Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.
Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to "pick her up" at her place so we can take public trans together.
The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!
I'm a chill guy so I'm not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.
I didn't know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.
3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says "hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She's in my class and she's mad at you!" It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him "we had a good thing going" and she doesn't understand why she hasn't heard from me and is waiting for me.
Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!
Nah. Definitely not. Standard hard lesson you gotta learn when dating is that if the person doesn't want to talk to you after the first date, that's it. Move on.
I had a date many years ago with a friend of a friend who I didn't like at all after about 30 mins into the date. I paid for the meal, we chatted by our cars, and both left. I thought it was mutually a "nah". Boyyyyyyy was I wrong.
I guess to some people, you are the only date they're going on this decade, and it matters a lot.
But those people are too out of touch. It was one date. No sex, no kiss, no spark. An hour or two at most. Move on. I shouldn't have to put somebody down after THAT much body language and lack of anything else. The message is communicated. I shouldn't have to look them in the eyes and literally tell them I'm not interested.
Like, if it's vague or middle of the road, fine. If it's a second date or later, fine. If we decide to hook up anyway, then yeah that needs to be clarified. But not after one short date with nothing but awkward silence and no chemistry.
Like, remember what you're there for: to meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. If there isn't a spark, there isn't a spark. And if you're there to hook up, then obviously this doesn't need to be said.
Just because you had that hard lesson doesn't mean you have to inflict that hard lesson on other people.
It's not hard to send some variation of a no second date message. Even just a copy pasted polite template is better than nothing. If you don't want to deal with their response, just block after hitting send and move on.
Thank you for the date, but I'm not feeling the chemistry for another meeting. I appreciate you taking the time, best of luck out there!
I mean, you aren't wrong. I generally try to unless it's really obvious. Like if I think the person and i are on the same page. I'm not out here to hurt anybody. But that's also why I think it's important to learn that lesson so you don't get hurt. Like, teach your kids to have a reasonable self confidence so they aren't fucking so self centered that they're overly sensitive. Dont expect the world to bend to you, specifically, and have a modicum of some self emotional reliance.
You're right there is nothing wrong with a clear polite "it was nice to meet you but sorry I didn't feel it. Take care"
I also think nor everyone can communicate well. Some people come right out and say things, some people don't take offence at everything and can discuss things, and some people avoid hard conversations.
Some people like myself would prefer implicit distancing than trying to put words on it. It may hurt to receive such message even though it's respectful and nice
The hand shake is a pretty good sign that no more is to follow. Give em a hug, even an awkward one is more engaging than a business hand shake.
I had the hand shake after a 3-4 hour first date. I went in for a quick nice to meet you hug and she back off. Gave me the hand shake. I gave her a puzzled look. She took a minute, some back and forth i can't remember and said she wasn't into me. That was perfect. Clear to the point. Why would we want to waste our time.
I know girls have to think of exit strategies because situations with guys can go sideways. That was just the first time it had happened to me.
met a girl, lovely, funny, just a joy to be around. We dated for almost 3 years. Blissful and regular sexy fun times. Bought her the most beautiful engagement ring. I was going to propose on Christmas. In November of that year, she ghosts me. Blocks me on everything. Left town with her ex-husband and moved to the other side of the country. I was completely floored. Even her parents were like WTF?! So I haven't dated in a while. I have no desire to start over again. Now it's just me and my cat.
fwiw I had a similar experience, though only over 1 year, and she went back to her ex after she demanded I pay off her $100K in debts and I said no. And she threw flower pots at my head after i mentioned I knew she'd been seeing someone else...
she's still on dating apps, I see her profile occasionally and she's using photos from 10+ years ago.
all that would do is further entrench traditional gender dynamics.
nobody would ever believe the lady I'm talking about is abusive and manipulative, because she is pretty and she knows who to manipulative people and play the part of sweet and innocent.
People are weird and complex. For all you know, she had a mini stroke and that's that.
It's weird how these sorts of unknowns can haunt us for years. It's like a math equation that we can't solve but we must solve. An itch that we can't itch. You'll get it eventually. I had a really fucked up breakup when I was a teenager that bothered me all through my 20s. It wasn't until I matured a ton that I figured out how messed up it was. It took my own growth of perspective to be able to look back and understand why I felt the way I did for so long and why it was so confusing. We're just weird like that.
it's funny (not haha funny) you should mention a stroke. I had thought of that honestly. She had a couple of concussions at her job. Once while we were dating, she was knocked out cold. I noticed a few changes after that but nothing that would make me think she would drop her whole life and just move one day without a word. Mostly just short term memory issues. The brain is a weird thing.
Strokes happen, and a lot more often than we know. Like it's funny, but brain damage is well within the realm of possibility. It doesn't change anything - or, I guess, I suppose it does change things, often permanently, so that might be one very real, very possible reason.
Probably not good to chalk it up to "my partner left me because they had a stroke". I, personally, would say it's healthiest to land on "there were differences between both of us that somehow disabled healthy communication" because that's most often reality. That being said, until there's a pattern and you still can't tell what you may be doing, I wouldn't worry too much about you doing something worth changing. If there is a pattern, however, that's probably worth looking into.
I've dated people who have this pattern. It's not really their fault. One person was neurodivergent (i am too) and I'm avoidant af. I basically lied and ghosted them for a few months, claiming needing space, which was true, but it helped me see the issues I had with their person, the incompatibilities that I couldn't get over. They bothered me deeply, but I decided they were not something about them I could emotionally handle or would be in any way constructive to confront them over. To this day, I still feel horrible that I had to do that, but saw no other way out. I'd like to think I've matured since then and maybe could handle it better, but it hasn't been that long since.
And eventually reconnected with them and apologized and we officially broke up. They weren't happy, but thankful that I didn't entirely ghost them. We're still sort of friends but don't talk much, and they seem to have found their people, which I'm really glad for.
This story is just one, very specific possibility. From what I've seen in my limited lifespan, it's probably not the only kind of situation. I'm definitely at fault too.
Breaking up is hard. There isn't a set way and a lot of people just don't know how to do it. I don't have great advice for you, but I still think empathy is the way forward for us all, including for yourself.
I had one move cross-country with me, then admit to cheating the whole time we were together, then disappear on my birthday, after which she apparently shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.
Met with a girl for dinner after talking for a week or so on tinder. We pretty much agreed if the date went well we would go back to my place and fuck. We both were recently tested for STDs and she was on the stick in the arm BC. She was kinky and into a lot of the same things I was. Date went well so we spent the night together. She calls me a couple days later and tells me she's sorry but she has/had gonorrhea. As well as that when told me she had been tested recently, she had, she just hadn't gotten the results yet. The sex was unprotected and I was pissed. I told her it was clearly deceptive and I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore. She was angry, urged me to reconsider and argued it's not a big deal. I said regardless of the fact its a quick cure with antibiotics the initial deception completely soured me. She then went on a rant about how the sex wasn't even that good because I wouldn't punch her during. Tune quickly changed to I'm the bad guy/bad lay and she wants nothing to do with me. Blocked but not forgotten.
