What is wrong with genuine affection? The least of us are that lucky. Sex you can have with everyone and get it everywhere. You can even buy it, if you want.
But love and affection is a rare commodity you can't enforce or buy or....
OK, u just took it verbatim.
You are able to fuck anyone anywhere. They might not mirror that desire to do so and the place might not be made for it. But you COULD.
It depends on the person. Some asexual people can be quite sexually active because they don't mind or enjoy helping with their partner's sexual needs even though they're not directly interested.
I don’t want to try it. Don’t even want to hear about it. Don’t even have functioning genitals on account of being intersex. I thought I was horny once, but that was just when Rush Limbaugh died.
Some people tell me, “well, you haven’t had the right dick or pussy yet!” And I always reply, “and you haven’t had the right arsenic yet, keep trying different kinds.”
Turns out that the wizard powers for being a forty year old virgin only apply if one ever had the option or desire to lose the virginity in the first place.
ooh, ooh! Ace here. I went through a period where sex was my special interest. I went deep down the research rabbit hole, learned all about sex toys and methods and safer sex techniques. Had willing partners.
At the end of the day, sex is boring and no one is hot/of an attracting gender. I guess it's like if you were a super straight man and everyone else was men? I don't know.
Yeah sure, few times to find out what the fuzz is about and then move on. Do you have any idea how many times people have sex in a relationship, a lot more than just a few times.
Just for clarification, I'm not ace or at least haven't accepted it and just have difficulties with libido and remembering that I'm supposed to have sex.
Dont worry, as parents you wouldn't (want) to see action either. You get up, handle your offspring, go to work, gethome to just handle the offspring again. Depending if they had mid-day sleep you may be allowed to do chores starting 19-23pm. Actually working is more relaxing than being 100% of the time on adrenaline because your toddler tries to hurt themselves all the time. You just lack energy for romance. Trying for a second is a chore.
I used to work for a very shitty hotel. Like, heroin and hookers kind of hotel.
One summer we somehow became the official hotel of something called CLAW. I have no idea what it stands for, but the basic idea is that it's a gay guys in leather convention.
Anyways, I'm a straight male. I have no issues with these guys, but I wouldn't join in. As I'm working the front counter, this guy comes up and tries to flirt with me. I politely decline. Then he goes off to our dining room area.
Another guy walks up to check in. As I'm doing my job, the first guy comes back, walks up to the guy checking in, and says "Heeeey, I'm Tom. Are you single?" to which the second guy says "No, but I'm free to play". Tom then gives him a room key, and says "Well I'm room 329. Feel free to bring as many as your friends as you like".
To this day I am dumbfounded by that interaction. To any gay dudes reading this, I want you to know flirting with women and sealing the deal is NOWHERE NEAR that easy! I was impressed, and a bit jealous.
Tom walked up to this guy, and with 1 sentence and 1 question organized an orgy in which he was not at all responsible for setting up. He's just offering a room. You bring the dudes.
This means Tom doesn't have to vet people. He doesn't need to make sure everyone is comfortable with each other. He just told the second guy to bring all his friends, and he reaps all the rewards of orgy host!
To put that in perspective, I'm 42, and never even had a threesome with 2 women. Because its such a hassle getting all the details just right. Meanwhile Tom's over here like "ALL of your friends please!"
He went from "Hi my name is Tom" to "Lets pack my room with dudes" with only one sentence, and one question. Even the Germans aren't THAT efficient!
So for you to say that you can't get any other guys to give you a handjob......brother, you're just not trying! Have you tried opening with "Hello"? Apperently that leads to orgies.
Then there's the wonder of quirky left hand who is very very aware of there being a penis of an interesting shape in there, and numb slept-on arm with the handjob that feels like it's from someone else.
The guy who stole my taco now deleted his comment. Made out like a banshee in the night. No taking responsibility for their own actions. Instead, he's probably snacking on my taco! That taco was like a taco to me! AND NOW IT'S GONE!!!
133 Comments
popekingjoe@lemmy.world · 78 pts · 60d
And y'know what? He's absolutely great at them, and I deeply appreciate him.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml · 32 pts · 60d
Wait, we must have the same dude!
YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 30 pts · 60d
popekingjoe@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 60d
popekingjoe@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 60d
tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip · 29 pts · 60d
He's had a LOT of practice
popekingjoe@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 60d
luciferofastora@feddit.org · 9 pts · 60d
...and there goes my boner
OldQWERTYbastard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 75 pts · 60d
Fine. I fucked up and married an asexual woman because she was the first person to ever show me genuine affection and I royally fucked up.
