Leave. Straight up irish goodbye. There’ll be more parties if you don’t have a rep for literally smelling like shit. Toss the underwear on the way home.
I don't care if I don’t have a ride or how far I would have to walk. Just start walking. Hell, I'm not even worried about being abducted, cause I already shit myself
I've heard a story about this after party where things were getting a bit raunchy and at some point they where sitting naked on the couch. Apparently one of the guys kind of shit himself and he decided to just not move an inch. When everyone else took a smoke break, he left the party and with that an accompanying shit stain in the couch.
Needless to say that he didn't really get any new invites after that
Haha yeah me and the bro were just getting wet in the bathroom for funsies. Like all my homies do at parties haha totally. We’re all doing it bro let’s get wet in the bathroom bro.
This is from someone who has obviously never shat themselves. Underwear is already SOL, do not make the situation worse by then blasting (loud as hell) hot air all over your shit-embedded undies. The smell alone would clear the party out seconds after you open the door.
Toss underwear in the trash (tie bag if possible), strip, shower, redress commando, and do not shit yourself a second time, unless you are comfortable with wearing your birthday suit.
You obviously don't have small kids. I raised three and most of their underwear has been shit and or pissed in at some point. Some multiple times.
Big pieces go in the John.
Invert and hold to the shower wall inside the shower.
Turn on hot water with massage setting if available.
Pressure wash as far as possibly then soap.
Pressure wash again until no big stains remain.
Throw into washer with anti bacterial washing solution on hot setting.
Reuse as usual.
This is even worse than the hair dryer, lol. If you are in a party and want to continue staying at the party, discretion is needed. A shower can be explained away, but running a hair dryer or any type of oddly-loud setting of the shower head is going to draw attention in a hurry, especially since a bunch will directly hit the tub or shower floor, echoing in the room.
Like yeah sure, you "can" save them, but you'd end up with a doorway of peers trying to figure out wtf you are doing making a huge racket in the bathroom. And even if you managed to salvage the undies, I absolutely would not trust that I got them actually clean for the rest of the night. If you hookup with someone at the party and they start asking what that smell is as you are undressing in the bedroom, you'd definitely wish you had just trashed them.
If you go around grabbing fabric softener and detergent, you are 110% getting labeled the one who shits themselves at parties. Don't be labeled the one who shits at parties. Just trash the evidence.
And if you decide you aren't staying at the party (safe move), why the hell are walking home with shit all over you? Again just ditch the undies. It's not worth saving. The only time I would say it would be somewhat logical to save them is if you're the party host, but that's still a very risky proposition. Maybe if you trashed them until everyone leaves, then you can save it and keep your dignity. But my undies aren't lined with diamonds or gold, there's absolutely no way in my mind it'd be worth it.
Depends how drunk and if I maybe have a chance with making out.
First instinct would be go to restroom, remove my underwear and throw them in the trashcan, wipe myself and use any fragrance I can find. Next grab a beer and say someone threw their dirty underwear in the bathroom trash.
Take off your pants, and use the shit to write an apology letter on the wall... Then leave the house with no pants on, clutching the poop. Remember to put dots of shit behind you just in case you get lost on your way home, or if that hot person at the party wants to follow you home. Your sent is strong, I'm quite sure someone will be motivated enough to follow the obvious signs of seduction you're dripping.
Take a shower and wash the pants in the shower. Shit is water-soluble, that is to say it can dissolve in water. I think there may be some oil in it but it soups wash out. What doesn’t go down the shower drain, move by hand to the toilet and wash your hands.
Now you have wet pants. In the northern hemisphere it’s still summer, so they should dry relatively quickly outside. Play it off somehow. Be the guy or gal who fell in the pool.
Insufficient information for meaningful answer. Are we talking full on mud volcano here, or are we talking about an unwelcome fart nugget?
For the latter, the nugget's going in the toilet, I'm scrubbing my undies with toilet paper as best I can and then I'm leaving ASAP because I no longer trust my lower gastrointestinal tract. Yes, I'd continue to wear them. No I wouldn't use water. I don't like going commando and I'm not going to wear soggy undies for the sake of a nugget.