I don't know dude. You had unprotected sex with a stranger from the Internet and got a treatable STI. That seems like a potential outcome going into it
I agree, do you think I should have kept talking to her though? I was more bothered by the fact she told me she was recently tested and was clean. Then finding out she was tested but the results weren't in yet.
Also, you have to wonder what else they'll lie about for sex. Good way to catch something more serious, or become a parent. Not worth the risk, regardless of gender. Better rub one out and move on than ruin your life.
Dated for six weeks and when I tried to leave the relationship she physically restrained me (I was at her place), I didn't want to hurt her so I spent the next hour or so talking my way out of it. Later that night she got drunk, came around to my place, yelled outside for a bit and then broke in. That's the short version at least, my experiences were actually really positive after that though.
I think it's more acceptable to talk about it, particularly for men. I suspect the actual number has gone down, due to awareness, but can't back that up with research.
Assault. Does this question ever wind up with answers that don't hit the bottom?
Despite the normal safety measures + an intentional lack of flirting when the vibes weren't there, public space, no booze on first meeting, split the check so there are no "implications", no physical contact. Dude didn't like hearing no as I wanted to head to my car and leave. Fortunately, it was in public and he tried to keep it low-key but I had deep bruises on my arm for a while.
Not a single experience but in general all the ghosting and effort that went into nothing. I texted with so many people, yet all of it felt like the same. After a few days 90% of them stopped replying, and the other 10%, well, either I didn't want to text with them anymore (but then I told them that!) or something else came in between. I ended up meeting two people. One of them disappeared after two dates and the other, well, we both agreed that it won't work between us.
I just feel like there are very few people that are compatible with me on there. And then, my ex, who I am still not over heard that I'm on a dating Plattform and i heard that she knew. That was the end of it for me. I felt terrible for a day. But that's half a year ago now, maybe I'll try it again.
I'm a cis het white guy, so luckily I didn't have to suffer any abuse. The "worst" was just not getting a reply. ¯\(ツ)/¯
The worst date I went on was with this girl in a wheelchair. I knew her before from kinky events and was fascinated by her artistic and kinky mind and how she combined that with her disability. So I was pleasantly surprised when we matched so we decided to go on a date in a bondage club.
Tying someone up or getting tied up is usually a quick and easy way to find what chemistry exists between two people. For us it was none. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing and she probably as well because she was mostly on her phone when we weren't tying.
We are still on friendly terms. But I think I'm pretty lucky that this is the worst I can come up with.
Once had a man that myself and my partner matched with for a potential threesome. The guy was more interested in me than my partner, which almost immediately ruled out any possibility of hooking up with him, but we were giving him some time before deciding if it was a complete no-go.
One evening after we had been chatting for a few days, he mentioned to me he was pretty sure which apartment building I lived in and he was in the neighborhood. He wanted to stop by.
I never told him where I lived and had never had him over before.
Fucking hell, that made me immediately block him everywhere and be a bit more aware of where my keys were while walking home for a while.
It's really easy to feed into the rage bait here. So I'll try to be brief.
There's an app called Hinge, and their whole premise was women are required to message first. The root issue they were trying to solve was that on dating apps, men were 90% of the ones who started a convo, and women would get bombarded with hundreds of messages. So this was to flip the script.
Well, it turns out a vast majority of women (and honestly, men too.) really suck at openers.
So you had a bunch of women going, "Hey" as their opening line to flirt with a potential match. And then we were back at the same problem.
I believe the app you're referring to is Bumble. Hinge is nice because you can send a message to a potential match that they can see before they swipe on you. It's how I met my wife!
You're forgetting Plenty of Fish, Badoo, and Match.com, where all the rejects, toxic people, single parents of four children, and other various degenerates and undesirables go after striking out with everyone on the big three.
Often overlooked, but very relevant.
There's also the various niche sites like Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, and Farmers Only.
none of those have been relevant for well over a decade .
like, yeah in 2012 they were a thing. just like match.com and okcupid were in the 2000s. the userbases all collapsed once smart phone and social media became dominant.
most folks have moved on from that ancient stuff. even tinder is basically a relic these days.
women love to complain about guys messages, and then on hinge they'll do shit like "like" a picture of yours as an opening. 🙄 Gee thanks, I guess I'll just write the first message then.
Also, whenever a woman gives a single word answer, with no elaboration, I always right back "k" and end it. If you don't know how to hold a conversation, you're a waste of time.
Lmao.. the last guy I dated a couple years ago, apparently I impressed him by disdainfully talking about the nature of god on our first date. I guess his previous experiences were all like yours.
And to be fair, it is actually really refreshing to find people you can actually talk with.
Worst? Probably the woman I broke up with who came to my house scream and banging on the door until I called the cops and she ran away. I broke up with her because after we had started having sex she became physically abusive, like straight up punched me in the face one night.
Sadly she is not the only lady I have met who is violent and abusive, but at least the others didn't require me calling the cops to get rid of them.
I also commonly meet women who demand I give them money or gifts, which I don't understand. Like $1000s of dollars, it's very weird.
Probably the recommendation / good match / whatever the term was, who I decided to contact with a message that wasn't a plain "hi", y'know, actually put some effort in.
Straight up blocked. You'd think I'd gone d**k-pic level nuclear, but my main crime, that I can figure, is that I waffled on too long and came off as crazy. I would have been satisfied with a "No thanks."
I'd been ignored / not responded to plenty of times, but that was the first and only time I'd been blocked, so it was an unexpected bruising of the ego, I guess.
The being blocked wasn't the whole of it though. The site kept recommending that person to me over and over afterwards, rubbing salt in the wound. I think I eventually contacted support to tell them that maybe block lists should matter when recommendations are being made.
Now it turns out that I'm not entirely sane, so she dodged a bullet I guess. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
In hindsight it was kinda funny. She was a bitch who‘s life revolved around acting like she’s upperclass. She was a saleswoman at a Mercedes dealership and got to drive one herself. The place I chose was not nice enough for her, which she constantly complained about and she laughed at me for taking the train and not owning a car at the time (this is Germany btw). When we left the restaurant and said goodbye, she asked me if I could help her build a website for free. I was like „Ummm no?“ and she just said „Typical men“.
I went on a first date with a woman and she was making the most intense eye contact I've ever experienced. It was like she was trying to drill into my soul with her stare. I had to keep breaking it to look away because it was just too much. After about an hour of kinda of awkward conversation because of the staring she asks if I'm autistic... I said no, not that I'm aware of and left to go to the bathroom. When I returned she asked if this was the end of the date and that there probably wouldn't be another right? I was quite upset at the time and called my best female friend to gripe about it. She laughed and said she had almost the exact l same thing happen to her a few days earlier.