Sucks to be me! No kids, at least.
Carnelian@lemmy.world · 152 pts · 60d
I also don’t have sex with this guy’s wife
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 60d
I’m asexual and I deserve love too! I married another asexual lady and it’s great. Neither of us have to do things we don’t want to.
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip · 71 pts · 60d
Not even taxes?
CannonFodder@lemmy.world · 43 pts · 60d
Don't kink shame
mrmisses@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 60d
If it helps I didn't marry an asexual woman and I still get none.
Sucks to be me, plus a kid!
REDACTED@infosec.pub · 8 pts · 60d
Are you selling?
jestho@lemmy.zip · 43 pts · 60d
Easy there, Epstein
avidamoeba@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 60d
Wait, how do you know she's not asexual?
Minnels@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 60d
Well... You are not alone in this.
DanceMomsSavedMe@lemmy.zip · 20 pts · 60d
Your username is amazing btw
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 20 pts · 60d
What is wrong with genuine affection? The least of us are that lucky. Sex you can have with everyone and get it everywhere. You can even buy it, if you want. But love and affection is a rare commodity you can't enforce or buy or....
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 22 pts · 60d
Depends if she let's him get it elsewhere? You are stuck in a dilemma of being involuntary celibate for life, in return for love.
So oof.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 60d
Would be pretty mean if she didn't. But yes...tough choice. The younger he is, the harder.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 60d
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 60d
oops lol
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 60d
False
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 59d
Where can you not?
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 59d
The vast majority of people do not want to have sex with the vast majority of other people and most places prohibit fucking in them.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 59d
OK, u just took it verbatim. You are able to fuck anyone anywhere. They might not mirror that desire to do so and the place might not be made for it. But you COULD.
davidagain@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 58d
I think you and I live very, very different lives that you would think that way.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 58d
Why? The pure technical ability to do so is there. Doesn't mean you should or would. Besides that wasn't even remotely my initial point.
REDACTED@infosec.pub · 0 pts · 60d
Think about it tho
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 60d
Why? What's wrong with that? A normal job and a normal transaction. Married though, I dont do this 😁
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml · 9 pts · 60d
Do asexual people not even want to try it, out of curiosity?
stray@pawb.social · 20 pts · 60d
It depends on the person. Some asexual people can be quite sexually active because they don't mind or enjoy helping with their partner's sexual needs even though they're not directly interested.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 60d
I don’t want to try it. Don’t even want to hear about it. Don’t even have functioning genitals on account of being intersex. I thought I was horny once, but that was just when Rush Limbaugh died.
Some people tell me, “well, you haven’t had the right dick or pussy yet!” And I always reply, “and you haven’t had the right arsenic yet, keep trying different kinds.”
Turns out that the wizard powers for being a forty year old virgin only apply if one ever had the option or desire to lose the virginity in the first place.
teslekova@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 59d
"I thought I was horny once, but that was just when Rush Limbaugh died."
Immortal words, my friend. I commend their beauty.
smh@slrpnk.net · 9 pts · 60d
ooh, ooh! Ace here. I went through a period where sex was my special interest. I went deep down the research rabbit hole, learned all about sex toys and methods and safer sex techniques. Had willing partners.
At the end of the day, sex is boring and no one is hot/of an attracting gender. I guess it's like if you were a super straight man and everyone else was men? I don't know.
Now I'm into knitting and kumihimo.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 5 pts · 60d
How many times can you do that?
Yeah sure, few times to find out what the fuzz is about and then move on. Do you have any idea how many times people have sex in a relationship, a lot more than just a few times.
Just for clarification, I'm not ace or at least haven't accepted it and just have difficulties with libido and remembering that I'm supposed to have sex.
harmony@piefed.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 60d
Ace people can actually still have a strong libido! It's more about sexual attraction.
Of course, others are straight up repulsed by even the thought of sex. It's a wide spectrum.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 1 pts · 60d
Yeah, they're the lucky ones of the cursed spectrum. At least that can be taken advantage of even if there's no direct target for it.
Waterpumpee@lemmus.org · 6 pts · 60d
Dont worry, as parents you wouldn't (want) to see action either. You get up, handle your offspring, go to work, gethome to just handle the offspring again. Depending if they had mid-day sleep you may be allowed to do chores starting 19-23pm. Actually working is more relaxing than being 100% of the time on adrenaline because your toddler tries to hurt themselves all the time. You just lack energy for romance. Trying for a second is a chore.
drmoose@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 60d
Any upsides?
pooberbee@lemmy.ml · 28 pts · 60d
False
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today · 24 pts · 60d
-tto?