For the former, I'd probably get to and then hide in the bathroom and do whatever I could to clean myself up. Probably try not to cry. If alcohol's involved, fail at that (though I didn't start drinking until 18, so this is moot). Soggy clothing no longer optional.
Then I make an escape checking for any trails I might have left from ground zero to the bathroom on the return journey to the way out. I may take the coward's way out and not claim any knowledge, but I'd be convinced that people would know it was me, and there's a good chance I'd be right.
Step out and sing as loudly as you can “every body and every where! Shit your pants and underwear! With a shake and a jiggle, wiggle that turd like a fiddle!”
I permanent marker "BUY BITCOIN" on my entire shit smelling body as many times as I can as fast as I can expecting the time stream to put me back to being 39 years old any second.
What room are you in? This plays a critical role in the decision making process.
You’re in a bedroom, steal some undies and put your dirty drawers in their drawers. Easy.
Kitchen is different. You need to mask the smell and divert from your poopy pants. Ergo, offer to make margaritas, then throw in as much fragrant stuff as you can, and run the blender with no lid on max. You want to splash as many petite as possible to hide your potentially soiled pants.
Bathroom you can wash up. Easy. Maybe dump your undies because they won’t dry very fast.
64 Comments
FRYD@sh.itjust.works · 107 pts · 2d
Leave. Straight up irish goodbye. There’ll be more parties if you don’t have a rep for literally smelling like shit. Toss the underwear on the way home.
MrShankles@reddthat.com · 30 pts · 2d
I don't care if I don’t have a ride or how far I would have to walk. Just start walking. Hell, I'm not even worried about being abducted, cause I already shit myself
vrek@programming.dev · 14 pts · 2d
I'm just picturing walking home and a van pulls up. Guys with guns jump out and scream "get in the van!"
"whats that smell?" and you reply "I shit my pants"
"forget it, get out. We'll find someone else who isn't covered in their shit... And we'll send you the bill for cleaning our seat!"
danekrae@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 2d
I'm surprised this isn't the only answer.
DagwoodIII@piefed.social · 17 pts · 2d
To paraphrase Mike Tyson, everyone has a plan until they shit their own pants.
bluesheep@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 2d
I've heard a story about this after party where things were getting a bit raunchy and at some point they where sitting naked on the couch. Apparently one of the guys kind of shit himself and he decided to just not move an inch. When everyone else took a smoke break, he left the party and with that an accompanying shit stain in the couch.
Needless to say that he didn't really get any new invites after that
Steve@startrek.website · 5 pts · 2d
I would have stole the cushion tbh
bluesheep@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 2d
Ngl that would've been the better choice
Steal the cushion, wash it at home, bring it back pretending it was some kind of weird drunk prank, no one would be the wiser
Steve@startrek.website · 7 pts · 2d
I mean, if bro returned my cushion all fresh and clean and apologized for shitting on it I'd be like damn this motherfucker is responsible
Dayroom7485@lemmy.world · 65 pts · 2d
Imagine OP in the broom closet with shit-stained pants while the party's roaring outside
crank0271@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 2d
They're gonna be roaring at ol' Poopy Pants the moment they realize what happened.
SlumDogGazillionaire@piefed.social · 8 pts · 2d
"Please respond asap."
marighost@piefed.social · 40 pts · 2d
Do you also need to know how to get a small cylinder unstuck from an M&Ms tube?
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip · 6 pts · 2d
It isn't that small...
tomi000@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1d
Or else it wouldnt be stuck
gedaliyah@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 2d
honesthenery@thelemmy.club · 5 pts · 2d
honesthenery@thelemmy.club · 4 pts · 2d
Fine Shart 👩🍳
Yew@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 2d
Hop in the shower, steal some pants from a drawer.
kibblebits@quokk.au · 25 pts · 2d
The host recognizes that leopard print pantsuit as their mothers and begins to attack.
yakko@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 2d
Good first step. I'd probs also prewash the undies in the shower, bin them after, and, if possible, get back into my own clothes going commando.