Then there was "secret mom" who we went of a few dates and then she came over one night. She waits until we are both naked and have been fooling around, which is just about the worst time to say oh by the way I have a kid. Boner gone and I didn't know what to say but I guess she didn't like my facial reaction and left crying. I felt bad the next day and called to apologize but say it was best if we didn't see each other. She kept pursuing me over the next few weeks and we ended up sleeping together. After wards she got pelvic inflammatory disease and accused me of having an STD and giving it to her. I was sure I was clean but agreed to get tested results came back good and hers did too. When I looked up PID it said it most likely caused by another STD but like 25% of the time just intercourse can cause it. After both tests came back clean she still kept after me but I was 100% done. Not with being asked to get tested but the way she came at me about it.
Really poor quality of shit here, but its still the only and worst.
Once had a bot message me. First bot I'd encountered since MSN messenger about 5 years prior so I fell for it, wasnt primed for it and I was very very drunk at the time. Wasted about 3 hours talking with it, responding to what turned out the next morning to be very obvious non-sequitors. Explaining to "her" that coming to meet "her" that meeting up now, at 2am, was a bad idea etc etc.
2 or 3 hours later and it explained to me that I could visit the website and it needed a credit card but only to verify that im 18.
My best dating app experience was my first app date, which was with the person I've very happily been with for ten years now.
My worst dating app experience was my second app date, which was just meh and boring and showed me they wouldn't all be as awesome as the first one, and I went back to dating the first one.
I once met someone who was at least 10kg heavier, 5yrs older and much weirder than the pictures led me to believe. She also insisted I (and everyone she took strolls with) stay on her right side, all the time.
Antoher time, a women became physically "playful" often. I brushed it off, until one time she it did while holding a knife in her hand. I told her to stop that, or I would ditch her asap. Sometime afterwards, we laid on a couch and she wedged herself between the couch and me, pushing me off. I wanted to break my fall, effectively spinning and bruising my latissimus really badly. Told her to fuck off after that, she didn't realize that I was in fact very serious and she didn't see how her behaviour could be an issue.
Another one thought it was a great idea to scratch me so heavily on the side of my neck that I developed a slight infection, which turned into a light 'scar' before fading. She - too - didn't see the problem.
As to the walking on the right thing I make people do that too but its because I'm deaf in my left ear. Maybe it was a similar situation for her? I usually tell people why I'm doing it though because I've gotten enough funny looks about it over the years.
I'm not firm on the details of the situation anymore, but I categorized it under "pretty weird quirk", so I am almost certain there were no tangible reasons and she presented it as a "standalone" need/thing.
I'm sorry you have to explain yourself sometimes though :(
Probably someone who is into kinky stuff, but very much in the closet. I know because I kind of was the same. I hope for her and her future lovers that she realises and reads the right stuff and is able to live out her fantasy in a healthy way with someone who is into that, too.
Overall it's just the huge amount of ghosting that really bothers me. I put effort into the messages I send, trying to give open-ended questions that you can answer however you like, and then getting nothing in return.
Or getting judged so hard for being bisexual sucks, especially because 1. I'm like 95% straight, and 2. being Bi doesn't mean you're more prone to cheating.
Women say they want a caring, empathetic guy, someone who's in touch with his feminine side, but if they ever have a chance to date a guy who's actually made the effort to explore his sexuality, and get in touch with his feminine side, NOPE! God forbid they don't fit into the weird patriarchal gender roles that you claim to buck. 🙄
I recently changed my profile to just say I'm straight, because, I dunno, I feel more straight than bi, and wanted to see if I got more matches. and boy did I ever! Turns out women just really hate bi men, and that fucking sucks, dude.
Then I'll go on dates with women, and despite going OK, I'm just not getting any signs from them. They'll spend time looking at their phones, don't tuck their hair behind their ear, don't give me the sexy eyes, don't give me the casual arm touch, don't ask follow-up questions (or any questions, really), and then when we say goodbye at the end, I get a half, one-arm hug. And then they want a second date! Why! It was clear from the first date you weren't into me, so why are we even bothering with a second!?
Then there's the cat-fishing. Using old pictures from when you were 100+ lbs lighter. Like, you really thought I'd show up and not care that I'm no longer attracted to you? People want to date people they're attracted to! Then there's the women with the crazy contortionist pictures, and lemme just give everybody a tip. If the only full-body pictures a woman has, are ones where she 1. is literally hiding parts of her body, like a picture in a mirror, but half her body isn't being reflected, or in a group shot, and she's half behind someone else 2. where she's standing in some weird position, like ass towards the camera, but she's craning herself around to face the camera as well, or 3. Where there's gratuitous big titties being shown, but they somehow cover up her torso... Yeah, she ain't hiding a 6 pack! it's because she got a big ol' belly, and doesn't want you to see it until you're on a date, in which case she's convinced that you'll have a sunk-cost fallacy and think "well, I'm already here and like her personality..." No! it's some bullshit. They are literally pretending to be someone they're not. Fuck off. I'll give'em a pity fuck if I feel like it and then I'm gone.
Another thing to watch out for that tell you they're cat-fishing, if right before you're supposed to meet, they talk about a "weight loss journey," or about how they "used to be into cross-fit" or hiking or whatever... yeah, it's because they gained a bunch of weight, and want you to to think that if you only give them some time, they'll be right back to their regular skinny self. NOPE. They won't. I'm not a stock trader, I'm not looking to "buy low, sell high" when it comes to dating. I'm not looking to fix anybody, or date somebody's "potential." I'm looking to date a person. A full, complete, realized fucking adult person. Someone who doesn't manipulate, someone who doesn't lie about themselves, someone who doesn't have to trick me into going on a date with them. How about this, you be yourself, and I'll be myself, and if we like each other, it'll work, and if we don't, no harm done.
Also, I've had women set up dates, and then just, not show up and ghost me. What the fuck? It's happened multiple times. There should be a report feature on dating sites for this behavior, because it's absolutely fucked.
If it’s any consolation, I’m a woman and get the all the same bullshit. I put effort in, I read bios, I give thoughtful answers and openers…
Half my conversations are them asking to fuck, a third are just doa and don’t respond and whatever’s left is the driest most unengaging conversation you could possibly imagine.
When I do find someone worth chatting with long term I end up having to set everything up only for them to either ghost or just fade away through text over the course of a few days.
Do you only swipe right on the really hot looking guys? Cos then that's to be expected, unfortunately. I could imagine that going for rather average looking guys might help. Cos the average guy ain't getting a lot of matches, so we are happy over basically any match at all, let alone one that puts effort into a conversation.