Yeah, kind of weird to have an LGBTQ+ pride post forget the T.
Broadfern@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 60d
Yeah I was about to say trans folks exist lmao
hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 60d
Okay but then you still have same sex person jacking you off, that's hella gay were you a dude, gal or anything between or beyond
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 60d
Got 'em.
drmoose@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 60d
Nah my hand just identifies as a women during it 🫡
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 22 pts · 60d
What if I'm nonbinary, tho?
Gormadt@slrpnk.net · 12 pts · 60d
There's wood in them their hands!
vodka@feddit.org · 7 pts · 60d
What if your hand isn't?
groet@feddit.org · 2 pts · 60d
I feel like hands are either left or right and that this binary attribute is assigned by their position on the body and not by their choice.
But then again the same was said about gender ...
resipsaloquitur@lemmy.cafe · 3 pts · 59d
Inside you are two wolves.
Both of them are gay.
TotallyWorthLife@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 60d
Uhh no, I'm just jerking a tgirl off and getting jerked by a tgirl.
Not my gf, but eh, still good.
MiddleAgesModem@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 60d
Wrong. My hand doubles as Jennifer Lopez. She likes tacos and burritos.
bigkahuna1986@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 58d
Ben Affleck has entered the chat.
Etterra@discuss.online · 20 pts · 60d
Thank you off-brand skeletor!
Asfalttikyntaja@sopuli.xyz · 19 pts · 60d
And I must admit I love that dude.
MrChewy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 58d
Dude, you're supposed to hate yourself, you're the same gender as yourself, so loving that person is gay!
Bakkoda@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 60d
I've been handling dick for 30+ years. Id give a great handjob.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml · 13 pts · 60d
Wait I think you have to renew your licence
LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 60d
Promise?
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 60d
Maybe. But it's going to be a different angle, so it might mess up your muscle memory.
davidagain@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 58d
Maybe he should sit behind.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 58d
I like where your head's at. Much easier to access.
davidagain@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 58d
Oh yes. That too.
lyralycan@sh.itjust.works · 17 pts · 60d
Awfully cisnormative for a Pride post
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today · 15 pts · 60d
Well, damnit — I couldn't get any other guy to do it for me!
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 60d
I used to work for a very shitty hotel. Like, heroin and hookers kind of hotel.
One summer we somehow became the official hotel of something called CLAW. I have no idea what it stands for, but the basic idea is that it's a gay guys in leather convention.
Anyways, I'm a straight male. I have no issues with these guys, but I wouldn't join in. As I'm working the front counter, this guy comes up and tries to flirt with me. I politely decline. Then he goes off to our dining room area.
Another guy walks up to check in. As I'm doing my job, the first guy comes back, walks up to the guy checking in, and says "Heeeey, I'm Tom. Are you single?" to which the second guy says "No, but I'm free to play". Tom then gives him a room key, and says "Well I'm room 329. Feel free to bring as many as your friends as you like".
To this day I am dumbfounded by that interaction. To any gay dudes reading this, I want you to know flirting with women and sealing the deal is NOWHERE NEAR that easy! I was impressed, and a bit jealous.
Tom walked up to this guy, and with 1 sentence and 1 question organized an orgy in which he was not at all responsible for setting up. He's just offering a room. You bring the dudes.
This means Tom doesn't have to vet people. He doesn't need to make sure everyone is comfortable with each other. He just told the second guy to bring all his friends, and he reaps all the rewards of orgy host!
To put that in perspective, I'm 42, and never even had a threesome with 2 women. Because its such a hassle getting all the details just right. Meanwhile Tom's over here like "ALL of your friends please!"
He went from "Hi my name is Tom" to "Lets pack my room with dudes" with only one sentence, and one question. Even the Germans aren't THAT efficient!
So for you to say that you can't get any other guys to give you a handjob......brother, you're just not trying! Have you tried opening with "Hello"? Apperently that leads to orgies.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 60d
It's because you can basically murder and eat more-less any woman, and she can't do anything about it, so she is rolling the dice.
Men meanwhile, a lot harder.
Also, less fucks given about it.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 60d
Ladies, I promise I'm not trying to eat you.
.....wait. No, I mean, I'll go down on you, sure. But I will not consume your flesh.