If I'm with a friend I trust, have them stage a bit of horseplay and play it off like we got wet being crazy in the bathroom. Go back to the party.
otacon239@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 2d
Haha yeah me and the bro were just getting wet in the bathroom for funsies. Like all my homies do at parties haha totally. We’re all doing it bro let’s get wet in the bathroom bro.
yakko@feddit.uk · 4 pts · 2d
I remember being 17 as a permanent -8 INT debuff.
FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io · 13 pts · 2d
Drop shit in toilet, wash underwear in sink, hair dryer underwear dry, and continue to party like a professional alcoholic
toofpic@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
Zero hesitation, yeah!
Apytele@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2d
...or someone with IBS.....
If you wring them out real good they're basically just sweaty level of moist anyway.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 2d
This is from someone who has obviously never shat themselves. Underwear is already SOL, do not make the situation worse by then blasting (loud as hell) hot air all over your shit-embedded undies. The smell alone would clear the party out seconds after you open the door.
Toss underwear in the trash (tie bag if possible), strip, shower, redress commando, and do not shit yourself a second time, unless you are comfortable with wearing your birthday suit.
Nomad@infosec.pub · 5 pts · 2d
You obviously don't have small kids. I raised three and most of their underwear has been shit and or pissed in at some point. Some multiple times.
Big pieces go in the John. Invert and hold to the shower wall inside the shower. Turn on hot water with massage setting if available. Pressure wash as far as possibly then soap. Pressure wash again until no big stains remain. Throw into washer with anti bacterial washing solution on hot setting. Reuse as usual.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
This is even worse than the hair dryer, lol. If you are in a party and want to continue staying at the party, discretion is needed. A shower can be explained away, but running a hair dryer or any type of oddly-loud setting of the shower head is going to draw attention in a hurry, especially since a bunch will directly hit the tub or shower floor, echoing in the room.
Like yeah sure, you "can" save them, but you'd end up with a doorway of peers trying to figure out wtf you are doing making a huge racket in the bathroom. And even if you managed to salvage the undies, I absolutely would not trust that I got them actually clean for the rest of the night. If you hookup with someone at the party and they start asking what that smell is as you are undressing in the bedroom, you'd definitely wish you had just trashed them.
If you go around grabbing fabric softener and detergent, you are 110% getting labeled the one who shits themselves at parties. Don't be labeled the one who shits at parties. Just trash the evidence.
And if you decide you aren't staying at the party (safe move), why the hell are walking home with shit all over you? Again just ditch the undies. It's not worth saving. The only time I would say it would be somewhat logical to save them is if you're the party host, but that's still a very risky proposition. Maybe if you trashed them until everyone leaves, then you can save it and keep your dignity. But my undies aren't lined with diamonds or gold, there's absolutely no way in my mind it'd be worth it.
kurmudgeon@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 2d
Well, if I was Donald Trump, I'd blame Biden.
RaoulDuke25@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 11 pts · 2d
Depends how drunk and if I maybe have a chance with making out.
First instinct would be go to restroom, remove my underwear and throw them in the trashcan, wipe myself and use any fragrance I can find. Next grab a beer and say someone threw their dirty underwear in the bathroom trash.
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2d
Until they line everyone up for underwear inspection.
honesthenery@thelemmy.club · 3 pts · 2d
PHD Damn you got it figured out. 🤣
DarkCloud@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 2d
Take off your pants, and use the shit to write an apology letter on the wall... Then leave the house with no pants on, clutching the poop. Remember to put dots of shit behind you just in case you get lost on your way home, or if that hot person at the party wants to follow you home. Your sent is strong, I'm quite sure someone will be motivated enough to follow the obvious signs of seduction you're dripping.
cerebralhawks@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 11 pts · 2d
Take a shower and wash the pants in the shower. Shit is water-soluble, that is to say it can dissolve in water. I think there may be some oil in it but it soups wash out. What doesn’t go down the shower drain, move by hand to the toilet and wash your hands.
Now you have wet pants. In the northern hemisphere it’s still summer, so they should dry relatively quickly outside. Play it off somehow. Be the guy or gal who fell in the pool.
otacon239@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 2d
Tl;dr jumped in pool with pants shid
CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
I'll just leave this here.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your education. Knowledge is power.
Edit from commercial link to wiktionary.
cerebralhawks@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 2d
FYI to others: the above comment is an advertisement.
CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
Oh. My bad. It was just a quick search and I pulled up a link that explained it . My bad. Will fix.
gedfromgont@piefed.ca · 11 pts · 2d
Um, are you ok, OP?
Dayroom7485@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1d
OP going rogue
BlonksClown@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1d
Tech bros and crypto bros move over. This new silicon valley trend will have you shitting your pants...
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 11 pts · 2d
Declare myself Miles Davis.
MyBrainHurts@piefed.ca · 4 pts · 2d
Goddamn you are cool!
palordrolap@fedia.io · 11 pts · 2d
Insufficient information for meaningful answer. Are we talking full on mud volcano here, or are we talking about an unwelcome fart nugget?
For the latter, the nugget's going in the toilet, I'm scrubbing my undies with toilet paper as best I can and then I'm leaving ASAP because I no longer trust my lower gastrointestinal tract. Yes, I'd continue to wear them. No I wouldn't use water. I don't like going commando and I'm not going to wear soggy undies for the sake of a nugget.
For the former, I'd probably get to and then hide in the bathroom and do whatever I could to clean myself up. Probably try not to cry. If alcohol's involved, fail at that (though I didn't start drinking until 18, so this is moot). Soggy clothing no longer optional.
Then I make an escape checking for any trails I might have left from ground zero to the bathroom on the return journey to the way out. I may take the coward's way out and not claim any knowledge, but I'd be convinced that people would know it was me, and there's a good chance I'd be right.
But I know I'd want out of there ASAP.
hexagonwin@lemmy.today · 10 pts · 2d
sorry that
definitely didn'thappened to you op! /jkNemo@slrpnk.net · 9 pts · 2d
Step 1 is make sure that doesn't happen to you.
lokalhorst@feddit.org · 8 pts · 2d
Try to deshittify on the toilet as much as possible, then go home
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2d
Quietly make an exit unannounced and then throw out everything if you drive on a clean side.
Vandals_handle@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2d
Found Kaitlin Bennett'a alt account
MimicJar@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
Deny, deny, deny
lath@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
Depends on the type of party and whose house it is.
Each type of situation deserves its own response.
Ziggurat@jlai.lu · 4 pts · 2d
Posting on social media to get help ?
But seriously, feels like a serious medical issue, talk with your doctor
plaztek@piefed.ca · 6 pts · 2d
Sometimes you gamble with a fart and lose. Sometimes people learn this the hard way.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 4 pts · 2d
Go home?
xkbx@startrek.website · 4 pts · 2d
Step out and sing as loudly as you can “every body and every where! Shit your pants and underwear! With a shake and a jiggle, wiggle that turd like a fiddle!”
bstowe@piefed.social · 4 pts · 2d
I permanent marker "BUY BITCOIN" on my entire shit smelling body as many times as I can as fast as I can expecting the time stream to put me back to being 39 years old any second.
panda_abyss@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 2d
What room are you in? This plays a critical role in the decision making process.
You’re in a bedroom, steal some undies and put your dirty drawers in their drawers. Easy.
Kitchen is different. You need to mask the smell and divert from your poopy pants. Ergo, offer to make margaritas, then throw in as much fragrant stuff as you can, and run the blender with no lid on max. You want to splash as many petite as possible to hide your potentially soiled pants.
Bathroom you can wash up. Easy. Maybe dump your undies because they won’t dry very fast.
dingus@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2d
Omg I feel like this is one of the worst ways to go lol!!! Surely you can find a way to throw them in a bin somewhere instead.
Kissaki@feddit.org · 3 pts · 1d
Post on Lemmy, obviously.
Toes@ani.social · 3 pts · 2d
Take a shower at the party and send SOS to the host or my friends to see if she has anything I can borrow.
wesker@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 2d
Jennifer poops at parties?
HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club · 2 pts · 2d
What would George Brett do?
honesthenery@thelemmy.club · 2 pts · 2d
Cha cha real slow and turn it out.... I smell funky funky funky. Now bust a move right up on out of here.
dxnny801@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 2d
I blamed it on the dog
honesthenery@thelemmy.club · 4 pts · 2d