I’m bi and when I match, I match with all types of people. I’m also demisexual and need a connection to really take notice of someone’s attractiveness. Like I can tell when someone is objectively attractive but i could really care less. Body type is tertiary to compatibility for me.
straight women hate bi men, for sure. i have been regularly accused of being gay/bi because I like to read and cook and I have a cat.
And when I say I'm not, they are like relieved and go on this rant about how all gay/bi men are disgusting and gross people.
It's fucking weird and awful. I want to punch women like that in the face, but not like it would do any good.
It's incredibly common, esp eamong 'liberal' women who claim they are into diversity and inclusion... but you know not of bi men. because bi men are ew.
Then I'll go on dates with women, and despite going OK, I'm just not getting any signs from them. They'll spend time looking at their phones, don't tuck their hair behind their ear, don't give me the sexy eyes, don't give me the casual arm touch, don't ask follow-up questions (or any questions, really), and then when we say goodbye at the end, I get a half, one-arm hug. And then they want a second date! Why! It was clear from the first date you weren't into me, so why are we even bothering with a second!?
That seems liken a sign to me unless you're in a scripted RomCom where all the other signs you mention may apply.
Nah, it's like we're on the date but there's no chemistry. I can barely make her laugh more than a couple times, and the only topic seems to be things we both dislike. Just had a second date with this woman, and it was much like the first, sort of nice, but chemistry-wise... meh. After the second date we go from texting multiple times a day, to her ghosting me for 2 days straight. She says "sorry, I was sick in bed." oh dang, I didn't realize phones weren't allowed in bed! 2 whole days, nothing. This from the woman that wanted a second date. Now she's just bread crumbing me. I can tell that she's looking for someone better/talking to other guys, while spoon feeding me lil sporadic texts that I get once a day now. Like, what's the fucking point? She's obviously just looking for someone better. So fuck her. Dating in the age of apps is literally the fucking worst.
I guess matching with me ex and having her trying to get me to adopt one of their multiple cats and telling me how old I look. 😑 Went on the date anyway but I did not want to smash
I went on a first date with a guy who lied about what he did and his height, which was ridiculous because I don't care about either. My requirements are: stable-ish, chill and interesting to talk to.
At the time I was writing for a tech company that dabbled in cryptocurrency - and I am not here to debate anything about cryptocurrency. Just... please don't. It was a job.
Point is, I knew quite a bit about it, even used it for a few things. I mentioned blockchain once, as a joke about something, and he launched into a tirade. I mentioned it was part of my work, that I found it interesting...
Nope! That began a solid ten minutes of him mansplaining to me about how I was wrong because he knew SO MUCH about it.
The kicker? He didn't know the difference between bitcoin and blockchain.
Oh, but the actual worst one was the guy I never met, thank goodness, because he threatened to kill himelf then me when I said I was too busy to chat.
Going on a date/initial meet with somebody that ended up being a mutual with another partner, and later a DIFFERENT partner.
Then some weird jealousy and blaming and emotions and multiple weeks of feeling like a terrible person until I talked to the mutual partner and realized they had warped the entire situation.
I wasn't even into that person and it blew up like six relationships. And I consider myself and try to be a patient and fair person, proactively on the lookout for stuff like that.
104 Comments
SanderZeldenthuis@nord.pub · 57 pts · 21d
Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.
Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to "pick her up" at her place so we can take public trans together.
The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!
I'm a chill guy so I'm not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.
I didn't know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.
3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says "hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She's in my class and she's mad at you!" It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him "we had a good thing going" and she doesn't understand why she hasn't heard from me and is waiting for me.
Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!
Zarobi@aussie.zone · 2 pts · 21d
Really bizarre behaviour on their part, but you did kind of ghost them lol
Noobnarski@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 21d
Only if she was writing after the date, if they both never wrote each other there is no ghosting involved.
Zarobi@aussie.zone · 1 pts · 20d
To me it still leaves things ambiguous. Especially obvious in cases like this where one party thinks the date went completely fine
Noobnarski@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 20d
It is not the job of the man to have to do all communication if the woman doesn't want to do her part.
He doesn't have to think of all possibilities the woman might be encountering and then ask about them just because she is unable to ask one question.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 20d
Nah. Definitely not. Standard hard lesson you gotta learn when dating is that if the person doesn't want to talk to you after the first date, that's it. Move on.
I had a date many years ago with a friend of a friend who I didn't like at all after about 30 mins into the date. I paid for the meal, we chatted by our cars, and both left. I thought it was mutually a "nah". Boyyyyyyy was I wrong.
I guess to some people, you are the only date they're going on this decade, and it matters a lot.
But those people are too out of touch. It was one date. No sex, no kiss, no spark. An hour or two at most. Move on. I shouldn't have to put somebody down after THAT much body language and lack of anything else. The message is communicated. I shouldn't have to look them in the eyes and literally tell them I'm not interested.
Like, if it's vague or middle of the road, fine. If it's a second date or later, fine. If we decide to hook up anyway, then yeah that needs to be clarified. But not after one short date with nothing but awkward silence and no chemistry.
Like, remember what you're there for: to meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. If there isn't a spark, there isn't a spark. And if you're there to hook up, then obviously this doesn't need to be said.
Zarobi@aussie.zone · 4 pts · 20d
Just because you had that hard lesson doesn't mean you have to inflict that hard lesson on other people.
It's not hard to send some variation of a no second date message. Even just a copy pasted polite template is better than nothing. If you don't want to deal with their response, just block after hitting send and move on.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 20d
I mean, you aren't wrong. I generally try to unless it's really obvious. Like if I think the person and i are on the same page. I'm not out here to hurt anybody. But that's also why I think it's important to learn that lesson so you don't get hurt. Like, teach your kids to have a reasonable self confidence so they aren't fucking so self centered that they're overly sensitive. Dont expect the world to bend to you, specifically, and have a modicum of some self emotional reliance.
Both can be right at the same time.
alternategait@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
This is one reason I very clearly said something like “I’d like to see you again” to people.
Typotyper@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 20d
You're right there is nothing wrong with a clear polite "it was nice to meet you but sorry I didn't feel it. Take care"
I also think nor everyone can communicate well. Some people come right out and say things, some people don't take offence at everything and can discuss things, and some people avoid hard conversations.
Mubelotix@jlai.lu · 5 pts · 20d
Some people like myself would prefer implicit distancing than trying to put words on it. It may hurt to receive such message even though it's respectful and nice
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 19d
I tend to be dumb as a brick, and even when I'm not, I'd rather have a polite "no thanks" than wondering what if.
Typotyper@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 20d
The hand shake is a pretty good sign that no more is to follow. Give em a hug, even an awkward one is more engaging than a business hand shake.
I had the hand shake after a 3-4 hour first date. I went in for a quick nice to meet you hug and she back off. Gave me the hand shake. I gave her a puzzled look. She took a minute, some back and forth i can't remember and said she wasn't into me. That was perfect. Clear to the point. Why would we want to waste our time.