Also, I'd like to handcuff your ankles and wrists onto a steel frame, in a vulnerable position. Then tickle the crap out of you for hours!
Hey! Where ya going, ladies? Come back!
See? So hard to talk to women!
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 60d
That's why I only eat the flesh of men ^_^
See ladies! I'm perfectly safe!
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 60d
This is why I don't say anything. I just stare and smile and get closer veeeeery slowly. They're kind of like deer.
Zombie@feddit.uk · 13 pts · 60d
God damn DLSS 5 upscales removing artistic intent! There's supposed to be no meat on Skeletor's bones!
Dogiedog64@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 60d
If you wouldn't let the homies jerk you off, are you even friends?
Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 60d
Inverse if you are a girl, everytime you masterbate you're getting fingered by a girl
janus2@lemmy.zip · 17 pts · 60d
me, a lesbian: awwwww yeah finally gettin some from a girl 😎
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 59d
This sounds like something a christian fundamentalist would say, to stop the youth from masturbating.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 10 pts · 60d
Yeah, but he's sooo good at it.
Leviathan@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 60d
He knows what he's doing and I love him.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 60d
He's easy and available, though I honestly wish I could find someone who suits me better.
reader@lemmy.zip · 9 pts · 60d
who is this woman?
Flower@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 60d
Budget Xena?
okwhateverdude@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 60d
Cosplay Xena. Those digs don't really look cheap
adaveinthelife@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 60d
Vast majority of hentai is drawn by men.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip · 17 pts · 60d
What? I thought it was mostly christian women?
HeHoXa@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 60d
Let's start a hentai series under the pseudonym "Moms for Liberty"
ColdWater@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 60d
adaveinthelife@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 60d
Also sometimes, children.
ceenote@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 60d
Well, yeah, but he knows exactly what I like.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 60d
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 60d
Hope you got some much-needed sleep! ❤️
Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 60d
He's ugly but he's cheap.
MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 60d
My favorite thing about the dude who jacks me off is that he's me
Cypher@aussie.zone · 2 pts · 60d
He knows exactly what I like
stepan@lemmy.cafe · 6 pts · 60d
why would i otherwise?
davidagain@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 60d
Then there's the wonder of quirky left hand who is very very aware of there being a penis of an interesting shape in there, and numb slept-on arm with the handjob that feels like it's from someone else.
NahMarcas@lemmy.ml · 5 pts · 60d
He knows me better
azvasKvklenko@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 60d
Uhm yes, that's intentional
Grail@multiverse.soulism.net · 5 pts · 60d
I'm not! I'm nonbinary!
Moonweedbaddegrasse@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 58d
Pah, dudes give better hand jobs anyway 😎
Legendz662@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 60d
& it doesn't cost me one single penny 😅
scathliath@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 60d
Hell yeah, sister.
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 60d
Joke's on you, I wish I were a woman
tracelr402@piefed.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 60d
Joke's on you, you are a woman
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 60d
So you are being given a handjob by a woman?
DeadDigger@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 58d
This is objectively transphobe
cley_faye@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 60d
Frankly, it's not that good. Checkmate!
Wait-
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 1 pts · 60d
I feel like the extension of this kind of logic would be that fucking your identical twin is actually just masturbation.
davidagain@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 58d
I think there are websites for that.
i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 60d
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 60d
The guy who stole my taco now deleted his comment. Made out like a banshee in the night. No taking responsibility for their own actions. Instead, he's probably snacking on my taco! That taco was like a taco to me! AND NOW IT'S GONE!!!
i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca · 9 pts · 60d
I MADE A SHITPOST JOKE AND THEN REALIZED I MISREAD THE MEME.
YOU CAN’T FIRE ME! I QUIT!
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 60d
... gonna need your taco bell uniform.
m3t00@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 60d
while thinking about ...
kayohtie@pawb.social · 1 pts · 60d
Oh good, a trans erasure post in pride month, excellent.
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net · 4 pts · 60d
Maybe I'm dense, but what does this post have to do with trans people, or (I presume) minimizing their issues?
Honestly, fill me in here
jve@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 60d
If a trans woman is jerking off, she’s getting jerked off by a woman.
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net · 1 pts · 59d
Fair, but I don't think that's the intent of the meme I found.
jve@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 59d
Clearly it’s not.
If I had to guess at the intent of the meme, it would be “for the lulz”.
Kaligalis@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 60d
Yeah, not everyone can afford to just buy a Thai girl to take care of that.