subsidized honeymoon phase, but this window is closing with the increasing pressure to return profit.

As a skeptic, I'm not worried about myself, but I'm scared for the people who will get addicted and then ruined by full prices or devastated when their mind drug is taken away again.

Uhh yeah thats the long term profit concept of LLMs, force them onto people for free until they cant live without them, then jack up the price. Its been pretty obvious...

Knowing Microslop, I'm not too worried. They'll either scrap the idea before implementing it or make it so shitty people won't use it. Let them try for the shits n giggles.

Only Scout believed in himself.

Today i tried to unbind the windows key from a computer because it was getting annoying. Tutorials pointed to the registry. I found nothing but ended up understanding why some keyboards directly have locks on that stupid key

Ha ha ha, no Microslop !

If it's agentic it's going to burn through tokens even faster, so what's their business model?

Well, Microsoft, if you want that, put more cocaine in it.

Scout will only be available for MS 365 customers.

Never heard of Scout or seen the logo, but that's a big swirly poo, right? I'm not crazy, am I? This feels like being punked.

It's most definitely a poo.

They should make slop vapes.

addictive? hahahahah. Poor Microsoft. Everything started going wrong for them when they got rid of Clippy.

... how? They can't just say it and expect it to happen. People have to want to use it. How, in the absolute shit sauce, could you possibly be addicted to an AI? What even is the goal?

NOBODY WANTS TO WORK (on loving scout) ANYMORE!!!

That will really help all those lawsuits from people who got addicted to that thingy.

In the times we live , where sociopath billionares seem to reign, this is no surprising

Attention economy. Gotta fight it or gotta leave it for something better.

When you ask an LLM to name itself, "Scout" is a very common name for it to come up with. That and "echo".

Out of touch execs still chasing metrics instead of focusing on quality. Their desperation betrays the awareness that an end is near.

Very surprising

By taking away any other options?

Be like google, make search so shitty and monetized the only thing left is AI results.

its like trying to make people like fly agaric.