I know girls have to think of exit strategies because situations with guys can go sideways. That was just the first time it had happened to me.
AverageEarthling@feddit.online · 52 pts · 21d
met a girl, lovely, funny, just a joy to be around. We dated for almost 3 years. Blissful and regular sexy fun times. Bought her the most beautiful engagement ring. I was going to propose on Christmas. In November of that year, she ghosts me. Blocks me on everything. Left town with her ex-husband and moved to the other side of the country. I was completely floored. Even her parents were like WTF?! So I haven't dated in a while. I have no desire to start over again. Now it's just me and my cat.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 24 pts · 21d
she was using you to get him back.
fwiw I had a similar experience, though only over 1 year, and she went back to her ex after she demanded I pay off her $100K in debts and I said no. And she threw flower pots at my head after i mentioned I knew she'd been seeing someone else...
she's still on dating apps, I see her profile occasionally and she's using photos from 10+ years ago.
some_designer_dude@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 21d
We need a Tesseract list for crazy dates…
AskewLord@piefed.social · 10 pts · 21d
all that would do is further entrench traditional gender dynamics.
nobody would ever believe the lady I'm talking about is abusive and manipulative, because she is pretty and she knows who to manipulative people and play the part of sweet and innocent.
nodiratime@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 21d
There is something like that for women talking about men they date. Groups for the other side though? Taken down immediatly.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 6 pts · 21d
sexism at it's finest.
Mubelotix@jlai.lu · 6 pts · 20d
Both should be taken down though, people will abuse this in every way possible
Cattail@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 20d
Dodged a bullet? She could have ghosted you after the proposal for the sake reason.
Seems like person that really craves novelty because they uprooted their life spontaneously
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 20d
People are weird and complex. For all you know, she had a mini stroke and that's that.
It's weird how these sorts of unknowns can haunt us for years. It's like a math equation that we can't solve but we must solve. An itch that we can't itch. You'll get it eventually. I had a really fucked up breakup when I was a teenager that bothered me all through my 20s. It wasn't until I matured a ton that I figured out how messed up it was. It took my own growth of perspective to be able to look back and understand why I felt the way I did for so long and why it was so confusing. We're just weird like that.
I hope you can find happiness 🫂
AverageEarthling@feddit.online · 2 pts · 20d
it's funny (not haha funny) you should mention a stroke. I had thought of that honestly. She had a couple of concussions at her job. Once while we were dating, she was knocked out cold. I noticed a few changes after that but nothing that would make me think she would drop her whole life and just move one day without a word. Mostly just short term memory issues. The brain is a weird thing.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 20d
Strokes happen, and a lot more often than we know. Like it's funny, but brain damage is well within the realm of possibility. It doesn't change anything - or, I guess, I suppose it does change things, often permanently, so that might be one very real, very possible reason.
Probably not good to chalk it up to "my partner left me because they had a stroke". I, personally, would say it's healthiest to land on "there were differences between both of us that somehow disabled healthy communication" because that's most often reality. That being said, until there's a pattern and you still can't tell what you may be doing, I wouldn't worry too much about you doing something worth changing. If there is a pattern, however, that's probably worth looking into.
I've dated people who have this pattern. It's not really their fault. One person was neurodivergent (i am too) and I'm avoidant af. I basically lied and ghosted them for a few months, claiming needing space, which was true, but it helped me see the issues I had with their person, the incompatibilities that I couldn't get over. They bothered me deeply, but I decided they were not something about them I could emotionally handle or would be in any way constructive to confront them over. To this day, I still feel horrible that I had to do that, but saw no other way out. I'd like to think I've matured since then and maybe could handle it better, but it hasn't been that long since.
And eventually reconnected with them and apologized and we officially broke up. They weren't happy, but thankful that I didn't entirely ghost them. We're still sort of friends but don't talk much, and they seem to have found their people, which I'm really glad for.
This story is just one, very specific possibility. From what I've seen in my limited lifespan, it's probably not the only kind of situation. I'm definitely at fault too.
Breaking up is hard. There isn't a set way and a lot of people just don't know how to do it. I don't have great advice for you, but I still think empathy is the way forward for us all, including for yourself.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 19d
Good thoughts, well said.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 19d
I had one move cross-country with me, then admit to cheating the whole time we were together, then disappear on my birthday, after which she apparently shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.
Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 39 pts · 21d
Met with a girl for dinner after talking for a week or so on tinder. We pretty much agreed if the date went well we would go back to my place and fuck. We both were recently tested for STDs and she was on the stick in the arm BC. She was kinky and into a lot of the same things I was. Date went well so we spent the night together. She calls me a couple days later and tells me she's sorry but she has/had gonorrhea. As well as that when told me she had been tested recently, she had, she just hadn't gotten the results yet. The sex was unprotected and I was pissed. I told her it was clearly deceptive and I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore. She was angry, urged me to reconsider and argued it's not a big deal. I said regardless of the fact its a quick cure with antibiotics the initial deception completely soured me. She then went on a rant about how the sex wasn't even that good because I wouldn't punch her during. Tune quickly changed to I'm the bad guy/bad lay and she wants nothing to do with me. Blocked but not forgotten.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 17 pts · 21d
Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 21d
Yeah, I don't mind being rough but literally punching is a hard line for me. I'm also really big so it feels extra dangerous.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 21d
dumples@piefed.social · 3 pts · 21d
I don't know dude. You had unprotected sex with a stranger from the Internet and got a treatable STI. That seems like a potential outcome going into it
Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 21d
I agree, do you think I should have kept talking to her though? I was more bothered by the fact she told me she was recently tested and was clean. Then finding out she was tested but the results weren't in yet.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 20d
Lmao absolutely not. Move on. People that lie aren't worth the stress.
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 20d
Also, you have to wonder what else they'll lie about for sex. Good way to catch something more serious, or become a parent. Not worth the risk, regardless of gender. Better rub one out and move on than ruin your life.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 20d
Self iduced moment of clarity in order to gtfo
dumples@piefed.social · -1 pts · 20d
Really up to you. Likely not because of the honesty but up to you.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
YIKES.
Hopefully the gon didn't happen or is gone. People like that are shitty and fast. Don't stand for it. It's unfortunately all too common.
Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 20d
Didn't happen but I saw my doctor and got a course of antibiotics that week anyway.
Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works · 37 pts · 21d
TW: Assault / Abuse
Dated for six weeks and when I tried to leave the relationship she physically restrained me (I was at her place), I didn't want to hurt her so I spent the next hour or so talking my way out of it. Later that night she got drunk, came around to my place, yelled outside for a bit and then broke in. That's the short version at least, my experiences were actually really positive after that though.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 21d
is it just me or are people getting chained up by romantic partners even more than they did in the past
cynar@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 21d
I think it's more acceptable to talk about it, particularly for men. I suspect the actual number has gone down, due to awareness, but can't back that up with research.
Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 21d
She didn't chain me up luckily just grabbed onto me and refused to let go.
Vanth@reddthat.com · 35 pts · 21d
Assault. Does this question ever wind up with answers that don't hit the bottom?
Despite the normal safety measures + an intentional lack of flirting when the vibes weren't there, public space, no booze on first meeting, split the check so there are no "implications", no physical contact. Dude didn't like hearing no as I wanted to head to my car and leave. Fortunately, it was in public and he tried to keep it low-key but I had deep bruises on my arm for a while.
Cattail@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 20d
I guess that's why people do virtual dates after marching. Idk I never got that far.
Worst thing you'll experience is a man jorking it.
Sorry you got the aggressive and desperate weirdo
DeeBeeDouble@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 21d
Not a single experience but in general all the ghosting and effort that went into nothing. I texted with so many people, yet all of it felt like the same. After a few days 90% of them stopped replying, and the other 10%, well, either I didn't want to text with them anymore (but then I told them that!) or something else came in between. I ended up meeting two people. One of them disappeared after two dates and the other, well, we both agreed that it won't work between us. I just feel like there are very few people that are compatible with me on there. And then, my ex, who I am still not over heard that I'm on a dating Plattform and i heard that she knew. That was the end of it for me. I felt terrible for a day. But that's half a year ago now, maybe I'll try it again.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 21d
Zarobi@aussie.zone · 9 pts · 21d
Average dating app conversation
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 21d
DeeBeeDouble@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 21d
Exactly! May I ask, what hobby group was that? Currently thinking about going back to an app but I really don't want to...
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 21d
albbi@piefed.ca · 6 pts · 21d
I didn't know orgies are hobbies now.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 21d
snooggums@piefed.world · 4 pts · 21d
Inconceivable!
Typotyper@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 20d
Flyfishing sexy time
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 20d
SineNomen@fedinsfw.app · 19 pts · 21d
I'm a cis het white guy, so luckily I didn't have to suffer any abuse. The "worst" was just not getting a reply. ¯\(ツ)/¯
The worst date I went on was with this girl in a wheelchair. I knew her before from kinky events and was fascinated by her artistic and kinky mind and how she combined that with her disability. So I was pleasantly surprised when we matched so we decided to go on a date in a bondage club.
Tying someone up or getting tied up is usually a quick and easy way to find what chemistry exists between two people. For us it was none. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing and she probably as well because she was mostly on her phone when we weren't tying.
We are still on friendly terms. But I think I'm pretty lucky that this is the worst I can come up with.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 18 pts · 21d
Once had a man that myself and my partner matched with for a potential threesome. The guy was more interested in me than my partner, which almost immediately ruled out any possibility of hooking up with him, but we were giving him some time before deciding if it was a complete no-go.
One evening after we had been chatting for a few days, he mentioned to me he was pretty sure which apartment building I lived in and he was in the neighborhood. He wanted to stop by.
I never told him where I lived and had never had him over before.
Fucking hell, that made me immediately block him everywhere and be a bit more aware of where my keys were while walking home for a while.
VitoRobles@lemmy.today · 17 pts · 21d
It's really easy to feed into the rage bait here. So I'll try to be brief.
There's an app called Hinge, and their whole premise was women are required to message first. The root issue they were trying to solve was that on dating apps, men were 90% of the ones who started a convo, and women would get bombarded with hundreds of messages. So this was to flip the script.
Well, it turns out a vast majority of women (and honestly, men too.) really suck at openers.
So you had a bunch of women going, "Hey" as their opening line to flirt with a potential match. And then we were back at the same problem.
Aethr@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 21d
I believe the app you're referring to is Bumble. Hinge is nice because you can send a message to a potential match that they can see before they swipe on you. It's how I met my wife!
VitoRobles@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 21d
You're right! I got my many many many many dating app names confused!
AskewLord@piefed.social · -1 pts · 21d
there are like three . hinge bumble and tinder.
that's it. there are no other culturally relevant ones.
Aethr@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 21d
I'd argue Grindr is up there in cultural relevance
AskewLord@piefed.social · 0 pts · 21d
the straights are the sad desperate type who can't pair up anymore.
the gays are doing just fine.
Dookieman12@piefed.social · 2 pts · 21d
You're forgetting Plenty of Fish, Badoo, and Match.com, where all the rejects, toxic people, single parents of four children, and other various degenerates and undesirables go after striking out with everyone on the big three.
Often overlooked, but very relevant.
There's also the various niche sites like Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, and Farmers Only.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 0 pts · 21d
none of those have been relevant for well over a decade .
like, yeah in 2012 they were a thing. just like match.com and okcupid were in the 2000s. the userbases all collapsed once smart phone and social media became dominant.
most folks have moved on from that ancient stuff. even tinder is basically a relic these days.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml · 6 pts · 21d
The dreaded 'Hey'. 'Hey' should be illegal
snooggums@piefed.world · 5 pts · 21d
Hay.
jpreston2005@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 21d
women love to complain about guys messages, and then on hinge they'll do shit like "like" a picture of yours as an opening. 🙄 Gee thanks, I guess I'll just write the first message then.
Also, whenever a woman gives a single word answer, with no elaboration, I always right back "k" and end it. If you don't know how to hold a conversation, you're a waste of time.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 20d
Omg! Is THAT why nobody's messaging me? Ahh... Damn.
Edit: well... Poop.
Edit2: well shit I was thinking about feeld anyway. Too many of these apps.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 17 pts · 21d
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
Lmao.. the last guy I dated a couple years ago, apparently I impressed him by disdainfully talking about the nature of god on our first date. I guess his previous experiences were all like yours.
And to be fair, it is actually really refreshing to find people you can actually talk with.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
Yeah religion is basically a hard no for me. I like thinking.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 20d
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
A few years ago I finally looked up what "pagan" even was...
It's just what christians call non-christians.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paganism
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 20d
Oh yeah you did, sorry, just an interesting tidbit on terminology
AskewLord@piefed.social · 14 pts · 21d
Worst? Probably the woman I broke up with who came to my house scream and banging on the door until I called the cops and she ran away. I broke up with her because after we had started having sex she became physically abusive, like straight up punched me in the face one night.
Sadly she is not the only lady I have met who is violent and abusive, but at least the others didn't require me calling the cops to get rid of them.
I also commonly meet women who demand I give them money or gifts, which I don't understand. Like $1000s of dollars, it's very weird.
jdr@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 21d
What's to understand? They probably do get money sometimes.
palordrolap@fedia.io · 13 pts · 21d
Probably the recommendation / good match / whatever the term was, who I decided to contact with a message that wasn't a plain "hi", y'know, actually put some effort in.
Straight up blocked. You'd think I'd gone d**k-pic level nuclear, but my main crime, that I can figure, is that I waffled on too long and came off as crazy. I would have been satisfied with a "No thanks."
I'd been ignored / not responded to plenty of times, but that was the first and only time I'd been blocked, so it was an unexpected bruising of the ego, I guess.
The being blocked wasn't the whole of it though. The site kept recommending that person to me over and over afterwards, rubbing salt in the wound. I think I eventually contacted support to tell them that maybe block lists should matter when recommendations are being made.
Now it turns out that I'm not entirely sane, so she dodged a bullet I guess. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
ClassifiedPancake@discuss.tchncs.de · 12 pts · 20d
In hindsight it was kinda funny. She was a bitch who‘s life revolved around acting like she’s upperclass. She was a saleswoman at a Mercedes dealership and got to drive one herself. The place I chose was not nice enough for her, which she constantly complained about and she laughed at me for taking the train and not owning a car at the time (this is Germany btw). When we left the restaurant and said goodbye, she asked me if I could help her build a website for free. I was like „Ummm no?“ and she just said „Typical men“.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 6 pts · 20d
I've been on this date dozens of times. Had many women ask me if I'm poor and become totally disgusted with me when is said I used to be as a child.
hardcoreufo@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 21d
I went on a first date with a woman and she was making the most intense eye contact I've ever experienced. It was like she was trying to drill into my soul with her stare. I had to keep breaking it to look away because it was just too much. After about an hour of kinda of awkward conversation because of the staring she asks if I'm autistic... I said no, not that I'm aware of and left to go to the bathroom. When I returned she asked if this was the end of the date and that there probably wouldn't be another right? I was quite upset at the time and called my best female friend to gripe about it. She laughed and said she had almost the exact l same thing happen to her a few days earlier.
Then there was "secret mom" who we went of a few dates and then she came over one night. She waits until we are both naked and have been fooling around, which is just about the worst time to say oh by the way I have a kid. Boner gone and I didn't know what to say but I guess she didn't like my facial reaction and left crying. I felt bad the next day and called to apologize but say it was best if we didn't see each other. She kept pursuing me over the next few weeks and we ended up sleeping together. After wards she got pelvic inflammatory disease and accused me of having an STD and giving it to her. I was sure I was clean but agreed to get tested results came back good and hers did too. When I looked up PID it said it most likely caused by another STD but like 25% of the time just intercourse can cause it. After both tests came back clean she still kept after me but I was 100% done. Not with being asked to get tested but the way she came at me about it.
yermaw@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 21d
Really poor quality of shit here, but its still the only and worst.
Once had a bot message me. First bot I'd encountered since MSN messenger about 5 years prior so I fell for it, wasnt primed for it and I was very very drunk at the time. Wasted about 3 hours talking with it, responding to what turned out the next morning to be very obvious non-sequitors. Explaining to "her" that coming to meet "her" that meeting up now, at 2am, was a bad idea etc etc.
2 or 3 hours later and it explained to me that I could visit the website and it needed a credit card but only to verify that im 18.
I was crushed.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 20d
My best dating app experience was my first app date, which was with the person I've very happily been with for ten years now.
My worst dating app experience was my second app date, which was just meh and boring and showed me they wouldn't all be as awesome as the first one, and I went back to dating the first one.
zxqwas@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 21d
Got a blister on three fingers from all the swiping.
This was simultaneously the best experience.
Sound like I got lucky by being unlucky compared to some of the other commenters.
Mubelotix@jlai.lu · 6 pts · 20d
AskewLord@piefed.social · 1 pts · 20d
all the time.
have you tried being attractive?
phoenixz@lemmy.ca · 0 pts · 20d
When you work on getting them, you'll get them
When you work on keeping them, you'll keep them
Like anything ijnlife, relations require time and mind investments
auginator@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 20d
It’s between going out with a heroin drug dealer or heroin drug user. Most depressing things ever.
Cattail@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
Made me think of divorce lawyer with several lambos and a trophy wife. He don't sell heroin but he will help end your marriage all the same.
Also it would be funny that he would know how to have a healthy relationship
nodiratime@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 21d
I once met someone who was at least 10kg heavier, 5yrs older and much weirder than the pictures led me to believe. She also insisted I (and everyone she took strolls with) stay on her right side, all the time.
Antoher time, a women became physically "playful" often. I brushed it off, until one time she it did while holding a knife in her hand. I told her to stop that, or I would ditch her asap. Sometime afterwards, we laid on a couch and she wedged herself between the couch and me, pushing me off. I wanted to break my fall, effectively spinning and bruising my latissimus really badly. Told her to fuck off after that, she didn't realize that I was in fact very serious and she didn't see how her behaviour could be an issue.
Another one thought it was a great idea to scratch me so heavily on the side of my neck that I developed a slight infection, which turned into a light 'scar' before fading. She - too - didn't see the problem.
hardcoreufo@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 21d
As to the walking on the right thing I make people do that too but its because I'm deaf in my left ear. Maybe it was a similar situation for her? I usually tell people why I'm doing it though because I've gotten enough funny looks about it over the years.
nodiratime@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
I'm not firm on the details of the situation anymore, but I categorized it under "pretty weird quirk", so I am almost certain there were no tangible reasons and she presented it as a "standalone" need/thing.
I'm sorry you have to explain yourself sometimes though :(
AskewLord@piefed.social · 1 pts · 20d
No, it's because it's considered chivalrous for the man to put himself between the street and his woman to protect her.
It's 19th century crap that dummies still think is relevant, and there are many of them out there.
Cattail@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
Did they not understand the concept of pain?
Maybe they think being on edge all the time is normal.
Sorry people have poor communication skills and don't register words or even visible human emotions.
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 0 pts · 20d
Probably someone who is into kinky stuff, but very much in the closet. I know because I kind of was the same. I hope for her and her future lovers that she realises and reads the right stuff and is able to live out her fantasy in a healthy way with someone who is into that, too.
jpreston2005@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 21d
Overall it's just the huge amount of ghosting that really bothers me. I put effort into the messages I send, trying to give open-ended questions that you can answer however you like, and then getting nothing in return.
Or getting judged so hard for being bisexual sucks, especially because 1. I'm like 95% straight, and 2. being Bi doesn't mean you're more prone to cheating.
Women say they want a caring, empathetic guy, someone who's in touch with his feminine side, but if they ever have a chance to date a guy who's actually made the effort to explore his sexuality, and get in touch with his feminine side, NOPE! God forbid they don't fit into the weird patriarchal gender roles that you claim to buck. 🙄
I recently changed my profile to just say I'm straight, because, I dunno, I feel more straight than bi, and wanted to see if I got more matches. and boy did I ever! Turns out women just really hate bi men, and that fucking sucks, dude.
Then I'll go on dates with women, and despite going OK, I'm just not getting any signs from them. They'll spend time looking at their phones, don't tuck their hair behind their ear, don't give me the sexy eyes, don't give me the casual arm touch, don't ask follow-up questions (or any questions, really), and then when we say goodbye at the end, I get a half, one-arm hug. And then they want a second date! Why! It was clear from the first date you weren't into me, so why are we even bothering with a second!?
Then there's the cat-fishing. Using old pictures from when you were 100+ lbs lighter. Like, you really thought I'd show up and not care that I'm no longer attracted to you? People want to date people they're attracted to! Then there's the women with the crazy contortionist pictures, and lemme just give everybody a tip. If the only full-body pictures a woman has, are ones where she 1. is literally hiding parts of her body, like a picture in a mirror, but half her body isn't being reflected, or in a group shot, and she's half behind someone else 2. where she's standing in some weird position, like ass towards the camera, but she's craning herself around to face the camera as well, or 3. Where there's gratuitous big titties being shown, but they somehow cover up her torso... Yeah, she ain't hiding a 6 pack! it's because she got a big ol' belly, and doesn't want you to see it until you're on a date, in which case she's convinced that you'll have a sunk-cost fallacy and think "well, I'm already here and like her personality..." No! it's some bullshit. They are literally pretending to be someone they're not. Fuck off. I'll give'em a pity fuck if I feel like it and then I'm gone.
Another thing to watch out for that tell you they're cat-fishing, if right before you're supposed to meet, they talk about a "weight loss journey," or about how they "used to be into cross-fit" or hiking or whatever... yeah, it's because they gained a bunch of weight, and want you to to think that if you only give them some time, they'll be right back to their regular skinny self. NOPE. They won't. I'm not a stock trader, I'm not looking to "buy low, sell high" when it comes to dating. I'm not looking to fix anybody, or date somebody's "potential." I'm looking to date a person. A full, complete, realized fucking adult person. Someone who doesn't manipulate, someone who doesn't lie about themselves, someone who doesn't have to trick me into going on a date with them. How about this, you be yourself, and I'll be myself, and if we like each other, it'll work, and if we don't, no harm done.
Also, I've had women set up dates, and then just, not show up and ghost me. What the fuck? It's happened multiple times. There should be a report feature on dating sites for this behavior, because it's absolutely fucked.
VirtigoMommy@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 21d
If it’s any consolation, I’m a woman and get the all the same bullshit. I put effort in, I read bios, I give thoughtful answers and openers…
Half my conversations are them asking to fuck, a third are just doa and don’t respond and whatever’s left is the driest most unengaging conversation you could possibly imagine.
When I do find someone worth chatting with long term I end up having to set everything up only for them to either ghost or just fade away through text over the course of a few days.
It’s soul crushing. I hardly even bother anymore.
bridgeburner@lemmy.world · -5 pts · 21d
Do you only swipe right on the really hot looking guys? Cos then that's to be expected, unfortunately. I could imagine that going for rather average looking guys might help. Cos the average guy ain't getting a lot of matches, so we are happy over basically any match at all, let alone one that puts effort into a conversation.
VirtigoMommy@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 21d
I’m bi and when I match, I match with all types of people. I’m also demisexual and need a connection to really take notice of someone’s attractiveness. Like I can tell when someone is objectively attractive but i could really care less. Body type is tertiary to compatibility for me.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 4 pts · 21d
straight women hate bi men, for sure. i have been regularly accused of being gay/bi because I like to read and cook and I have a cat.
And when I say I'm not, they are like relieved and go on this rant about how all gay/bi men are disgusting and gross people.
It's fucking weird and awful. I want to punch women like that in the face, but not like it would do any good.
It's incredibly common, esp eamong 'liberal' women who claim they are into diversity and inclusion... but you know not of bi men. because bi men are ew.
Nomad@infosec.pub · 0 pts · 20d
jpreston2005@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 19d
CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works · 0 pts · 21d
That seems liken a sign to me unless you're in a scripted RomCom where all the other signs you mention may apply.
jpreston2005@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
Nah, it's like we're on the date but there's no chemistry. I can barely make her laugh more than a couple times, and the only topic seems to be things we both dislike. Just had a second date with this woman, and it was much like the first, sort of nice, but chemistry-wise... meh. After the second date we go from texting multiple times a day, to her ghosting me for 2 days straight. She says "sorry, I was sick in bed." oh dang, I didn't realize phones weren't allowed in bed! 2 whole days, nothing. This from the woman that wanted a second date. Now she's just bread crumbing me. I can tell that she's looking for someone better/talking to other guys, while spoon feeding me lil sporadic texts that I get once a day now. Like, what's the fucking point? She's obviously just looking for someone better. So fuck her. Dating in the age of apps is literally the fucking worst.
honesthenery@thelemmy.club · 3 pts · 20d
Yessss tell me all you secrets. Possibly the apps on your phone right now......muh hahahaha 👿
architectonas@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
?
Breezy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 19d
Getting perma banned off tinder for using it to sell stuff. Met quite a few people, even one celebity.
architectonas@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 19d
What did you sell?
Breezy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 19d
Stuff.
Edit: i guess its lemmy and its not like i havent been arrested before so its public knowledge kinda. I sold a bunch of drugs. Made a lot of money.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 19d
And what celebrity?
Breezy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 19d
A music artist.
Edit: i lived in nashville. There were plenty of people around. But you dont snitch even if they were a huge bitch.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 19d
George Jones, got it.
Cattail@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 20d
I guess matching with me ex and having her trying to get me to adopt one of their multiple cats and telling me how old I look. 😑 Went on the date anyway but I did not want to smash
Wren@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 21d
I went on a first date with a guy who lied about what he did and his height, which was ridiculous because I don't care about either. My requirements are: stable-ish, chill and interesting to talk to.
At the time I was writing for a tech company that dabbled in cryptocurrency - and I am not here to debate anything about cryptocurrency. Just... please don't. It was a job.
Point is, I knew quite a bit about it, even used it for a few things. I mentioned blockchain once, as a joke about something, and he launched into a tirade. I mentioned it was part of my work, that I found it interesting... Nope! That began a solid ten minutes of him mansplaining to me about how I was wrong because he knew SO MUCH about it.
The kicker? He didn't know the difference between bitcoin and blockchain.
Oh, but the actual worst one was the guy I never met, thank goodness, because he threatened to kill himelf then me when I said I was too busy to chat.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 20d
Going on a date/initial meet with somebody that ended up being a mutual with another partner, and later a DIFFERENT partner.
Then some weird jealousy and blaming and emotions and multiple weeks of feeling like a terrible person until I talked to the mutual partner and realized they had warped the entire situation.
I wasn't even into that person and it blew up like six relationships. And I consider myself and try to be a patient and fair person, proactively on the lookout for stuff like that.
Simplicity@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 20d
akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 21d
What's a "dating app"? /s
laz@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 0 pts · 20d